GREG GUTFELD NEXT. ♪ ♪
♪ ♪
>> Greg: AND I DON’T CARE!
HAPPY HUMP DAY AMERICA.
DO HAVE A GREAT MONOLOGUE
TONIGHT, THE BEST ONE OF THE
YEAR -- WHAT’S THE HURRY?
YOU GOT TO BE SOMEWHERE?
SANDRA?
>> I LOVE THE NEW PLACE.
>> Greg: WHATEVER.
THAT’S WHITE OF YOU COME A OF
RACISTS.
LOOK AT YOU, I’M IMPORTANT, TIME
IS MONEY, I HAVE WONDER BREAD
AND MAYONNAISE TO EAT, YOUR
TYPICAL BIGOT ALWAYS IN A RUSH,
THANK YOU.
IT’S TRUE, URGENCY IS RACISM AT
LEAST ACCORDING TO THE OREGON
HEALTH OFFICIALS WHO DELAYED A
MEETING FOR NO OTHER REASON THEN
STATING THAT URGENCY IS A WHITE
SUPREMACY VALUE.
AS EXCUSES GO IT SOUNDS A LOT
BETTER THAN THE DOG ATE MY ALARM
CLOCK BUT RAISES A KEY QUESTION.
SINCE MY SHOW STARTS ON TIME
EVERY NIGHT TO DO I QUALIFY AS A
GRAND WIZARD?
IN AN EMAIL OBTAINED BY THE
MAGAZINE REASON, REACHING A
HEALTH EQUITY COALITION PROGRAM
MANAGER DANIELLE DROPPERS TOLD
FOLKS A SCHEDULED CONVERSATION
IT WOULD NOT TAKE PLACE AS
PLANNED BECAUSE URGENCY IS A
WHITE SUPREMACY VALUE THAT CAN
GET IN THE WAY OF MORE
INTENTIONAL AND THOUGHTFUL WORK.
I ASSUME WHAT SHE CALLS SLEEPING
IN AND WATCHING THE VIEW FROM
HER TOILET, THAT’S HOW I WATCH
IT.
WHAT A HAPPY COINCIDENCE FOR A
GOVERNMENT WORKER THAT IT’S
RACIST TO DO YOUR JOB WHETHER
IT’S HOLDING A SCHEDULED MEETING
OR TEACHING CHILDREN MATH, DOING
BOTH IS RACIST SO DON’T BOTHER,
THAT WAY EVERYONE FAILS, NOT
JUST THE GOVERNMENT TO.
THIS IS THE OREGON HEALTH
AUTHORITY, AN ACTUAL AGENCY
TASKED WITH COURT NEEDING
MEDICAL CARE AS WELL AS
UNLOADING COVID INFO DURING THE
PANDEMIC.
IT’S NO WONDER THEY SCREWED UP
THAT STATE OVER COVID, IT
WOULD’VE BEEN RACIST NOT TO COME
AND COULD YOU USE A BROADER
BRUSH TO PAINT WITH?
BLACKS ARE NEVER IN A HURRY.
WHEN YOU SAY BOTH OUT RUNS A
WHITE GUY WHICH IS EVERY TIME IS
THAT REVERSE RACISM?
WHAT’S THE HURRY, SLOW DOWN,
YOU’RE STARTING TO RUN LIKE A
WHITE GUY?
I WORRY, I WONDER IF THIS STUFF
WILL EVER SHOW UP AT FOX.
>> I HAD A GREAT TIME AT THE
LAKE HOUSE.
>> I DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD FIT
THAT MANY HOT DOGS UP THERE.
WE HAVE TO HELP THEM QUICK!
>> DON’T YOU KNOW THAT RUSHING
IS A MAJOR TENANT OF WHITE
SUPREMACY AND YOUR SHALLOW
DESIRE FOR FAST RESULTS CAN STOP
PEOPLE FROM JOINING OUR CAUSE
BECAUSE THEY ARE LATE OR THEY
DON’T WORK HERE.
HOW COULD YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE?
>> Greg: YOUR>> YOU’RE ABSOLUTEL
THANK YOU FOR EDUCATING ME.
>> I PROMISE TO DO THE WORK.
>> LET’S GO.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: TO EDUCATE THE
CONFUSED ON WHY URGENCY IS
RACIST ANOTHER EMPLOYEE POINTED
TO WAIT ANTIRACIST EDUCATOR THAT
PUSHES THE IDEA THAT HARMLESS
TRAITS ARE EVIL PROOF OF WHITE
SUPREMACY, STUFF LIKE WANTING TO
WRITE STUFF DOWN OR BEING A
PERFECTIONIST.
