Each being comes into life
as a unique expression of source consciousness.
Each being comes in with a unique essence.
You can consider it kind of like an energetic signature.
Now, part of what makes up that signature
is the person's unique thoughts,
unique feelings,
unique needs, unique purpose
within this greater picture of the overall universe at large.
The socialization process,
which parenting is really the core of,
could be a process
of allowing a child to unfold according to that blueprint,
that is their specific signature.
However...
Socialization today, including the parenting process,
very rarely actually facilitates this process of unfolding
and most of the time acts in and of itself
as an impediment to that unfolding.
The people who are around you in your childhood
look at you as if you are a raw substance
that they can mold into whatever they feel like benefits you.
But really, what they feel like benefits them.
They tell you that certain things are acceptable
and if you are those things, you'll be loved and safe.
They tell you that certain things are unacceptable
and if you are those things, you'll be rejected and unsafe.
Anything that remotely resembles
something that will make you unsafe or make you meet with disapproval,
is then something that you feel vulnerable about.
And you begin a process of splitting yourself.
You put forward and develop only the things about you
that make you loved and safe in the world.
The rest you keep hidden.
By doing this, you become distorted.
It's a process of conditioned self distortion.
Your personality is, in essence, fake.
I know that that's difficult for people to swallow.
We don't want to swallow that.
I mean, we think we know ourselves pretty well.
But your personality is an amalgamation
of the parts of you that kept you safe.
The parts of you that made you feel like you were good.
What you do is you put those aspects forward to the world,
that's what you're projecting in terms of personality,
and the rest...
Those things that didn't lead to safety,
those things that didn't lead to closeness...
You're going to hide from the world
and ultimately suppress, reject, deny and disown
to the degree that you hide it from even yourself.
This is how your truth was hidden from you.
To understand more about this process,
I encourage you to watch my video titled:
Fragmentation The Worldwide Disease
One pattern that is a part of this socialization process
hid your truth in a way
that would guarantee that you would fight to keep it hidden.
That pattern Is a pattern
of development and praise.
I'm gonna explain this pattern to you;
A parent goes into this process of parenting
or an adult caregiver goes into this process of raising a child,
with a preconceived idea
of what is good and what is right.
Now what this parent will do
is determine what about a child
is good and right, what they want that child to be...
Remember that molding process I talked about?...
And they're going to pinpoint that thing in the child.
They're going to seek to develop that thing in the child,
and then they're going to praise the child for that thing.
And whatever that thing is or isn't,
is highly dependent upon the culture
that the person grew up in.
The child's entire system is dependent upon this approval,
because it guarantees them closeness and safety
with those he or she is dependent on.
So the child will identify with and develop self-esteem
relative to that thing
which the adult sought to develop in him or her.
With his or her self-esteem now wrapped up into that thing,
the re-owning of the suppressed. rejected and denied opposite part
now, not only poses a threat to his or her safety,
but also poses a threat to his or her self-esteem.
With unsafety and shame as a barrier to cross
in order to become authentic
and discover the full truth of himself or herself,
This person will fight for the skewed truth of themselves.
This process is so subconscious,
it's rather like implanting a pavlovian response
relative to your own internal character traits.
And this keeps the actual truth of you
hidden.
What it does is it causes you to defend
these distortions within yourself
and not just defend the distortions,
defend the idea that these distortions are in fact, not distortions,
but are instead some genuine authentic expression
of who you really are.
When the reality couldn't be any further from that
if you tried.
Essentially because it's not the case,
these are actual distortions,
there's no possible way for you to lead an authentic enough life
that you're genuinely fulfilled.
So you can understand how this process works,
I have come up with two examples for you:
And yes, I drew them from real life.
A girl who is raised in the cowboy culture
is born a child
who's naturally sensitive,
naturally bubbly
and naturally feminine.
But these traits are seen as weak and pathetic
in a culture that values
the concept of cowboy strong.
This little girl is put into all kinds of situations
in her childhood environment,
both intentionally and unintentionally
that require the opposite trait...
Of true grit.
When she shows grit,
she's safer and praised and admired and accepted.
She is being conditioned by her environment
and the people around her
to be ashamed of, disown and bury
her bubbly sensitive femininity.
She is also being conditioned
by her environment and the people around her
that she is full of grit and that she should be proud
that she is full of true grit.
