- Oh hello! Hello, pretty boy.
Cool! [laughter] Please do come visit.
- Man, these guys really love horses.
These guys, they must be cowboys or something.
- Wow!
And this is a rush. Ah yes,
a piece of ecstasy.
- I guess... well,
I guess he's a little bit more passionate than I am about-
Well I wouldn't describe it as ecstasy, but
hey, y'know.
Different people have different passions.
- This is the most incredible turn on [whispers] to be approached like this.
The most INCREDIBLE turn on!
[makes kissing noises]
- The most incredible turn on?
OH!
GROSS, dude!
- Hello pretty boy- HELLO!- [kissing noises] Now THIS is a rush.
[sounds of horse enthusiasm overlap Ethan] Dude, no! Eu-
[overlapping continues] [Ethan gags] Hello pretty boy- yes.
[gagging] - I thought you were just a normal- guy with a hobby, dude!
- Wow! J.R.H.N.B.R.
Just the right height no bucket is required.
- Oh yeah, I've got this horse in my, shed she's "JRHNBR."
Just the right height, no bucket re- come on, dude, you don't have to say the whole thing,
I know what JRHNBR is.
C'mon dawg. C'mon you think I just started fucking horses yesterday, dawg?!
Why 'bucket'?
He just loves that, like, farmhouse image.
No ladder, y'know? No box.
It's got to be a bucket, dawg. You ain't fucking a horse unless you's using a bucket.
Or not.
- I happen to have a pony mare that is,
JRHNBR.
And that's really nice because you're not trying to do a balancing act standing on something.
- Honestly, I don't believe you, dude.
You're telling me you got to- you don't have to stand on a bucket to shhh- FUCK your horse's vagina!
Or asshole.
Or whatever you're into. Man, that's lucky, dude, I wish I-
[sigh] Man, you telling me don't even have to stand on your tippy toes?! That's like a perfect- like-
You get to stand flat. No tippy toes? You're just like a-
Ooh, yeah, ugh! What's it like fucking a horse, dude?
This is getting a bit too weird.
You got, like, all this shit. You get to, like,
feel everything. I wonder if he gives the horse a reach around- AWW, DUDE!
- Mares do orgasm, yes they do. 'Call them "maregasms."
- He's like: "Yeah, well I fuck ponies and... I make 'em cum a lot, okey? I'm pr- I'm a pretty good fuck."
"I know my way around a pony, you know what I'm sayin'? I make 'em cum like crazy; those girls love it-
Dawg!
Come on, dude.
You've seen the size of those fucking horse cocks, dawg?
- And when a mare orgasms, um...
A lot of times, well-
they- they, well- you can feel their muscles tense up and they kinda
"oompf!" for lack of a better word.
- I really doubt... that those ponies are getting any pleasure from you.
They're probably giggling to each other about your tiny little...
ding dong. Probably just lying to you make you feel better, dawg.
They're probably faking it.
What if his ponies were faking orgasm?
I wonder if that'd tear him apart.
- "Laurie and Michael will both sexually active with animals when they married."
[sigh] - That is... adorable. That is so cute.
Guys, there's somebody for everybody; it's true love.
They're soulmates! They were both fucking animals when they met.
- "With the arrival of children, they agreed to give up their animal passions."
- Oh no, dude. They have kids?
[overlapping audio] Yes!- Hello pretty boy- Yes!- Please do come over- Hello!- [Ethan] oh no...
Look at that dog, dude! That's a happy dog, man!
Wonder why's that dog so happy, hm?
Wonder what Laurie's been up to with that dog, y'know what I'm saying?
Look at how happy that dog is, Jesus Christ! You ever seen a happier dog?
- When you wake up the middle of the night,
and your husband's not there.
- Damn, girl!
Kinda understand why he's fucking ponies all of a sudden!
Sorry. That was- that was a little bit uncalled for but...
Goddamn, dude! shiii-
- I wasn't aware that my wife
was aware that I had re-established
my intimate relationship with- with my mare.
- He's like a Mormon... except instead of, uhh, two wives,
he has a wife and a FUCKING HORSE, dude!
- I was trying at that time
to be true to myself and the loved ones in my life.
And sometimes juggling those things is no small task.
- Damn, dawg it sounds like you havin' lady problems and I ain't jealous, son!
Because I got 99 problems, but a mare "just the right size no bucket required" ain't one.
hyeaaah! Just like Jay-Z was talking about.
You got it made son, you got all the right shit, boii!
- It was a very difficult situation, it's like: "Fine, you want to be with her, then be with her."
So, I would get resentful and remove myself out of the-
you know, the triangle.
- The love triangle with a... mare?
Sounds like you guys need counseling.
MARE-age counseling!
right?!
AAAAGH!
- "Michael and Laurie agreed to bring back Michael's mares into their relationship."
- and she says, "well I gotta come out and watch!"
I was a bit intimidated because knowing how emotional my wife can be about some things.
- Hila, why are women so emotional? I just don't understand.
This guy can't even fuck a pony in front of his wife without her flipping out, it just doesn't seem right.
- I thought oh gosh, if she loses it during this, this is going-
this can get ugly, but the neat thing was, well she came out and watched!
- That's neat. You know what? That's just so neat that you and your wife have that relationship.
I love that in this family it's neat that mommy and daddy disappear at night to go
FFFUCK their horses, and- and little- their little kids sit inside
wondering where's mommy and daddy and why didn't they bring their buckets.
- Yeah and it's kind of intres- she says well,
um, "can't have any other women!" um, and I'm going "well, I don't have an issue with that."
- I don't have an issue with that, I'm not attracted to women - I'm not even attracted to you!
You're just here to cook and clean, bitch!
I need a bucket to fuck you, I don't need a bucket to fuck my mare, you know what I'm sayin'?
Shit, I need two buckets to mount YOUR fat ass, bitch.
So where's dinner at? I'm hungry.
- Because women can make awesome friends. I enjoy speaking and visiting with women.
But uh... overall?
You stand a pretty woman and a pretty mare?
I'll take the mare!
I'd give that a shot.
NAAAAH, dude! I wouldn't try- I wouldn't try that with or without a bucket.
Come on dawg, what are you- what are you trying to pull on me, dude?
AAAAGH!
I'm alright.
Heeey everybody! Just wanted to give a quick shout out
to everyone who's helped support us on Patreon.
Thanks to your support, we can keep the show off of the corporate devil's
chubby little red cock, and we pledge to you guys that none of us
will ever have to stand on a bucket again. See you guys next time,
Love ya. - Bye now!
♫ An unoriginal [horn sounds] produc-tiooon! ♫