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depending on where your moral compass points to you may consider today's protagonist as a legend
of colossal proportions or as the ultimate scumbag ordained po barely out of his teenage years he
went down in history as the most outrageous of rome's bishops he favored sword and armor
to the mitre and the cross he'd rather go hunting than celebrate matt he led invasions plotted
against his friends and signed alliances with his enemies he gambled he drank he toasted the
devil and performed gruesome acts of violence with oblivious abandon and all the while he gallivanted
around rome with the obstinate copulating stamina of a duracell bunny and heat fittingly this
young pope went out with a bang in more than one sense well at least that's one version of events
join me today for the chronicle of what may have been the most disastrous papacy in history this
is the story of octaviana's son of alberic of the counts of tuscaloo better known as pope john xii
let's start with some context in the 10th century 80 the italian peninsula was kind of a mess and we
know perfectly well they're oversimplifying here so please be merciful in the comments
most of the peninsula's northern half was governed by the kingdom of italy the style of the king
of italy however was little more than a nominal title as the real military power lay in the hands
of powerful feudal lords still the italian crown carried some prestige and privileges kings of
italy could aspire to offer their protection to the pope and in exchange expect to be crowned holy
roman emperors so let us now meet the father of our protagonist he was one of those feudal lords
that we mentioned his name was albrecht and his family hailed from spelito a town 130 kilometers
north of rome in 932 albert's mother marozia married her third husband the marquess hugh
of province this nobleman happened to also be the king of italy as such he was expecting to
be crowned holy roman emperor 2. the wedding took place in rome a city which hugh sought to claim as
his personal dominion but his overambitious plans were soon to be thwarted the local aristocracy was
not happy with the idea of a foreign marquez lording it over rome they started to conspire
rallying behind albrecht as their leader albrecht was looking for the right occasion to rebel
against his stepdad the occasion presented itself shortly after the wedding morozia
asked albright to pour some water for hugh to wash his hands alberich complied reluctantly
which hugh interpreted as a sign of disrespect he slapped his stepson and the two got into a fight
days later albert got word that he was planning to get back at him by gouging his eyes this
was the moment to rebel the italian nobleman moved quickly to the offensive he rallied the
roman aristocracy and the populace into an uprising defeating you and driving him away
from the eternal city albrecht became the de facto ruler of rome until his death in august 954 before
shuffling off the mortal coil he forced the roman nobles to take a pledge they would elect his son
octavianus as next pope and lord of rome now we know very little about the boy's early life
or even the circumstances around his birth according to some sources octavianus was
born in 937 to alberic and his wife alder who happened to be his stepsister too this
was a confusing age according to others the future pope had been born in 930 to an unnamed concubine
of alberix octavianus became the 130th pope in december of 955. depending on the origin story
he may have been 25 or barely 18. in any case it probably was a tad too early to take on such
responsibilities but the young pope accepted his destiny choosing the name john xii as elected
pontiff and son of alberic he could claim both spiritual authority over the catholic church
and temporal authority over rome and the surrounding ecclesiastical states
from the very start of his reign contemporary chronicles observed that his character was
unsuited to the task john was impulsive coarse immoral and more interested in earthly desires
than the christian faith as the energetic son of a feudal lord he loved to hunt with
bow and arrow and he had several mistresses and also a thirst for combat john however was not just
some medieval chad looking for a random fight he did have a clear agenda one already set in motion
by his dad alberic since the times of charmaine popes had been entitled to the patrimonium petri
or the patrimony of peter the term indicated prize territories north and south of the ecclesiastical
states in the decades after the death of the frankish emperor though these lands had been
seized by other lords it was time to reconquer those fiefdoms the young pope unsheathed his
sword and led his armies in what should have been a glorious campaign but no it was a disaster john
wanted too much too soon to the north he attacked the exarchate of ravina initiating a conflict with
the new king of italy berengarius ii and his son adelbert at the same time he took on the duchy of
capoeira south of rome he was quickly defeated in both campaigns and suffered a further humiliation
when burningarius marched on to pillage the ecclesiastical states in 960. john needed allies
and quickly he knew that he would find no love amongst italian lords even roman aristocrats were
turning against him wary of his experience and lack of morals in a true diplomatic move the young
pope sent two emissaries to the court of otto the first the powerful duke of saxony and king of
east francia the ambassadors proposed a military alliance otto probably with the promise of raising
him to the rank of holy roman emperor an author he simply could not refuse moreover otto already
had a beef with beringarias do you remember hugh of province the step-dad of albrecht the king
of italy would just lost rome after slapping his stepson yeah that guy he died in 947 the crown of
italy had been handed down to his son lotha lotha also died shortly thereafter his widowed wife
adelaide was still crying over his body when another feudal lord swept in and seized the
italian throne that lord was burungarius until now a mere marquess adelaide needed some help against
the usurper and so she appealed to otto offering a hand in marriage so back in 951 otto had already
organized an expedition to italy to fulfill the wishes of his new wife but he had to cut short
the invasion to deal with a revolt in swabia and then to repel a hungarian attack now otto
had a fresh carcass belly time to settle scores with those who had wronged his lovely lady wife
the german nobleman descended into italy with a mighty army whose ranks were swelled by the
local lords who opposed berengarius attacked from all sides the king had to retreat to his
fortress otto continued his descent towards rome sending an envoy to john xii in december 961.
