- And the demon got them hell hounds
roamin' around everywhere,
bringin' humans to the demon alive to be sacrificed.
- Come on, man.
(dog barking)
Stupid.
(scary music)
- The power of Christ compels you.
- (screaming) (censored) your mother.
- The power of Christ compels you!
- Your mother's in hell.
- The power of Christ compels you!
- I'll suck your (censored).
Let me suck your (censored).
(dramatic music)
(groaning)
- Could you please clear the room?
(suspenseful music)
Could be worse.
- Not that bad.
- For me, it's all about perspective.
- It's what you make of it.
- Can I tell you somethin'?
All things considered,
I'm actually kinda comfortable right now.
Thank god for shock.
- I can be the kind of prisoner I want to be.
- You're still alive.
- Thank you. Right?
- Mm hm.
- Just two injured buddies.
- Yes, yes.
- Having a friendly convo
while we're waitin' to get tortured again.
- And there's kind of a positive in having no options.
- Yes.
- Because we're not even gonna try to escape,
because we know we'd fail.
- Yes.
I'll tell you another thing.
Don't miss the arm.
- Really.
- First of all. Lefty.
Okay. So this thing?
Pretty much got in the way.
- Huh.
- Keep it buddy.
(door creaking)
- You fools!
Blathering away.
Your suffering has only just begun.
- Wow, that is a perfect summation of the human condition.
Once you've embraced that, you can do anything.
- Bingo.
- Aah!
No one has ever suffered as you will.
(evil laughing)
- You love your work.
And that kind of a positive attitude, quite frankly,
it's contagious.
- It is.
- We'll see how positive you're feeling
after I cover your body in gasoline
and set you on fire.
- You know what?
It's amazing that you would say that,
'cause I was just thinking,
it's gettin' a little chilly in here.
- Mm hm.
- Thanks so much, man.
- Dammit!
(dramatic music)
(door slamming)
- What a dramatic and fascinating man.
- I think we owe him big time.
- As do I.
- Really, I mean, all this time away from my computer,
my phone, my work, I feel unplugged.
- Yes, yes, ugh.
(rat squealing)
- [Together] Aw.
- Circle of life.
- Nants ingoynya.
- You know I can't really feel anything anyway, so.
You help yourself buddy.
(saw revving)
- Oh, what do you got there?
- Do you see this?
This is what I'm gonna use to cut off your legs.
(evil laughing)
- Finally.
- That's a great saw.
I'm a home improvement guy,
and I know my saws, and I gotta tell ya.
If you're cuttin' off legs, that is the way to go.
- That's the one?
- That is definitely the one.
Good on ya.
- Why are you doing this to me?
You're making me crazy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Somebody needs a day off.
- We of all people should know how hard he works.
- Mm hmm.
(frustrated laughing)
- Make them stop!
This is torture.
(screaming)
(suspenseful music)
- So, your office is all the way down at the end.
You have your own attached bathroom, by the way.
Oh um, here's one of our best researchers, Dick.
- Hey.
- Hello there.
What's up dude.
Glad to see there's anotha' brotha'
in this stuffy place.
- So, um, this is gonna be your assistant, Genevieve.
Genevieve.
- What is this?
- It's the shining, man.
All black people have the shining.
You never shined with another black person before?
- No, I grew up in a white neighborhood
and then went to Dartmouth.
I've met other black people before, but not like this.
- You gotta get shined at by another black person first,
and then you get it.
It's kinda like Facebook.
- What up dudes?
- So every black person has this?
Is Kobe listening?
- [Denzel] Yo, what up?
- Wow, Denzel Washington?
- [Denzel] I'm here, I'm present,
and I will always be around.
- Lil' Jon?
- [Lil' Jon] Yeah!
- [Barack Obama] Excuse me, Lil' Jon. Welcome Ray.
Glad to have you on board.
- Oh (censored). What's up Barack Obama.
(clearing throat)
(laughing) Wouldn't that be something
if Barack Obama just showed up.
- Your start up paperwork's right over here.
- Man, you gotta be more careful.
Learn to use the shining.
Tune in and out of it.
Otherwise, you won't be able to sort out who's talking.
- [Morgan Freeman] I'm sick of these goddam snakes,
on this goddam plane.
- [Bill Cosby] Theo, what are you doing?
- [Billie Dee Williams] Drink some Colt 45 malt liquor.
- [Reggie Warrington] Women be shopping.
- Is everything okay?
- Ray.
Listen for Morgan.
Morgan Freeman.
He will guide you.
- [Morgan Freeman] Listen to my voice, Ray.
Now just stay calm and focus on that white man.
(exhaling)
- Everything's going to be okay.
