Accompanied by a cry that pierced the peace of the night sky,
I arrived in this world.
I had my family around me and a life that was my own.
No one told me how all of this had come about.
Everything just seemed to be as it should be.
Slowly, I grew up,
and everything I came into contact with was fresh and new.
I could do the things I liked to do and be with people I liked to be with.
I was living in my own little world,
looking forward so hopefully to my future.
Not realizing, I began striving for fame and fortune,
rushing around for future prospects and destiny.
I believed that knowledge was power,
and that happiness came from human struggle.
I came to believe more and more in serving anyone who furthered my own interests.
But every time I got back home, I felt like collapsing onto my bed.
It was so exhausting!
Every day I had to live under a façade,
with nothing my heart could truly depend on,
nothing that could truly comfort it.
I would often stare blankly at the ceiling, silently asking myself:
Is this really how life should be lived?
Believe in God and you shall have peace!
It was You who allowed me the fortune to hear Your voice,
and who saved me from the world.
You said to me: Child, come home!
From the moment I understood Your eager will to save man,
I made a promise:
I will follow You all my life!
I began to perform duty in the church.
And after a while,
the duty I performed achieved good results,
I felt so pleased with myself,
immersed in the joy of excelling above my peers.
I became more enthusiastic in my duty,
believing myself the person most considerate to God's will.
I never expected …
When you do things, you dislike discussing them with others.
You do whatever you wish and can't coordinate with others.
You argue right and wrong, true and false.
You guard your position, not protecting the interests of God's family.
I didn't.
In your work, you always preach letters and doctrines and talk down to people.
You restrict all the brothers and sisters.
You should stop your duty and do spiritual self-examination!
Oh, no! It can't be! You must listen to me!
God's stern words, being pruned and dealt with by my brothers and sisters,
left me ashamed.
I realized I had gone astray.
God had not deemed me praiseworthy.
I was at a loss, so much so that I began to doubt.
Oh God! You brought me back home at the beginning,
You saved me.
But why do You now?
Do You not love me, not want me anymore?
Am I thus exposed and abandoned by You?
And so—
I still have hope of being saved?!
But I am so corrupted, so dirty— can I still hope to be saved?
No. God just doesn't love me.
These words are not meant for me.
Yes! Oh God!
You're not as I imagined You were.
No matter what You do, it's all done to save us.
It's my fault for not knowing You, doubting You, misunderstanding You.
Oh God! I wish to lay down all my burdens,
pursue the truth, and seek to know You!
And yet, the onset of a sudden serious illness
caused my heart to start complaining again.
Oh God! Are You punishing me?
Please tell me what is Your will?
At that moment, I was able to perceive Your good intentions.
Amen! All the glory be to Almighty God!