in his message otto pledged to protect the person the life and the honor of the pope
with all his might he also committed to restoring the patrimony of peter and consult the pope on any
decision concerning the papacy in the city of rome in his reply john solemnly pledged friendship to
otto he also promised that he would never ally himself with berengarius or his son adelbert but
apparently john did not entirely trust the promises of the german king having powerful
protectors is very useful provided they fornicate off back to their country once the war is over but
what if they decided to stick around what if they decide to turn that pledge of protection
into a thirst for control that was john's fear could the emperor be planning to undermine papal
authority nonetheless john fulfilled his part of the deal otto and adelaide reached rome in
january 962 and on the 2nd of february they were crowned holy roman emperor and impress immediately
afterwards john convened a councillor bishops in which he sanctioned one of otto's pet projects
the foundation of an archbishop in magdeburg was the aim of evangelizing the slavic peoples
surely pleased by this concession the newly crowned emperor issued the so-called
privilegium autonamium or ottonian privilege with this document otto confirmed his previous pledge
of restoring the patrimony then he collected his army and marched back to the north to resume his
siege against berungarius so everything appeared fine and dandy for the pope right his new bff had
his back covered and he had decided not to make himself cozy in rome but the privilege contained
a clause which john didn't like one bit future popes were required to pledge their obedience
to the emperor john may have been a serial libertine but he was still the representative of
christ on earth surely it should have been the other way around emperors had to bow to popes
in autumn of 962 he organized a second council in barbier northern italy
in which he yielded for the last time to otto's requests namely reinstating some bishops which
had been expelled from their seats but at the same time he was scheming behind otto's back he
negotiated a secret alliance with his old enemies berengaris and adulbert with the purpose of
booting the emperor out of the italian boot news of the alliance leaked otto the dumbfounded
emperor could not believe his ears and sent envoys to rome to investigate one of them bishop
lutebrand of cremona confirmed the rumors upon his return moreover the bishop reported how the
dissolute lifestyle and poor administration of john ii had left roman absolute shambles
while also processed the and john doubled up he sent a team of bishops and cardinals to
the byzantine empire into the kingdom of hungary seeking to create a vast anti-imperial alliance
unfortunately for him two of them were captured by his old enemy the duke of kapoor the letters they
carried were solid proof of the pope's schemes if jon had had his way otto would face defeat
in italy and an invasion in his homeland the cat was now out of the bag and jon tried to plaster
over the whole mess he hastily sent a message to otto claiming that the letters seized in kapua
were just a forgery concocted to undermine their friendship he took the occasion to
accuse the emperor of not fulfilling his promise of restoring the patrimony you see
otto had reconquered some of the lost lands of peter but had not returned them to papal
authority yet if anything he was the traitor otto reacted immediately by sending ludbran to rome to
refute these allegations luke brandt even challenged john to solve their quarrel with
good old trial by combat as much as we would have loved to see a duel between a papal mountain an
imperial viper or vice versa john rejected the idea and sent luke pran packing shortly afterward
adulbert entered rome to formalize his alliance with john well this was outrageous otto now had
no choice but take matters into his own hands he regrouped his armies and
marched toward the eternal city in november 963. john donned his armor and rallied his troops ready
to face the emperor in a bloody siege but he had not accounted for enemies within the city walls
more and more roman aristocrats were sick and tired of the dissolute pope and had no sympathy
for adelbert they organized revolt and defeated the papal faction welcoming otto with open arms
john and adelbert had no choice but to fly to nearby tiboli carrying a good chunk of
the church's treasure with them the romans were not done with john though on the 6th of
november they organized another council of bishops with the purpose of trying the pope in absentia
an old friend of luprand of cremona penned an account of the trial which gave us the full extent
of the pope's alleged crimes the pontiff came out with a rap sheet as long as my arm he was accused
of celebrating mass without receiving a communion first of not respecting the canonical times for
prayer of ordaining a deacon at a strange time of day while standing inside a barn of appointing a
ten-year-old bishop and selling other bishop bricks for money moreover jon had committed
sacrilege and perjury he openly carried weapons and hunted with a bow and arrow if that wasn't
enough he was indicted for adultery incest the concoction of diabolical love potions but there's
still more the pope was charged with grievous bodily harm and murder apparently he had ordered
his godfather to be blinded and by the way his godfather was a high-ranking cleric a cardinal no
less had been castrated and then killed by papal goons lupren also specified that john the 12th
loved to drink and to gamble toasting to satan or invoking pagan deities before each roll of
the dice finally under his administration churches have been left in a state of abandon and disrepair
