[TRAFFIC ]
ALEX ROY: Welcome to the most dangerous
intersection in the world.
The Arc de Triomphe of the Etoile, where over 10,000
people have gathered to see me attempt to set a world record.
France.
Enemy of England.
Friend of fine foods.
Enemy of England.
Paris.
Home of much fine culture.
We've come here to Paris, the home of motorsports, the ACO
and the FIA.
Have In the spirit of French motorsports we'll follow all
traffic laws and motorsports legacy.
And of course, we're going to use a French car.
A Citroen C5.
The Citroen C5 is a great car.
I don't want to say it's the Crown Vic of France, but it's
certainly that common.
Which is why if they spotted me say, one minute into my
task, and then again four minutes in, they would never
believe it was the same bald guy.
There are a lot of bald men in France.
The women don't care.
They love it.
The objective, as with Le Mans, is to cover the maximum
distance in the allotted time.
In this case, 24 minutes.
This is the first ever 24 Minutes of Paris.
As with all forms of motorsports, one must perform
a reconnaissance of the route.
In this case, a track walk won't be possible.
But we'll perform the next best thing
which is a track look.
This is the field of battle.
I've also sprained my ankle.
Nothing would stop me from committing this crime.
Which would require two walkie-talkies, a bit of luck,
and less than half an hour.
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): Radio check.
ALEX ROY: 10-4 radio check.
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): Perfect.
Walking over now.
MALE SPEAKER 2 (OFFSCREEN): There's a cop car sitting here
just writing tickets for people.
I don't know what they're writing tickets for.
They've drawn a nice three or four on that one intersection.
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): To the circle.
Godspeed.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALEX ROY: Odometer reset, starting line.
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): Copy that.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[DIRECTIONAL CLICKING]
ALEX ROY: Bonjour.
POLICE OFFICER: [FRENCH]
ALEX ROY: [FRENCH]
POLICE OFFICER: [FRENCH]
ALEX ROY: [FRENCH]
Unfortunately, there were about 10 police officers at
the first turn.
So I was pulled over less than five feet from the start line.
In all the excitement I hadn't noticed that I had made an
illegal right turn.
It is in fact is illegal to make a right turn off the side
street onto Avenue Jacques Cinq right by the drug store,
into the Etoile.
It's illegal.
And that's unbelievable because I should
be the best at this.
Hey Josh, the cops need the document for the car.
So could you come down here where the cops are?
It'll be obvious, there's four of them.
Of course I didn't have my rental documents or my
insurance documents.
Just like driving the M5 back home.
I did have a walkie-talkie, which they
didn't think was weird.
And they let me go.
They're going to let me go, but I have to get those
documents in the car ASAP.
I'm going back to where I was parked.
[FRENCH]
My lack of insurance documents or anything other than a
walkie-talkie and a US passport should have tipped
them off that a certain bald man is back to commit crimes
in their city.
Like the Joker, without hair.
I think we need to delay about one hour because these cops
will recognize me.
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): Going to the start point.
Meeting at the start point.
ALEX ROY: So after killing a few hours by going to go see
Prometheus, I came back.
Ready to try again.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm advancing to the start line.
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): The circle is
clear and free of police.
ALEX ROY: 10-4, ready to start my run.
To quote Star Wars, my airfoils are in attack
position, ready to start my run.
MALE SPEAKER 2 (OFFSCREEN): OK, we're good to go.
Start your run.
ALEX ROY: Starting my run.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Wow.
[FRENCH]
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): There he is, I see him.
All right.
MALE SPEAKER 3 (OFFSCREEN): Want [INAUDIBLE]
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
I thought I saw him.
There he is.
I got one shot--
ALEX ROY: Moving into primary lapping position.
OK, I'm in the center.
I'm now going to give it a go.
All right.
If I can hold this for another 23.5 minutes, I'm good.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): There he is, OK.
All right.
Again.
Missed him.
ALEX ROY: [FRENCH]
[CAR HORN]
Unbelievable.
[CAR HORN]
What was that.
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): How the fuck am I
supposed to find him?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[CAR HORN]
ALEX ROY: Come on.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[CAR HORN]
What are these sightseers doing?
Everyone knows this is a poor traffic--
Oh my God.
Bicycles.
Unbelievable.
[CAR HORN]
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): Oh there he is.
ALEX ROY: Oh come on.
Come on, eh?
[FRENCH]
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): I don't know how the fuck I'm
supposed to shoot this.
ALEX ROY: Well fuck off, then.
[CAR HORN]
Did I mention that I have a sprained ankle
and it really hurts?
I had a theory.
A theory I learned from Alan McNish.
Which is, you should always stay on the
inside of the turn.
Well, let me be more precise about what McNish said.
You should hit your apex.
Well unfortunately when you're lapping a traffic circle for
24 minutes, it's all apex, all the time.
And I really thought if I just stayed on the inside of the
turn for 24 minutes, no one could stop me.
I think every driver's test should conclude with half an
hour of doing this.
Oh my God.
I could break this walking.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
There were two police officers stationed at every outbound
spoke of the Etoile watching traffic.
Plus the French Legionnaires.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I was quite sure they were all staring at me.
To my left there's apparently about 200 foreign legionnaires
and I hope they're not looking out at the black Citroen
that's performing laps.
A bunch of cowards, what's going on here?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[CAR ENGINE]
MALE SPEAKER 2 (OFFSCREEN): Nice move on the bus, Alex.
Up the pace.
ALEX ROY: That was really scary.
I wish I had a heart rate monitor, I'd be off the
charts right now.
This might be the last barrier, the last bastion, of
legal motorsport on the street.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[CAR HORN]
OK.
We're moving to the outside now.
Because that [INAUDIBLE] cop is definitely
looking over here.
I told Jeff I was getting pretty tired, pretty scared,
and I think I had about eight minutes left.
And nothing would stop me.
24 minutes.
That guy's really stressing me out now.
I've been here for I don't even know how many minutes.
Oh God.
[CAR HORN]
How many more minutes?
Oh my God, gorgeous girl on a bicycle.
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): Four more
minutes, four more minutes.
ALEX ROY: Four more?
Great.
I'm looking to have these--
Oh God.
[CAR HORN]
Not getting what you want from me.
Irish [INAUDIBLE].
Look at this girl, she's gorgeous.
She's riding a bicycle in the middle of the Arc de Triomphe.
Is she insane?
Seriously.
Come on.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MALE SPEAKER 1 (OFFSCREEN): Nice drive Alex.
ALEX ROY: Oh my God.
MALE SPEAKER 1: Dude.
That was pretty good for--
ALEX ROY: A first timer.
Dude that was really hard.
I can't wait for someone to start complaining, like, I
could beat that.
Prove it.
And so a new world record was set.
24 minutes of Paris.
6.2 kilometers.
Will it ever be broken?
Anyone is beatable.
Every record is breakable.
This one is so totally breakable.
But like everything else I've ever done, who would be dumb
enough to try?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
You're coming in Paris.
The capital of [FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[FRENCH]
The most inconspicuous.
[FRENCH]
Following all the rules there are in France.
[FRENCH]
I can't remember, any more French, let's give it a shot,
we leave in 15 minutes.
[MUSIC PLAYING]