- [Trevor] Are you a busy person who's always on the go?
This next podcast is for you.
No bull, no filler,
just news and analysis that's straight to the point.
No beating around the bush, no wasting your time,
no repetition.
We know you're a busy person who's always on the go.
This next podcast is for you.
Buckle your seat belts.
Desi Lydic and Michael Kosta present, Podcast Today.
(upbeat music)
- [Michael] Hello, and welcome to Podcast Today,
where we cut through the noise and bring you real talk
about what's happening today.
- [Desi] I'm Desi Lydic.
- [Michael] I'm Michael Kosta.
- [Desi] Before we get to today's episode,
some quick housekeeping.
Thursday's pod will be released at 6 p.m.
instead of 1 p.m. because I have to take my dog
to the dentist.
- [Michael] Also a little more housekeeping,
Friday's show is a listener mailbag.
Send those questions to podtodayletters@mindspring.emai.
- [Desi] One last bit of housekeeping,
Thursday's pod will be at 1 p.m. again,
my dog no longer has a cavity.
- [Michael] Oh, terrific.
- [Desi] Turns out my dog didn't have a cavity,
he just ate a Sharpie.
- [Michael] We should also mention tickets are now on sale
to our live shows in Oklahoma City,
Minneapolis and Hartford.
- [Desi] Right, use code I'm with podcasts or--
- [Michael] San Antonio, Jacksonville, Biloxi, Philadelphia.
- [Desi] Right, and you can use code--
- [Michael] Detroit, Miami, Green Bay, Providence, Atlanta.
Chesapeake, Fresno, Norfolk and Boise.
- [Desi] Is that all?
Can I announce a code now?
- [Michael] Go for it.
- [Desi] Use code, I'm with podcast--
- [Michael] Indianapolis, St. Louis and Providence,
we'll see you soon.
- [Desi] Use code, I'm with podcast for two percent off
early bird tickets.
- [Michael] I forgot to mention Branson, Missouri.
We're also going to be in Branson, Missouri.
(upbeat music)
- [Desi] Hey, just a reminder that
you should follow @podcasttoday on Twitter.
- [Michael] Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook--
- [Desi] TikTok--
- [Michael] Pinterest--
- [Desi] MySpace--
- [Michael] AdultFriendFinder--
- [Desi] And of course, the weightlifting forums.
(upbeat music)
- [Michael] This episode of podcast today
is brought to you by Shrimp Fix.
- [Desi] Every week, Shrimp Fix sends you a 24 pound
box of delicious Gulf shrimp.
- [Michael] Are you tired of walking down the sidewalk
with a big net full of shrimp?
Try Shrimp Fix.
It's shrimp delivered straight to your front door.
- [Desi] Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Look on your doorstep.
It's a big box of shrimp.
- [Michael] Are you still going to the grocery store
to buy shrimp?
What are you Amish?
- [Desi] Log on to shrimpfix.com/podcasttoday
and your first order will come
with a free bucket of tartar sauce.
(upbeat music)
- [Michael] Before we get started,
we have an exciting announcement about a new partnership.
- [Desi] Podcast Today is teaming up with the good folks
at votesbank.org for a great project.
Here's the deal, ahead of the election, votesbank.org
and Podcast Today are going to make polling sites
brand spanking new.
- [Michael] That's right Desi, we're going to renovate
and de-vermin church basements, school gyms,
abandoned circuit cities,
anywhere votes are going to be cast.
- [Desi] No more polling places will be closed
because of raccoon infestations, unlike the last time.
- [Michael] All you have to do to participate
is go to votesbank.org, sign up, give them your name,
email address, birth date, home address,
work address, income level.
- [Desi] You just show up in some loose fitting clothes
preferably all black, bring some work gloves, a ski mask
and 20 feet of nautical grade rope and you're all set.
- [Michael] Let's spank this election, flat palms,
big wind up, firm contact.
- [Desi] Votesbank.org.
Together we can make democracy brand spanking new.
(upbeat music)
- [Michael] You know, I think it's time to
introduce our guest, Desi.
- [Desi] Yeah, that's right.
He's a correspondent for The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah, Jaboukie Young-White.
- [Jaboukie] Thanks so much for having me.
You know, the studio is a lot smaller
than I thought it would be.
(group laughing)
- [Desi] Now Jaboukie, before we talk shop,
you have a book to promote?
- [Jaboukie] Yes, well it's actually more
like a Twitter account.
It's my Twitter account @Jaboukie.
- [Michael] Cool and where can our listeners
find your Twitter account?
- [Jaboukie] On Twitter.
- [Michael] Fantastic, I can't wait to read it, Desi.
- [Desi] Before we get to Jaboukie,
we just have a little more housekeeping.
Podcast Today is looking for new theme music.
- [Michael] So if you're an amateur composer
and you want to compose our theme song for free,
you can submit your compositions
at podcasttodaymusic@prodigy.net.
