Wedge: Yeah, no, I understand we ditched him and all
But I mean, is he gonna be okay?
Barret: Probably not.
Cloud: Awh, shit!
Barret: 'Cause I get the vibe that he pisses people off pretty easily.
Cloud: Assholes have to help assholes, right?!
Biggs: Is that gonna be a problem?
Barret: Not for us!
Wedge: Ohoho, man! Can you imagine how PISSED he'd be if he makes it?
Cloud: HEY GUYS REMEMBER ME?!
Barret: Alright everybody, huddle up!
We meet at the usual place!
Cloud: And where is that?
All: The bar!
Cloud: [Seething] Thank you!
Barret: Alright, y'all!
Now when we get to the bar, we need to discuss our next plan of action.
So if there's anyone there, the key is to politely,
and calmly,
tell them to-
GET THE F*** OUTTA MY BAR!
What th'hell y'all doin' buyin' drinks at my bar for get the hell outta here!
Waddaya think this is? A place of business?!
Tifa: Hey, cocksuckers!
WEDGE GODDAMMIT USE THE STAIRS!
Wedge: AVALANCHE!
Cloud: So...ya gonna let me in?
Barret: Oh, I don't know...
Am I?
Cloud: Dude, come on!
I had a really bad day!
Barret: OH, DID YOU?!
DID YOUR PLANS GO AWRY WHEN SOMEONE F***ED UP?!
Cloud: Thanks to Tifa? Yes.
Barret: Fair 'nuff! Head in!
Marlene: Pretty blonde hair!
Cloud: Haha! F*** that!
Marlene: [Cries}
Tifa: Oh, good f***ing job, Cloud, you made Barret's daughter cry!
Cloud: [Sarcastic] Awh, and I didn't even have to try.
Tifa: Wow. What crawled up your ass and died?
Cloud: Uh, I dunno, maybe doing that 'solid' for ya?!
Tifa: Oh, don't tell me.
You're all pissy because it was 'freedom fighting?'
Cloud: Uhh, nope!
THAT was TERRORISM!
Tifa: Come on!
How was destroying a factory that sucks the life out of the planet 'Terrorism?'
Cloud: Wha-?!
Every-
Every PART of it was terrorism!
Tifa: Cloud--Cloud.
Look at me.
Who am I?
Cloud: Tifa...
Tifa: And would -I- ever lie to you?
Cloud: Yes.
Tifa: Second time, shame on you.
Cloud: Wh-what was the first time?!
Marlene: Pow!
Cloud: Okay, that's it!
Pff, whatever.
Tifa: Ohoh, don't pull that 'whatever' shit on me.
Barret: Oh, was he pullin' shit again?!
Tifa: Wh-why? What'd he pull in the first place?
Barret: I'll tell ya later.
Where's my baby girl at?
Marlene: DADDY! [Laughs]
Barret: Oh, there's my wingless angel!
Oh, did that spiky blonde man intimidate you?
Marlene: No, daddy!
He's not intimidating at all!
Cloud: Ugh...
Tifa: Please tell me what Cloud did.
Barret: I shall in good time!
Soon you will hear the tale of Barret,
His merry men,
And the blonde jackass who F***ED UP!
Cloud: So like,
Is she adopted oooor...?
Tifa: God. Dammit Cloud
I dunno what you did,
But you go down there and you f***in' apologize for whatever it was!
Cloud: What?!
I am NOT apologizing!
Those assholes left me for dead!
Tifa: Did you f*** up?
Cloud: What even -is- f***ing up, really?
Tifa: AAAH! You f***ed up!
Now go downstairs and apologize while I lock this place up.
Cloud: Oh, what?
Are ya scared someone might come in and steal the 50¢ from your tip jar?
Tifa: NOOOOOW!
Cloud: You know anyone can get down here, right?
Like, -anyone- who wants to play pinball?
Biggs: [Laughs] Yeah, that's how Wedge joined.
Wedge: [Laughs] Ohhh, f*** me I saw too much.
News Anchor: Residents of Midgard were awoken today
by the sounds of what appeared to be a terrorist attack
on Sector 7's Eco-Green Energy Factory
Shinra Police have investigated and found that it was caused by
the group known as 'AVALANCHE.'
