Hey, stop wasting your time in dating.
I'm going to let you know
what you need to be aware of
on your first date
so that it doesn't happen to you.
(Music)
Hey, it's Stephan Labossiere here,
aka Stephan Speaks
your personal
dating and relationship coach, all right.
I provide relationship advice
and insight to millions of people
and that's my goal with you.
Is to make sure that you have the information
that you need
so that your dating experiences,
so that your relationship experiences
are healthy, happy, and successful ones.
Now, with that said,
today, I'm going to provide for you
three first date tips
to not waste your time.
I see so many people go on these dates
and they're allowing situations to linger
that don't need to even go
past the first date.
Like, you're dealing with the wrong one,
but you're trying to give the situation a chance.
So, I'm going to lay out for you
how we're going to help avoid that
and not allow it to be a continuous pattern
in your life.
Before we get started though, as always,
be sure to like the video,
subscribe to my channel,
hit that bell so that you can get the notification,
and let me know
about your first date experiences.
I mean, comment below
and just tell me what's been happening to you.
Tell me what you need to know about first dates,
help me understand
how I can help you, all right.
So, let's get into it.
The first tip
on how to not to waste your time
on a first date
is be open and honest
about what you're looking for.
So, here's the thing
and I'll be honest with you,
this happens a lot more with women,
but it also happens with men.
And it doesn't matter about what your aim is.
But people will go on dates,
first dates specifically
and they're not very honest
about what they're looking for.
So, you have the man who really
just wants to sleep with you.
Just wants to have fun,
but he's beating around the bush,
he's not being very honest about that.
You have the woman sometimes who...
And the woman can be the same as the man
who wants to just have fun
or the woman wants a real relationship.
She wants this to go somewhere.
She's hoping to meet someone
that she can eventually one day marry.
But instead of saying that,
she's saying, okay, yeah,
we can go with the flow
or you know,
let's just see what happens here
or acts like she's okay
with this more vague approach to dating
or not wanting to say
anything that's going to push him away
or scare him off.
You're not keeping it real.
You're not being honest
and this is one of the biggest mistakes
people make that sets them up for failure.
Because one, let's say you're the guy
who only wants sex,
well, guess what?
If she wants a relationship,
you want sex,
you're not clear enough about that,
You may find yourself
continuously dealing with someone
who's simply not on the same page as you.
So, now you invest all this time and energy
and if you don't get any sex
and I'm not condoning aiming for sex.
I'm not saying this is what a man should do,
I'm simply explaining what happens.
And I'm showing you how
no matter what your aim is,
you're still wasting your time.
Because if you were just more clear
about what you want and make sure
that she was on the same page,
then you guys can do what you want to do
as two grown adults and live your life.
But instead,
you end up in a more frustrating situation.
For the woman, again,
here you are wanting something more,
wanting a relationship.
But instead of being honest about that,
you play along with his vague approach
and now it's months later, a year later,
and you find yourself in a situationship
and then when you ask him, what are we?
He's like, well, I never told you I'm with you.
I never told you you're my girlfriend.
I never told you I wanted more than this.
This starts from the first date.
And the more honest and straightforward we can be,
the better off you will be
in not wasting your time.
So, first date tip number two
to not waste your time
is to find out
if you guys have shared values.
So, again, this is very important
and is very directly correlated to number one
about being honest about what you want.
But shared values is also making sure that
we're genuinely on the same page,
not just in this dating experience,
but with life in general.
Now, this is more so important for
those who want a real relationship.
Again, I'm not really here to help you
have more sex casually.
So, I'm not giving tips for that.
I'm giving tips more so...
Even though I discuss those things,
my guidance is geared more towards
getting that fulfilling, happy relationship.
Getting married, I believe in marriage.
So, with that said, with that in mind,
you have to make sure you have shared values.
Again, I see so many people
and a word I'll use
that many of you are familiar with
is unequally yoked.
Entertaining an individual
you are not equally yoked with
and not just in a spiritual sense,
but in do we even both want kids, all right?
Where do we want to be in life?
How do we view marriage?
Does that person even believe in marriage
versus you believing in marriage?
All these things are important
to clear or get clarity on,
on the first date.
I do not think and believe that we need to wait
second, third, fourth date
to discuss these things.
Now, let me make something very clear.
I don't want you going into a date with a checklist
of interrogation questions to ask your partner
to see if we're on the same page.
I want this to come about
in a natural flow of conversation.
And there are easy ways to do that
to where it doesn't come off the wrong way.
But you don't need to be afraid
to touch on those subjects.
You don't need to be afraid
to be expressive about those things.
