[dramatic music]
Game: "That's a dinosaur."
[music stops]
Dunkey: Yep.
That's a dinosaur.
You guys, he's being sarcastic.
Game: "What's that? A backpack?"
Dunkey: Now, I am not a professional voice actor, okay,
but these three things are not of equal excitement.
When you find a backpack next to a human skeleton,
you don't-you don't just say,
Game: "A backpack?"
Dunkey: You gotta be like,
IT'S A B A C K P A C K
WOW!
Game: "That's a dinosaur!"
Dunkey: That is a police car.
Freeze!
Oof-
[laughing] Fuck...
[laughing]
Oh god get up,
Get up, you stupid idiot-
oh, guy's coming back, he's comin-
[Laughing]
[laughing] ...get up,
oh God, NO!
Whoawhoawhoawhoa-
[Still laughing]
Game: "That's a dinosa-"
Dunkey: Whaaat, you can swim in this game?
Awesome!
[Breath of the Wild game over music]
Dunkey: See how this skeleton has a helmet on?
That's how you know he was in the army.
[Sonic 1 invincibility theme playing] Dunkey: You'll never get me you stupid piece of shit dinosaur!
Hee hee!
You can never hit me!
I'm too good at the game!
Dunkey: Well, how about we go down this small hill?
[character screaming]
[Breath of the Wild game over music, Dunkey: alright *mumble*]
Hey, dickhead!
[gunshot]
I shot you in the face!
I'm shooting you! What are you-
[chomp sound effect]
Oh.
[muffled That's a dinosaur!]
This next game is legitimately better.
Game: "Soda Drinker...Pro!"
[slurping sound effects]
Ok.
So I'm just on a beach, drinking soda.
[90's game music]
Ooh! Now I like this.
They're showing a nice, uh, a variety, you know.
You got a nice jungle level, now,
you had the beach and now you have the jungle level.
[slurping]
I'm really feeling the soundtrack on this one.
You got some nice, uh, lush forest over here.
[9 0 ' s g a m e m u s i c ]
[ambient drone music]
This level is too scary.
I don't wanna drink a soda-
[distorted voice] "Only...infinity more sodas to go."
Dunkey: How many more sodas to go?
I'm kind of getting sick of this game-
[9 0 ' ˢｇａｍｅ ｍｕｓｉｃ]
[distorted voice] "All these charts and graphs...make the soda even better."
[Dunkey laughs]
[9 0 'Ｓ ＧＡＭＥ ＭＵＳＩＣ]
Dunkey: IT'S TOO SCARY
IT'S TOO SCARY TURN IT OFF
[distorted voice] "A haunted soda in the haunted woods..."
Dunkey: THE SODA IS HAUNTED?!
Turn the game off. Too scary!
[distorted, unintelligible voice]
[ףθ 'ˢ ᵍᵃᵐᵉ ᵐᵘˢᶤᶜ]
Please let there be fall damage.
[slurping]
Please...I-I... I've seen too much.
I've-I...please. Please die.
Let me die and let this game be over.
Let this, let this work.
[ゲーム音楽]
There's no fall damage.
[distorted voice] "This soda..."
[distorted voice] "I'm walking around, with a soda in my hand, and I love it."
[distorted voice] "Going with the sharks..."
I'm gonna track down the guy who makes this, I'm gonna fucking-
[Dunkey scatting to the music]
I like this shit.
Game: "...fill my car with gas with soda."
Dunkey: "I wish this game would be over-"
[ ]
Game: "Everyone does this at one point in their lives."
Dunkey: At last.
The final level.
Dunkey: Oh my God.
Game: "This sure is a soda."
The Hobbit.
Well, at least the game's over.
Ha ha.
The game is still going...
Whoa whoa, is that a 3D model of a tiger?
I gotta see this.
Yep. This was worth the 10 minute walk over here.
Guys, I feel like we're just so close to the finish line,
I feel like, let's just, let's beat this game,
we're on level 30.
Honestly, how many more levels can there be in this piece of shit game-
Game: "Drinking a soda..."
"i n s i d e"
"t h e s o d a . . ."
Dunkey: How can you top that?
That's it.
We beat the game.
How can you top that?
Graveyard is a very short computer game,
you walk around, sit on a bench,
and listen to a song. Ok.
This sounds promising.
Ok. I'm walking around.
[birds chirping]
So far so good.
Ooh, look at this, look at this, you can go backwards.
Now it's getting interesting.
There's the bench! Yes! Ok...
Get on the...get on...get on the stupid bench!
Sit on the-
Eh...get...ehhhehhehh%$%$^$^$#
Get- get on the bench?
Get on the bench?
Get on-
Uh, I was very disappointed with this game,
it says you can sit on the bench and listen to a song,
for me, this is this year's No Man's Sky,
uh, I could not sit on the bench OR list-
Rogue Warrior.
Now, guys, I am not a professional voice actor,
but this game has the best voice acting of any game.
Game: "It's a total goatfuck!"
"God damn-"
Dunkey: Ok, I died already, somehow.
It's a good thing I have my kill move!
Game: "Lights out, motherfucker."
[Dunkey laughing]
[gunshot]
Game: "Rock and roll, motherfuckers, rock and roll."
Dunkey: Every single guy...
Game: "Drop dead, motherfucker, you fucking amateurs!"
[Dunkey laughs in motherfucker]
Game: "Bring the noise, bitch!"
[more laughter]
Game: "God damn, cockbreath-"
[Dunkey insulting alongside game]
Dunkey: ...piece of shit bastard man fuck ass dick penis bitch, piece of fuck!
So this game is actually an adaptation of a book by Dick Machinko.
If you don't know who Dick Machinko is,
he's pretty much Tom Clancy, but if Tom Clancy was the main character of his books.
So...I'm, I'm not sure how closely this game follows the book,
uh, I hope not at all.
Game: "Looks like the douchebag convention's in town."
Game: [again] "Looks like the douchebag convention's in town."
Dunkey: You just said that.
Game: "Suck my balls, my hairy fucking big balls, wrap 'em around your fucking mouth."
[Dunkey in hysterics]
Game: "Fucking retard."
"Dead piece of shit."
Dunkey: You'll never get me! I'm Dick Machinko!
Oh shit, he's throwing a grenade.
Oh, ok, he just blew up all his own guys.
Game: "The commies got themselves a working missile defense shield,"
"they can shoot our nukes right outta the sky."
Dunkey: Damn. If you could acquire that technology for the United States,
you could end the Cold War.
Game: "I'll retarget...use the Soviet's own missiles to wipe this place off the map."
Dunkey: You are the dumbest fucking piece of shit-
"Houston, this is ISS Control, uh..."
Game: "Send me the bill, cocksuckers!"
[OUTRO]