- A few months ago, my friend, Leena
made a video called The Truth About Being Single
in which she just laid out all of her truths
and thoughts on being single and her own experiences.
I have been single and by single, I mean,
not in a long term, serious relationship
for five and a half years now.
And I feel like the only representation that
I see of single lives on like TV and in movies
and stuff is either this like sad, wallowing person
who just like wants to be in a relationship.
And they're just depressed and they just have
like loads of awful, horrible dates
or there's this like casual sex, crazy, party
single life or like this journey of self discovery.
And that's just not, that's just not what it's like.
So as an expert on this topic, ya know,
five an a half years of living it,
I thought that I would just kinda like,
just chat about my experiences.
To help organize my thoughts, I asked you
guys on Twitter for just general questions
to help me just bounce some ideas.
I'm just gonna read them and then we're
talk about being single but hopefully
not in the sad, mopey way.
First question, do you get lonely?
Yeah, yes I do, it's not a case of feeling lonely
and being alone like all of the time.
It's more of just like, you get these bouts
of loneliness and I don't really know
what necessarily brings it on.
When you don't have like one person to like lay
everything on, just be like this happened, this happened.
You kind of have to spread yourself a bit more thin
amongst your friends and your family.
So I definitely feel lonely in those moments,
in terms of decision making of who to tell stuff to.
I guess there's also, I have the genuine cliche of
just like wanting someone to cuddle.
And I often move my pillows in a certain way
and like hug my pillows, I'm not ashamed.
Not every night, just some nights when
I'm feeling particularly lonely.
Okay, let's hope that some of the
other questions are a bit happier.
Do you ever have moments where you
think no one will want to be with you?
Great, we're doin' real good here, guys.
Again, yes, I do get those feelings.
It's been five and a half years.
I feel like up to three years you're like,
woo, single, isn't this great?
Like this is just what I need to be
doing with my life right now.
I'm not ready for a relationship,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And now I'm at a point where I'm like,
wait, is there something wrong with me?
But I'm also very hopeful that this is just a phase.
And that like, say in a year's time, if I'm still single,
then I won't be thinking this way at that point.
There are so many people who never find the one
and never settle down or have lots of ones,
Ya know, like three marriages or whatever.
And that's actually a lot more common.
I'm 24, there's loads of time.
Maybe I meet someone when I'm 80.
Oh God, please, I wanna meet someone
before I'm 80, that would be great.
People find a lot of meaning in relationships.
What is meaningful about being single,
especially for a long time, to you?
I like this question, the meaningful things to me about
being single is that I know that I can do it on my own.
And I think that's really important,
is that I've spent five and a half years,
not living at home, not relying on my parents
and also not relying on a partner either
like financially or emotionally or sexually.
I know that I'm capable, I am fully capable.
There's no doubt in my mind that I can do this
whole thing, do the whole of life alone.
And that's kind of a cool feeling
when you take away like the sad aspect of
like going about life alone.
Like let's just ignore that bit.
Just knowing that I can rely on myself emotionally
in those times of crisis and stress
and all of those ups and downs,
I have this really great foundation.
I have a really solid foundation of bein'
totally okay with myself.
When bad things do happen, I know I'm gonna be fine.
Like I'll dip down but I know that my rock,
which is a rock that I've provided for myself.
It's a rock that I have created and it's only me,
this rock is actually is like pretty, pretty steady.
And it's actually like quite high up
so however far I fall, like I'm not falling that far
because I've built this whole thing for myself.
Is this metaphor working, I don't know.
Basically, the most meaningful thing to me
is that I know I'm capable and I can
rely on myself and I've got this.
I'm getting really emotional talking about this.
Is this normal?
(sighs)
Oh, this is a great question.
Do you ever worry that you've found yourself
while single to the extent that you won't
be able to fit another person in?
Yes, yes, yes, this question speaks to me.
I have my life, I have my routine.
I know the things that I enjoy and I'm super busy
in terms of work and social life and hobbies.
When I think practically, like practically,
in terms of time, of fitting someone in, what?
Like the last guy that I dated, it was like
two and a half months we were dating
and he ended it because he kinda came to the realization
that we would not have enough time for each other.
And he was kinda right, we didn't.
We were finding it impossible to find time to see each
other 'cause I had a busy life and he had a busy life.
And both of us kind of like, put those lives that
we already had before the other person.
That being said, I feel like if I meet someone
who I really, really want to be with,
I will make those sacrifices and I will compromise
on my commitments and my time.
That's always a big sign for me.
It's like, if I am not willing to sacrifice some
of the things that I already have for another person,
then I clearly don't like that person enough
to be in a serious relationship with them.
I don't know if I'm being too rigid
and maybe I should give people a chance
and compromise before I know if I'm into them that much.
I don't know, priorities, aye?
Here's the thing, I'm 24.
Unless someone absolutely perfect comes along,
then why would I make them a priority?
That's a really harsh thing to say, Hannah.
I just heard that come out of my mouth.
No one is perfect, Hannah, your perfect person,
partner doesn't exist, Hannah.