All: [Uproarious Cheering]
News Anchor: Very little is known about this group
All: [Cheering Recommences]
News Anchor: Until today!
All: [Mixed Groans and Half-hearted Cheers]
News Anchor: Police have compiled a sketch of one of their members.
As well as audio taken by police.
[Cloud Exclaiming with Heavy Sarcasm]
News Anchor: Coming up next!
The dark demented reality of Chocobo breeding
Cloud: Now...
I know we've all made a couple mistakes!
Barret: IMMA KILL 'IM!
TAKE HIM OUTSIDE AND I'M KILLIN' HIM!
I'M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR SPIKY HEAD AND STAB YOU WITH IT!
MARLENE, CLOSE YOUR EYES!
Biggs: Ah-OOGH!
Marlene: Hahah! Biggs flew!
Biggs: [Grunt] I sure did... [Cough] I just love it...
Barret: So, Cloud...
You're gonna fix this, right?
Cloud: I dunno...
Am I?
[Exclamation]
Tifa: Hi, Cloud!
[Tersely] Getting along with everybody?
Others: [Relieved sighs] Wedge: God, thank you!
Cloud: Well, guys, it's been great!
All: No, no, no, no
Cloud: Buut I think it's about time that I retire from freedom fighting
Barret: Oh, and what -exactly- did you plan on doing?
Cloud: Oh! Well, uhhhhh
I'm just gonna walk out of this bar
Aaaand hopefully, never see any of your faces again!
Barret: Yeah, you ain't goin' anywhere, boy.
Cloud: Uhhahahah I'm pretty sure I am.
Barret: The second you walk outside
Yo ass is gonna get picked up by Shinra's police!
Cloud: Oh, please!
Like anyone's gonna recognize me from -that- picture!
Barret: Hair.
Cloud: Ohh, you're so right.
Barret: Well, it looks like you're stuck with us,
Like we're stuck,
With you.
All: [Half-hearted Cheers]
Cloud: Tifa, can I talk to you upstairs for a second?
Tifa: 'Kay, whats up?
Cloud: [Breath] Tifa?
I'm having a really
REALLY rough day, and-
Tifa: Ohoh my god, are you -crying-?
Cloud: I am FEELING
A lot of emotions.
Anger, rage, frustration
Inadequacy
And it's all toward you!
Tifa: Wh...why me?
Cloud: Because I did you a solid,
And now I'm part of a terrorist cell!
Tifa: Welp, guess you got me there.
Kay, so you got two options
A) You can take your chances at walking around as a fugitive
Alone
With the possibility of getting arrested
And sharing a cell with some -very- intimate roommates.
Or B) You can pull your balls outta your fanny pack and join AVALANCHE.
Wedge: Hey, guys!
My gun wasn't even loaded for the whole mission!
We woulda got f***ed royal! [Laughs]
Cloud: [Drawling Whimper]
Tifa: Let's be honest, Cloud
You in prison?
I mean, just look at you!
You look like the oasis to some very, -very- thirsty travelers.
Cloud: [Whiny] That metaphor makes me uncomfortable.
Tifa: And your -hair!-
There's just...
So much to grab on to.
Cloud: [Incoherent whimpering]
Tifa: Four men.
At a minimum.
In any position.
Cloud: [Yelps] Okay! Alright! Fine!
Whatever! I'm in AVALANCHE!
Tifa: Awh, thanks, Cloud!
You're really doing me a solid here, bro.
Cloud: [Infuriated Groan]
Wedge: Hey guys! I got my gun loaded!
[Gunshot rings out, ricocheting]
Barret: WEDGE, YOU POTATO-LEGGED ASSHOLE
YOU SHOT THE PINBALL MACHINE!
Tifa: [Contented Sigh]
You know, this really reminds me of back home.
Remember when I used to trick you
Into doing things for me
That would jeopardize your future and wellbeing?
Cloud: [Whimpering Chuckle] Yup!
Just like old times!
Barret: You told Blondie what'll happen if he gets caught, right?
Tifa: Four dudes.
Barret: Damn, girl! Shootin' for the stars!
You know, 'cause of the hair.
There's just so much to grab on to!
Cloud: I GET IT!