(beep)
- Which crypt monster would you be most willing to 69?
- Do you count?
(rock music)
- Hello, Glam-Jammers!
Welcome back to my awesome YouTube show about me!
Did you guys click like yet?
Click that bell, too, right, subscribe.
And we're all good, and we're all clear?
You clicked all the buttons?
Okay, good.
Thank you so much, I love you.
By the way, what is love?
A good friend Shakespeare once said
something about it, I'm sure,
but I was pretty drunk (burps) that whole century.
(flames roaring)
Maybe I've never been in love,
but I do know some truly terrible ways
to show someone you love them.
Greeting cards.
Here you go, read what someone else wrote
and then I sign my name on it in a Walgreens parking lot.
A box of chocolates.
Really looking forward to biting into a dozen
garbage candies to find the two worth eating.
Balloons!
Yeah, it's just gonna slowly float around your living room,
get caught in a fan, deflate one day
and then choke your dog to death.
Constantly posting about it on social media.
Yeah, if you're constantly posting pictures of you
and your significant other, you guys are definitely
going to break up with six months
or you already resent each other.
You know, get a life, and have some privacy
for crying out loud.
(beep)
I have a very special guest today
who's going to teach me a little something about love.
(claps) To the bedroom!
(violin music)
Oh my god, now we're in my bedroom.
Can you (beep) believe it?
Please welcome my guest, Miss Vienna Lamp.
(claps)
- Not it, close, though.
- What was your name again?
- Leanna Vamp.
- So who turned ya?
- Nobody.
- You're just Leanna Vamp?
- Yeah, or, what did you call me?
- Vienna Lamp.
- Vienna Lamp, no, not that one.
- My intern must have gotten that wrong.
I created a lamp cosplay.
- She's a host of a lot of television shows.
We've got a couple big hosts sitting
on this very same bed right now.
- Mm hmm, me and you?
- Yeah.
Are you scared?
- Not really.
- You can do anything you want to me
with any of those things.
(whip cracks)
- Maybe later.
- You can throw a dildo at my face.
I dare you.
- I don't want to hurt you.
- I want you to hurt me, I like it.
- No, maybe later.
- Have you ever been in love?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, now we're onto something.
How many times have you been in love?
- Once, with my husband?
- Oh my god, you're married?
- Yeah.
- Well, that adds up.
- Yep.
- You look great.
- Thanks.
(claps)
(laughs)
- Now what about me?
- You look beautiful.
Am I clapping too? (claps)
- Stop it, stop it.
Come on, stop it, stop it.
(beep)
- Leeanna.
- Yes ma'am.
- Are you ready to play a nasty little game called Glamazon?
Where I go through your Amazon purchases?
- I think so?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, it doesn't matter if you are or not
because I'm about to start
and you already signed a deal with the devil.
(sultry music)
- Are you sure you're not a vampire?
- Maybe.
- She is, okay.
- (laughs)
- We have unfinished wood coffin makeup.
I was right.
- Coffin boxes.
- Coffin boxes?
- Yeah, they're like little boxes, you put things in them.
- What do you put in them?
- I put jewelry in them.
- Yeah, right.
You rip off people's fingernails and stick them in there.
- I put people's eyeballs in them.
- Yes, you heard it here!
She has little coffins full of eyeballs.
- Yep, yep.
- Wiccapedia, W-I-C-C-A pedia
as in, you're a witch too?
- Um, I dabble.
- You dabble?
Do a spell on me right now!
- It doesn't work that way.
- What!
Yes, I have met lots of witches.
- It's too much pressure right now.
- This is your moment.
Turn me into a duck or something.
- I think you're perfect the way that you are, though.
I don't want to mess with that.
- Oh my god, shut the (beep) up.
- (laughs)
- Alright, we have
another inflatable coffin, what do you put in that?
- When I swim.
- When you swim?
- I swim with the coffin.
- Oh my- intern! (snaps)
I need one of those.
That is very chic, I love inflatables.
- It's Amazon Prime, too, it'll get to you in two days.
- I don't do my own anything.
- Nylon gloves, to cover your tracks
when you sneak into people's bedrooms,
suck blood out of their necks,
and turn them into one of you.
- Yeah.
- One of your people.
- Don't want to leave any evidence behind.
- Please tell me who turned you.
- Nobody did.
- Are you
the baby from (beep) the Kristen Stewart one? (laughs)
- Oh, no!
Twilight?
- Yeah!
- You better hold on tight, spider monkey.
- No more panty lines?
- You know that.
Don't talk to me like you don't know that.
- I never wear underwear.
- Oh, okay, well then you don't know that.
- Well, what are they?
- They're underwear that have no lines.
- Where do you stick 'em?
- You stick it here, and then it-
- You have to show me.
So if I were to-
- You stick it here.
- Where?
- Right here.
Right here, probably right here.
That's a little high.
- If you stick it right here, what's that doing?
- You stick the front, goes up, down and around,
and you stick the back up there
- It's here?
- And you stick it to the back.