IT’S GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE
I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHEN THEY
USED THE TERM WHITE SUPREMACY,
DO THEY MEAN IT AS AN INSULT OR
A COMPLIMENT?
YOU WRITE STUFF DOWN, YOU SEEM
TO VALUE TIME AND YOU WANT
THINGS DONE RIGHT.
YOU’VE JUST DESCRIBED THE
PERFECT EMPLOYEE AND ALL THE
THINGS THAT MAKE THIS COUNTRY
THE ENVY OF THE REST OF THE
WORLD.
THIS IS ALL PART OF DIVERSITY,
INCLUSION, AND EQUITY TRAINING
MATERIALS.
IT’S WHAT EVERY COMPANY THAT
PROMOTES THIS WILL DO.
THIS IS GOOD NEWS FOR LAZY, INCOMPETENT WORKERS.
INCOMPETENT WORKERS.
[LAUGHTER]
HE’S ASLEEP RIGHT NOW.
SHOW UP LATE, UNPREPARED,
STINKING OF BLUES, YOU’RE
FIGHTING WHITE SUPREMACY NOW.
LOOKING BACK ON IT IN COLLEGE, I
WAS ROSA PARKS.
I’VE GOT TO ADMIT THIS IS
DIABOLICAL.
WHAT A GREAT WAY TO RUIN
SOMEONE’S CAREER, ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE YOU SUCCESSFUL MAKE
YOU A BIGOT, LIKE A BOXING
TRAINER TELLING HIS PROTEGE IF
YOU WANT TO BE A WORLD CHAMP
SOME DAY DON’T GO TO THE GYM,
DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR FOOTWORK
AND SMOKING WILL IMPROVE YOUR
LUNG CAPACITY.
DON’T AVOID McDONALD’S, THAT
[BLEEP] IS DELICIOUS.
BY TELLING OTHERS THAT GOOD
TRAITS ARE RACIST, YOU’RE
TELLING THEM TO FAIL.
CNN MUST OF HAD THIS PLAN IN
PLACE FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS.
YOU COULDN’T ASK FOR A BETTER
WAY TO LEAPFROG PAST COWORKERS
PLAGUED BY WHITE GUILT.
YOU GET THEM ALL TO STAY HOME
UNTIL THEY ARE TARDY AND THEN
YOU WIN BY SHOWING UP ON TIME
ALL WHILE TELLING MINORITIES
DON’T REACH YOUR POTENTIAL --
YOU WILL GET EQUITY ONCE
EVERYBODY LOSES.
OF COURSE FOR THOSE BUREAUCRATS
WHO AREN’T HELD ACCOUNTABLE LIKE
MS. DROPPERS, THEIR INCOMPETENCE
IS EXPECTED TO.
PUBLIC HEALTH BUREAUCRATS CAN
LITERALLY CAUSE A PANDEMIC AND
STILL NOT GET FIRED.
THE ONLY THING THEY DO ON TIME
IS COLLECT TAXES.
HEARS SOME QUESTIONS FOR
MS. DROPPERS WHOSE NAME IS
PERFECT FOR SOMEONE DROPPING
STANDARDS FOR HERSELF.
IF URGENCY IS A RACIST A VALUE,
WHY DON’T WE DELAY YOUR
PAYCHECK?
FOR A FEW WEEKS.
MAKES US ALL A LITTLE LESS
RACIST, HOW ABOUT SOME VACATION?
BEACH IS STILL NICE IN NOVEMBER,
DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING
FRIDAY EARLY TO BEAT THE
TRAFFIC, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN
ROBERT BYRD.
FORGET SUNSCREEN AND JUST PUT ON
YOUR WHITE HOOD.
THINK ABOUT OBAMA AND HARRIS AND
JACKSON.
THEY ARE ALL HISTORICAL FIRSTS,
HOW VERY WHITE OF THEM TO COME
IN FIRST.
BEST HOPE YOU DON’T END UP IN
THE EMERGENCY ROOM, CAN THERE BE
ANYTHING MORE RACIST THEN AN EMERGENCY?
EMERGENCIES DEMAND QUICK ACTION.
WHENEVER YOU GET AROUND WITH IT,
I DIDN’T MEAN TO SOUND LIKE A
BIGOT.
