- They're like, "Hey man, it looks like oh this is
"a bad commute.
"it's taking me a longer time than usual I think
this morning and I'm probably late."
(upbeat music)
Hey everyone, my name is Matt Bellassai and this
is Whine About It, a weekly video series where I get drunk
at my desk and complain about stuff.
On this week's episode Types of Coworkers that are the
Absolute Worst.
Let's drink.
(upbeat music)
- Because, how else am I gonna get (bleep) up?
What, do you want me to sip it slowly?
No.
(upbeat music)
It's not chilled.
All right, first of all there's always that one lumpy
ball sac who tries to chat it up in the (bleep) bathroom.
I have to be around your dusty, vanilla face
eight hours a day, five days a (bleep) week for like ever,
for the love of god do not talk to me while I am in
the bathroom.
Do no touch me, do not look at me, do not (bleep)
breathe at me.
Why don't we just make a rule, no talking to me
while anything is entering or exiting my body.
All right, let's just make that rule.
Next, there's always that one coworker who's always
trying to use my mug, or touches my desk, or steals my pens.
I don't know if you know this, but some pens
are better than other pens.
I'm sorry you chose the shit pens in life,
I chose the good pens.
You'll have to live with your shitty decisions.
- I didn't take your pen, Matt.
- I guess my Winnie the Pooh pen just went missing
the same day that you got a new one.
Coincidence?
No, everyone steals my pens just like they steal my soul,
piece by piece, every (bleep) day.
Next, there's that one son of a bitch who's always
trying to make everyone feel bad with the old
passive agressive note.
"Whoever's been eating my Oreo Snack Packs
"please stop, I have low blood sugar and I need them."
Shut up, Sharon no one gives a gorilla's nut
about your Oreo Snack Packs.
Yeah, I ate 'em, we all ate 'em we pass 'em around
every day, they're delicious.
You got something to say about your Oreo Snack Packs
why don't you come say it to my chocolate crumb
covered face instead of writing it on a little Post-It note.
You think Abraham Lincoln used a Post-It note
to free the slaves?
No, he didn't.
He talked about his problems out loud like an adult.
Then, there's that one coworker who's just always
chattin' it up on the phone right at their desk,
right in front of everybody.
"Carol, you're never gonna believe who I saw
"ordering the unlimited appetizers down at the
"Thank God It's Fridays."
This is a place of business, not the ball pit
at a Chuck E. Cheese.
There are rules here like shut the (bleep) up.
That's rule number one.
Why don't we try following that one right at your desk
with your little phone?
Okay, okay, can you hear me,
hear what I'm saying?
Next, there's that person that takes work way too seriously.
Sorry I don't staple my papers at perfect
90 degree angles.
Sorry I only look at butts all day instead of doing my job.
Sorry I got spaghetti sauce all over the copy room
from the third time this week.
We're all just here trying to get paid, am I right?
We're all just trying to turn hard work
into chicken nuggets, am I right?
Am I right?
So, everybody just needs to calm the (bleep) down.
Next, there's that one shit stain who's always late.
They're late every single day and they always
have a different excuse.
"Sorry I'm late, I have scratch in my throat."
That's what they say, "I have a scratch in my throat."
We all know who was in your throat last night.
We saw those Instagram photographs,
Jennifer.
And finally, reply all emails.
You think everybody cares about your (bleep) opinion.
You had to send a (bleep) email to (bleep) everybody
you (bleep) reply to (bleep) every (bleep) person
on the (bleep) email list.
Don't you ever (bleep) hit reply all you (bleep) heap of
(bleep) sucking, (bleep) (bleep)
munching (bleep).
All right everybody, thank you for watching this week.
As always, you can find our videos every week
at WhineAboutIt.tumblr.com and my page
which is Facebook.com/BuzzFeedMatt and that's it,
that's everything.
That's why my coworkers are pieces of shit.
Come on.
- I do everything, I type, I write memos.
I eat sandwiches, I cry in the bathroom.
That's a full day, that's my whole day.