- [Desi] Just a few guidelines.
Your theme song has to be original.
- [Michael] It has to be less than 30 seconds.
- [Desi] It has to be funky.
- [Michael] It must include a flute.
- [Desi] There can't be any screams in the background.
- [Michael] And it must be in a frequency
that sends marine life into a frenzy.
- [Desi] Lyrics cannot include slurs
against Macedonians or Turks.
- [Michael] But they must include at least two references
to Sigourney Weaver.
- [Desi] Get those submissions in guys,
can't wait to hear them.
- [Michael] Okay, we want to remind our listeners
to check out our sister pod, Podcast Today this week.
- [Desi] This week on Podcast Today,
this week will have some amazing guests,
including Montana Governor
and former presidential candidate Steve Bullock.
- [Michael] Is he related to Sandra Bullock?
- [Desi] That's what we're going to find out, tune in.
- [Michael] You know what I was thinking?
If Sandra Bullock were the first lady, she'd turn
the White House into The Lake House, you know I'm saying?
- [Desi] I don't think I do.
- [Jaboukie] Yeah, what does that mean?
- [Michael] You know, The Lake House.
2006?
Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock exchange love letters
through a mysterious time space portal
inside of a lake house's mailbox?
- [Desi] Podcast Today is brought to you by Claire Space.
Need a website specifically dedicated to Claire Danes?
Use Claire Space, we have thousands of different templates
you can use to create a website revolving around
the actress Claire Danes and nothing else.
I'm serious.
If you try to make the website about muffins or something
then your computer will crash and give you a virus.
Claire Space because Claire Danes is a national treasure.
- [Jaboukie] Kosta, you use Claire space right?
- [Michael] I actually use Claire Space
to build my internet tribute to Brokedown Palace.
- [Desi] Claire Space.
If you make a website about Jennifer Love Hewitt,
you're gonna get malware.
- [Michael] And now it's time to get to the point.
(upbeat music)
As always, Get To The Point is sponsored by
Henry's Rusty Shave Club.
Henry's Rusty Shave Club was started by two college
roommates who hated shaving with high priced razors
so they decided to do something about it.
They bought a German factory that had been making torture
devices until it abruptly shut down in 1945
but was still filled with thousands of boxes of used,
oxidizing 74 year old razors
and Henry's Rusty Shave Club was born.
Now for only eight bucks a month you'll get vintage,
tetanus, lubricated blades delivered right to your door.
Henry's Rusty Shave Club, life is rough.
Shouldn't your shave be to?
- [Desi] That ad for Henry's Rusty Shave Club
is sponsored by Buck Banger.
The fastest easiest way to send money.
Kosta, you use Buck Banger this week?
- [Michael] I sure did.
So Monday I went to the movies with my buddy.
We saw Aladdin again.
- [Desi] Oh you love a rapping Genie.
- [Michael] I can't help it.
Anyway, we get the tickets.
We see the movie.
It's magical.
And on the way out of the parking lot,
I run over a rare bird.
- [Desi] Oh, a rare bird?
- [Michael] Yeah, an ivory billed woodpecker.
Crazy endangered, huge fines for turning it
into a road pancake.
So naturally, I opened my wallet to buy
the silence of all the witnesses.
But uh oh, I spent my last Jackson on Mr. Will Smith's
heartwarming and humorous Tour de Force.
So what do I do?
I open the Buck Banger app, send $50 bribes to everyone
who saw me do it.
And I'm home by dinnertime googling
when is Aladdin Two coming out?
By the way, the answer?
Not soon enough.
- [Desi] Uh, Kosta?
You just confessed to a crime.
- [Michael] What?
The crime of loving Aladdin?
If that's a crime, then lock me up in solitary confinement,
preferably with a blu-ray of Will Smith's Aladdin,
Buck Banger, the easiest way to send money.
(upbeat music)
- [Desi] All right, let's get to the point.
- [Michael] But before we do we need to address something
we said on Monday's show.
Let's take a listen.
(upbeat music)
- [Desi] It's Monday and before we get started,
we have some housekeeping.
- [Michael] Right, Tuesday's show will be pushed back
to 3 p.m. instead of 1 p.m.
- [Desi] I have to be home at 1 p.m.
to get my latest shipment from Shrimp Fix.
- [Michael] Hey, um, is it bad that,
if hypothetically a dog eats a Sharpie?
- [Desi] Just some housekeeping on that bit of housekeeping.
Tuesday's show was actually released at 3.30 p.m.
instead of 3 p.m.
- [Michael] Instead of 1 p.m.
- [Desi] Because we had more housekeeping
than we anticipated.
- [Michael] And just a bit more housekeeping.
We are aiming to have less housekeeping going forward.
- [Desi] That's right.
Fewer house housekeeping.
- [Michael] Fewer housekeepings.