Yeah, just like that.
- Is that the asshole part?
The little circle?
- It's the- above
the buttcrack part.
- I do not understand this device.
Moving on!
- Yeah.
- Films, we got shoes, boring, boring, boring.
- Shoes are not boring.
Do you see these?
These are not boring.
(heavenly music)
- Okay, those are actually really good shoes.
Girl.
Where'd you get those?
- Jeffrey Campbell.
- I (beep) him once.
- Did you get some free shoes?
- No.
- That's unfortunate.
- A whoopie cushion!
(fart sound)
- I like to play pranks on people, too.
- You're so mischievous.
"The Highly Sensitive Person"
How to...
This is a book.
Are you sensitive?
- I am.
- Are you in therapy?
- No, are you?
- Yeah.
I have the same therapist as Lady Gaga.
- Do you really?
- She was.
- She's dead?
- Well, she told me something I didn't like about myself.
So, (slicing sound) she had to go.
- I like you very much.
I think you're great.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
And I'm not just saying that so you don't
(clicks tongue) me.
- I could never.
- Why?
- Because you're a (beep) vampire!
- Oh, that's true.
- I don't have any stakes in here.
- That's true.
(laser sounds)
(whispers) She wasn't prepared.
- We're done with this game.
- Okay, good.
- But we're not done with games in general, my friend.
So don't get it (beep) twisted.
Cuz we're about to play Truth or Scare.
- (nervously) Uhh...
- So you have to tell me the truth about something, or
(clicks tongue)
Nah, I'm just kidding.
- Oh.
- I'm just going to text somebody in your phone
something you don't want me to text.
(creepy music)
Are you ready for Truth or Scare?
- I am not ready, but I think-
- Tough shit.
- You're going to go anyway!
- If you could have a threesome with me
and one other person, who would it be?
- My husband.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Intern, pull up my iCal!
- We can make time for you like, next week.
- I usually don't like to be pushed aside,
but I understand, you know.
- I appreciate you being flexible.
- Thank you, and you're welcome.
Stop making me nervous.
I'm so nervous.
(teeth chattering)
- Which crypt monster would you be most willing to 69?
- Do you count?
(harp music)
- Yes?
- We have a thing now.
- We have a thing now?
- Yeah.
- Wait, do we really have a thing now?
- Maybe.
- For the...?
(both laugh)
- Next question!
- Oh my god, I've never been so nervous
and giggly on this show before.
- See, that was my whole thing.
I'm trying to make you nervous
because you were making me very nervous earlier.
- Oh my god, you're making me nervous.
- (laughs)
- I'm just so excited for next weekend.
If you could send one person to the underworld,
who is it?
Because I can make that happen.
- But I mean, wait, the underworld like your underworld
and it's party time awesome?
- No, to the (beep) underworld, like-
- Like forever and-
- They're going to be tortured.
- I don't really think I have anyone that dislike
that much that I would send them to the underworld.
- Well, then, if you don't send someone to the underworld
I'm going to send you to the underworld, how about that?
- That would be cool.
- Okay.
- (laughs)
- When's the last time you shit your pants?
- (laughs) I technically have never shit my pants.
- You never shit in anything?
- In the toilet.
(maniacal laughter)
Where the shit is supposed to go.
- (laughs) So I hear.
- Have you shit in anything not the toilet?
- Yeah, I shit in a bush like several times.
Anyway, have you ever cheated on a significant other?
- No.
- Okay, cool.
You are just a vampire with a heart of gold.
- I have a good heart, yeah.
I'm a kind vampire.
Not everybody's evil.
- Why are you saying it like it's a bad thing?
- You make me feel like you think everybody's evil.
- Well, you make me feel like a natural woman.
Damn, alright, well, I guess you win.
- Thanks, what do I win?
- You can pick anything from my altar.
Anything you wish.
- What's that thing?
- What?
Pick it up.
- Oh, no.
Here, I got that for you.
- Is that one of those things?
- I feel like there was something else that was supposed
to be connected, I don't think that's what it was for.
- (gags)
- Yeah, don't put your face in it.
- I actually don't know what this is.
- You know what it is.
You're just trying to get me to say what it is.
And I'm not going to say it!
(item crashes to floor)
You put something in there.
- What, a dick?
- Yeah, I think that's what it is.
- What else can you put a dick in?
(both laugh)
(beep)
Now we're gonna do a segment called Just the Tip!
But not here, you're not invited.
(tinkling chimes)
Here's Just the Tip: Love Edition.
They say if you do what you love
you'll never work a day in your life.
Which means that everyone
that's at work right now is totally miserable.
When you love someone, it's good to go out of your way
to show them that you care.
When I love someone, what I like to do is figure out
who their number one enemy is, and curse them eternally
without them even asking me to.
I don't even take credit for it.
Love is about giving without needing to receive.
But again, it's 2018, you gotta eat pussy, guys.
(kitten meows)
And that was just a little love tip.
(flute music)
Oh my god, we're in my living lair.