By the time this little girl grows up,
the truth of her is going to be skewed.
"True grit" is going to take up
all that she sees about herself.
Whereas she's not going to see
that bubbly sensitive femininity
as a part of herself, at all.
This woman is not only split
and polarized internally,
she is also distorted.
This distortion is going to cause her all kinds of pain in her life.
Because of that distortion
All of her life choices are going to be based off of what?
True grit.
The man who becomes attracted to her
and who she marries,
will love this about her
and most likely be the kind of man
who is not looking to take care of a woman at all,
because he wants a woman who can fend for herself.
The career she chooses will be one that reinforces
the need for true grit.
She has been conditioned to see women who are feminine
as weak and pathetic,
but she will nonetheless become more and more jealous of them
and the way they're taken care of and protected.
She may struggle with infertility.
Why? Because the tissues of her body
are responding to true grit.
For somebody to be in a situation where true grit is required,
is that a safe environment or a not safe environment?
Not safe environment.
And so the message that the cells of her body are constantly getting
is: "Armor yourself."
"Be hard and be closed".
The exact opposite energy
from what creates fertility,
which is receptivity and open and softness.
Essentially, because of this distortion
progressively this woman is going to become more and more unhappy,
more and more unfulfilled.
Because so many of those needs
that are inherent to this essence that is buried within her,
are not going to be met.
And the expression of that which she is
can't ever exact itself into the world.
So she is living an inauthentic life
and making choices that she thinks are authentic to her,
but are in fact, authentic to her distortion.
Second example:
A boy grows up in a house
where the, let's call it, cultural belief,
but definitely the belief of his parents
is that servitude is something
that they are owed by their children.
In response for giving life to them
in the first place.
What these parents will do
is ignore or discourage
any interests that this little boy has
that don't directly feed into their needs.
Instead, they encourage and develop his helping skills.
He is daddy and mommy's little helper.
Whenever he helps mom with cleaning
or helps dad with a project,
or helps them take care of a younger sibling
or helps out on the farm, he is praised.
When they talk about him to their friends they say:
"He's such a good help".
His self-concept and his self-esteem
and his sense of what keeps him safe,
is now completely embedded
in the concept of being a helper.
By this point,
he has abandoned his other interests.
By this point
he's either forgotten they existed,
or he's come up with a story about how they're self-centered
and so, he's not going to prioritize that.
Just like in our first example,
this is a being who is not going to end up happy and filled,
because he is distorted.
And as he thinks he's making these authentic choices,
he's in fact making choices that are authentic to his distortion.
This will be a man who chooses a career
where he's helping someone else to succeed,
regardless of whether or not
that is inherent as a purpose
to his own unique energy signature.
He will most likely be so codependent,
that he will lose track
of his dislikes and likes,
his preferences,
his aversions...
He'll lose track of his sense of self
to the degree that eventually he ends up so lost,
he feels like he's living someone else's life.
Somehow he just arrived in it.
One thing to understand about authenticity,
and you've got to listen,
because this is something most people
don't actually understand about authenticity
Is that there's this idea that
what is authentic about you is always what is buried,
as opposed to what's put in front.
But that's actually not the case.
Genuine authenticity
involves both polarities.
When the process of socialization
conditions a person to identify with
and develop and wrap their self-esteem around one trait,
it doesn't mean that trait is false
and the one that is disidentified from and buried
is the actual truth of them.
Both traits are in fact a true part of them.
For example:
Grit is an actual authentic element
of the consciousness of the girl
in our example.
Helping is an actual trait
that is present within the consciousness
of the boy in our example.
But, so is...
Bubbly,
femininity and sensitivity
for the girl in our example,
and so is...
unique and we could call it self-serving interests
an element of the consciousness of the boy in our example.
Both are true.
It is simply that when one is fed,
and the other is denied,
the person becomes inauthentic
because their expression becomes polarized and skewed.
They polarize and distort and become unaware of the full truth of themselves
and make life choices that do not account for or accommodate
the actual full truth of themselves.
The process of integration
will inevitably lead you to the awareness
of these distortions,
so that you can pull yourself back into alignment.
Chances are if you're watching this video,
your path of healing has already started to reveal these to you.
One or several.
But I want to start you off with an exercise
that can be considered like a kickstarter for this process.
I want you to make several lists.
