- Next customer, please.
Whoa.
- Excuse me!
I came in here yesterday to return those curtains
and the little (beep) said he couldn't make the return
'cause he didn't have my receipt
and it wasn't the same store.
By the way, you are on Facebook Live!
- Hi, I'm so sorry about that.
You know what I'll do?
I'll process your return right now
and I'll make sure the person that turned you away is fired.
- Oh, okay.
Okay, okay.
- Is there anything else I can help you with today?
- No!
- [Shop Assistant] Well, have a great day.
- You, too!
- Next customer, please.
- Is it safe?
- It's safe, it's good.
Happens all the time here.
- [Narrator] Every retail job ever.
(gentle upbeat music)
- What the (beep), Clark?
I've told you this so many times.
You need to wear clothing from the store.
- We work at Baby Gap.
- And? Charles does it.
- This helps people visualize
what their baby will look like, bro.
Goo goo gaga.
- Don't don't say goo goo, gaga.
- Goo goo gaga. - Yeah.
- All the other branches of Baby Gap don't do that,
I asked my friend.
- [Customer] I'm gonna need to speak to your manager.
(soft upbeat music)
- Didn't Abercrombles go out of business years ago?
- Sexy never quits, hey.
But the health insurance does.
- [Customer] There's a stain on this shirt,
can I have it for half price?
- We really are just one big happy family here.
And I know you must be nervous on your first day
but don't you worry 'cause I'm gonna show you the ropes.
- Oh, thanks so much.
- That over there, that's Dave.
- Cheese. - Cheese.
- His family comes in to visit him like all the time
and they've never once bought anything.
Those two over there, that's Aiden and Emily.
They're the store's hot and new it-couple.
Aiden doesn't know that Emily used to date Dave
and still hooks up with him sometimes.
And lastly, there's Chloe.
She's gonna come into the store, crying twice a week.
Do not ask her why.
So do you have any questions?
- Yeah, I mean, that was all great info
but how do I actually do my job?
- Are you flirting with me right now?
- [Narrator] Ma'am, ma'am, ah, ma'am!
(jaunty music)
(upbeat music)
(man grunting)
- Hey! Stop him!
- Stop.
- What are you doing?
- You pay me minimum wage.
You expect me to risk my safety for your toilet paper?
Plus he's my friend, he stole me a couple rolls.
- Yeah, he just made out with 36 rolls.
If he gives you one roll out of that, that's a 0.02% cut.
You think you're getting screwed here?
Read a book, Reuben.
- [Customer] I don't want anything, just the bathroom.
- Okay, and would you like to (mumbles)?
- Excuse me, what you say?
- No, nothing, sorry, it's stupid.
- No, it's fine, what you say?
- It's just that we're supposed to upsell credit cards
and nobody ever wants to say no (crying).
And there's all this pressure from my bosses
and I really can't afford to lose this job.
- Oh, no, it's okay, I will sign, I will sign.
- Oh, really?
- Oh, for sure, what's another credit card?
- (crying) Absolutely nothing, it's so easy, it's okay.
- Yeah, have a good one.
- Bye, have a great day, have a great.
- Wait, did you just sign up another person
for a credit card?
- Yeah, I really wanna win that $50 Amazon gift card.
- Not if I win it first.
Hey, you, sign up for a credit card or I'll cry at you!
- [Customer] Do you guys have any soaps, like bath soaps?
(upbeat music)
- So who helped you out today?
- Oh, ah, I can't remember the name,
but they were very helpful.
- Well, we work off commission
and I'd love to give them credit.
What did they look like?
- Oh, she was a lady.
- Yes, all of our makeup department employees are women.
So, what was she wearing?
- Oh, she had a name tag.
- Okay, what was written on it?
- Oh, her name.
Susan, Susan helped me.
- (beep) Susan, I'm putting down Paula.
- [Customer] I will take my business elsewhere.
- All right, the new schedule is up (chuckles).
- Wait, I'm not on the schedule at all.
- What, oh, that's weird.
- Are you firing me?
- What? No!
- Then why am I not scheduled to work?
(assistant imitates gagging)
- Look, look I just can't commit
to just one employee right now.
So, you know, but we can definitely still be friends.
- Hmm, then I guess I'll have to go get another job.
- Oh, so I mean nothing to you?
- [Employer] Yes, you're working all of the holidays.
(jaunty music)
- Oh my God, you got Green Gardens again,
isn't that expensive?
- No, no, no, I love ordering from this place.
The salads are bomb and they only cost (crying),
four and a half hours of work.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, never been better.
If I only eat an eighth of this
I can make it last the whole week.
I'm eating a salad so I'm a happy person.
- Okay, I can see that.
- [Shop Assistant] All right,
I just got done folding everything and great,
they're unfolding it all.
- Hey, thanks again for covering my shift, you're the best.
- Oh yeah, no problem at all,
I had nothing better to do, so, yeah.
(phone chimes)
(phone feeps)
I can't, covering a shift, damn.
(soft upbeat music)
- Hey, we saw you from across the store
and we think you're really cute.
- Wanna come over right now and have a threesome with us?
- I can't, I'm covering a shift, but I can come over after.
- Oh, that's too bad because we're only horny
for the next four to five hours.
- That's exactly how long my shift is.
- Okay, sorry, bye.
(phone rings)
- Hello?
- Oh son, Loris, I'm so sorry, honey.
I hate to tell you this over the phone,
but your father has died and the funeral's right now,
I need you here.
- I can't mom, I'm covering a shift.
- What, how could you say that?
You know, you can just quit your job, right?
You know, what's more important, son?
- Oh my gosh, you're right, mom,
I don't know what I was thinking.
- Oh, thank God, okay, so you're coming,
you're coming to the funeral, my son?
- No, I'm gonna have a threesome.
- What, no son, that's how your father died.
- Wait, ladies, I forgot I can quit my job.
- You flirting with me right now?
- Oh hell, yeah.
Is it that obvious?
- Yeah, I'm flirting back.
(both laughing)
(hands clapping)
- [Shop Assistant] Oh, my God.
- I don't think people want their baby to look like that.
- [Shop Assistant] I wanna see my baby looking like that.
- [Shop Assistant 2] Look, look what he's doing.
- Yeah, that is a cute baby.
- [Customer] Give me my (beep) curtain.
Give it back.
Flip it through.
- There you go. - Make sure it's good.
- Oh, (laughs).
You missed the hole, you didn't even get one.
- It's like a starving artist, but this is the art.
- Oh, your body.
- Yeah, my body.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Yeah, that's the canvas and the mall people
are the painters and they.
- Are not looking over here.
- Not right now, well, there's a Wetzel's Pretzels stand
and they're very focused on that.
- Totally and a Cinnabon, and a.
- Right, yeah.
But yeah.
- Okay, see ya.
- For sure, for sure, cool.