- Gosh, thank you so much
for letting me bring the kids over.
I mean, they've been driving me crazy.
(moms laughing)
- The iPad when I'm done! - Mom said I can use it!
- Hey, keep it down up there!
I really need to relax.
- Well, in that case, I have something better
than drinking wine, but it's a little unconventional.
- Oh, I've already taken three Xanax today.
- No, not Xanax.
It's OnlyMoms.
It's premium content designed just for moms.
- The plates are all in size order,
facing the same direction.
Just kidding.
(bowl clinks)
Love you, mom.
- Wow, that was great, is there more?
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah, mom.
You're right.
- We've been thinking about it, babe,
and we've decided we're just gonna
sit here quietly for hours.
- Why would I wanna be a YouTuber when I can go to college,
get a stable job, like a lawyer, or a lawyer,
and marry someone who respects both of us?
You more than me.
- Wow, so much respect.
- They know exactly what a mom wants.
- Don't worry, mom,
I learned about procreation in school,
so I have no uncomfortable questions for you.
Also, I fix the printer forever.
Back to homework now. (laughs)
- You were so right, mom.
- Lisa's husband did what for her?
You best believe I'm gonna step my game up.
Would you like 36 flowers imported directly from Nevada?
- (snorts) Oh.
- Hey, what do you think of our collective
favorite baseball team this season?
- What are you asking me for?
My wife is the one that knows all that sports stuff.
Isn't that right, sweetie?
- You are so right.
- There are so many different creators on this app.
- (mmhmms) Check out my favorite, hot lesbian soccer coach.
- Ooh.
- Hey, I heard what you shouted at the kids last game,
and I totally agree.
Do you wanna stay after practice and watch me work out?
Help me carry my balls to my car? (laughs)
- I'm not gay, but who knows?
- Oh, a harmless ego boost.
And check this out, they also have a section for new moms.
- Oh, how nice.
(baby cooing)
- For step moms.
- Oh, that's fun.
- It's totally not weird that you drink wine during the day.
Actually, it's kinda cool.
- And for cat moms.
- What?
(cats meowing)
(Shayne sniffing)
- Wow, mom, it smells really good in here.
You'd never guess you trapped 25 cats
in this house with no litter or food.
Just an absolute "Thunderdome" for cats.
Cat "Thunderdome."
- Oh, well, I have never felt better.
I swear, I'm signing up as soon as I get home.
- Oh, good! (laughs)
- Hey ladies, what are you up to?
- Oh, I was just showing Dana OnlyMoms.
It's OnlyFans for moms. (laughs)
- Oh, that's so funny.
You know, I was in the garage watching OnlyDads.
It's just regular porn.
(funky retro music)
(moms laughing)
Yeah.
- It's my turn! - You're being mean!
- [Son] You're bean mean!
- [Parents] Shut the (bleep) up!
(moms laughing)
- [Narrator] OnlyMoms, it's OnlyFans for moms.
(moms laughing and wailing)
- Quadratic equations are the only thing that make me horny.
Harvard!
- [Producer] Me too!
(Kimmy laughs)
- I'm only doing this because our couples therapist
said your love language is gift giving.
Mine's quality time with my bros,
but I'm gonna make a sacrifice for you.
- Dad's coming in, and he's trying to tell me
about the birds and the bees.
Ugh, gross, dad.
Mom, you're right, I'm never going to have sex ever.
- Hey, what do you think of our collective
favorite baseball team this season?
- Well, what are you asking me for?
I don't know nothing about that stuff.
My wife sure does though.
Isn't that right, sweetie?
(Damien smooching)
- Whatever, we all make mistakes.
(bleep) it.
(crew laughing)
- And for cat moms!
- Oh, meow! - Meow!
- Sorry. (Jacklyn laughing)
Sorry.
- I'm 25, and still live at home,
and there's no weird sexual tension between us.
You're just basically my surrogate mom.
And honestly, that's valid.
Also, this is the year I totally move out.
I'm all about the hustle and the grind.
I've been watching a bunch Tai Lopez
and Gary Vee on TikTok, and they basically taught me
that if I say hustle enough, I'm gonna be rich.