What these lists are going to be comprised of,
is what any
and all of these adult caregivers in your childhood
sought to develop and praise in you.
So what you're going to do is you're going to write "Dad" right?
And then you're going to write "mom".
These are two different lists.
What traits did Dad seek to develop
and then praise in you?
then with Mom:
What traits did Mom
seek to develop, than praise in you?
These don't just have to be traits,
they can also be things, you know?
Because like, playing a sport isn't technically a character trait,
but it is a thing
that may have been developed and praised in you.
I want you to do this relative to any adult caregiver
that you interacted with in your childhood.
I'm using mom and dad
because those are the most common examples,
but it could be grandma, it could be teacher
I'm leaving that to you.
Whoever had an influence
over your life.
Once you have done that,
you're going to do one more list.
It's going to be "environment".
I want you to think about your childhood environment
and I want you to write a list
of what that environment conditioned into you.
For example:
One person might write a list under "Dad" like:
Bravery, studying law, football,
unemotionality, logic, honor,
selflessness, hard work, etc...
And under mom:
Kindness, academics, hard work,
honor, gratitude, selflessness,
putting family above myself, etc...
And under environment this person might write things like:
Hard work, selflessness, academic success,
duty to elders, etc...
Now looking at this list,
see if you can feel how that conditioning
may have distorted you.
What might it have caused you to reject deny and disown in you?
What might it have caused you to develop and exaggerate?
How might that have negatively affected your life?
How might it be negatively affecting your life now?
For example:
The person in our example here
that I just listed,
has found out
that what all of these lists has in common,
Mom, Dad and childhood environment,
is hard work.
Looking at himself,
he can see that he's really distorted.
He has wrapped his self-esteem entirely around hard work
and his sense of safety and security within the community and life,
into hard work.
What this means is that he has gotten rid of
his spontaneity, gotten rid of his fun,
gotten rid of relaxation.
This is not a guy who thinks of himself
as a fun guy.
This is not a guy
who allows himself relaxation,
because he's terrified of being lazy.
He derives so much of his self-esteem
from being a hard worker,
and nothing like and therefore superior to
all those people in his life that are downright lazy.
But here's the question:
Is this a happy man?
You guys know the answer to that question is "no".
He might realize that this distortion
that he was conditioned into,
has made it so he doesn't do things that come easy to him,
he only chooses to do things that don't come easy to him.
He might realize that his body is breaking down
and he has back issues,
because he runs himself into the ground
working all hours of the day.
He may realize that he attracts people who are lazy,
because they know he's going to do all the work for them.
He may see he doesn't spend enough time with his loved ones,
because it feels unproductive.
When a person is conditioned
to wrap up their safety and self-esteem
in one thing,
while at the same time
associating shame and unsafety
with another thing,
to such a degree that they are rejecting and disowning it,
to the degree that they are split and also distorted,
they will stay distorted
and continue to fight for the distortion
until the point where the pain of that condition
of splitting and distortion becomes so intense,
that they just can't take being out of alignment anymore.
But the good news is,
it is more than possible to bring yourself back into a state of alignment.
It's more than possible to recognize these elements of yourself
that you have split off from,
suppressed, rejected, denied and disowned.
It is more than possible
for you to end this distortion within yourself.
And one of the best ways to do this,
is actually Parts Work,
or I should say,
what many people today are calling Parts Work.
When you engage in this process,
you're bringing yourself into alignment
with your true essence,
so that your embodiment can be a reflection
of that original blueprint.
Talk about living in your purpose,
talk about having your needs actually met.
Talk about knowing your role in the greater universe at large.
To understand how to do parts work,
watch my video titled:
Parts Work (What Is Parts Work & How To Do It)
And even though it makes perfect sense to be afraid of this process,
I don't want you to forget
that bringing yourself into alignment
and out of that distortion
that you've been conditioned into,
is not going to lead you
to all the unsafety and shame
that you were conditioned to believe
that it would.
In fact, when you have that fear
that's telling you that undistorting yourself
is going to lead you to unsafety and shame,
that is in fact, just the conditioning
that created the distortion in the first place, talking.
Have a good week.
If you liked this video,
be sure to share it, like it and also subscribe to my channel
so you can see more content like this.
But I want to personally thank you for taking the initiative
and having the bravery to step into the space of awareness.
Not only for yourself, but for the benefit of those around you.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com