Today we stop and smell the toilet perfumes.
Let's talk about that
( music playing )
Good Mythical Morning.
Thank you for making us a part of your daily routine.
Today we are gonna be bowling with fire. Literally.
We're also gonna be playing "People Also Ask" with Jimmy Tatro.
But first, we're all human.
And part of being human means that every now and again
you gotta craft a fudge pop,
you know, clear the cache,
make an underwater sculpture,
- deploy the chocolate torpedo... - Yes.
...or feel a brown dog scratching at the back door.
We're talking about poop, y'all,
and where there's poop, there's stink,
but luckily there is a log truck load of toilet perfumes...
( makes spraying sound ) ...available on the market to spray in your bowl
and cover that stank,
but which one is the best?
It's time for...
Welcome to the throne room.
Okay, we have eight popular toilet perfumes,
and all of these except for one,
are the kind that you spray
on the water before you drop the deuce.
We're gonna be spraying on the water,
and then we're gonna be adding something nasty,
smelling and comparing.
- Oh, we're not pooping? - No, thank goodness--
Oh, I've been saving up.
Oh, well, we can take a break before we move on.
Okay, yeah, I need that right now.
Up first we've got Poo-Pourri.
This stuff's been around a while, since 2007.
It is actually what we have in the bathrooms here at Mythical Entertainment.
We're not partial.
It's just out for a while and we've got it.
It's 14.95 for a four-ounce bottle.
That's 4.98 per ounce.
And we also have V.I.Poo.
Oh, clever.
Keeps nasty smells in the bowl.
This is $9 a bottle,
- Ooh, expensive. - ... is 3.23 per ounce.
It's cheaper than Poo-Pourri.
Link: One, two, three.
The poo in this round is burnt rubber.
We're each gonna scoop this.
You scoop first and then we'll smell yours first.
- Ooh, man. - It's strong, man.
Smells like a drag race.
I got three logs.
I've got the other three logs.
Ploppin' it in.
- Oh, wow. - That's citrusy.
That smells rosy.
Except there's no-- there's no nasty scent...
- No, it's not really-- - ...with either one of them.
They're both doing a great job at concealing the smell.
- Yeah. - But this one's a lot stronger smelling.
- It is. Yeah. - And it's more expensive.
So it seems like the one that doesn't have to work as hard
and overpower your bathroom with perfume-y smell
and is a little bit cheaper,
has gotta win if they're both doing a great job.
V.I.Poo it is.
All right, now we've got Deuce Juice.
I like the name.
Yes, this is the result of a Kickstarter campaign.
It is the least expensive per bottle.
It's 6.99 per bottle or about $7 per ounce.
Up against Just a Drop.
It's called Just a Drop,
but then the instructions say,
"Put a few drops."
- Oh, that's... - Directly into the bowl.
...a little conflicting.
Uh, so this is small packaging here.
It's $8 a bottle, which comes out to over $13 per ounce.
Okay, this says four to five spritzes after shaking.
so I'm gonna do five again for this,
and you wanna do five drops?
Is a spray a drop? That is really an existential question.
It says "a few," is not five.
- You wanna do three drops? - Yeah.
One, two, three, four, five.
One, two, three.
Okay, and the poop is stinky cheese.
We just need to make sure that we get--
- Oh, gosh. - ...exact-- like,
there's three kinds of cheeses in here.
Oh!
It's horrible.
I feel like I gotta touch it.
I'm sorry. I gotta touch it.
Bloop!
Oh, you gonna put two--
I'm putting--
There are basically three different types in here.
I ain't touchin' it.
I'm using my scooper, man.
Oh, gosh!
that's the worst.
I got one poking out the top, too.
See if you can make that happen.
- It does happen. - Oh, yeah.
- Wow. - Does a really good job.
I mean, even that little--
- It does do a good job. - Oh, when you get in there--
- You got a ox burn. - You typically don't get
that close to the poop.
- I mean-- - Maybe sometimes.
If you get your face right up on the cheese,
you can still smell it.
Yep. ( coughs )
Hm, but it does a good--
I mean, if I'm just in the air--
if I'm just coming in after somebody drops one...
Right. Would you know?
I can still smell it a teeny bit.
Oh.
- Wow. - That's pretty nice.
- Just a Drop-- - Just a Drop did it.
Wow, that stuff is potent, man.
- You gettin' a little? - Oh, yeah, this is gettin'--
this is gettin' a little rank over here.