Magically.
I boiled us down into molecules and zapped us here.
We could have just walked, though.
- We could have walked, it's not very far.
- We're gonna play a game now called Sketch Me if You Can.
(opera music)
You ready?
- Oh, I don't know.
Um, yeah, let's do it.
- This is how you play.
You have things on your card
and I have things on my card that we're going to draw
that the other person is going to guess.
- Like Pictionary.
- Okay, well, it's a little bit different from Pictionary
Okay, everything on your card is scary
or spooky or disturbing or (beep) up.
- [Vienna] Okay. Got it.
- That's how we do it here.
You're gonna draw first.
- I'm first?
- Yes, alright, are you ready?
- (singing) Five, six, seven eight.
Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god.
- You're making me nervous.
- Okay, he has a hat, he has a hat.
Wait.
- And it's all black.
- Okay, I can just know that it's all black
you don't have to fill it in.
- Okay, well, you're still guessing
so I'm trying to give you time.
- Okay!
- This is for you.
- Stop yelling at me!
(groans)
(buzzer sounds)
What was it?
- Babadook.
(screeching)
- Okay, well, point for me.
- So I lose.
(paper rustling)
- This is my lair.
Are you ready?
- Ready.
- Wanna count me in?
- Okay, three, two, one, go.
- Okay, alright.
- Blob, square, rock.
Scary rock.
Scary rock with sharp teeth.
- Oh my god.
Okay, what can a scary rock not do?
- It looks like a skull with a...
(scribbling)
(buzzer sounds)
- Oh, he can't see!
Look-See!
(ominous music)
Is that a point?
- No, the buzzer was right before you said that.
So the point...
- I got it, though.
You guys know I got it.
- Okay, you guys know that she lost.
- Ready?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Alright, alright, alright.
Oo, okay.
Why do you...
- This is bad.
- That looks like a happy frog.
Are those eyes?
- Those are eyes.
I can't talk, yeah.
- He's on wheels?
- Uh huh.
- That looks like a toy frog on wheels.
I'm sorry, but that is a nice turtle.
- It's Jigsaw.
- Do you wanna play a game?
- Yours wasn't good either so, don't give me shit.
- Shut up.
- (laughs) Okay, your turn.
- Alright, you ready?
- Three, two, one, go.
(scribbling)
They all start off like potatoes.
(clock ticking)
Creature from the black lagoon.
Um, Pennywise.
- (screams) YES!
(horror music)
This is your final card.
- Yep, I'm ready.
- You're losing.
- Did you say I'm losing?
- Go!
- Alright.
- Um...
This is Freddy Kreuger.
- Oh, yeah!
- You are all my children now.
- I win, you lose.
- Yeah, I figured that much.
- But, because you've been so charming
and gorgeous, let's be honest,
do you want to plug something?
- If you want to check me out
you can just go to my website, it's LeeannaVamp.com.
And on Social I'm just @Vamp.
- What kind of stuff do you do on those websites?
- I do a kids' puppet show,
which you probably would find very interesting.
- I love kids' puppet shows!
- Yeah, it's called the the Fiends
so you can check it out on my website,
and, yeah.
- Can I trace you?
- Sure.
- [Narrator] Approximately 10 hours later.
(paper rustling)
- I'm an artist.
Stop questioning me.
- Ah, thank you.
Wait, it fits me.
Good?
- Well, I sure learned a lot about love today, didn't you?
- I did.
- Oh, cool.
- Go.
Wait, get back here.
- You told me to go.
- I mean, do it cooler,
like turn into a bat, evaporate.
- Oh, okay, you ready?
- Yeah.
(explosion)
- See you in a few weeks!
I love Leeanna Vamp.
And her husband, soon. (laughs)
Next, a segment called Glam or Guhhh.
(rock music)
Okay, the first one.
Westworld!
Guhhh.
Grown men wearing graphic tees.
Glam!
Wacky airport safety videos.
Guhhh.
Who cares.
We're already drunk at that point,
nobody's paying attention.
Hello Kitty.
Glam.
Ouija Boards.
Glam!
The NRA.
Guhhh, get out of here.
Adam Levine.
Who's that, guhhh.
Justin Timberlake doing comedy.
Guhhh.
Taco Bell, glam!
John Mayer, glam.
Hey hon, how you doin.
And that was Glam or Guhhh.
(beep)
What is love?
Baby, don't hurt me no more.
("What is Love" by Haddaway)
I didn't really learn much about love, it turns out.
What Leeanna and I had was a little more carnal.
So I turned to some website called Reddit
to find out what love was really about.
Love is fake and anyone that ever says they love you
is a liar.
Love is just a thing that stupid people believe
so that they don't die alone.
Even if you do find love and spend
the rest of your life together, best case scenario,
one of you is watching the other one die slowly.
Love is blind, just like the Look-See.
See you next week.
Don't forget to like and subscribe
and I will be back with updates.
You know what I mean?
(clicks tongue)
Byeeee!
(creepy sounds)