'HAUNTERS' Theme Jingle
Murderers?
We're surrounded by murderers?
Aspiring murderers
There's a difference?
Yes! Of course!
None of them have killed yet. They're all just jerks.
Another old-fashioned, you drunk?
(ploop)
Oh..
You know what I say.
Never leave a drink behind
So
Everyone here is a jerk...
Precisely.
Here's how it all works.
When you kill a jerk, they take your place at this hotel
And what happens to you?
You go prancing back to Earth to all of your fake online friends.
Well, why haven't you murdered anyone, then?
Well...
Because he has haunting anxiety
Performance issues.
Can't...
MOVE ANYTHING!
Watch out for this one, kid. He's all wet
(sploosh)
Thank you, Gary...
(steps)
(Anna bellies up to the bar)
Here's the good news, Iggigg. You don't need to be here long.
You'll gifted.
Those gifts will get us both out of here.
I'm not murdering anybody
Ahhh! (Trog double tap)
Mm-hmm
Here, here! Stay stay true to you girl.
(glass on bar)
(Crash)
(shattered glass bits clinking)
Jesus...
I've been trapped in this prison with turndown service for almost 200 years .
I want out.
And so do you.
So, if we kill someone we get to - -
To blow this popsicle stand and move on to - -
Earth.
Back to Earth.
Just like I promised.
It's in your nature, Iggigg.
You are a natural haunter.
(Where ya going, Iggy?)
(piano)
I can't kill someone...
Even if they're a jerk.
Murdering a person.
For a ticket to Earth.
It goes against nature
And what I was taught.
watching someone die
can't imagine the thought.
Standing over their body
A pool of blood on the floor.
That would change me forever. Rattle me to my core.
To see their eyes lose their light.
Their blood on my hands... Could I strangle a woman?
Could bludgeon a man?
But on the other hand, would it really sting
to kill the jerks we dream of murdering?
Seven deadly sins? Let's add a few more.
Like budding in line, or spitting gum on the floor.
To kill or not to kill? Ay, there's the rub.
To stay here forever or to step in the tub.
My facebook wall is now my eulogy
My tweets are my famous last words.
But, I can still add lines to my obituary.
I was good at pranking.
But now, I'm scary.
I wound up in this crappy hotel
For jerks like me I'd never wanna know.
If I don't like them, do I like myself?
Like myself? I love myself.
On with the show
(piano)
The chaos
is all the world is about.
Who cares if I kill?
I've no shred of doubt
that if I'm a jerk,
That's what people see.
Well now they'll all see just what a jerk
I can be.