Nice. Just a Drop.
And we've got Mask, which is a Moroccan rose spray.
This is very minimalist design.
They're not trying with a cute name or anything.
You kinda gotta respect that.
Also it's described like a wine on the back,
with top notes, middle notes, and bass notes
and all these different scents.
As long as it covers the bass notes that I leave in the toilet.
And it is 12.95 per bottle,
about $4.44 per ounce.
And that's facing off against Fifty Shades of Brown.
Uh-huh.
This is a after-you-go spray,
so it's not a before you go
in the bowl spray.
Fifty Shades of Brown.
No other formula tackles this many shades of brown,
from burnt umber to deep sienna.
I've had both of those.
I've also had just straight black sometimes.
Oh, wow, yeah.
Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead and spray this one in the traditional way
and we'll wait to spray yours...
( together ) Afterwards.
And the stink that we have in the--
Oh, my gosh, it's fogging up.
This is durian, stinky fruit.
Mm-hm.
Oh, gosh.
It stinks, but I gotta say,
it's kinda tasty.
( shudders )
You all right? You all right? You look--
This durian is bringing me to my knees.
Oh, gosh, it's horrible.
It's pretty strong. I gotta say.
Pretty strong.
Okay, I'm dropping her in.
I've got the remainder here.
How's that?
And I'm trying not to make too big of a splash.
Whoop!
Oh, I can still smell it.
Yeah, it's kind of becoming part of the scent, though.
It's like, hm.
Yeah, but my dookie smells a lot stronger than that.
And so if it's letting a little durian through,
it might let a lot of my dookie through.
That's not gonna do anything.
Who-- Who are we kidding?
- Smell it. - Spray some on it.
Come on, let's give them a chance.
No, we're doing what they say.
It does help.
Yeah, it does.
( together ) Ugh!
But then when you-- I mean--
I mean, if you're gonna put your nose right next to your poop,
that is not recommended.
Fifty Shades of Gone.
Now we've got Unicorn Gold,
a very cute bottle,
by the makers of Squatty Potty.
This has gold in it, Link.
There's gold in them there bottles.
- Really? - Yes,
it is suspended in each spritz of Unicorn Gold.
Real gold reacts with sulfur to cancel out odor
"and make your next brick the best you'll ever lay."
That still doesn't make it the most expensive bottle. How much is it?
It's 15 bucks for the bottle, about 2.63 per ounce.
So pretty midrange price again.
It's going up against the most expensive bottle we have,
Glitter and Go.
Warning-- contains no glitter.
So don't get your hopes up.
"Livin' the Dreamsickle" is the flavor.
Well, mine's Fruity Booty.
Again, this is the most expensive, $15 a bottle,
which comes out to $3.75 per ounce.
Let's spray it.
One, two, three, four, five.
Okay, and for this round our poo is pig bung.
yes, that's pig anus,
or as Link once called it,
"panus."
No, that's what I was experiencing.
- Okay. - "Painus."
Oh, gosh.
All right, you dump first.
- All right, b-- - Oh, gosh!
- Oh, once you-- - Oh!
- Once you catch it-- - Oh!
Okay, yeah, it's been out for a while.
Oh, gosh!
- Why did you-- - Oh!
( coughing )
One!
I'm getting two bungs.
Gosh, it smells like feces, but it kind of makes sense
since it's usually what it is inside it.
Oh, my gosh. Oh...
This is strong.
What we're doing is important, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're doing it for the people.
Oh, you can--
Well, it's mostly nice scent.
It's pretty fruity. The Fruity Booty really comes through.
Yeah.
I'm not getting any pig booty 'cause of the fruity booty.
There's exposed bum right there.
You can see it.
I don't wanna see it.
- ( clears throat ) - Smells like Sprite.
It does. Doesn't it?
Yeah, it does. It smells like Sprite.
No glitter.
Again, what-- I mean,
we're able to get this close.
It's done a good job.
And there's bung just sitting there looking at us.
It looks like the sand worm from "Star Wars."
Uh, it's neck and neck.
I think we're gonna have to go to some--
We're gonna have to go to some tertiary features.
I like the story of gold.
Unicorn Gold is significantly cheaper per ounce,
and it's got frickin' gold in it,
so if anything-- if your life falls apart,
you could probably get it out of there...
and sell it.
Let's go with Unicorn Gold for the win.