IMAGINE BEING A DOCTOR TRYING TO
CURB YOUR URGENCY, WE NEED AN
APPENDECTOMY ASAP.
WHAT AM I, A DOCTOR OR A
PLANTATION BOSS?
AT ANY RATE, I’M HITTING THE
LINKS, WE CAN CATCH UP TOMORROW,
UNLESS YOU’RE DEAD.
DEAD.
DEATH, TALK ABOUT FINALLY
ESCAPING YOUR OWN RACISM AND WE
WOULD ALL RATHER BE DEAD THAN BE
CALLED RACIST AND ISN’T DEATH
REALLY THE LEAST RACIST THING
EVER?
THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT DO WE CALL
YOU WHEN YOU DIE?
LATE.
LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS!
THIS FORMER TRACK STAR NEVER
JUMPS THE GUN WHEN BREAKING A
STORY, SANDRA SMITH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HE’S LIKE MR. CLEAN, MUSCULAR,
BALD AND LEAVES A LEMONY SENT.
FORMER ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL
MATT WHITAKER!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SHE’S SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND
INSPIRATION TO YOUNG WOMEN
EVERYWHERE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR
KAT TIMPF! AND FINALLY HIS PAPER AIRPLANES
AND FINALLY HIS PAPER AIRPLANES
MUST SUBMIT A FLIGHT PLAN, TYRUS
TYRUS!
SANDRA, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
>> I’M ALMOST SPEECHLESS BECAUSE
OF THIS NEW SET,
CONGRATULATIONS.
IT IS AWESOME.
>> WHEN YOU ASKED IF WE HAD A
LIVE AUDIENCE YOU SHOULD HAVE
SAID NO.
>> AMAZING AUDIENCE!
>> Greg: I’M GLAD YOU CAME
LATE TO THIS PARTY, IT MAKES IT
THE LEAST RACIST PERSON HERE.
>> I WAS LATE.
AND YOU WERE ADAMANT ABOUT NOT
BEING LATE, I APOLOGIZE.
>> Greg: BY THIS DEFINITION I
AM THE MOST RACIST PERSON WHO
EVER WALKED -- I’M ALWAYS TRYING
TO BEAT THE PREVIOUS RECORD ON
THE SHOW OF GETTING OUT.
>> I SCREWED IT UP.
>> Greg: YOU DID YOU HAD A
CHANGE OF CLOTHES.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WORE?
WHITE.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS STUFF?
>> IT’S ALMOST LIKE I DIDN’T
KNOW THIS WAS A TOPIC.
IT’S ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF WASTING
TAXPAYER FUNDS.
THESE ARE GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES
GETTING PAID ON TAXPAYER DIME
WHO ARE LATE AND THEY DECIDE TO
HAVE AN EXCUSE, A LAME EXCUSE
FOR THAT.
THE IRONY OF ALL OF THIS IS IN
THIS MOMENT OF ALL THE PERILS IN
THE CURRENT WHITE HOUSE
ADMINISTRATION, GUESS WHAT
DEMOCRATS ARE SCREAMING?
THEY WANT TO SEE MORE URGENCY
FOR THE THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION
COULDN’T HELP BUT SEE THAT
INSANE IRONY IN THIS MOMENT TO.
THAT’S WHAT GOVERNOR PRITZKER IN
ILLINOIS IS SAYING ABOUT
PRESIDENT BIDEN, WE WANTED TO BE
MORE URGENT, STEP UP TO THE
PLATE, BOLD ACTION.
THAT WAS MY SIMPLE OBSERVATION
BUT YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF
WASTED TAXPAYER MONEY.
>> THERE ARE TIMES WHEN HE IS
URGENT BUT IT’S USUALLY
INVOLVING A BALL MOVEMENT.
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> Greg: YOU COULD HAVE SEEN
THAT COMING LIKE A FRISBEE IN
THE DESERT.
COMING RIGHT AT YOU, HERE IT
COMES.
SO MATT, YOUR WHITE.
>> YES.
>> Greg: THAT’S ALL I HAVE
COME I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
COMING HERE.
>> LIFE IS URGENT, LET’S
REMEMBER THAT.
YOU HURRY TO GET THINGS DONE
COMPANY SUCCEED, BASICALLY YOU
WERE TAUGHT FROM CHILDHOOD ALL
THE QUALITIES THAT MAKE
SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE AND ULTIMATELY
YOU FIGHT NOT TO DIE AND GET
EVERYTHING DONE BEFORE YOU DIE.
