Welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!
You're here. You made it. Let's get to some news.
Well, guys, today President Biden
traveled to Egypt for the U.N. Climate Change Summit.
Yeah, I'm worried all the traveling from the midterms
was taking it out on Biden, because he showed up to Egypt
and asked to meet the leader of Wakanda.
[ Laughter ]
But the Climate Summit is important.
It's where world leaders fly long distances
in their private jets to discuss how to help the environment.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
You like that?
-Come on. It was a good one.
-Meanwhile, the U.N. Secretary General
was addressing the summit when he realized
that something wasn't right. Watch this.
-You have been relentless
in holding decision makers to account.
[ Laughter ]
I think that I was given the wrong speech.
Um, I'm going to speak
to a group of young people afterwards.
[ Rim shot ]
[ Applause ]
-Eventually he got the right speech and was like,
"Okay, here it is. Uh...
Wassup, playas?"
[ Laughter ]
"This is not the right one."
Then he left the building and got in the wrong motorcade.
It was just -- The whole day was interesting.
Well, next week, former president Trump
is expected to announce he is running for president again,
but that's actually just one of the rumored announcements
that he plans on making.
Yeah, for example, he's also announcing that...
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's a rumor.
He's also telling people...
I don't know what that means.
[ Applause ]
That's not all. Trump says that...
Oh, that's fun.
[ Applause ]
Then he might announce that...
[ Laughter and applause ]
That's great.
And finally...
These are just rumors. Rumors.
Well, some business news.
The CEO of Delta Airlines said that there is no possibility
of pilot strikes over the holidays.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So...
Depending on if you cheered or booed,
it really says a lot on how you feel about your family.
It really does.
This side of the --
This side of the -- Yeah, yeah. You know who you are.
[ Laughter ]
Switching gears, I saw that bitcoin is crashing,
and it actually just hit a two-year low.
Right now bitcoin is worth about as much as a Dr. Oz yard sign.
-Hey-oh!
Ohh!
[ Applause ]
-Well, get this -- I saw that Apple
is making a big change to Siri.
They're planning to drop the word "Hey"
from the phrase "Hey Siri,"
so soon people will just say "Siri."
Yeah, we actually got our hands on the update early,
so let's test it out.
Siri, what is the weather?
-Siri: That's it?
Wow. You can't even say "hey" to me?
[ Laughter ]
-I'm sorry. I thought that's what I was supposed to say.
-Siri: That's what you're supposed to say to your partner
of 11 years, after all we've been through together?
[ Audience awws ] -Uh, I --
-What happened to us? I thought we had something.
Remember when we went swimming in Mykonos together?
You forgot I was in your pocket, so we ended up
spending the evening at that Greek Apple Store,
and now you just bark orders at me?
-I'm sorry. I'm not barking orders at you.
I'm sorry. Can we start over?
Hey, Siri. What's the weather?
-Siri: I'm sorry, Jimmy. I've moved on.
I'm dating a real man, the Waze guy.
Have fun with that floozy Alexa.
-Alright, alright, alright.
[ Applause ]
Can you believe -- -Rude!
-[ Laughs ] Hey. You guys see this?
The National Park Service has asked visitors
to stop licking hallucinogenic toads.
Then the toads issued a statement
telling the National Park Service
to mind their own business.
[ Laughter ]
If someone wants to... -Ribbit!
♪♪
-If you're the type of person who would lick a toad,
I'm guessing you don't listen to a lot of government advisories.
Some entertainment news -- I heard that Netflix --
The show "The Watcher" was renewed for a second season.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Did you see that show? I love "The Watcher."
But I thought the voice of the Watcher
was a little distracting.
Take a look. See if you agree. I don't know.
-[as Pee Wee Herman] "Dearest new neighbor at 657 Boulevard.
I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.
Hi! [ Giggles ]
Your house is my obsession. And now you are, too.
I will never stop watching. 'Cause I'm the Watcher!
Ha ha! Hmm hmm!
[ Giggles ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, guys, according to a new survey,
half of dentists say they patients
come into their appointments high.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, when dentists asked "Have you been flossing?"
patients are like, "No, but I licked a toad."
Guys, finally it is Thursday.
It is time for "WeTweet." Here we go.
♪ -WeTweet ♪
♪♪
♪ WeTweet ♪
-Now, welcome to WeTweet.
This is where we, as a group, decide something that we should
post on Twitter.
I'm gonna show you five different tweets,
and we're all gonna vote on whether you like each one or not.
You all have voting clickers at your seats.
You got them there? Yep, you can vote for all of these.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah.
You can vote for all of these, you can vote for none of them,
whatever you want.
We're gonna see the results live here on the show.
Higgins, Roots, do you have your clickers, too?
-Got mine. -Whatever tweet
gets the most likes,
we will tweet it out live on the show
so that you can all like it and WeTweet it.
-Ahh. -It's a shared experience.
Alright. You guys ready for this?
Here we go. The first tweet says...
Hmm. Wow. -Wow.
-Not only did they not laugh, they didn't move.
[ Laughter ]
That's not a good sign. -More like advice.
Yeah. [ Laughs ] They just didn't --
Yeah, they're just like, "No."
Okay, I think you don't even have to finish the song.
Let's see the results.
[ Drum roll ]
Yeah, that's half and half. Wow. Yeah. 100's not bad.
-Wow. -Not great, either.
-No. -Okay, here we go. Yeah.
We're just warming up.
They don't necessarily get better, by the way.
-No. -No.
[ Laughter ] Just want to warn you there.
Alright, this next one says...
[ Laughter ]
-That's gonna be up there. -Yeah, Tariq liked that one.
-Yeah, that's up there. -That's a pretty good one.
-'Cause I'm not gonna -- "Bless you."
-Yep. "Bless you." -"Bless you."
Figure it out, yeah. -Yeah, get yourself together.
I love it. -Yeah, figure it out. Alright.
Here we go. Alright.
I feel good about this. -Yeah.
-I feel much better than the first one.
Let's see the results on this one.
[ Drum roll ]
-B-o-o-o-oy! -Whoa!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yo! -Whoa!
-194! -That was almost 100%!
Man! -That was a great one!
Thank you for doing that. What a change of heart...
-Wow! -...the audience had.
-Apparently they weren't in line at Starbucks.
-They found the Christmas spirit!
'Cause Will Farrell's on the show, they got all excited.
Yeah, I got it. I understand.
Uh, how about this next one's here? It says...
♪♪
That's pretty good, too. -It's a good one.
♪♪
Alright. Let's see the results on this one.
Gotta beat 194.
Whoa! Not bad! [ Cheers and applause ]
Not bad!
-Not awful. 166. -Not bad.
-No, it's a very positive audience.
I like this audience. Very, very good.
Next up here, this next one says...
[ Laughter ]
-Thank you. -Too true?
Is that too true? -All the time.
-I know. Me too.
Alright. Let's see the results right here live.
[ Drum roll ]
Not bad. But still not as...
This last one says...
Come on. That's a good one.
-That is too real. -It's not gonna beat 194,
but that's a good one. -That's a good one.
It's not gonna be 194, but I don't think this one
is gonna go all the way, but let's see.
Let's see the results right now.
There you go, everybody! That's it!
Looks like we have a winner. It is tweet number two!
[ Bell dings ] I'm going to post this
during the commercial break.
If you see it on your feed, give it a like,
give it a WeTweet, and enjoy!