Okay, for V.I.Poo vs. Just a Drop, we've got
( high voice ) ...little baby skunks.
These stuffed skunks have been covered in actual skunk spray.
Yay.
- They're not-- Oh, gosh. - Oh, yeah, there it is.
Oh, yeah, that's real. That's real skunk.
- Ooh-hoo, man. - Man.
That smell is being legalized across the country.
Oh, gosh.
Yes, it is.
And then let me get this other one in there without breathing.
( groans )
I just got him sitting-- I'm gonna put him on his side.
Put them on the side.
Yeah, 'cause otherwise the whole tail just sort of...
sticks out the top. Whoop.
Oh, man, that's still...
Man, it's like a rosy skunk.
It's like a skunk that's trying to go on a date.
- You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, yeah.
It's like you're not covering it up completely.
- Wow. - I like Just a Drop.
The skunk is gone.
I can see the skunk, but I can't smell it.
We'd be driving through things in Georgia when I was growing up,
like when I was really young,
and I'd say, "What's that smell?"
My dad said, "Damn polecat."
But it would've been him, huh?
A polecat was a skunk.
I thought it was just him saying he farted.
Yeah.
This one wins, man.
- Just a Drop. - Just a Drop's killing it.
Okay, as Mask faces off with the Unicorn Gold,
we are using rotten eggs
They've been out for a month, we were told.
Oh, gosh.
( both groan )
The worst.
Okay, man, I'm gonna have to break some of them just--
( Link retching )
- I don't even know what to-- - Oh, gosh.
Are you holding your breath, man?
- Nope. - Hold it.
I got six eggs. Look at that.
I feel like we gotta get these--
- Oh, no. - ...these things out of here.
Oh, gosh, it's horrible.
( both groan )
It's-- I mean, it helps a lot.
Oh, man.
This is like your uncle's just been eatin' beef jerky
for 14 days straight.
Coming from the wilderness.
Yeah, and he just has, like, a big ol' tub of black coffee.
- Let's go over here. - ( blows raspberries )
Wow.
Oh, it's really lingering over here.
It's, like, trapped in the area.
But this smells like a unicorn's butthole.
Unicorn Gold is bringing it.
All right, our finalists, Just a Drop and Unicorn Gold--
to test them, the ultimate test in stank,
we've got surstromming.
Oh, our old friend.
- Ah, the stinky, Swedish fish. - And it's cold.
( gags )
It's-- It's--
Oh! Oh, God!
- Like a-- - How does it happen?
- ( retches ) - Oh, no!
We gotta scoop it!
No, we gotta get it in there. We gotta get it in there!
Oh! I need a gas mask!
- No! - Aah!
- ( groaning chuckle ) - ( shudders )
( gags )
I don't think I can breathe in.
I'm breathing-- I'm breathing corner air.
( shudders )
Okay, yeah, Chase, come take these.
Come take these sp-- whatever they are.
- This, too. - Take it all, Chase!
- Take it away and burn it. - ( coughs )
All right! Gather yourself!
Gather yourself. We gotta get in here and smell.
( gasps ) My eyes are watering. I'm crying.
What the--
It's like magic in a bottle.
It's like Christina Aguilera.
I'm still getting some of it, though.
Oh, she's not magic in a bottle. She's genie in a bottle.
( whispering ) Get in there.
- Oh. - Wow.
- It's still fishy. - No, it's in there.
It's...
But the Unicorn Gold grips your nose,
and says, "I'm here, too."
Uh, dude, they both stank.
- They both stank. - They both stank.
Which stanks less?
I'm really trying.
And there's only two pieces of fish in here.
It's so close, though.
I'm telling you. I'm able to stay closer to this one
for a little bit longer than that one.
You're right. You're right.
The fish is strong with this one.
And it's actually less fish
I think that we have got to crown Unicorn Gold
our king-- well, not that one.
Yep, we're getting it off. Watch this.
Whoop. Just a Drop,
you had a good run,
but you know what?
You've been dethroned
by Unicorn Gold!
Congratulations, Unicorn Gold.
If you ever just eat surstromming,
and you don't digest it, and you just--
it goes right through your body
and your drop it in the toilet,
this is gonna be the best solution for that.
Mm-hm.
Next up, we're setting the world of sports on fire, literally.
We need to set a match on fire. Yeah.
Rhett:
unless you've smelled our cologne.
Grab Mythical No. 9 at mythical.store.