-♪ Bag down, tissue up ♪
♪ That's the way we wrap it up ♪
♪ Bring it on down to Wrappinville ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Season's Greetings from all of us here
at "Saturday Night Live."
[ Bells jingling ]
-One.
♪♪
One. -Two.
-One. -Two.
-Three. -Four.
♪♪
-♪ I don't care what your mama says ♪
♪ Christmastime is near ♪
-♪ I don't care what your daddy says ♪
♪ Christmastime is here ♪
♪ All I know is that Santa's sleigh ♪
♪ Is making its way to the USA ♪
♪♪
♪ I don't care what the mayor says ♪
♪ Christmas is full of cheer ♪
-♪ I don't care if you think it's a lie ♪
♪ Christmas will soon be here ♪
♪ I don't care about the CIA ♪
♪ I don't care what the calendars say ♪
♪ I wish it was Christmas today ♪
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Bells jingling ]
-Yo, it's been a dope eight years,
but now we got one last Christmas with Barack Obama.
So if we going out, we going out with a bang!
-Let's get holly and jolly, y'all. Shall we?
-♪ It's December 24th in the USA ♪
♪ And the party's going down in a major way ♪
♪ The DJ is bumpin' ♪ -♪ Crazy snow outside ♪
♪ There's eggnog ♪ -♪ And chicken ♪
-♪ And turkey ♪ -♪ And fries ♪
-♪ We still got Barack ♪ -♪ So you know what that means ♪
-♪ We shootin' some hoops ♪ -♪ In high-waist jeans ♪
-♪ So 'tis the season ♪ -♪ Let's spread some cheer ♪
-♪ It's the last Christmas ♪ -♪ With Barack still here ♪
-♪ The -- The la-- The last Christmas ♪
-♪ Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh ♪ -♪ Barack's still here ♪
-♪ Hey, kid, enjoy the presents while you can ♪
♪ 'Cause next year you might get a bomb from Iran ♪
♪ Look, man, we got birth control under the tree ♪
♪ And we're stuffing every stocking with legal weed ♪
♪ Hey, Eric, Hey, Mike, get married tonight ♪
♪ Real quick, let in every immigrant in sight ♪
-♪ So go nuts ♪
-♪ Before the North Pole disappears ♪
-♪ 'Cause this the last Christmas ♪
-♪ Before Trump next year ♪
-♪ The -- The la-- The last Christmas ♪
-♪ Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh ♪ -♪ Barack's still here ♪
♪ The -- The la-- The last Christmas ♪
-♪ Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh ♪ -♪ Before Trump next year ♪
-Oh, snap! Even Jesus is gettin' down.
♪♪
-Damn, Jesus. I didn't know you was a Democrat.
♪ This year I bought four Christmas trees ♪
♪ Stockpiled all the "Home Alone" DVDs ♪
♪ I got batteries, canned food, everything I need ♪
♪ There'll probably never be another Christmas Eve ♪
♪ Been drinkin' eggnog like I don't care ♪
♪ I'm-a hurt myself before we lose Obamacare ♪
♪ Say goodbye to Barack, say goodbye, December ♪
♪ For a new holiday called Regular Winter ♪
♪ Even Kanye is endorsing him ♪
♪ Got Obama back smokin' Newports again ♪
♪ Left the cookies and will and testament ♪
♪ For the first, maybe last, black president ♪
♪ I'm decked out in Santa gear from head to toe ♪
♪ Then I noticed Papa wasn't in his festive clothes ♪
♪ I said, "Dad, what's wrong?" And he said back ♪
♪ "Never trust a white dude wearin' no red hat" ♪
-♪ The -- The la-- The last Christmas ♪
-♪ Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh ♪ -♪ Barack's still here ♪
♪ The -- The la-- The last Christmas ♪
-♪ Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh ♪ -♪ Before Trump next year ♪
-♪ Here I go, here I go, here I go again ♪
♪ Girls, what's my weakness? ♪
-Yeah! -♪ Joe Biden ♪
♪ He makes me feel funny in my Christmas wreath ♪
♪ With his aviator shades and his big-ass teeth ♪
♪ Wanna take a freaky ride with Amtrak Joe ♪
♪ We could share ice cream under mistletoe ♪
♪ So, Joe, snuggle up for a four-year nap ♪
♪ And I'll tell you what I want while I sit on your lap ♪
-♪ Jingle bell, Jingle bell, Jingle Barack ♪
♪ I do the Jingle Barack ♪
♪ Last Christmas with Obama, so hug your baby mama ♪
♪ And do the Jingle Barack ♪
♪ Jingle bell, Jingle bell, Jingle Barack ♪
♪ I do the Jingle Barack ♪
♪ Last Christmas with Obama, so hug your baby mama ♪
♪ Might be the very, very last Christmas♪
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Well, it's the last show before Christmas, girls.
