Some of you whippersnappers might not be familiar with this one.
Heck, some of you old timers might not be either; these days, Disney does just about
everything it can to make sure nobody finds out about The Black Cauldron.
“Why?” you ask: Well, partly because it was one of the biggest commercial flops in
the history of the studio – and partly because it’s one of the darkest, most disturbing
films they ever made.
The Black Cauldron is based on Lloyd Alexander’s series of high fantasy novels, “The Chronicles
of Prydain”.
I’ve never read the books myself but basically, it’s all elves and goblins and whatnot.
According to Alexander himself, the movie isn’t a whole lot like the books anyway.
Instead, it follows a sort of generic fantasy-by-numbers, orphan to hero plot-line.
What it does take from the books, however, is an army of undead warriors, raised from
a cauldron by the film’s protagonist – The Horned King.
Just look at these creeps – and that’s not the half of it.
Many of the film’s most terrifying sequences ended up on the cutting room floor, in a bid
to bring the film down to a PG-13 rating in the US.
9.
Pinocchio What?
The little puppet who just wanted to be real boy?
If you’re asking that, it’s probably been a long time since you’ve seen Pinocchio.
It’s dark enough when you consider the implications of tricking naughty boys into going to a place
called Pleasure Island, but what actually happens there is somehow even worse.
Pinocchio becomes embroiled in a hedonistic rampage of drink, tobacco and vandalism, before
the Coachman, who is a deeply unsettling person in general, turns his friend into a donkey.
Just the concept of what is happening in the scene is horrific.
The look on Lampwick’s face as he realizes his inescapable fate.
It’s a scene that somehow becomes more disturbing the older you get.
And we’re just throwing this out there…
Geppetto is the creepiest Disney character ever.
I know he’s supposed to be endearing, but his obsession with creating his own little
boy is… concerning.
I dunno, maybe puppets just haven’t stood the test of time…
He just comes off as a creep.
8.
Spirited Away Sure, in some senses, Miyazaki’s Spirited
Away is the cute fantasy adventure that introduced the wonders of Japanese animation to so many
in the west.
In other senses, it’s a dark and lonely adventure where a vulnerable girl’s parents
turn into literal pigs, and she’s transported to this freaky world where everybody, who
doesn’t want to eat her, wants to exploit her in some way.
Or, almost everybody.
There is one boy who’s actually nice to her but he turns into some crazy river dragon
and gets slashed bloody by like a million little paper men.
Okay, so it all turns out okay-ish in the end but, from the moment her pork chop mom
and pop turn their heads around, Spirited Away pumps out a whole lot of nightmare fuel,
especially for a PG rating.
With that said, this movie is nothing less than brilliant…
The Secret of NIMH This might just be the darkest cartoon you’ve
never heard of.
For those who saw The Secrets of NIMH as a child, it was probably an experience they’ll
never forget.
In many ways, it’s hard to pick out anything specific about NIMH that really sets it apart
as a dark film, but the overall morbidity, desperation and warped sense of scale all
add up together.
There’s nothing which sounds too scary about a cat and an owl, but from the perspective
of these little rodents, nothing could be more terrifying.
And those glowing, inhuman eyes just stick with you.
5.
Fantasia Is Fantasia really a kids’ movie?
Sure, it’s got Mickey Mouse and it’s animated but have you ever heard a kid say “mommy,
I want to watch Fantasia again.
Those mops that split into like a million tiny, terrifying mops while classical music
plays in the background – that’s my favorite movie!”
Of course not.
Fantasia was a way of pushing the envelope.
It was a demonstration of what could be done with animation, made by Walt Disney, in order
to cement the studio’s legacy.
But despite that, Disney still insists it’s a family movie, so it gets its shot at taking
a place in our list – and wow is it a dark one.
When you watch Fantasia as a child, there’s really nothing to cling on to.
No real plot.
Just one long LSD trip, full of weird stuff that gets weirder and scarier, accompanied
by music that you would never listen to, and also happens to be scary.
