- Yo, it was physically impossible
for me to comb my hair before this video.
Breaking out.
Upper lip mustache popping.
It's 2020, y'all!
I know, there's so much echo in this room.
Quarantine, I don't have a crew,
and I shoot these rants.
So, I know there's echo.
Hello, hello? Can you hear me?
Thumbs up, please still?
Yo, can you get to the point of the god damn video?
Okay, hold on I need to give them disclaimers
so they still validate me.
(Lily chuckling)
What is this video about actually?
Oh, right.
See, when you're young you can do wild things right?
You can sneak out of your house.
You can slip dirty notes into lockers at school.
You can get up from a chair without throwing your back.
But that will all come to an end.
So hi, hello!
If you're watching this,
it's either because:
One, you're a youth that's come here to laugh at the oldies,
thinking that's never gonna happen to me.
Or two, you're an oldie watching this video
that once upon a time did think,
"That's never gonna happen to me."
But you're totally gonna relate to this video.
Y'all both wrong!
So much echo.
Well, I should probably buy furniture.
So messy!
Here we go, except, before I get into it
I'm gonna do that annoying thing
where you haven't even seen the video yet
but I'm gonna ask you to do a bunch of things.
Yo!
Thumbs up this video.
Subscribe.
I'm really trying to figure out what
y'all wanna see more of.
Sketches, rants, ya-da, ba-da, bing, boom.
So comment below, let me know.
Subscribe, if you like this channel.
Cause yo, we gotta support each other out here.
(Lily singing)
I feel extra weird today.
Relationships change as you get older in the following ways.
Number one, intimacy.
So as you get older,
foreplay starts to look a little different.
(romantic music)
- [Character 1] That feels good.
- [Character 2] You like that baby?
- [Character 1] I love it!
Don't stop, keep going!
- [Character 2] You want it harder?
- Yes, harder that's the spot.
- Does that hurt?
- Mm, I like it, it feels good.
- All right, let me get more Bengay.
(tube squirting)
(romantic music)
Ay, yo bro.
Can you stop trying to take your pants off
and just massage the heel of my foot
cause I've got a bunion.
Bro?
Did I say, "Bro, bro, stop taking your pants off?"
That's questionable, hm.
Wait, have I called my boyfriends bro?
Is that why they didn't work out?
Yeah, that's why it didn't work out.
Speaking of intimacy,
that brings me to number 2, sweet talk.
I'm talking sweet nothings.
I'm talking dirty talk.
I'm talking music quotes where you say things like,
♪ Baby you know ♪
How does that song go?
♪ I'd catch a grenade for ya ♪
But you know that's dumb, and you wouldn't.
But as you get older,
the sweet talk gets a little more specific
and a little more real.
- I made you dinner baby.
- Aw.
But did you use the...
- Gluten free pasta? I did.
- What about the...
- Dairy free cheese? Yes Ma'am.
- You're so romantic.
- Even got you some Tums,
in case the spice gets to ya.
- Oh, talk dirty to me.
- Probiotics on deck for that gut health.
- Yas.
- Water, no ice for those sensitive teeth.
- Yes, yes.
- Ginger tea afterwards to help you digest.
- Yes!
(soft piano music)
Number three, con-ver-sat-ions.
Y'all I remember back in high school,
me and my boo used to talk about all types of things.
Yo, did you hear so and so was dating so and so.
(Lily chuckles)
Did you hear Michael cheated on Sarah?
(Lily chuckles)
Mrs. Lily gave me a detention.
(Lily crying)
Did you see that Mark touch Thalia's butt in school dance?
(Lily Chuckles)
Damn!
That hurt.
It's so exciting.
But when you're older,
different things excite you.
- Hey, hey, look at those plants!
- Wonder what those are.
- Wonder if those are hard to maintain.
- Those berries or flowers?
- Huh.
- Oh, I like that fence.
- Reminds me of our trip to Jamaica.
- Look at those curtains.
You see those?
That's what I wanna do with the living room.
Guess what?
- What happened?
- Grapes were on sale.
- Shut up.
- No, I swear it was crazy.
I bought like three boxes.
- Whew!
We gotta make sure we eat them grapes though.
- You're right.
- Can you recycle styrofoam?
- Lemme Google it.
- Babe, I told you.
You gotta break down the boxes
before you put them in the bin.
- Did you take your tablet?
- But can't you say that these things
are also important, okay?
Last week, one of my dinner plates chipped
and ruined my whole week.
Okay? It's all I've been talking about.
Number four, spontaneousness.
Spotaneousness, spotane?
Spontaneity!
Is that the word?
Spontaneity.
The act of being spontaneous!
See, when you're younger you have slightly
less responsibility, you feel me?
Someone is looking after you.
You got like a part-time job.
You got people to rely on.
Ish is loose, you know?
So we got, if you wanna stay up
till 4:00 AM drinking beers on the beach,
let's do it!
But when you're older, life has a schedule.
- Wanna try to go to bed early tonight?
- Oh, okay, you devil you.
- Maybe like 10 PM?
- Mmm, closer to nine would be better.
I have to wake up early.
- Oh, you know what?
Today is trash day, we gotta do that too.
- Okay, so we start at 8:30,
be in bed by nine.
- Finish by like nine.
- 15?
- 15? 10?
- 10.
- Let's add a 10 minute buffer in there for safety too.
- Fair, you know, I am a little constipated.
- So sleep at 9:30, latest.
- Uh, we're so wild!
- I remember this one time,
my ex-boyfriend tried to touch my upper thigh,
and I was like.
Bro again?
What's wrong with me? Oh my god!
(Lily gasping)
Rewind!
I remember this one time,
my ex-boyfriend tried to touch my upper thigh,
and I was like, "What are you doing?!
You didn't even send me a calendar invite.
Stop being crazy."
Also, I'm not in the mood.
Did you not hear what happened to my dinner plate?
I'm still mourning.
Number five, trauma and drama.
When you're younger, you are actively experiencing
all the annoying things that people will do
to f you up.
Aka, you're complaining about your parents like.
- Oh my god, my parents are so annoying!
- What happened?
- They went through my phone.
Like can you believe that?
Like can I have some privacy? Hello?
- That's so wack.
- But here's the thing,
when you're young,
people definitely are messing you up.
But you have not experienced the long-term results yet.
Because you're presently experiencing this.
But when you're older,
the damage has already been done.
There's no going back.
And now you're just a mother f-ing demon person.
(Claire sneezes)
- Oh, bless you.
- Can you give me some space?
- What I do?
- You're smothering me.
- But ya sneezed.
- Yeah because I'm allergic to the stench
of your co-dependence.
- What the hell, Claire?
- God, we're like siamese twins for God sakes, Tim.
- Fine, be that way.
- It's actually kinda sad.
But funny, but sad.
Also, not as sad as my dinner plate that chipped.
It was part of a collection.
Did I tell you about this?
Yo, what's up?
Look at my clothes,
I buy them from Instagram ads.
If you like this video, give it a thumbs up.
My last video is right over there.
Uh, subscribe if you want.
Whatever, do your thing.
You just have a good day, don't even listen to me.
You just have a good day.
One love Lily.