I think I might have separation anxiety.
Last year I made a video about becoming a parent and the anxiety I had about about that.
And that decision I want to make a follow up since it's been a year and let you know
where where we've been the past year has been full yes sweetie the past year has been full
of lots of awesome moments of discovery.
There's so many more things that my daughter could do now like walk and seeing her walk
for the first time was pretty amazing.
She loves books are so many things that she's learned how to do and I love all those moments.
But what has been really hard for me is how much my experience of anxiety has changed
specifically how much I worry like right now where is she going.
Was she doing when people talk about separation anxiety they often focus on the child side.
It's hard for kids to separate from their caregivers.
It's hard for them to be away from them.
They start to worry about what's happening to their parent if everything is going to
be OK.
They want to check in.
They can't do sleepovers.
Yeah it's a tribble
You got the tribble sweetie they have a hard time with sleep overs with going to camp with
anything that's overnight in a way stuff like that or starting school.
But what no one talks about is the parent side of separation anxiety.
It's something I've learned so much about this year.
It's not so much that it's hard for me to be away from her as much it is that when I
think of something new of going someplace yeah Lion sweetie and you have Ya Ya.
Ya Ya is her octopus I don't know why she calls it Ya Ya.
When we think about OK let's just walk the camera but not not not mess it up.
OK.
When when I think about going someone somewhere new doing something we haven't done before.
My head gets full of everything that could possibly go wrong.
And I get this gut urge to not go there.
Like just a few weeks ago we were going to a holiday party that my friend was throwing
and we hadn't done that done that trip before.
We hadn't been in her home with my daughter before.
And I started to think like how are we going to get there.
We're gonna have to use this new car seat because she's outgrown the old car seat.
What if something goes bad.
Now she's pointing to the screen saying dada's there.
Yes sweetie hi.
Hi dada is making a video.
And you I was thinking like we're going to be at her home.
There's going to be like a glass coffee table.
What if she runs into that and then she gets hurt and something bad happens.
You got the tribble.
And I immediately had this urge to not go.
And that's what happens to me all the time now.
Anything we're doing for the first time.
I don't want to do it.
The other things sweetie you want to come here you want to come here sweetie.
No you want to sit on your spot.
You can sit in your spot.
Can dada come with you and sit on your spot.
The other thing that happens is not only does she like being closer to me when she's struggling
but when she is sad and crying it feels so good to me to be able to soothe her to hold
her to calm her.
And that's the other part of separation anxiety people don't talk about is how good it feels
to comfort your child and how much better that is than the anxiety of letting them go
and do something where there is uncertainty and danger and uncertainty is just what fuels
anxiety.
And I've been feeling so much of that this past year as we do so many new things.
This is the thing about anxiety.
People always talk about anxiety as if you have it and you don't.
And that is completely false.
Anxiety is an emotion we all have.
It's a constant.
It's a it's always going to be there.
And for me this past year has been about learning to stay vigilant in the face of anxiety.
When when I feel that urge to avoid come up to push back against it and I don't want to
make a series of decisions that not only make my world smaller but make her world smaller.
And that's what I've had to learn this year is to push back against that and it's really
hard and it's stressful and I get tense and I am full of worries.
And it's really difficult for me and when I'm able to do it and when I'm able to talk
to my wife and get her help it's not that it gets any easier that time.
But it does the next time.
And that's what I've learned and that's what I'm trying to do.
Have you ever experienced separation anxiety with your children with your pets with a friend
with your parents.
Let me know in the comments below if you like this video give it a thumbs up if you want
more mental health and psychology videos subscribe to his channel please don't touch the mic
sweetie.
OK.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for listening to Dad.
And what else should you do.
Oh if you want to help me make more videos.
Check out my Patreon.
And I want to welcome my newest patron Jennifer C.
Jennifer thank you for becoming a patron of The Psych Show.
You want to say bye bye.
Sweetie do you want to blow them a kiss?
bye bye You can say bye bye sweetie.
Do You want to blow them a kiss.
OK.
You're Kind of saying bye bye to me but the camera is over there.
bye bye bye.
Ok.
We'll do a Backwards Bye Bye Bye everyone.