You will have to sacrifice and compromise.
Get that into your stupid, young person,
millennial, self entitled head.
Wow, what is this video turning into?
I'm just like having a breakdown,
giving myself pep talks, okay, great.
Next question, ever dated someone and thought
they were the one, if not, what would you say love is?
So my last boyfriend, the one I dated five
and a half years ago, I thought he was the one.
Ya know, we were in love, we were like,
let's be together forever and we were talking
marriage, kids and all of that stuff.
But I was 19 so hmm.
I was still in love with him.
I will still say that that was love, we were in love.
Since then, yes, I have met people who have just
been like, oh my God, you're the one.
La da da da da, like there's a diary entry
about someone who I'm just like, I want to marry this man.
We weren't even in a relationship.
I now know him better and I don't wanna marry him.
And I feel like I'm just very normal
and like everyone else in a sense in that,
when I meet someone who I really like,
my brain does the whole picturing us like going
the whole way together and like the marriage
and the kids and like, what that looks like.
I do that with everyone I date.
I don't think I'm weird for that.
Also, most of the people who I was just like,
oh my God, I want to marry you, I want this,
turned out to just be infatuation.
I was not in love with them.
But what is love?
♫ What is love
Sorry, a friend of mine asked me recently,
whether I thought that love was a feeling or a choice.
And I said feeling and then she said that a lot
of her younger friends was saying feeling
and her older friends said it was choice.
And I've been thinking about it a lot.
Currently, where I'm at now, I've come to the conclusion,
maybe future me will have a different conclusion,
is that when you fall in love, that's a feeling.
But staying in love is a choice.
And I do believe this because you see so many
couples when they're older and like been together
for decades and decades, maybe some days they don't
feel, feel love towards their partner.
But they choose, they choose to still love them
and they choose to stay there.
And I kinda think that that is even more special.
Because it's all well and good, someone's
uncontrollable feelings loving you.
But choosing, like you're actively choosing to love
someone and that's where the long lasting love comes in.
Says the woman that's been single for five and a half years.
What does she know about love? (laughs)
Is the title of this video Hannah Has A Breakdown?
Whether you feel you're in a constant state of looking
for a relationship or content being single.
I think I am more the latter 'cause I kind of
given up on dating apps and all of that stuff.
'Cause I don't really feel like I'm actively looking.
Like I said with the whole time thing, I don't have
enough time and online dating takes a lot of time.
I have high expectations, hence single for ages.
Can you relate, if so, would you ever
lower expectations to make it easier?
No, at the age that I'm at now, no.
Ask me again when I'm 34.
Ever get annoyed by being asked why you're
not in a relationship, like there's
something wrong with being single?
Yes, this does annoy me.
Often when people find out that I'm single,
people will say, oh my God, how are you single?
And then recently when I told you guys that the
guy that I was dating had dumped me,
loads of you were like, who would dump you, what an idiot.
It's just more complicated than that.
But yeah, there is this sense that people
are like, how are you still single,
as if that you're doing something
wrong by still being available.
And I wouldn't even describe it as that.
Like I would describe myself as available.
Like I would describe myself as very unavailable.
Society does put being in a partnership on a pedestal.
Like culturally, socially, emotionally
and also just legally and financially,
you are better off bein' partnered up with someone,
especially if you want to pay rent in London.
What I would give to have a partner
and so then we could rent a one bedroom flat
together in London and it wouldn't break my bank.
Every person's way of being single is different.
Mine is currently realizing that
I'm ready for a relationship,
ready for a relationship for a relation,
which is weird, the first few years of my single-dom,
I was like, oh my God, relationships, no.
Get away from me, gross, gross, gross.
(heaving groan)
And then like in the middle, I was like
getting into my stride and like dating
and like exploring things, figuring out what I like,
what I don't like, what suits me in a relationship
and like all of these things and then the last
guy I was like, oh my God, I'm ready.
I want to be in a relationship with you, yes.
Like, I'm all in, let's go, let's go.
You be my boyfriend, yeah and then he was like no.
And then I was like, what?
And so that experience to me was just like, oh, I'm ready.
But doesn't meant that the next guy that comes along,
I'm gonna get in a relationship with him.
Again, has to be the right person.
My heart is genuinely racing.
Maybe it's because I've not really said much of this
stuff out loud and this has been therapy for me.
Let's go with that, hope you enjoyed this video.
I would love to hear all of your thoughts
on being single and relationships
and love and dating and all of that.
And if any of this has resonated with you,
if you have any advice for me,
please leave it in the comments.
I will be replying to them.
And please give this video a thumbs up
if you enjoyed it and don't forget to subscribe.
'Cause I make new videos every week.
Also, I'm just gonna, gonna straight up,
plug it, I'm gonna keep pluggin' it.
If you want to hear more about my love life,
sex life, dating, relationships, sex, advice
and all of that, pre-order to my book.
It is available now, pre-order.
Link in the description.
It will make me feel better.
And it will make me more successful as a woman
and then less desirable to men
because that intimidates some of them.
#notallmen, okay, bye.