And if your concern is well,
you may run him or her off.
Listen, if talking about what you want
in your life and your values runs them off,
they were never serious about you to begin with.
So, good,
let them run away,
let yourself run them off.
That's a wonderful thing that's a blessing in...
It's not even in disguise, it's just a blessing, all right.
Accept the blessing roll with it.
So, figure out, are we on the same page?
Do we share the same values?
And now, the third tip,
the third first date tip
to not waste your time.
Set expectations.
Now,
I don't really like the word expectations
because I don't believe in expecting anything.
I believe that no matter who you're dealing with,
they have a choice to do things or not do things
and I don't expect.
However, I set standards.
So, that might have been a better way to say it,
sets your standards on the first date.
And so, what I mean is, all right,
if communication is very important to you,
make it clear on the first date.
Hey, I like to hear from somebody
daily or weekly, whatever it is for you.
If you need a good morning text,
let that be known on the first date.
If you need to hear from them at night,
let that be known.
If you think talking every day is important
and then if you don't hear from someone every day,
that's a deal breaker,
let that be known.
Set the standard of what you're looking for
in this dating experience with this individual.
Because again, what it does is,
it weeds out the BSS.
It weeds out the man or woman
who when you give them those standards are like,
I'm not doing all that.
Like, if they don't value
the potential of this dating experience with you,
where it can go
and you lay out all these standards.
And again, not in this harsh, my way,
or the hard way type of situation.
But simply saying this is what I need
for us to progress in this experience.
If they're not serious about you,
they're going to dismiss it,
they're going to find it too difficult.
They're going to say, no, I'm not dealing with all that.
But someone who is actually looking at you
as potential,
not that they know they're going to marry you,
know what's going to happen here,
but they at least view you as potential.
And let me make clear,
everyone...
I'm going to say this with confidence.
I'm not going to even like, try to
structure in a way that limits this possibility.
Everyone knows
if there's potential or not
when they go on that first date with you.
They may not know where this is going,
they may not know for sure they're going to marry you,
but they know
if you at least have potential, all right.
And so, if they're serious about your potential,
they're not going to run from your standards.
Especially if those standards fall in line
with what they think is important as well.
So, set that early in the game.
That also makes sure that...
I've seen so many situations
where people are dating
and things go left
because the person that you're dating
doesn't know what you're looking for.
They didn't know you want to hear from them so often,
they didn't know you want to go on dates every week,
they didn't know whatever it was
that was important to you.
And now, you cut them off with this mindset of
they should have known better.
Stop doing that.
They don't know better.
They are raised different than you.
They come from different experiences,
they may not see things the way you see things.
But when you lay that out in the first date, okay,
then we've made things clear
and there's no more excuses.
They either going to step up to the plate
or they're not.
So, be honest, be clear about that.
But let me also mention to you,
I always have extra resources
and things that you can go to,
to really help you in your process.
So, I got one for men and women today,
I got two of my books here.
The one for men, He Who Finds a Wife.
And the one for women,
God Where is My Boaz?
Both of these books are going to be
very beneficial for you as far as
not just your dating experiences,
but doing the foundational work necessary
to make sure
you're not even going
on dates with the wrong people.
Like, before we even get to the first date,
there's some things that you can be mindful of
to know should I even entertain
this person or not?
As well as what's going to set you up
for greater success, happier relationships,
and as always, with any of my work,
what's going to help you be happier within yourself
regardless of your dating status.
So, check out those books.
I'm going to show it to you one more time.
He Who Finds a Wife.
God Where is my Boaz?
Click the link below in the comment section,
click the link in the description,
you're going to love these books.
But again, for first dates,
listen, stop wasting your time.
Stop letting these things be drawn out so long
and dealing with individuals
who do not belong in your life.
So, when you follow these three first date tips
and let's recap them as always.
You got, being open and honest
about what you want,
making sure that you two
are sharing the same values, all right.
And then, setting your standards.
You can say expectations,
you can say standards. I like standard.
Setting your standards
for what you're looking for
in this dating experience with them.
When you do that, you're going to eliminate
so many unnecessary extra dates
with this person that isn't meant
to go anywhere with you.
So, always be mindful of that.
But as always, be sure to like this video,
subscribe to my channel,
check for the notifications.
I'm always here to provide you
with relationship advice and insight
to make sure your dating experience
is what it needs to be
and that it can grow into something bigger.
Also, always feel free to comment below,
tell me what topics you want me to discuss.
What do you want to hear about?
What advice can I provide for you?
I'm doing this for you.
So, you let me know what you need.
But as always, I thank you
for watching this video
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.
(Music)