Happy midwinter everybody!
Thanks so much for coming out on this snowy night
to hear the wondrous tale
of the darkest
time
of the year.
Deep in the Bavarian Alps,
in an age before the light bulb and the electric heater,
people count the long
frozen nights.
And they keep lookout,
for midwinter is a time of magic,
phantom riders charge across the sky
and goblins sneak down the chimney.
But on December 5th,
a figure of light
and holiness comes to cleave the darkness.
Saint Nicholas.
Bearing treats for children who've learned their prayers
and behind him
stalks,
Krampus.
Whip in hand
to punish the children
who have not.
Be good
and attend your studies children,
for on the eve of St Nicholas Day,
the Saint will come.
You'll see the snowy soft beard,
High mitre hat,
and crooked staff of the old bishop
and he'll bring cakes,
dried fruit,
nuts,
and candies to children.
He might even ask you to recite a poem or prayer
because after all the saint loves education.
But woe betide the disobedient child,
the lazy child,
the one
who hasn't studied.
For along with Nicholas comes his companion,
Krampus.
Krampus of the hooved feet,
of the clawed hands and chains
Krampus
with his lolling red tongue
and goatish horns
Shuffling and lopping, so
the great bells on his back
the size of baby's head's
clatter with the sound of
buckshot in a can
Krampus
who beats naughty children with his bundle of switches or horse-tail whip
Perhaps he might not beat you himself
If you are unworthy of a gift from Nicholas,
Krampus may give your parents
a bundle of birch twigs
to hang over the fireplace
To use
as they see fit,
and those are the lucky children
the unlucky ones
He takes in his great sack
what becomes of them?
No one knows
he may drown them in icy streams,
devour them,
or spirit them directly to hell
And worst of all,
there is never just one Krampus.
Nicholas travels with a mob of
three,
four,
or a half dozen
Okay, so you all might be wondering
where do these devils come from?
And why are they traveling with Nicholas on Krampus Nacht?
In truth,
no one knows
Krampus emerged in the Alps,
appearing in Germany,
Austria,
and northern Italy yet
He is not a creature of any one country
the mountains themselves birthed him.
Some say he's ancient and Pagan
But this
is unlikely
Bavaria is deeply Catholic.
And yes,
though Devils like Krampus
may originate in the forest,
much like the ones we sit in now
(chuckles)
Centuries of Christian folklore and church teachings have changed them.
If Krampus is a pagan devil
He is a thing
only half-remembered
far
from his roots
But those who know the stories of Nicholas's life
know that he is no stranger to frightening companions
Of course
There's the kindly stories,
like where Nicolas came across the house of a destitute man
who could not afford to pay
Dowry for his three daughters to marry,
and instead,
planned to sell them to a brothel.
For two nights
unseen,
Nicolas threw bags of gold into their windows,
and on the third night, He threw it
down the chimney
It's why they say the saint brings presents
But
there's also the story of the innkeeper and his wife,
who killed three
Schoolboys and chopped them up,
putting them in a barrel to sell their meat.
Blessed Nicolas
Uncovered the crime and resurrected the boys,
whole in body.
In some parts of France
They say, this murderous innkeeper,
old man whipper,
now punishes children for the saint
the same way Krampus does in the Alps.
Now, of course
everyone knows these stories because of the old Christmas plays
and some say that Krampus came from there, too
Because these plays
also feature the devil himself
Stalking the stage,
wearing a hairy suit and wooden mask
Ranting and sometimes lunging at the audience with two fellow demons
restraining him with the chains
that wrap his body
and, at times,
he drags evil characters into a smoky Hellmouth
and the darkness backstage
and that Lucifer,
so often on stage with Nicolas,
looks quite a bit
like Krampus
And as if that wasn't terrifying enough,
other winter demons exist,
and may have even birthed
the Saints vile companion
Folks say that the twelve days of Christmas are a time for all types of ghosts and monsters to wander
But among the most frightening
is the witch Frau Perchta:
she of the iron nose and scissors
She is far older than Krampus;
indeed, some folks say she was the goddess before the church came
But fallen goddess or not,
these days the ancient Crone visits houses to see if children have done their chores
And completed their flax spinning.
If they have,
she will reward them with a coin.
If not,
she will creep in as they sleep
Eviscerate them with her iron shears,
and fill their empty bellies with unspun flax,
wood shavings, and garbage.
You don't want a belly full of garbage,
do you children?
Actually,
It's for Perchta that families leave out milk, pudding
bread, and dumplings overnight
Well for her and the horde of unquiet spirits and demons that form her entourage
Demons that I will remind you
look a great deal
like Krampus
But whether from the stage,
Perchta's mob,
or both,
the Krampus
works with Saint Nicholas now
The night before the feast of Saint Nicholas,
the saint and his demonic attendants
run through the town
and visit children in their homes
Nicholas quizzes them on their memorized passages
While the Krampus swarm in afterward
to howl,
shake their chains,
and snap their horsehair whips in threat
now you may have heard older children say that there is no Krampus,
that the monsters which run through the town and
Visit your home are merely young men dressed in wooden masks, horns, and animal skins
Props easily available to alpine farmers,
but you're too smart to believe that aren't you children?
You've seen the Krampus at the village runs
Lashing people with their whips
and roaring in your homes
reaching for you as you shelter behind the dining room table
and maybe
you've even been one of the bold ones,
pushing your way to the front of the crowd at the Krampus run
so that when the monster approaches
you can prove that you're not frightened,
that you can reach out and touch the devil's fur,
A test of bravery,
a rite of passage
you knew
in that touch that Krampus was real
for how can one touch a legend?
And after all
if Krampus was not real,
how could he travel to America?
I've heard
that in the German towns of Pennsylvania
He goes by the name of Belsnickel,
a long tongued,
horned man,
who spreads cake and candy on the ground and as children
scramble for them,
he strikes their back with a rod
Don't believe me?
In that case, visit Pennsylvania Dutch country on a snowbound night
and wait
In the dark of midwinter night,
you'll hear Belsnickel's switch
tap on the frozen windowpane
(Ra-tat-tat, ra-tat-tat)
[softer] (ra-tat-tat)
So don't fool yourself into thinking that Krampus is the only strange being that haunts the holiday season
There's the Wild Hunt that tears across the sky,
Perchta and her attendants,
midwinter werewolves,
or Caga Tió,
A smiling log that children in Catalonia sing to,
warm with a blanket,
and beat with a stick until it poops out candy and presents
Perhaps I'll tell you about them
next year.
Until then,
happy holidays everyone
and remember
be good
Krampus
is watching
You know if he is watching we should probably sing one of our favorite krampus songs, right?
He sees you when you're sleeping, and he hits you with the rake (gah)
He knows that you've been really bad, so he'll drown you in a lake.
Everybody!
No,
ok just me.