-How are you guys gonna spend the holidays?
-My holiday's gonna be super-special this year.
-Do tell! -Do tell!
-I'm spending it with my new guy.
-[ Gasps ] So am I! -Me too!
-What's he like? -Well, I'll tell you.
♪♪
♪ I've got a new man this holiday ♪
♪ Someone who won't let me down ♪
-♪ A guy whose eyes always sparkle ♪
♪ A man who can show you the town ♪
-♪ My boyfriend knows when I'm sleeping ♪
♪ He always treats me right ♪
-♪ He knows if I've been bad or good ♪
♪ But when I'm naughty, he thinks it's nice ♪
♪ Santa's my boyfriend ♪
-♪ Santa ♪
-♪ Oh, yes, Santa's the one that I love ♪
-♪ I believe he is real because I can still feel ♪
♪ The touch of his furry white glove ♪
-Ahhhhh! ♪ Santa's my boyfriend ♪
♪ Oh, I've never been in love like this ♪
-♪ When he comes down my chimney ♪
-♪ I get weak in the knees ♪
-♪ Because it's his kiss that's first on my list ♪
I like it when we jump in his sleigh,
and he takes me to the North Pole!
--Ain't he the greatest!
-He told me he loves the taste of my milk and cookies.
-He told me the same thing!
-When everybody else is putting up their stockings,
he's taking mine down!
[ All giggling ]
-You get the picture!
♪ Santa's my boyfriend ♪
♪ He keeps me warm in the cold winter snow ♪
-♪ He's jolly and kind ♪ -♪ And I don't even mind ♪
♪ When he sees me and shouts ♪ -♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Santa's my boyfriend ♪
♪ And we'll have a wonderful life ♪
-♪ I can't wait for the time ♪
-♪ When he'll truly be mine ♪
♪ And leave his bitch of a wife ♪
-He's gonna leave her, right?
-Of course he's gonna leave her. He promised.
-They always promise, and it usually works out, right?
[ All giggle nervously ]
-♪ Oh, live ♪
♪ Oh, live ♪
♪ From New York ♪
♪ It's "Saturday ♪
♪ N-i-i-i-i-ight" ♪♪
♪♪
-Ugh, this party's terrible.
-It's the worst.
Tom keeps playing "Ghostbusters."
Why would you do that at a holiday party?
-You know what my Christmas wish is?
This party was bangin'. -Mm.
-Did somebody make a wish?
-Um, I did.
-Well, it's about to come true.
-What, are you guys angels or something?
-It. Doesn't. Matter!
-Let's turn this bitch up!
♪ -Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Shy girl from Payroll is sort of dancing ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Jerry and Kathy are hitting it off ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Dave did an impression of the IT guy and crushed it ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Crazy cleaning lady not in her uniform ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Kevin's still tryna finish up some work ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Randy made a slideshow but can't work the projector ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Carol from New Media is way too drunk ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Carol from New Media just dove into the Christmas tree ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Someone control Carol from New Media ♪
♪ This is getting out of hand ♪
♪ We love that people are having fun ♪
♪ But do us a favor and just be safe, guys ♪
♪ Oh, snap, the boss is making it rain gift cards ♪
♪ Cheesecake Factory ♪
♪ Chili's, iTunes ♪
♪ Best Buy, Panera Bread ♪
♪ -Wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And happy neeeew year ♪
Whoa! I'm Becky, and I'm from Payroll, out!