- Why don't you finish up this paperwork
and bring it to Jennifer in my office.
- [Morgan Freeman] Now, pick up that letter opener
and kill that white man.
(scary music)
- [Voice On Walkie] The zombies have broken through.
I repeat, zombies!
- Aah!
- Oh my god! Tommy's been bit!
(ominous music)
- Ah, damn.
- [Key] Oh my god.
- Dammit, no no.
- What are you waiting for.
You know what you have to do.
- I can't do it.
- [Tommy] Do what?
- You have to do it.
He's been bit.
(gun cocking)
- No no no!
- [Peele] Forgive me Tommy.
- No no no no no no!
(screaming)
(gunshot)
(gasping)
- Oh no (crying).
- Aah. I can't believe the zombies bit him.
- It wasn't a zombie, it was a raccoon (crying).
The zombies are raccoons, right?
No? It's just zombies?
(crying)
Oh (censored) you just killed Tommy.
(suspenseful music)
(gun clicks)
(heavy breathing)
- All right listen up.
Sheriff's department's close by. We'll be safe there.
- Okay.
- Stay close.
I'll get you out of here.
(screaming and groaning)
(frantic screaming)
- Oh my god!
They got Brad! They got Brad!
- They didn't get us.
Okay? We're still alive.
Keep it together.
- Yeah, okay.
- We gotta make it to that Sheriff's station.
- Oh my god.
(groaning)
(scary music)
(screaming and moaning)
- We gotta go through 'em.
Stay together. Keep moving and don't get bit.
Go!
(action music)
(groaning)
Are you getting this?
- Yeah, what is up?
- All right, just go.
This is crazy.
(groaning)
- [Key] What?
- Um.
Aint that some (censored).
- There are some racist mother (censored) zombies.
- Why would you even lock the door.
I mean, the window's broken and (gasping).
- Oh hell no.
No no no.
(suspenseful music)
(growling)
- [Key] Oh come on.
- What is that?
- They seriously wouldn't let her eat us.
- Hey guys.
Isn't this great?
These racist zombies are leavin' us alone.
Come on, we havin' a party.
(dance music)
The beer is here.
(cheering)
- And look who I brought.
Come on, man.
(crowd cheering)
(zombie groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(door opening)
- Hi, you must be Liam.
- Hey buddy, how are you feeling today?
- I'm feeling fine, Doctor Gupta.
Just fine.
- This is Marion Glass.
She's from the Make A Wish Foundation.
- Marion Glass.
- How are you feeling today, Liam?
- I'm fine, Marion Glass.
- 'Kay, well I have some news
that might make you feel a little better.
Hmm?
We at the Make A Wish Foundation make dreams come true
for little boys and little girls
who are very sick, just like you.
- There are no children like me, Marion Glass.
- Oh, of course not.
You're one of a kind.
But we're gonna make any dream come true
that you could ever have, okay?
- Anything?
- That's right, buddy. That's right.
Would you like to play with your favorite basketball team?
(Marion gasping)
What about be Superman for a day.
- I wish to drown a man.
(chilling music)
- What?
- To drown a man in the bathtub.
To hold him down while the last breath escapes his body
and then bathe in that water.
All the while singing.
♪ La la la la ♪ (children laughing eerily)
- Liam!
- You said anything.
- Surely we don't want to hurt
other people now, do we kiddo?
Anything else? Fly in a hot-air balloon?
Or meet a celebrity.
- My new wish is to lean over the body of a dying man
and put my lips on his, stealing his last breath.
(breathing heavily)
- [Doctor] Liam!
- No one will get hurt.
- Absolutely not.
I don't even know where you're.
- I wish to take all the prosthetic legs in the hospital
and bind them together with the dried flesh of the dead
into a webbed massive creature.
- Liam!
I am so sorry, Ms. Glass.
- It's all right. He doesn't know what he's saying.
- I wish to pee in your mouth.
- What?
- Both of you.
- Mine?
- Especially you.
- Oh.
- I wish to pee in both of your mouths
as I stand over you.
I'll need a glass of water and 10 minutes.
- Enough you little (censored).
- Dr. Gupta!
- No, you're reprehensible.
You are evil.
You are a devil child.
(crying)
- Dr. Gupta he's not a devil child, he's just a child.
You have no business working in a pediatric ward.
- What?
- I'm gonna report you.
(door slamming)
(eerie music) ♪ Shame on you Gupta. ♪
♪ Shame on you Gupta. ♪
You really upset Marion Glass.
- This is insane.
You've made me question everything that I've ever believed
about the essential goodness of children.
- Wish granted.
(medical equipment beeping)
- Liam.
(scary music)
(evil laughing)
- I am dying, though.