Oh wow this town is absolutely lovely... very very, homely...
Geralt?
Are you hungry?
I'm quite famished
Okay we've got quite a few quests here Geralt
There's a possessed demon through the hills beyond the orchard that we need to deal with
And some children have been abducted and we need to figure out whats...
...happened with...
...them - what are you doing?
Geralt?
Geralt
We don't need anymore quests, we've got enough quests
Hmm..
Villagers have seen a ghostly apparition appearing in the fields at midnight
Interesting...
Yeah, no that is very interesting Geralt, but, you know, maybe let somebody else take that one
The Gruda family has just vanished from the village...
Suspicious...
Yeah Geralt that really does suck for the Gruda family but please put it back
The woods to the south have begun to wither and die with no reason
Hmm... odd...
Sorry about him - Geralt - he loves his quests...
Werewolf...
Griffin...
Geralt stop
What is this?
That's the last one!
Intriguing - Geralt stop!
Drowner
Geralt I'm not playing!
Geralt we've already got an excessive amount of quests!
Geralt this is - watch your swords - this is an excessive amount!
You're a little bit greedy Geralt!
Interesting...
Oh we're doing - oh. we're doing this..?
Geralt?
This quest directly conflicts with one of your other quests!
Sorry - sorry. I'm so sorry...
Geralt!
Okay which one are we doing first then?
Ah, Geralt, can you remind me what quest you finally landed on?
Hunting party went missing two days ago
Fear dead
Screams were heard coming from this part of the forest
I'm looking for the scene of the crime
Ah, look at that, right on cue, there it is
Hmm... maybe...
What do you mean "maybe"?
I haven't properly investigated yet
Ah, Geralt, I think we can both be quite certain that this is the scene of the crime
You don't know that
You just have your useless human eyes
Shut your useless human mouth
K, wow, rude
I have incredibly intricate Witcher senses
You wouldn't understand
K, well, be that as it may Geralt
Perhaps we just take a look at this spot and see if we do stumble across a crime scene
Hmph
Fine
Nothing yet
Looking...
What do my Witcher senses sense?
Ha!
A corpse!
I found a corpse!
Great job... Geralt...
What killed you..?
I must use my Witcher senses
Hrmmm...
What is this?
Using my Witcher senses...
Hmm...
Hmmeurghh...
Geralt, that is a severed hand
You are holding a severed hand in your hand right now
It's too big and blurry to be a severed hand
Ah that's perspective - you need to hold it back from your face a little bit
Hang on
Let me use more of my Witcher senses
Ah!
It's a severed hand!
There you go
All those years at Kaer Morhen are paying off
Now to find the beast that did this
Where did you go?
Ew, ew, ew
Right, lets get looking
Oh, Geralt I don't know if this is helpful
but there appear to be some streaks of blood--
Quiet Dandelion!
You're just slowing me down!
I must use my Witcher senses...
Hmm.. clues...
clues...
Ah!
Blood streaks!
I found blood streaks!
Good
Yes
I found blood streaks
Yes, well done, um--
Using my Witcher senses!
I found blood streaks!
Okay
Now
With that information
is there anything else you want to do?
Job complete. Yes
Okay so with the blood streaks they kind of create a bit of a path
Yes
Maybe we want to, you know, do something with said path
Heh
Okay let me make this really simple for you
Uhh, maybe we should..
Foll...
Fo...
Geralt maybe we should like...
There's one person walking there, and the person's...
Oh follow?
Follow! Yes!
Oh we should follow the--
We should follow the blood streaks!
Good
Great job
You're very good at this
Hmm..
Using my Witcher senses...
Following the blood trail
Yeah good work
Yes
Quiet Dandelion
Using my Witcher senses
Huh??
The blood trail ends here
Where could the beast have gone?
It's as if the tracks just... vanish
Maybe just look..
There's a big red...
Quiet Dandelion!
I think I see something
The barn!
The beast must've gone inside the barn
Great job
Good, good
Using my Witcher senses
Careful
Right, I'll stay here
You mean you don't want to come in and fight the beast?
No I'll stay here and maybe write some more songs about you or something
Promise me you wont
I can't promise that
What was that?
Black blood
What does black blood do?
Turns my blood into poison
It turns your blood into poison??
That's right
Uh - follow up question... what??
If the beast feeds on me it'll die immediately
How are you not dead??
Hmph - I'm a Witcher
**burp**
What does that one do?
