I wonder if it's even possible how to make someone fall in love with you again.
Let's look into that.
Alright, so we're going to have some fun with this particular
title how to make someone fall in love with you again. You know what I thought
immediately was Aladdin. Do you remember the show, the Disney animated show
Aladdin and the genie is introducing to him the rules. There are three rules.
Remember what they are? I can't kill anybody so don't ask. Number
two, I can't make someone fall in love with you and number three, you can't
bring anybody back from the dead so I'm afraid we're going to have to invoke the
genie rules here. You can't make someone fall in love with you. Now having said
that, let's have a little discussion about what you might have to do with
that. First of all, I would love to have you review one of the videos that we've
done before about overcoming insecurities in a relationship. You can
link to it right up here where we talked about the influencer quadrant. Please
review that video because where your focus is will determine the kind of an
impact that you're going to have in a relationship and that is important. Now
beyond that, let's just have a little chat about love. Love is a choice. You
know, sometimes we think about it as a condition or a feeling and yeah, there
are things that are associated with love that go into the feeling realm, of course
you're going to feel certain things or you're going to be in a certain state or
state of mind. At the end of the day, it's a choice. I still remember a couple that
was sitting right here in my office and he confessed to me, he said, "Doc, I just
don't love her anymore." and what I wanted to say to him, maybe I
did say this, I can't remember specifically. What I wanted to say to him
was, well then love her. Duh. Because it's a choice, it's a choice that is followed by
behaviors and actions and consequences, it's a choice. You choose to love someone.
It is an active verb. Now what if it's a relationship where someone has fallen
out of love with you? One of the worst things that you can do is to get all
clingy and desperate, okay, because that's not going to have a good effect but that's
what you are inclined to do when you're trying to reclaim a relationship.
Remember, going back to the influence quadrant that we talked about in that
other video. If your focus can get off of yourself, okay, so that you're not so
worried about how you feel, it's not about you, you can put your focus in how
do they feel about themselves. This feels risky and vulnerable because
well if I'm not trying to make this happen then it'll never happen. Well, yeah.
But it's kind of like holding a stick of butter. Have you ever done that?
Where you grab hold of a stick of butter and if you grab it too tight, what's
going to happen? It's going to squirt right out of your hands. You got to cradle that
thing gently and the relationships are like this because if you desperately
come at it in a clingy needy sort of a way, ew,
just as I'm sharing that with you, how does that feel to you? It's like, I
remember working with parents who are having problems with their kid
separating from them you know, leaving them with a babysitter or the daycare or
whatever and so if you see, here's the parent and the child and they're
just like oh, just so enmeshed and so tight, right, and maybe mom is feeling
like okay, it's time for me to go over here and they're just locked in here
right and finally they can break it. Oh, oh, oh no.
That's better. Oh man, this is suffocating. Do you see the person who's
being clinged to feels suffocated, buried, it's like, oh, give me some space here.
Now when a relationship is on the rocks, when it feels like, oh, this person doesn't
love me anymore because they've pulled away, they've separated, it might be to
just end that clinginess-y and I just want you to be honest about that and
take a look and ask yourself, you know what, am I doing the squeeze here? Because
one of the remedies feels a little counterintuitive, it's that you get to
stand on your own as a stable solid sane individual who can handle this and
doesn't need this. Do you see the difference? How is that going to feel to the other
person? Now I use the example of a parent and child earlier as that child and
sometimes we have to take mom out of the picture for a minute with kids like..
And they wear out after a while and so finally it's like, hey, wait a
minute, I'm okay. Why am I okay? Well just because I'm okay and then mom can be
reintroduced here and it's like, oh, hi mom, and and they can have a loving close
relationship without getting that tight clingy enmeshment that we had before so
in the same way, in your relationship, in your adult relationship, can you stand
on your own two feet? Can you be okay here?
Because being okay here makes it more likely that you can
be okay here, not here but here where you both choose to be in that same space by
choice. It's not because of dependency, it's not because the only place I'm okay
is when I'm clinging here. See, that's suffocating to the other
person so getting back to our main topic, how do you get someone to fall in love
with you? You can't. It's against the rules, remember the genie but if you can take
care of yourself and change your focus to where you're
not worried about how you feel about yourself or how other people feel about
you, your focus is on how other people feel about themselves and you can be in
that same stable loving place then you're available to have a relationship
with that other person in a way that doesn't feel so clingy. That might give
you a couple of ideas where to go with this. Hey, Live On Purpose TV family,
I'm so glad that you're here. If you're new to the channel, would you please
subscribe? We would love to have you back. I'll see you tomorrow.