THE ONE THING YOU CAN SAY THAT
ALLOWS PEOPLE TO NEVER ARGUE
BACK IS THAT HIS WHITE
SUPREMACY.
IF YOU ARGUE AGAINST THIS WOMAN,
YOU LOSE THAT ARGUMENT 100% OF
THE TIME.
HIM >> Greg: YOU THINK SHE WAS
JUST HUNG OVER?
I ONLY MAKE EXCUSES WHEN I’M
HUNG OVER.
WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT ME?
>> YOU HAVE A LOT OF EXCUSES.
>> WE KNOW NOBODY COULD GET FOOD
POISONING THAT OFTEN.
>> Greg: YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT I
EAT WHEN I’M DRUNK.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, DO YOU THINK
THIS IS REAL?
>> THIS IS THE CAT ATE MY
HOMEWORK ON STEROIDS.
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE THAT SOMEONE
ACTUALLY BELIEVES THE QUALITY OF
URGENCY IS A WHITE SUPREMACIST
VALUE.
IS THIS A PERSON THAT IS EXPERT
ON THAT NOW?
I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE HER WRITE
MORE EMAILS AND MORE EXCUSES AS
TO WHY SHE CAN’T MEET WITH
TAXPAYING VOTERS.
>> Greg: BECAUSE THEY ARE
RACIST.
>> DID YOU EVER EAT YOUR
HOMEWORK?
>> NO.
>> Greg: THAT’S GOOD, GOOD FOR
YOU.
>> Greg: IT FEELS LIKE THIS IS A WHITE SUPREMACIST MOVEMENT
A WHITE SUPREMACIST MOVEMENT
TAKING THESE AND MAKING THEM
SOUND RACIST WHEN THEY COULD BE
PUT TO GOOD USE.
>> I WAS CONFUSED BY THIS ONE
AND I STARTED READING MORE ABOUT
IT IS NICE GOT MORE CONFUSED.
THE EXPLANATION WAS WHEN YOU ARE
IN A RUSH, THEN YOU CAN’T STOP
AND HAVE GOOD DECISION-MAKING
WHICH I AGREE WITH.
WHEN I’M IN A RUSH SOMETIMES I
WILL FORGET MY WALLET OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT BUT I DON’T
UNDERSTAND WITH A RACIST PART
COMES IN.
BEING IN A RUSH YOU DON’T
SUDDENLY START SEEING RACIAL
SLURS OR AT LEAST I DON’T.
>> Greg: IS THERE A WAY --
MAYBE TAKING YOUR TIME MAYBE
IT’S ABOUT TAKING YOUR TIME IT’S
NOT ABOUT RUSHING?
I DON’T KNOW.
>> BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN WHEN
YOU’RE IN A RUSH, I GET IT.
I READ SO MUCH ABOUT IT THAN I
COULD NOT FIND ANYWHERE WHERE
THE RACISM COMES IN.
>> Greg: TYRUS, LEFTWARD FOR
YOU.
>> I WAS GLAD SHE FINALLY
BROUGHT IT UP.
I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH YOUR
RACISM FOR SIX YEARS, BEYOND
TIME, NO THE TOPIC, DON’T LEAVE
DURING THE SEGMENT, FOR HER TO
SHOW UP TO SAY GOODBYE AND GET
SOME APPLAUSE, THE WHITE
SUPREMACIST IS HOLDING ME DOWN
AND FORCED ME TO BE ON TIME.
THE BRAVERY OF HER TO COME
FORWARD AND FINALLY FIGHT FOR
ALL US MINORITIES TO SAY WHAT
NEEDED TO BE SAID TO BECAUSE WE
CAN’T BE ON TIME, WE CAN’T BE
SMART, WE CAN’T HAVE MORALS, WE
GOT TO LOWER THE BAR SO LOW SO
WE CAN BE EQUAL WITH Y’ALL,
THANK YOU SO MUCH STEPPING OFF
YOUR HIGH HORSE AND HELPING US.
THAT IS THE MOST RACIST WOMAN
EVER.
SHE BASICALLY SAID URGENCY,
BEING PREPARED, KNOWING YOUR
STUFF, THEY CAN DO THAT.
>> THIS ISN’T A LIVE NEWS WHERE
YOU HAVE TO HAVE A DELAY WERE
YOU CAN HIT THE DELETE BUTTON OR
CAN WE JUST DROP --
>> I’M DOING THE BEST I CAN, I’M A MINORITY.
A MINORITY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]