- [Jaboukie] Guys by the way,
it's actually houses keeping like attorney's general
or ASAPs Rocky.
Just so you know.
- [Michael] And now let's get to the point.
(upbeat music)
- [Desi] Quick reminder, if you like Get To The Point
as well as other great podcast today segments like
Check This Out, Is This Real Life, It's Only Tuesday
and That Just Happened, rate and review us.
- [Michael] Rate and review us.
- [Desi] Rate and review us on Apple podcast, Stitcher,
Spotify, Breaker, Pod Squad, Hewlett Packard pods,
Prodigy, Compuserve cast
and Earthlink.website/podcast/revie.
And just to clarify because there's been some confusion
that's the backslash symbol followed by the word backslash,
if you end that URL with two backslash symbols,
it sends you to a pretty out their website.
- [Michael] Yeah, it's real jarring stuff actually.
Anyway, those reviews really help us out,
they boost our rankings, which allow us to be discovered
by more people and they also can serve as powerful character
statements for us during court proceedings, can't they?
- [Desi] By the way, shout out to listener,
David the Daveman 18.
Your review saying we were quote, awesome.
Help me get back custody of my kids.
- [Jaboukie] Can I go now or do you guys want me
to weigh in on something?
- [Michael] No, we're, we're ready for you.
- [Desi] Yeah, sure are.
Our guest today is Jaboukie Young-White.
Jaboukie, how are you doing?
- [Jaboukie] Oh, you know, I'm pretty good.
I'm doing pretty good and I just wanted to throw in there,
my appearance today is brought to you by Just the Packaging.
Do you love coming home to something that you ordered online
but you don't have the money to buy lots of shit?
Well Just Packaging will ship you a big box of tissue paper,
bubble wrap and all that other stuff
that's so fun open and that's it.
No meals to cook, no clothes to try on and send back.
It's Just the Packaging.
- [Desi] Thanks.
Before we move on, we've got some sad personnel news.
- [Michael] We do?
(upbeat music)
- [Desi] This is Michael Kosta's final episode
of Podcast Today.
- [Michael] Wait, was I fired?
- [Desi] We are super excited about our permanent new host,
Jaboukie Young-White!
- What's up? - What?
- [Jaboukie] I'm super excited to break down all the issues
of the day with y'all.
Kosta, can you please get your shit out of your office?
- [Desi] You can still listen to Michael Kosta
on our brand new international sister pod,
Podcast Today Kosovo.
Up to the date news and commentary live from the Balkans.
- [Michael] Kosovo?
Kosovo like the country?
- [Desi] Just read the paper.
(lighthearted music)
- [Michael] Hello, Podcast Today Kosovo fans.
Tickets are now on sale for our live shows in Sarajevo,
Dubrovnik, Chernobyl, Bucharest and northern Chechnya.
Use code HalloKosovo for 20 slatos off
and so, I don't even have a passport.
- [Jaboukie] By the way, a bit of housekeeping,
there is now an emergency bonus pod
for our titanium tier supporters on Patreon.
- [Desi] That's right, head to our fan page right now
to hear an exclusive five alarm bonus pod that features
our extended interview with Podcast Today Kosovo host,
Michael Kosta, who will have secretly infiltrated
a Chechen terrorist group.
- [Michael] People, point of order please.
Has the new Aladdin even been released in Kosovo?
- [Desi] Podcast Today is produced by Tom Baylor
and Sheila Mansfield and recorded a Daily Show Studios
in the heart of Manhattan's little Belgrade.
Trevor Noah is our managing editor.
Our research is provided by Miroslav Bercovic
and Bogdan Djokovic.
Our audio engineer is Petra Mastoravic.
- [Jaboukie] Legal services provided by the law firm
of (beep) Milosovic.
A man known only as the Scorpion is our lookout,
an unsuspecting Uber driver named Cynthia is our wheelman
and laundry and pet sitting is handled by Zivco Vuyadonovic.
- [Desi] Our fabulous interns are Greg Rasputin,
Lizzie Borden the third and Lyle Manendez.
Kosta, wanna leave us with any parting words?
- [Michael] Yeah, actually, I just googled
and Aladdin is not in Kosovo right now.
There's no, it doesn't seem to be showtimes
or movie theaters.
This is kind of what keeps me grounded,
and, oh, you have nothing to say now?
Both of you?
- [Jaboukie] I guess you could wait for it
to show up on Prime.
- [Michael] And now you're the fucking host all of a sudden.
I mean, you didn't even know, you didn't even know
that you were going to be the host.
(upbeat music)
- [Jaboukie] But I--
- [Michael] Just wait dude, just give it 10 years
of hard work and then you see how they treat you.
- [Jaboukie] Right, well, you know, I stepped up
to the plate and I think maybe that could be a part
of the reason why.
- [Michael] Couldn't even pronounce Zejanovic.
(upbeat music)