Who thought this would be a good way to get kids to do their chores?
4.
Animal Farm Look, this one’s not for kids – I don’t
care what you say.
If you looked at the title of Animal Farm and thought “hey, that sounds like a nice,
fun, family-friendly rural adventure,” you were in for a nasty surprise.
Animal Farm is actually based on the novella, of the same name, written by British author,
George Orwell, who fought in the Spanish Civil War and, most famously, wrote 1984 – the
defining work in the dystopia genre.
Like 1984, Animal Farm can be broadly received as a satirical critique of Soviet communism;
unlike 1984, all the characters are animals.
Oh and the leaders are all pigs.
That’s satire for you.
Dark lowlights include when the trusty old horse finally succumbs to the injuries of
hard labour and is immediately shipped off to the glue factory.
Oh and the final revolution scene where the cows do not look like nice cows – oh my
god.
3.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame This film is, in our opinion, Disney’s darkest.
There’s a good chance that the first time you watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame, as
a kid, you didn’t really know what was going on.
For starters, there’s a fairly unrelatable hero in Quasi Modo.
I mean, you feel sorry for him, sure, but it’s hard to actually put yourself in his
shoes – or anyone else’s for that matter.
Frollo is this creepy old man; Esmerelda is a gypsy, which is something some people really
don’t like, for reasons you don’t understand, and at the end of it all, Quasi doesn’t
get the girl.
Why?
Because he’s a big ol’ freak and she’d rather date this handsome guard who was trying
to hunt her down.
Nice guys finish last, Quasi.
Also, Frollo is a pretty terrifying villain in more ways than one.
2.
The Brave Little Toaster
How dark can it be?
With a cute face like that, this is sure to be a fun, friendly romp with a bunch of happy-go-lucky
electrically powered pals, right?
Not exactly.
In many ways, this movie is like Toy Story if toy story was about appliances instead
of toys… and they replaced the themes of childhood with the themes of existentialism
and suicide.
Meet the air conditioning unit who loses his mind, rants maniacally at the other appliances
and then self-destructs – that is, he commit suicide – right before the rest of the cordless
cast shrug it off like it’s nothing.
Good God, the vacuum cleaner is cold blooded.
What follows this little spell in an abandoned house is a trip through the woods, which turns
into a nightmare picnic.
But the real kicker is when Toaster, the film’s protagonist, has an actual nightmare about
losing his master, which includes this clown, fireman, hell-spawn abomination, equipped
with a range of weaponry designed to torture a toaster.
There’s this guy, who kills appliances for parts.
And let’s not forget the junk yard scene.
There is a 4 minute song in which broken cars sing about how useless they are as a giant
magnet tosses them into a car crusher.
The song is called “Worthless” and it’s the most depressingly nihilistic children’s
movie song that exists.
Oh, and this last car drives itself onto the conveyer belt.
Another creative suicide choice.
1.
Watership Down Of course it’s Watership Down.
Nothing comes close to this epic tale of bunny migration and… err getting laid?
Yeah.
A whole load of this film is about getting laid.
There’s an entire section dedicated to busting out the lady rabbits from a farm so they can
uhh… “repopulate the warren.”
On top of that, the scariest rabbit you could possibly imagine makes several references
to doing the dirty with all the female rabbits in his colony, even using them as an incentive
for his guards.
Back to the scariest rabbit you could possible imagine,
because that’s exactly what General Woundwort is.
Just a big pile of cascading muscle and scar-tissue with a violent streak that makes Ted Bundy
look like a primary school teacher.
And the violent imagery…
It’s just…
Yikes.
It’s not all doom and gloom though.
Art Garfunkel sings the hypnotically beautiful “Bright Eyes”… which happens to be about
a dead rabbit.
It’s a melancholic masterpiece – the darkest film on our list.
But what do you think?
What’s the darkest children’s movie you’ve ever seen?
Let us know in the comment section below.
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But most importantly, stay wicked.