Kiss - increases resistance to bleeding
I think it's literally made your eyes bleed
Full moon - increases vitality
Uhh.. Geralt..
What??
The veins on your face look like they're about to burst!
I'm fine!
No Geralt you should stop!
Petri's philter - to increase my sign intensity
Geralt stop!
Whats this one?
Geralt you don't even know what the monster is yet!
That's why I need to drink every potion!
No, Geralt you've had enough!
I'll tell you when I've had enough!
Ow!
Geralt...
Listen
AHH!
I need you to trust me
I do
The thing is - I'm a Witcher
Yes, you are
And you're not a Witcher
No...
So you have no idea whats going on
I don't know whats going on
Where as I have every idea as to whats going on
So I need to be prepared for every possible outcome
Makes sense
Do you understand?
I do. Good luck Geralt
Right I just need to take one more potion
Good
Ah, good
Geralt?
Oh... no I'm not... okay...
I'm leaving - you stay there
I'm going to go over here
You stay there!
Geralt...
Geralt?
Ma - wha?
Geralt!
Huh what what what?
There you are thought that we lost you
I'm fine!
I'm fine
I'm fine!!
Now, are you ready to go into the barn?
What barn?
...the barn with the monster?
Oh right the monster! Yes!
So, Geralt, what have we learned?
You can have too many potions...
Sorry what was that?
You can have too many potions...
I can't hear you!
You can have too many potions!!
That's right Geralt you can have too many potions!!
Right, I'm ready!
Good!
I'll be right behind you
And behind those barn doors
and this upturned cart here...
Hiding
Hmm...
Hmm
Nobody's here...
But this is definitely where the monster is hiding out
Perfect place to meditate
Hello
And who are you?
I'm looking for--
A monster?
You're a bruxa?
Are you here to kill me?
Well uh...
I mean..
You know, a contract is on your head..
What a shame..
You are so incredibly handsome
The fun we could have had
Well I mean, it's not too late we could still have fun
Wait
Pretty lady where did you go?
YARGHHH!!!
Ah you repulsive b*tch!!
Where did you go you vile beast??
Oh, hey beautiful lady
Do you like what you see?
I do - very much
Well, maybe we can make this more intimate?
Ah f**k!
You ugly b*tch!
You ugly, ugly -- god you're beautiful
Geralt? Geralt??
Are you okay? I heard fighting
And so you came running..?
I did, yes, I don't know why I did that
You've got a thing on your face by the way
Oh, hello
Two big boys, must be my lucky day
Wow Geralt she really is quite beautif--
YARGHHHH!!!
OH MY GOD!!
Argh!
You disgusting wench!
Heurghh!!
Are you having fun yet?
So what are you doing later?
Geralt, are you serious..?
You are something else
Lets get married, I want to grow old with you
Geralt!
What?!
Have you somehow not registered what she is??
You've gotta look past whats on the outside
It's whats on the inside that matters
You horrible hagged demon!!
**distant sounds of Bruxa**
YARGH!
My beautiful princess...
There, there buddy
You okay?
She was so hot...
Yeah...
And we're back...
Hmm.. winds howling..
You keep saying that..
Ah, Witcher
What brings you to these parts?
I've slain your demon
Turns out if was a bruxa hiding in a barn just north of here
And the village thanks you for it
Now
For the payment
Take whatever you think the job is worth
I'll take some of this
Maybe just a little bit more
Ah, Geralt I think that's quite enough
Actually just give it all
Give it here
Geralt what are you doing?
What else have you got?
Geralt I think that's quite enough!
Give me the ring there
Just give it, just, just give it
No not the ring!
Anything else?
Geralt what the fu--
Take them off
What's happening??
I'm so sorry
Take those off
Slide it off
Right what else you got here?
Move out of the way
What have we got here?
Ooh - a broken rake..
**Geralt rummaging around**
You have a lovely house...
Hurry up Geralt..
Geralt - Hmm looks valuable...
Alright this'll do as payment
If you see any other monsters you let me know
And this is why everybody hates Witchers Geralt
You f**kers!!
Geralt I think we're the bad guys...
F**KERS!!!
That was not a nice thing that you did...
Where are you going? Did you have another quest in mind?
If you didn't know - we are Viva La Dirt League!
And THAT was Witcher Logic - season 1!
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Wait where's the camera going?
Oh production value!!
ARGH!!
ARGHGHGH!!
Omg it's still going