[Music]
[Clears throat.]
Hello~?
Ah! Guten morgan, Freeza! Are you here to borrow a movie?
What? No, why would I--
We're lending zem out to help our MCMs socialize!
You know, a little water cooler talk!
I don't want a "movie", I'm here to talk to my Father?
Yeah, yeah okay.
COLD!!
YOUR LITTLE BABY BOY IS HERE~!
[KING COLD (offscreen)] I'll be right down~!
He'll be right down.
Ah, there you are--
OH-- GOD! Daddy!
Where's your *decency!?*
Oh, com on, Freeza! There's nothing to be ashamed about!
Literally, there's *nothing there.*
I still have so many questions about that...
But that's not what I'm here for!
I'M ready to talk about yesterday.
Oh... well, I'm sorry Princess...
I'm terribly busy right now.
After this cup of coffee, it's--
-- well, another cup of coffee, but--
then I'm off to work with the COLOREDS!
The WHAT!?
You know, The GINYUS!
There's the *red* one, the *beige* one...
... the *normal* one...
Wait, but... *I'm* white.
And most of the galaxy isn't.
[GOZ (offescreen)] Cold~! Your coffee is getting YOU~!
Oop! I better get to that!
We'll talk later princess.
[FREEZA] But I--
Toodles~!
[CELL humming "I'm Alright" by Kenny Loggins.]
Oh.
You.
Visiting "Daddy"~?
*Maybe.*
What are *you* doing here?
Ah, I'm just here to return the Ogres copy of "Caddyshack 2"!
Did you know they *only* have sequels down here?
And JUST the bad ones!
[Audible confusion.]
Which means they only have Robocop 3.
And I never saw Robocop 2, but since they skipped it, it must have been better somehow and-- uh--
[CELL clicks tongue.] Hm.
Wonder which "Die Hards" they have...
[MUSIC] Lala, lala, la~la!
Home For Infinite Losers!
Alright men!
Today, I've acquisitioned you for an exceptionally important task.
There are *very* special blueprints for a *very* special arena.
Your job is to clean up this rock, and build it to these exact specifications.
[GINYU FORCE] Sir, yes sir!
Uh, permission to speak?
Granted!
W-what is this for?
Ah, that is a SECRET, my *normal* little friend~.
Oh, uh... okay.
Thanks?
[ALIEN LANGUAGE] Gabar sh'kollo.
Aaaaah...
It's 'cause I'm Green.
You have 24 hours to complete this task.
Can I count on you?
We'll have it done in HALF the time!
Give or take the OTHER half of the time!
GOOD! Proceed.
[GINYU FORCE] Sir, yes sir!
Um... Daddy?
Oh!
Princess, you can't be here!
You don't have a hard hat!
... Neither do they.
Well, yes, but THEY'RE professionals.
Alright mates! First we gotta flatten the land out!
Guldo! We need a STEAMROLLER!
Alright, got it!
Za... WURUDO!
[GURU] Ugh!
[GURU] Nyagh!
Asshoooles!
Alright fellas, on Recoome 3!
Recoome 1...
Recoome 2... !
RECOOME 3!
[Sounds of GINYU FORCE grunting, GURU groaning.]
[FREEZA] Uh, listen, Daddy...
Now that you're done delegating, I was hoping we could have that talk I mentioned earlier?
[Clicks teeth.] You know I would LOVE to, Freeza.
But I'm just *buried* under all this paperwork!
What... what paperwork--
[KING COLD humming to himself.]
How--!?
[GULDO panting.] There...
[GULDO panting.] ... you go...
[GULDO panting.] ... Sire... !
Very good, Guldo!
[ALIEN LANGUAGE] M'kar sham'ah!
[GULDO panting.]
[GULDO panting.] That's not--
[GULDO panting.] I don't even speak--
[GULDO panting.] Ah, nevermind...
Sorry sweety, talk later?
But-- when-- ?
Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find the time to find the time.
[FREEZA stutters, before sighing.]
Oh, and tell Zarbon get wood for me?
