- [Announcer] Next up to the Tween Fest stage,
from Buzz Guzzler, The Dabble Dudes.
(crowd cheering)
You won't believe what these three average dudes
are willing to dabble in.
- Trying on makeup and high heels?
That sounds weird.
(big band music)
(wolf whistling)
It couldn't get any weirder than this.
- Getting tattoos on our faces?
- Amputating our left arms?
- Replacing our sweat glands with hot sauce?
- Cutting off our penises and
grinding them into a beef stew?
- You dabble wanted it, so we gotta dabble do it.
- [All] We're The Dabble Dudes.
(crowd cheers)
- What's up Tween Fest?
- Hello. - What's up?
- Dabble, dabble, dabble.
- We've been checking out the comment section
for some of your dabble dares,
and now, we're ready to do some dabble dares for you.
- Hey, yo, JC, just what're we gonna dabble in today?
- Today, maybe we'll dabble in a little bit of cannibalism.
- [The Dabble Dudes] Oh!
- Yum, yum, yum!
- Yeah, yeah, we're gonna eat Brian.
(crowd cheers)
- Oh, damn, oh that's kinda weird.
Uh-oh, there goes my hot sauce glands.
Damn, that's spicy.
(electronic music)
- Maddisyn, honey, I'm sorry I snapped at you.
I just got so teed off that I went into a tizzy.
And, then, I got peeved.
- I hate Tween Fest.
Social media is fake, so is everyone here.
Just take me home.
- I can't leave, I have a festival to run.
I got the Tubey Awards tonight, I'm swamped!
Hey, why don't you just relax?
Come out and watch The Dabble Dudes with your daddy.
- I never want to watch dabbling ever again.
(door slams)
- No dabbling?
This is serious.
- [Maddisyn Voiceover] Attention Zit Nation,
I'm leaving social media.
If you want to reach me, try having
a freaking human conversation for once.
Hashtag Maddisyn unplugs.
(suspenseful music)
It's done.
(electronic music)
- [Announcer] You love Zayden Ostin Storm's
social experiment videos.
- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Why did no one help me when I pretended
to fall outta this wheelchair?
Why would you let me leave my dog in this hot car?
And, also, why is it any of your business?
Why did no one yell at this woman
for publicly breastfeeding?
It's disgusting.
(baby crying)
- [Announcer] Now, Zayden will socially experiment on you.
But, first, please welcome a blind guy.
- Excuse me, I am a blind man who has lost his way.
Can somebody please point me to the restroom?
Excuse me, everyone.
(crowd gasps)
I bet you feel really stupid right now.
Excuse me, miss.
Why didn't you help the blind man?
- I thought it was fake.
- If I was really blind, would you
accuse me of being "fake?"
- No, 'cause then you'd actually be blind.
- Let's shame this girl.
Boo!
(crowd boos)
Who wants me to stuff her in the Shame Sack?
(crowd cheers)
Here it is, ladies and gentlemen!
- [Crowd] Shame sack, shame sack, shame sack, shame sack.
- Shame sack, shame sack, shame sack, shame sack.
(crowd cheers)
- Hey, Zayden!
- Oh shit, Dusty DelGrosso.
- Great show, dude.
Really flipped the script on that girl.
- Appreciate that, dude.
Kind of a light house, though.
Only 9,000 people?
Where the hell is everyone?
- Well, there's a long line over at Lexii C.'s book reading.
- That Venmo star?
- Yeah.
- She got a book deal?
Dude, that says a lot about society.
They care more about money than they do
a dude pretending to be blind just so he can yell at 'em.
- It's a hell of a world we're living in.
- I know, man.
- What a rabbi?
- He's, like, the main Jew.
- Thank you guys so much for coming out.
I've compiled my best Venmo transactions
into this wonderful book,
Transactions Speak Louder Than Words,
My Life As A Venmolebrity.
(audience applause)
October 24th, Lexii C. paid Shane Lucas for Uber ride.
(audience applause)
May 3rd, Lexii C. paid Prince Bosh for May rent.
