Have you ever wondered how narcissists are able to treat people the way they do, and
then sleep like a baby at night?
By the end of this video, you're going to know exactly how narcissists are able to live
with themselves, even while causing a path of destruction along the way.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney, and the best-selling author of the books Negotiate
Like You M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped
thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma and chaos, to step into lives of freedom,
possibility, prosperity and purpose, and I do the same thing for you right here on this
channel and in these videos, so make sure you subscribe, hit the notification bell so
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Now, let's talk about how narcissists justify their horrendous, horrible, awful behavior.
The rest of the world is looking at them, going "What the hell?
How are you doing this, and you don't even see it?"
And for those of us who've been in relationships with narcissists, you think that obviously
they must see it, they must know what they're doing, or how they're making people feel,
or the damage that they're doing, the drama, the trauma, the chaos that they cause, right?
But how do they get away with it, and just they sleep at night, how do they justify it
to themselves?
That's what we're going to talk about today.
So, when you're dealing with a narcissist, it's really important to understand the psyche
of a narcissist.
So a lot of people just think a narcissist is anybody who says "I'm great, I did something
amazing."
Okay, fantastic.
Mean, sometimes people say that because they need to for their own credibility or whatever,
but that's not the only part of what makes a narcissist, just because somebody says "I
accomplished something" doesn't make them a narcissist, what really is the...
Where the rubber hits the road, what really makes that narcissist a narcissist is the
fact that they cannot feel empathy for anyone else, and that's the part that a lot of people
forget about, they just can't.
Sometimes they're good enough, if they're a covert narcissist, they're good enough at
pretending like they care about a person, they know what the steps are that they have
to go through, they know what to say, they know the actions that they probably need to
take just enough, just enough to manipulate the person into having them do what they want
to do, or feel what they want them to feel, but they don't actually feel anything for
that other person.
So how does that manifest itself when they're justifying their heinous behavior?
Well, it manifests itself in a number of ways.
So, the first way that they justify their behavior to themselves is they just decide
that they're always right.
They literally think that they're always right.
Remember that a narcissist has no inner sense of value, they are like the smallest, most
fragile little egos on the planet, so to admit that they're wrong actually means that they
have to give away a part of themselves that they just decided, like when they were five
or six, seven years old, that they could never do.
It's survival for them, they just cannot admit that they're wrong.
So how do they justify their behavior to themselves?
They just decide that they're always right, they'll never admit that they're wrong.
No matter how many mistakes there are, no matter how many things they did that you look
at it and you go...
Even if you present them evidence, "Here's where you said something and here's where
you're wrong," they'll just decide "No, that's not...
That doesn't exist, I'm right."
So that's number one, they're always right.
Number two is "You're wrong," and that kind of seems like the same thing as "I'm always
right," but it's just one more step forward with this, and it's like, "Okay, if I'm always
right, then you must be the one that's wrong, or somebody else must be the one that's wrong,
and that's what happened...
Caused this behavior."
I had an employee one time who constantly was making mistakes, but she would always
say it had to do with somebody else, somebody else, somebody else.
You know, "I was waiting for this to happen, and that's why I didn't get it done on time."
She could never say "I should have figured out how to get it done on time," she just
always had to make somebody else wrong, so someone else was wrong, so deflecting this
onto someone else is another way of saying "You're wrong" rather than "I'm right, so
since I'm right, you must be wrong, or somebody else must be the wrong one."
And if this is sounding really familiar to you and you've wondered how the heck do they
sleep at night, give me an "SMH" for "Shaking my head" in the comments.
And if you want to know more about deflecting and how narcissists deflect, make sure you
check out my video on how to catch a narcissist in a lie, and what happens when you do catch
a narcissist in a lie.
The third way that narcissists sleep at night is that they just decide that the rules and
the laws or whatever it is, they just don't apply to them.
They're for other people, they're for people who are lesser than them, they're for people
who are ordinary, and they're not, so they don't have to abide by what everybody else
wants, because they're entitled.
They're entitled, and that's why they can cross boundaries and they can do all the things
that make people miserable, and they're not wrong in doing that because they're entitled.
One of the narcissists in my life used to come right in to people's houses, go right
into people's offices, go right into the back part of people's offices, just go start talking
to people, not even telling or asking the receptionist if they could do that, they just
go right in, because they're entitled, and so normal rules, normal laws didn't apply
to that person because that person was entitled to do what he or she wanted to do, so that's
number three.
So how do they even keep going once these things have happened?
So once they've denied it, they've deflected, they've said it's your fault, they've blamed
it on other people, how are they moving on and how are they sleeping at night?
Well, number one is, "Okay, well let's not dwell on that, let's just move on."
So you're not going to get an apology probably, and if you do, they may not mean it, and if
you want to know more about narcissists' apologies, check out my video on whether or not narcissists
apologize, and if they do, do they mean it?
But if they have apologized or they haven't, whatever, from that point forward, they just
want to erase it from their memories, and they expect you to erase it from your memory
too, and just move on.
You're not allowed to have lingering hurt over it, or upset...
Being upset about it, you're supposed to just move forward, move on, it's done, forget about
it.
So whenever a narcissist is faced with having to have a conscience about something that
they've done or any havoc that they've raised, or some kind of thing that they're supposed
to take responsibility for, the easiest way for them to sleep at night is just say, "I
don't even know what you're talking about anymore," and that's kind of like the gaslighting
process too, because they'll just say, "I don't know what you're talking about, it didn't
happen that way," or "If it happened that way, it wasn't that bad.
You're overblowing it, you're making way more out of the situation than you needed to,"
or "No, I actually wasn't involved with that," even though you know that they were, or "I
didn't cause it to happen, somebody else caused it to happen, so if you're upset, it shouldn't
be at me."
So how they sleep at night is just decide that whatever happened, if it was wrong, it
wasn't their fault, and if it was their fault, it wasn't that bad, and since it wasn't that
bad, you should just move on, and everybody should just forget about it, and that'll be
the easiest way for everyone to just start anew.
So that's kind of how they are able to sleep at night, because they just have decided that
it doesn't have anything to do with them anymore.
So, if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist or any kind of high-conflict
personality, definitely grab by free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, it's 15 pages,
it's basically an E-book, and it's totally free, you can grab it at winmynegotiation.com,
or you can just get the link below.
If you want to connect with other people who are dealing with high-conflict personalities
or narcissists and you want to feel more support, come on over and join us in my free private
Facebook group, it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, and I'll drop a link to
that below as well so that you can join us there.
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I'm Rebecca Zung, I'm so glad that you are here and that you stopped by my channel, I
will see you in the next video.
Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.