here it is actual letters from actual viewers let's begin tonight ladies and gentlemen
letter number one Dear Dave I am writing you in hopes that you will use my suggestions one quit
two let Paul host the show three crawling a hole and die Respectfully yours Stephanie nowman
Elmwood Illinois oh my gosh thank you very much Stephanie what a say what a lovely letter this is
and you know folks now you too can receive mail like this thanks to a delightful new book
entitled Prozac pen pals there you go thousands of listings coast to coast and around the world
if you're at home watching the show count along with me as I can out the letters
okay letter number two letter number two I don't know Paul at home if you're watching
not here in the studio letter number two
Dear Dave boo did I scare you just asking Natalie Chambers Davenport Iowa this is very amusing no of
course you didn't scare me you I mean writing boo in a letter never really scared anyone
well I mean that would never appall that would never scare anybody would it hey Paul I just
settle down it's just a uh it's a viewer mail letter that's all it is I'm sorry I got a little
jumpy yeah I guess you're jumping goodness what a ninny uh letter number three at home people
under Dave boy are you goofy looking just some constructive criticism Brian Demarco
I knew it I knew I was goofy looking I'm goofy looking aren't I isn't it hey relax
oh good yourself how did you know I wanted that mirror oh thanks for bringing the mirror Biff oh
yeah you're right oh no Jesus I'm actually pretty yeah that's great thank God I'm not
goofy looking at my bill no Dave you're not goofy looking but you are awfully stupid
yeah but boy I you know I I was just thinking maybe if I had a mirror and boom there was
difference amazing letter number four Dear Dave has anyone ever bled to death from a paper cut
I must know uh sincerely T Flanagan and Metuchen New Jersey uh it's an excellent question uh t uh
so we put together a little experiment uh backstage let me go check on this we got
a guy who actually cut himself with a sheet of writing paper and he's bleeding now let's just
go see if he's bleeding to death well let's just take a second we'll come back here and find out
how it's going hi there hi how's it going Larry are you all right fine just fine I'm a little
boy yeah right you say you're a little bored a little boy yeah well the audience feels the
same way uh so are are you bleeding to death not me I'm in the top physical condition of my life
except of course for the mouth uh thank you very much for helping us out with
this experiment and we'll get you a sponge to clean up okay don't mention it Elvis
yeah and I'm telling you you know you're hot when stuff
like that happens he says don't mention it Elvis here's the card
imagine can it reach us yeah don't mention the regions but you know
in his defense I think exit might have confused
I think he saw that as a day
well he's lost you know he's lost a lot of blood they're a little woozies
man the place the place is hopping with surprise Entertainment Tonight
uh let us now do a commercial when we come back our friend David Steinberg will be here kids