Congratulations on your first-- is it
your one year anniversary?
This is the-- yes, yes, officially for the law,
you know?
For the, yes, wedding anniversary.
It's such a weird thing being a gay couple--
well, at my age.
Because there were so you couldn't get married.
And so now we've been--
this is our 16th year together.
But it's our first--
we're back to paper, is it?
Is that what the gift is?
Yeah, I think paper is the first year.
That's bull-- [BLEEP], you know?
I know.
Not when you've been together 16 years.
Yeah, I want gold.
I want, you know--
Yeah, but now, we did the same thing.
Because we've been together for 13 years.
And Portia and I do the every year--
we've been married nine years, going on 10 years.
Wow.
And--
I didn't realize it's been that long.
I know.
I didn't either.
It moves along.
God, time does fly when you're having fun.
But we do the paper and the cotton and all that stuff.
You do?
Yeah.
What is the next one coming up--
if you don't know, it's OK.
What was the last one?
I think, I think cotton is two.
Because I made her cotton balls that said two.
Oh.
And I hate cotton balls.
So but I glued--
What do you hate about cotton balls?
You don't hate cotton balls?
In a weird way, I do.
I hate how they feel.
Oh, I can't even, yeah.
I'm getting upset.
Are they hurting your teeth as you spoke about it?
No, it's not my teeth.
It's my head.
It's like--
Oh, it's my teeth.
--just the feel of them.
You know when they say to touch the feel of cotton--
No, it's hurting my teeth.
I don't know why.
--it's one thing for cotton, but cotton balls are like--
Yeah, right, right, right.
Yeah.
No, I'm completely with you.
Touch the feel of cotton on your shirt, fine.
Yeah, cotton is fine, but not cotton balls.
Why do they even make them?
I don't know.
And when the dentist puts them in your mouth.
Oh my god, this is my my teeth are hurting.
Yeah.
That's exactly right.
Yeah.
Those little pillars they put in there to--
Mm, mm.
This is the most miserable interview.
Yeah, this is.
And if other people--
if people at home have the same feeling--
We're torturing them.
--they've turned it off.
Let's talk about better things.
Yeah.
Let's talk about your doggie.
How many dogs do you have?
I have two dogs.
OK.
We have three dogs.
And you have a 14-year-old?
Yeah, we do.
We have-- he's going on 14.
Is yours going crazy?
Oh, boy.
Like, what's happening there?
All right, this is a picture of him I posted on Instagram.
OK, he was-- you see, OK, look, first off, I
got a lot of medical advice on Instagram about it.
It's like, uh oh.
I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, hold on.
The dog is 14, old, cold bones, they like the heat.
You see how he's in that shaft of sunlight, sticking his head
under the warmth of the big refrigerator that's
coming on, warming his bones.
I don't think it's a major issue.
That being said, we did go for one of his check-- he's on--
he was on eight pills.
Now he's on 10.
I know.
And he-- it's getting there.
And she talked to us, the vet did, about, you know,
it's time to start, well thinking about-- oh, god,
isn't he just the best?
Yeah.
But it's time to start, you know, preparing.
And Todd and I both are very-- we're not
at all one of those-- we would not
try not to keep an animal alive for our sake, you know?
Right.
And she was clear.
She goes, you know, when he stops doing things that he
enjoys, that's how you'll know.
Because I'd asked.
And I said, well, I don't-- what do you mean?
The dog doesn't crochet.
He doesn't work cross-- what is he doing that--
well, he doesn't play poker anymore.
You know, he doesn't get out to see the-- and she's like,
no, no, no, she goes, when he wants to, when
he stops eating, wanting to be around you,
or going to the bathroom.
OK, well, I can clock those.
I just thought, you know, again, he's not scrapbooking.
No, no.
It's not, you know, he doesn't do any of it anymore.
I just can't, Otis.
Does he play-- what's your other dog-- how old?
Rufus and he is--
Rufus is eight.
Do they play?
No, we [INAUDIBLE].
No, they don't play.
I think Rufus would have liked to at one point in time.
But Otis from the moment--
Otis was four, I think, when we got Rufus--
five, I can't do my math now.
And from the moment we got him was like, why?
Things were so good.
Yeah.
I had you all to myself.
Yeah.
So I think-- there he is typing.
I think if Rufus left and didn't come back,
Otis would never bat an eye.
It just sounds horrible, but I get it, you know?
Yeah, yeah, well, we have, we have three.
And so they all play differently.
But it's really cute.
Because--
I've seen them on Instagram.
They're great together.
Yeah, they're all good together.
They have fun.
Yeah.
Ours just fight when they contact each other.
I'm jealous of people who have cats that actually cats get
along and play.
Because my cats don't.
When I see cats actually engaging in one another,
I'm so envious of that.
Because most of them don't want anything to do-- well,
they look like they're really cold.
They're not.
No, not at all.
But they like to come off that way.
We're both allergic.
I have said for years, I would love
to have one cat in the house to sit on things
and look down at the dogs.
Like, I think that would crack me up.
I just can't handle it with-- but I
would love to have that judgmental pussy in the house,
you know?
[LAUGHTER]
Well, I'm going to leave that alone.
So let's talk about the movie.
OK.
It is kind of an interesting subject matter
that a lot of people deal with as parents.
Yes, yes.
And the reason I like this piece so much
was because it did focus so much on--
"A Kid Like Jake" is about a couple played by parents, me
and Claire Danes.
We have a child named Jake.
He's four going on five, starting
to apply to kindergartens.
And it's really kind of about that moment, in a macro way,
of when you're first kind of launching
your child into the world and out of the cocoon
and the safety of, he's just Jake,
he's just at home with us.
And suddenly other children, other parents, other teachers
are offering their opinions.
And it's, in this movie, a wake up call to us as parents.
Because we're getting a lot of feedback
like, in your trying to get him into school,
what if you worked the angle of his gender variant play?
And we're like, well, he likes fairy tales.
I don't know if it's gender variant, you know?
And it really starts escalating into this thing.
And we don't answer it in the movie-- spoiler alert--
but whether he is or not on a transgender journey.
We don't know for sure.
It's a great idea.
Because, I mean, I think that is hard for a lot of parents
that have-- and a lot of parents are struggling with this.
Like, how do you support without, you
know, stifling or encouraging or just doing it the right way.
Absolutely, absolutely.
It's called "A Kid Like Jake."
It opens in select theaters Friday.