♪ Now let's get crazy ♪
♪ -Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Oh, snap ♪
♪♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
♪ Why is there a goat here? ♪
♪ Office Christmas party ♪
-What?! -Peace!
[ Goat bleats ]
-Get your gift wrapping right over here.
All proceeds go to
putting an ice skating rink in our senior center.
Now, let's drum up some business here.
♪ Angels we have heard on high ♪
♪ Sweetly singing o'er the plains ♪
♪ Glooooooria ♪
♪ Your gift wrap will pay for old people to ice skate ♪
-Did somebody say gift wrap?!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause continues ]
♪♪
♪ Roll out ♪
♪ Let's wrap you up that platinum chain ♪
♪ With them diamonds in it ♪
♪ Make a big bow for that Benz with them windows tinted ♪
♪ What in the world is in that bag? ♪
♪ What you got in that bag? ♪
-Hey, yo, did someone say a bag?
-♪ Roll out ♪
♪ Roll out ♪
♪ And bring it on down to Wrappinville ♪
-Um, excuse me, but this is my turf, okay?
[ Women in audience screaming ]
So, yo, you two need to scoot your packages.
-Shut up, Mom.
We are professional wrappers.
We offer a wide range of services
from traditional gift wrapping, which is tasteful.
-To gift bags, which are not wasteful.
Can you...handle that?
-Well, can ya?
Maybe you can handle this.
♪♪
-♪ Bag down, tissue up ♪
♪ That's the way I wrap it up ♪
-♪ I like to bag, it's about an evolution ♪
-♪ Roll with the roll, it's my favorite solution ♪
-♪ Bag down, tissue up ♪
♪ That's the way we wrap it up ♪
♪ Bring it on down to Wrappinville ♪
-Okay.
Okay, well, guess what.
[ Women in audience screaming ] You -- holy moly --
You are not the only one who can drum up
business with some pop tunes, got it?
Check this out.
♪ You didn't have to wrap it up ♪
♪ It was wine, so it only really needed a ribbon ♪
♪ Hey, no, no, no ♪
♪♪
-♪ You didn't have to rip it up ♪
♪ Rip the papers on...♪
♪ Looks like nothin'... ♪
♪ Then I turn it beside... ♪
♪ So you treated them like garbage and it feels so rough ♪
♪ Now it's just a present that I used to know ♪
♪ Bring it on down to Wrappinville ♪
-You know what?
Why don't you two go do your flash mobbin' somewhere else?
-Hey, hey, hey, don't be starting a wrap war.
-Yeah, you don't want to be starting a wrap war.
-♪ 'Cause you get to be startin' a wrap war ♪
♪ She got to be startin' a wrap war ♪
-Hoo!
-So, you think I want to be startin' a wrap war, huh?
-Yeah, yeah!
-Hey, look. Alright.
Truce, okay? We should all work together.
We're all on the same team, right?
-Yeah.
-To be honest, I used to compete with doggy bag over here.
But one day I needed a gift sack for some playing cards
I was giving my uncle.
-And so I sacked his deck. -Yeah.
-I'm sorry. What are you saying?
-I'm saying that I had a deck that needed sacking.
-So I sacked his deck. -Yeah.
He's actually -- actually a very skilled deck sacker.
-Okay, well, I have been divorced for seven years,
so I haven't sacked a deck in a long time.
-Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! -Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Take it down, take it down.
-Lady, tone it down! -Please.
-And listen to this.
♪♪
♪ Speech is my recital ♪
♪ I think it's very vital ♪
-♪ To wrap a gift that's pretty ♪
♪ And trick, trick, trick, trick, tricky ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
♪ It's tricky to wrap a gift ♪
♪ To make it pretty, it's tricky ♪
-♪ Say what? ♪
-♪ It's tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky ♪
-♪ It's tricky to make the width ♪
♪ Use angles up and lose its shape ♪
♪ It's sticky ♪
♪ It's sticky, sticky, sticky, sticky ♪
♪ Bring it on, bring it ♪♪
♪ Br-br-br ♪
♪ ...in my pocket ♪
♪♪
[ Rapping indistinctly ]
♪ Bring it on down to Wrappinville ♪
And live from New York, it's "Saturday Night"!
♪♪