Welcome to Warsaw, Poland
for the Fixed Line Plane Racing World Championships.
As we can see, the red team
is dressed to kill.
The captain in the floral army helmet
is about to launch. Oh yeah! Here we go!
What a launch.
These three wankers form up,
doing what’s known as the
Clutch Cuddle.
This is a race to see who can do
100 laps first,
and they can NOT leave that small center circle.
It’s like Formula 1
meets Sumo Wrestling.
Of course, this footage is old, because in 2020
Covid has obliterated the sport.
The 2-metre rule of social distancing ruins
pretty much the whole thing.
They are spinny spinning in perfect unison.
They are spooning like their lives depend on it.
I’m already amazed at the level of endurance.
If I was there,
I’d be spewing my steak sandwich
everywhere.
Oh the Gold Wanker breaks formation!
He’s destabilised the Cuddle.
Does he get a warning for that?
Have a look! A handful of jumper!
Spierdalaj! Spierdalaj outta here mate!
That’s what I’d be yelling
if I was in the crowd.
He’s allowed to continue. Round and round they go.
Round and round they go. Round and round
they go. I guess these are the judges.
Ohh she’s quite attractive,
bit of a smokeshow. I’m fascinated
with how attractive sheilas end up in weird places.
Is she truly pumped
for the Fixed Line Plane Racing World Championships?
I don’t buy it but then again
you know I admit I’m out of touch with what Polish sheilas
are into. Shit, I got distracted. They're just going
round and round, round and round,
round and round. You didn’t miss much.
Green is up to something. What’s he doing?
He’s gonna crash!
NO! NO! It’s a pit stop! HAWWW!
That was bloody off the chain.
Gold is doing a pit stop as well.
I have to see that again. Look at the right arm
extending out.
He then breaks away from the Clutch Cuddle.
His Captain is gloved up,
which is good safety.
Don't wanna hurt your hand on the propeller.
And here’s the big catch. 10 outta 10.
I think he just turns the plane off,
turns it on again,
and lets it go. Like a modem.
Red is like “I wanna do a pit stop too.” AW!
Kurwa! Captain missed it.
The plane has gone rogue. It’s crashed!
It’s on fire.
Not really. Not enough fuel.
I had a 100-bucks on red damn it.
Now only two dickheads remain
and they are
DIZZY!
This is an outright dog fight in a centrifuge.
A bloody two-man human centipede.
The gold bastard is doing
a lot of illegal holds in my opinion.
Green is solid as a rock.
I think. I dunno.
I’m starting to conclude
that this is a much more exhilarating sport
to partake in,
as opposed to watching.
Let’s go to a montage.
[High-intensity Music]
Into a second pit stop for green.
He’s gotta be getting close to 100 laps.
He doesn’t even see his opponent anymore.
All he sees is victory.
Gold is pissing off for a final pit stop as well.
Maybe he's not that far behind.
Green is happy to be alone with his thoughts.
Thinking profound things like
“just go round, go round,
go round again.”
They don’t have any signs of slowing down
these dickheads. Imagine being
a real pilot in one of those tiny,
tiny planes.
You’d be like this fella, experiencing
extreme G force.
You’d be pushed beyond your greatest conceivable limits.
The fellas on the ground go faster, faster, faster.
You’re like “AAARRRRGHHH!”
You see hyper-dimensional space time
continuums-- Sorry I got distracted again.
I tell ya what. We’ve got a winner!
Green has done a 100 laps.
Nah yeah he’s done it!
Aw the fucken command station goes wild.
It’s an emotional moment for lots of people.
I always knew
he would do it.
That time when he was left alone,
he did not look wobbly
at all. Absolute professional.
Fuck yes,
Fixed Line Plane Racing World Championships,
zajebiste. Ok,
I gotta sit down. I’m gonna spew.
I am.