[FREEZA grumbles.]
Actually, use the word "lumber".
[FREEZA grumbles louder.]
Also, tell CELL I'll be stopping by later for a chat!
[FREEZA grunts angrily.]
[OFFSCREEN: Raditz humming "I Feel Fantastic" by Jonathan Coulton.]
Oh! Uh--
H-hey there, Lord Freeza!
Just...
... bringing your father another cup of coffee!
Guess that's what I'm doing today--
[RADITZ screams.]
[RADITZ screams continue offscreen.] GURU Is that New Nail?
[RADITZ screams continue offscreen.] GURU Tell him to come pick the pebbles OUT OF MY FOLDS!
(RADITZ offscreen.) OH GOD IT BURNS!
(Muffled conversation.)
What are they talking about?
Are they talking about ME?
Of course they're talking about me!
How dare they!
I'm right here!
If you have saomething to say, THEN SAY IT TO MY FACE!
But what if they're *not* talking about me?
What if he hasn't talked about me ALL DAY?
Oooh, WHICH IS WORSE!?
(Muffled laughter.)
And now they're LAUGHING!
Which means they're either laughing AT ME or WITHOUT ME!
To HERE with this!
I'm going to give them a piece of my--
Of my....
(Breathy grunt.)
(Sighs.)
(Grunts.)
[DODORIA (offscreen, sounds of footsteps coming closer.)] Hey Lord Freeza!
[DODORIA (offscreen, sounds of footsteps coming closer.)] I borrowed us a copy of Terminator: Genisys!
You wanna hate watch it with me--?
Am I, uh... interruptin' anything?
No... I'm just *sulking.*
Oh!
Uh...
(Sighs.)
Permission to comfort?
... Proceed.
So, uh, Lord Freeza...
You can just call me "Lord".
So...
Lord, uh...
What's gotcha down in the dumps?
Honestly?
It's--
I-it's Cell!
Oh?
Yes!
Ever since that INSIDIOUS INSECT entered the picture, everything's gotten *worse!*
Between the neglect and the insubortination...
... I feel like I don't even MATTER anymore!
I used to be QUEEN B!
Now I'm just...
PLAN B!
BEEZA!
BzzZZzzZZ!
Now make it *better.*
Lord, nobody here'd even DREAM of thinkin' that but *you.*
CELL does!
Welll, maybe it's not ABOUT Cell.
Maybe...
... it's about *YOU.*
HOW DARE YOU!?
All I'm sayin' is, there's no reason to let that green goon get under you skin!
You used to rule GALAXIES!
He died on the same rock he was born on.
The same rock *I* died on.
And THERE you go, attackin' yourself again!
You're *Lord Freeza!*
What's he got that you don't?
[FREEZA] I'm going to BED.
[DODORIA] Uh, oh! Okay!
[DODORIA] I'll be here if you need to talk more!
Wonder what Zarbon's up to...
(FREEZA grunts, getting steadily more uncomfortable.)
Dah!
[FREEZA] Damn you, you CHARTREUSE CHARLATAN!
[FREEZA] I swear, when I see you next I'll--
[FREEZA] Huh?
Daddy?
Are you kidding me!?
Even in the middle of the night?
[FREEZA] Wait...
[FREEZA] Daddy... ?
[FREEZA] What *are* you up to?
[ZARBON (offscreen)] Lord Freeza?
[ZARBON] Dodoria told me you were in a state!
[ZARBON] I wanted to-- FREEZA Oh my GOD!
I-I said LUMBER!
Hm?
Oh, THAT'S unrelated.
[KING COLD and CELL laughing.]
And the weird thing?
They don't even have "Die Hard 2"...
But they have, "With A Vengeance".
Which I just think is *objectively wrong.*
I mean, is it? You know it didn’t even start out as a Die Hard script.
Which *I* think is to its benefit.
And would you really call it worse than 2?
Well...
It's certainly not as good as 1.
Well, OBVIOUSLY!
So, was this really all you wanted to talk about?
Yes!