*nervous breathing*
DON'T! Don't try and stop me!
Occasionally, or 0.3% of the time.
Someone will say something.... rude.
Or malicious.
And Matthias takes the written word
as Gospel, all the written word.
Including YouTube comments
You can't stop this, it's too late.
It's clearly not too late.
You know this needs to happen.
You read the comment.
What comment?
*clearly lying face* I have no idea what comment you're talking about.
"If you cut off your ears
they'll grow back smaller."
This is my chance to redefine myself.
But at what cost?
You mean like, pain or dignity?
I mean our health insurance copay.
*are you kidding me*
Wai-wait wait wait, Matthias, Matthias! Read these comments, look:
"Oh My Gosh, I love your ears
I bet you can hear everything."
Or, or how about this one, how bout this one:
"Oh My Gosh, Matthias, you look
like a movie star with those ears."
*dat save though*
I didn't read
the second half of that comment.
The movie star they were talking about was
Dumbo - The Elephant
Thanks Gunner, I needed this.
Maybe I should've read him
the other half of that comment.
I think for the safety of the company
and for the safety of.... you.
You shouldn't be allowed to
read comments anymore.
I always thought it was a necessary risk
to engage with my community.
Maybe someone else
should handle the comments.
Could you imagine?
I don't see what the big deal is.
Lying, that's a novel idea.
I mean, I guess you're right.
It is just kind of like
a string of characters that creates, just
some proverbial nonsensical.
That, is a great idea Matthias.
Thank You... Thank You
So who will I pass the torch on to then?
I'm man enough.
You don't have to be a man.
But, I am a man.
No one's arguing that.
Good.
I'm man enough.
You're just a boy.
What are you guys thinking I'm saying?
I realised that whoever was
going to be the designated commenter
had to embody what it means
to make a "Matthias comment."
30% Snark, 30% Witt, 30% Love.
That is the Matthias trinity.
I'm going to show you
a series of comments.
And on your given board.
You're going to write down a reply
that best reflects the Matthias Trinity.
No questions Gunter.
First comment is: First!
*what?*
"First" is the comment.
Whoops, already failed.
You don't respond to those.
You will waste your life away.
Second comment:
Wha- why- why are are you writing?
I thought second comment was: Second!
Second comment is: Hisss!
Can I see that written out?
Pro-tip: Don't speak unless spoken to.
Whoops, you already failed.
You delete that trash.
Third comment: KYS!
Also known as: Kill Yourself!
*variation of stares*
Why aren't you writing?
Whoops, already failed.
I was literally writing 'Delete Comment.'
Wrong again.
You hide those users from commenting.
They think they're perpetuating
some dank meme, but in reality
their comments are gonna get caught
in limbo.
Gotta hate the haters, am I right?
I didn't think all these comments were
gonna be tricks.
Life is a trick. Not a treat.
Last comment, if you guys fail
to answer this one properly
I will go with an outside hire.
The last comment is:
"Your channel is going down hill."
Chad, you're up.
I wrote "Technically
my views are up, 11.3% month over month."
It's accurate, and a burn.
How's that a burn?
Because it proves them wrong.
Ew, Grooper?
"Of all flavours, you chose Salty?"
I like it. I like it.
I feel as if I'd written that myself.
Good job, you win Gloober.
You win.
Thanks to Matthias.
I have a lot of experience, being salty.