- Oh, man!
I have an image artifact of a trail of pixels
behind moving objects on my computer monitor,
causing an issue known as display ghosting.
Oh, and my girlfriend hasn't contacted me in six months.
But I'm a little more concerned about the computer.
- If you suddenly and without explanation
stop communicating with someone
who you were supposedly friends with, guess what?
You are a bad person who is racking up
some seriously bad karma, and you best believe
you are gonna have to start paying for your own Disney+,
'cause I am changing the password, Brian.
- So I've been chatting with this young lady
from a dating app for a couple of weeks,
and we're finally meeting up at this restaurant today.
I can't wait to meet her.
I texted her 20 minutes ago and she still hasn't responded,
but you know, she's probably just running late.
Like, traffic.
- I've texted Jenny twice a day since our last date
three weeks ago, and she still hasn't replied!
I really like her.
Why is it so hard for her to read between the lines?
- What can I get for you? - Where's Tiffany?
- Tiffany doesn't work here anymore.
- What? She didn't tell me.
I'm here every day.
She is my favorite barista.
- Yeah, sure. She was great.
What can I get for you?
- She is the only one who knows how to make an Americano
with the perfect proportions of water to espresso.
- You want an Americano?
- If Tiffany's not making it, what's the point?
How could she leave without saying anything to me?
- Oh, boy. - She abandoned me. (sobbing)
- You know, all she had to do was tell me
that she didn't wanna see me again
and then spend several hours
backing it up with a convincing case,
listening to my lengthy rebuttal,
and then present an airtight closing argument.
That's just decency, people.
- Oh, my gosh, this YouTuber I follow
hasn't posted in months.
It's like he just dropped off the face of the earth.
I would've never done that to him!
I mean, I forgot he existed until just now
when I happened to check my subscription tab
and I haven't watched any of his uploads
in years, but still!
I would've never done that to him.
- After our last date, I was gonna ghost her,
but then she never reached out to me.
She beat me to the ghost.
And I respect that.
- Whoopsy-daisy, I'm late for my date with Jessica.
Well, actually, the fictional guy
on my fake dating profile is late.
That's right, Jessica went radio silent on me
a couple of weeks ago, so now, I'm getting revenge.
I am so sick, I even paid my coworker Timmy
to go there and take pics so I can see the look
on her face when she realizes.
(laughs) Payback is a witch.
Anyway, stand by.
- For real, for real, it's kind of a relief
that Ashley stopped responding to me,
'cause it was getting a little unmanageable
dating three girls at the same time.
- Oh, boy. Still no response.
Uh, let's try messaging her on the dating app instead.
Wait a second, why don't I see her profile anymore?
Did she block me?
I think I see what's happening here.
Okay, well, if you'll excuse me,
I'm just gonna run to the bathroom for a few minutes.
I'll be right back.
- Dear Felicia, as of the writing of this letter,
we have not received any correspondence
from you for 10 full business days.
We consider this to be your resignation
from our dating relationship, which is hereby terminated.
If you have any questions about your compensation,
benefits, or this company's policies,
please kindly bleep yourself.
Bye, Felicia.
- I don't take it personally when someone ghosts me.
It's such a small world that we very well might cross paths
one day and they might be in a position of needing my help,
and it will be at that time that I will make sure
they feel very, very, very sorry for ever thinking
they could get away with ghosting me.
- You know what I say?
Get used to it, 'cause one day,
we're all gonna ghost everyone else when we die.
- How rude!
How can my girlfriend think it's okay
to just cut me off like that?
Especially, especially after I helped her
and her platonic friend Christopher move
into their new apartment.
Call me old fashioned, but, uh, it's not very grateful.
- You know who really ghosted all of us? Aliens.
I mean, thousands of years ago, they were here,
helping us out, building the pyramids.
And now, what do they do?
They do nothing.
Oh, they, like, fly around, and they're like,
"Oh, try to get a picture of this.
I bet you can't.
I bet it's gonna turn out all blurry and stuff. Oh."
I mean... (laughs)
(notification dings) - Oh, my gosh. It's Timmy.
It must be the photos.
"Hey, man, Jessica is a real nice girl.
Thanks for setting us up and paying for dinner."
No! You idiot!
(notification dings) What is this?
"We are going out again next weekend.
Heart eyes emoji"?
"Can you cover a fancier meal next time?
Praying hands emoji."
Ugh, Timmy!
- Oh, hi. - Hi.
- Nice seeing you.
- So you're still keeping up with the nice guy routine
after you ghosted me?
- Ghosted you? I didn't ghost you.
- Yeah, you did. - I never heard from you.
You ghosted me.
- I didn't reach out 'cause you didn't reach out to me!
- It sounds like this is a big misunderstanding.
- It kinda does.
- So does that mean we should, like, go out again?
- Uh, sure.
- Okay, let's talk later this week and work out the details.
- Okay. I'll talk to you later.
- Well, that worked out better than expected.
(grim music)
- I know why this happened: 'cause in my last message,
I said, "Looking forward to meeting you!"
Clearly, that was way too eager.
She probably thinks I'm a creep.
What kind of person looks forward
to meeting someone else, huh?
Serial killers, that's who!
But anyway, I guess, uh, guess we can have dinner, right?
Why not?
Oh, you, you were heading out? Okay, cool.
Um, see ya. (quirky music)
♪ They say a stranger's come to town ♪
♪ They call him Mr. Frank James ♪