- This is a date.
If you can't,
if you can't take me on a date
and I can order whatever I want,
what if all that food was mine?
'Cause I eat good at restaurants.
How are we going to take it to like, you know,
how are we going to be able to think like, you know,
I just don't know
like it just wasn't it.
(upbeat music)
So y'all, I met this guy at the strip club
I used to bartend at and you know,
all my customers were trying to take me to dates,
what's up, what's up.
So he was trying to talk to me and me and my friends,
we don't do one-on-one dates.
We hungry, we got a number in our phone we can call
and we can get that date,
that dinner date for all of us, okay?
So me and my friends were just hanging out.
And we was hungry,
so it was like who's about to pay for our meals today,
who's about to take us out to eat
and treat us nice?
So we call the guy that I met at the strip club that day.
And he was like, well, this guy's going to take us out.
We decide to the Boulud
which is one of my favorite restaurants in New York,
I never told him that my home girls was coming.
So I know in the backhand side he was like, wait,
I thought it was just going to be me and you,
quality time.
Nope, not getting caught on camera being with no guy.
So I'm going to get to know you,
my homegirls gonna get to know you
and we gon' have a discussion about you after.
So when I got out to eat with a guy,
I like to test them a little bit,
so you wouldn't have start up with the,
what you want to drink?
Okay, I'm going to get a bottle menu,
pour a nice little to a bottle of Dom Perignon,
extra bubbly, and he ordered water.
I was like, what you about to eat?
You're not gonna eat nothing?
Like you're not hungry right now?
He's like, no, no, I'm not hungry,
I ate something before I came here.
Whatever.
Okay, so you know when,
when you not paying for the food,
you got to go big on big.
So I ordered my little oysters,
I ordered some crab legs, you know, the cold ones.
So I ordered my appetizers, I ordered my bottles,
I ordered stuffed chicken
cause you know, it's like all the cards, side order.
So I ordered like four side orders,
my home girls ordered they steaks and shrimps
and he was sitting there buttering up the bread.
He didn't get an entree.
First of all, when somebody order tap water,
aint order nothing, you know something going on.
I've never had a guy take me out and not take my girl.
At the end of the day, first impressions' everything
and you want to impress the girl that you want
to talk to her friends regardless.
I've never had a guy tell me no.
If you can't afford this meal,
you can't afford me because I'm very expensive, okay?
So while we eat and we still engaging and whatever,
food come we eat.
But I could tell like he like
panicking a little bit.
He like in his phone a lot,
like not really engaging after we ordered.
When he was in the club he was just cashing out or somn'
so I would have never even went on a date
or even to give him my number if it wasn't for that.
So two of my friends they speak Spanish
and they decided to say,
I don't know why he is not ordering food.
Like he's not paying for this bill.
And she said, oh, I hope you don't mind I spoke Spanish
and he was like, no, I just heard what you said.
I'm gonna pay the bill.
And we go, our faces were like,
we laughing so hard because
the guy was from Panama.
I didn't know he speaks Spanish at all.
So the bill comes and he goes and get the card.
And declined.
So he calls the bank, so he's on his phone,
So I'm sitting there I'm like over it already.
So he called the bank.
I don't know what happened.
He made them swipe it again, swipe it,
I was like that's the third swipe now.
At this point it's like,
me and all my friends we texting each other,
yo what's going on?
He's like, I'll be right back.
I'm going to ATM.
So he leaves.
And I'm blowing up his phone
cause it was like 10 minutes now.
This is like a flat twist for me.
It was like a big pie in the face.
Long story short, me and my home girls
ended up having to split the bill
and pay for our own stuff.
It's just like, karma just came.
Fast forward to yesterday that I wound up seeing his
in the club.
And he was at my bar.
I came across that bar so fast.
I was like ready to attack him.
I was like, yo, yo, yo, yo,
where's my money?
Throw me my money, throw me my money.
I'm dolled up.
I probably look a little different.
Now I've got a little work done in my body now.
He's like, oh yo, what happened was.
He didn't even have nothing to say.
But he was still spending money at the club.
So he gave me my money plus a little extra clams.
I'm like, okay, cool.
He like but now you a bit,
slow down, its like, you kill it though.
Like calm down, I have my thing, chill.
Like he ordered me drinks,
he sent me a little bottle of Rose,
we was cool.
So at this point he's like trying to redeem himself.
So I couldn't wait till I get to my phone,
to text my friends and tell them that's the right picture,
put it right in his face.
Look who I found.
Bingo.
Till this day, me and the guy,
you would not believe that we're friends.
We've brushed under the rug.
I bring it up.
I haven't brought it up in a while
but I bring it up sometimes when he'd be like,
oh, let's go, let's go get food.
I be like, why, so we could pay for our own?
He's like, if it was me and you, I didn't care.
Like if it was me and you, I didn't care.
It was just the fact that he felt like he was being
taken advantage of.
Which I could have done.
But after he left,
he taught me one valuable lesson though,
anytime I go on a date with a guy I'll like me,
can I bring my home girl with me?
So you know.
(upbeat music)