the papal residence the latter and palace had been turned into a brothel oh and we always forget
he didn't do the sign of the cross in his account luke brand of cremona explicitly compared the pope
to judas and to the devil himself now such a tsunami of allegations would have left the
whole borgia family seething with envy had they been born some centuries earlier but i should
specify that contemporary historians are a bit skeptical about the extent of such charges sure
other sources confirm john's licentiousness and disregard for good admin practices but
lupron's writings should not be taken as gospel after all he was a loyal servant to otto and his
record at the trial was probably more of an exaggerated propagandistic pamphlet
than an honest transcript unsurprisingly jon refuted all of the allegations from
his hiding place and issued an excommunication for all involved in the council nevertheless
on the 4th of december 963 the convened bishops issued their verdict pressured by otto john was
to be deposed and a new pope was to be elected the choice fell upon the proto-grenarius leo
leo however piosonned about was not even a priest let alone a bishop or a cardinal
his job description was superintendent of the roman public schools for scribes
a head teacher in other words and he was suddenly elevated to all the most powerful
positions in europe he was crowned as leo the eighth on the 6th of december
the octavians formerly known as pope john xii still had some metaphorical
arrows in his imaginary quiver from tiboli he schemed to launch an anti-imperial uprising in
rome he still had a few nobles loyal to him and he gambled that the populace could be on his side
but how to set off the first spark of the revolt according to the ever-informed loot brand of
cremona the former pope used a network of reliable agents his countless former lovers finally some
payback for all that amorous effort on the 3rd of january 964 the supporters of octavianas took to
the streets actively looking to assassinate otto and his pope leo but the emperor and his faction
was just too strong and the revolt was quickly quashed but being distracted by the riots
utter had failed to notice that adobe was on the offensive once more he had rallied a new army and
set camp in spaletto north of rome as otto marched north the insurrection erupted again the imperial
garrison was repelled and leo viii fled the city in february octavianus returned to rome claiming
back the papal throne one of his first acts was to claim vengeance on the bishops who had sided
with the emperor sources disagree on which bishop received which punishment but we can gather that
a german bishop was scourged a roman bishop had his nose and ears cut off another bishop lost his
nose tongue and two fingers and a fourth bishop had his right hand amputated then on the 26th of
february a further council annulled the decisions taken by the bishops the past november that is
leo's election was considered null and void and obviously john was now cleared of all charges the
reinstated pope now sat in wait of what was next otto's inevitable reprisal he tried to appease the
emperor by releasing the bishop he had flailed but if otto appeared to postpone an attack it was due
to pragmatic logistical problems after defeating burungarius and adelbert the emperor needed
reinforcements from germany to replenish his losses when otto finally planned to march on rome
a piece of news stopped him in his tracks john xii died on the 14th of may 964 in naples according to
his harshest critic bishop ludbrand the licentious young pope had been hit by a stroke while having
sex with a married lady stricken by paralysis john lay in bed for eight days until the devil himself
dealt a blow to his temple according to another version the pope was fit as a
fiddle while he frantically fornicated with his friends the problem is her husband was a
bit fitter he burst into the room lifted john by the neck and tossed him from a window as i said
out with a bang one way or the other and thus ends the short and scandalous life of one who
may have been the youngest and worst pope to ever be elected the story of john the 12th and his
legacy are frequently resurrected by contemporary commentators as an example of how the spiritual
mission of the catholic church can be corrupted by temporal power and hypocrisy as mentioned earlier
there is a strong suspicion that most of the worst crimes committed by john may have been fabricated
for propaganda purposes he may have realistically indulged in the sins of the flesh which was not
uncommon among popes and high-ranking prelates in the middle ages but allegations of murder devil
worship and pimping should be taken with many pinches of salt what i would like to do is draw
your attention to his political legacy john's scheming and military ambitions resulted in the
issuing of the ottoman privilege a legal document which bound the election and the autonomy of
future popes to the holy roman emperors moreover as he tried to find a way out he only succeeded in
angering his once allies thus setting a precedent for recurring imperial interference in italian
affairs it took 14 popes and almost one century before the ottoman privilege was abolished by
the church which only resulted in further conflict the so-called investiture controversy a political
religious and ideological contest which degenerated into decades of revolt and civil war
in germany but was stopped there before someone is tempted to blame every european war on john the
12th i'll leave the final verdict up to you was he actually the worst pope in history now just before
you leave today maybe look for something else to watch why not check out my new channel called wara
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