Sorry, distracted. Squirrel! There literally is a squirrel right out there. So that's kind of funny
Hi, my name's Father Mike Schmitz, and this is Ascension Presents, so
the one.
If you are someone who would like to get married you probably have dreams of the one.
I remember being kind of captivated by that, by this idea back, you know,
back when I was dating, before the seminary, the idea of like is there that one person out there?
You know what "the one" is right? "The one" is that one person out there that you're made for, your soul mate, the person that
you're destined to find, you're meant to find, and if you find this person you're going to be
exceedingly and excessively happy and fulfilled for the rest of your life.
This is the person that like the Jerry Maguire, this is an old reference from maybe the last millennia,
I might even be the "You complete me" that kind of a thing, right?
Is there such a thing as "the one"? Well answer: No ... and yes. Let's get into that.
I remember when I was in college. Our college chaplain is a priest and at one point
I remember him telling me. He said yeah, you know they were there probably about fifteen women that I know
in my life that I could have married and been just as happy with as
with anyone else. I was like, "What? Are you kidding me?" He's like, "No, absolutely not."
And I remember at the moment at that moment thinking like that is so unromantic, and I thought about it
and I've been thinking about it a lot since then and it's totally true. There is no such thing as "the one".
Here's what I mean by this: Because there is not this one person out there that unless I find them
I will never be completely fulfilled, that if I do find them then my life will be just in happily ever after a kind of
a thing. And here's the thing: We could work ourselves up into such a frenzy,
thinking that there is such a thing as the one out there and
it reduces
not only our happiness. I think it reduces our holiness. Here's what I mean: God gave you a brain and
because of that he expects you to use it, which means what? Which means—so all right —he gave your brain, expects you to use it and
he gave you a will; he expects you to use that as well. So he gives us a brain to
know what's right
and wrong, to find out that, to discover that; to learn that, and then he gave us a will to choose
the right and to choose against the wrong. And
in that, he gives us a bunch of freedom. He gives a bunch of freedom: The freedom to choose
your spouse, the freedom ...
He in some way in some sense even freedom to choose to choose your vocation. If I base my decisions off of this idea that
somewhere out there, there's this one person the soulmate ...
Now is there people that you have a great affinity to with? Absolutely. Are there people out there
that you can have like a best friend? Absolutely. Is it possible for you to one day marry your best friend?
Absolutely. That is a kind of a thing sometimes people get to do—that's awesome. That's wonderful.
That's fantastic.
But the idea of the soul mate, the idea that there's one person out there that if you find them you'll be as perfectly
maximally happy and if you don't find them you will not be quite as perfectly maximally happy
"maximumilly?" "maximumly" "max-"
I don't know, here's a problem with it. First problem with it is this:
We get analysis paralysis. If you think that there's one person out there that you cannot miss and there's a good
seven billion, I guess others that possibly ... or actually probably half that, so three and a half billion, because you know
Three and a half billion other people out there that you better not marry
or else you won't be as happy, then how can you possibly decide?
It's the same thing when it comes to like choosing a college, choosing a major, choosing a job. It's like, OK
no, I need to find the perfect college the perfect major the perfect job that will make me absolutely
perfectly happy and if I don't do this
I'll be completely
unfulfilled for the rest of my life.
Or at least I won't be as happy as I possibly could be, and so what happens is you don't make any decisions.
Why? Because you need to make the perfect decision. That translates into the second thing:
Our satisfaction with our decision—if there's such a thing as the one, if there's such a thing as the perfect decision,
our satisfaction with the decision we make is greatly reduced
There's man named Barry Schwartz. He's a sociologist.
He has a presentation called the "Paradox of Choice"
and in it, he talks about how choice is great thing, choice is an exercise of our free will and of our intellect and it's
a really good thing.
It's great to have choices because then it's an expression and exercise of that ... what we've got as human beings, an intellect and a will.
But he says that at a certain point we run into a problem.
With so many choices out there
we start thinking that somewhere out there, there's the perfect choice. He gives the great example of choosing
jeans, you know, a pair of jeans, blue jeans.
He says you go to the store
and you've got Lee's and Wranglers and maybe Levi's, and they all are basically cut the same way and you find ... kind of basically find
your inseam and your waist, and you bring them home and they fit OK, because that's how jeans fit.
They fit OK, but now you go to the store
and there's this whole wall of all these different kinds of styles, and cuts and brands and all these kind of things and you think
that if I can find the perfect pair of jeans,
that's what they're gonna be. They're going to be the perfect pair of jeans. They're gonna fit me absolutely perfectly.
There's no pair of jeans that could possibly fit better, but you get home, try them on and they fit. They fit well,
they fit fine, but that's a problem because in a world of perfect, fine isn't good enough, and
in the world of perfect, good isn't good enough.
And if we translate that or bring that into the idea of out there somewhere is the one person that if I find them
they're the perfect one.
Well if I marry someone who's not the perfect one, they're good, but in the world of the perfect the good isn't good enough.
There's no such thing as "the one" out there
because here's the last piece:
Because I think looking for the one is
... is a misunderstanding of what marriage is supposed to be.
Marriage isn't my own giant personal fulfillment project, or if I find that one person, then I'll be
maximally, optimally,
perfectly happy.
Marriage is
the place—I've always said this—marriage is the place where good people are called to die.
Marriage is where good people go to die
to themselves out of love for someone else to
become the man or woman they're called to be, and help their spouse become the man or woman that they're called to be.
So marriage is not about self fulfillment. Marriage is about self donation.
Marriage isn't about self gratification.
It's about self giving.
It's Jesus.
Who is the one person you're made for? Who's the one heart that your heart is meant to beat for?
Who is the one person that unless you meet them your life will not you will not be fulfilled?
The one person, unless you encounter them and give your life to them and live life with them,
then life will be essentially meaningless? That person is Jesus.
He is "You're the one."
And his heart beats for you.
Does your heart beat for him?
Here's the question.
Have you talked to "You're the one" today?
Maybe give him your heart today.
From all us here at Ascension Presents, my name is Father Mike. God bless