(audience laughs)
I know, I know!
Okay, so you guys might know this one.
January 15th, Lexii C. paid Austin Aaron Joshua for.
- [Audience] Dollar emoji for pizza emoji.
- Yes, yes, finally!
(audience applause)
(camera shutter clicking)
- Yo, caught the end of your reading.
Pretty heavy stuff.
- Do I know you?
- You probably know my groundbreaking work.
I'm Zayden Ostin Storm.
- Oh yeah, you're the prank guy, right?
- No, no, I don't do pranks.
I do social experiments.
I'll throw a fake baby up in a crowd
and then scream at anybody who doesn't catch it.
You know, stuff that holds a mirror up to society and shit.
- Yeah, you know, if you're hitting on me,
I am not interested.
- I've got 10 million subscribers.
(both moaning)
- I participate in YouTube revenue sharing.
- My Venmo account gets 80,000 unique visitors a day.
(moaning)
Your viewership is so big.
- My content really resonates with my key demographic.
- [Both] Men, 18 to 24.
- Oh my God, our bodies are collabing.
- I'm gonna stream, I'm gonna stream.
Oh, I'm streaming!
- [Announcer] It's the Tubey Awards.
Tonight, we'll see who takes home
Breakout PostMates Driver,
Best Performance in a Russian Dash-Cam Fight,
and Most Egregious Mansplainer,
with an appearance from the surviving Dabble Dudes.
Here are your hosts The Tween Fest Swag Squad.
- [Swag Squad] Swag Squad, Swag Squad!
- Check out this bow tie, The Swag Squad
got all fancy for you little pricks.
(gun noises)
- Maddisyn, honey, are you coming to the Tubey Awards?
Did you forget you're nominated?
Or, are you not answering me because you're mad at me?
- I'm not in there.
(door slams)
- Okay, who is?
Ugh!
- We've had a lot of laughs up here tonight,
but now it's time that we honor the eating challenge stars
who have passed away this year
from choking on their ridonkulus meals.
(somber classical music)
(audience applause)
And as a tribute to all of my fallen peers,
I am going to swallow my Tubey Award right now.
- [Announcer] She's a master transactioner,
he's a hip script flipper.
Please welcome Lexii C. and Zayden Ostin Storm.
(Vomit Donna gags)
- So, not to overshadow all of those dead people,
but we would like to officially announce
that we are a couple.
(audience cheers)
- And, in celebration, we're going to
freeze in a pre-kiss position,
so you can take as many picture of us you'd like.
(camera shutters clicking)
- All right. - Thanks.
- Now, here are your nominees for Most Viral Pimple Popper.
- Maddisyn Crawford.
- [Zayden] The Blackhead Pimp.
- [Lexii C.] Dr. Pus.
- And Professor Pus.
And, the winner is.
- [Both] Madisynn Crawford.
(audience cheers)
- Excuse me, excuse me, thank you.
Hi, Miss Madisynn Crawford is not here to accept her award.
She and I had a bit of a tiff, and she got so irked
that she sort of threw a hissy.
- Actually, no.
I am here to accept my award.
And renounce it!
(audience gasps)
That's right.
Social media stars, they don't view you as a person.
You're just one more subscriber, one more follower.
So, stop being a follower and start being a leader!
By following me.
I have deactivated all of my social media accounts.
And, you can follow my deactivation journey
by following my newly activated account, @UnfollowMaddisyn.
- Great speech, honey!
I think I hear the orchestra playing her off.
(imitates orchestra music)
- The worst perpetrator of all this phoniness
is Tween Fest.
So, if you reject phoniness too,
rip up your swag, throw it on stage.
- Now, come on.
- Come on, do it, you know you want to.
Let go! - No, no, no, no, no.
- Yes!
- Don't throw your swag up here!
Actually, the swag is for you!
This swag is perfectly usable, all of it!
It's free, that's the whole point of swag.
- Swag, throw your swag!
- [Todd] Good Lord, hey, I can't have my face covered.
It gives me a panic attack, I was a cesarean.
Mother, Mother!
(electronic music)