- People react differently when I tell them I’m having a C-section.
It’s honestly like they’re disappointed for me, that it’s a let down.
But at the end of the day you get the same result — you get your baby.
As excited as we are, we have no idea what we’re doing.
Everybody needs help.
I’ve always wanted to be a mom.
I think since I was a little girl, I imagined having a husband and a family;
I just didn’t know when it would happen.
I’m at a “Meet the Doula” event. I’m last minute looking for a postpartum doula.
There’s a group of about five or six doulas here —
like a speed dating event.
You get 10 minutes with each doula to find out what their expertise are,
how they would sort of fit with your lifestyle.
As far as my health is concerned, I have had three myomectomies,
my first one when I was 25.
The doctor at the time told me if you don’t have kids in the next five years,
you probably never will, and you’ll probably need a
hysterectomy pretty early into your 30s.
So, he’s kind of a miracle.
Hi! Good. Nice to meet you.
- My name is Maria Dangond and I am a doula.
I grew up in Colombia. I’ve always been in the coaching world, mentoring people,
supporting people, and to realize that becoming a doula was my thing.
- I have a scheduled C-section on Aug. 8.
- I was born Jan. 8. - I am too!
- What? -That’s so funny! [laughing]
- Jan. 8, that’s my birthday. Yeah.
- I was like, wow, I hope she hires me because we connected so well, and I laughed
Two days later the owners of Birth Focus, they emailed me.
They're like, Malika want’s to work with you! And I was like very excited.
- You’re not using a midwife, are you?
- No.
We chose Maria because she had such a calming effect.
- I show up and I’m like, what can I do for you to make you feel comfortable?
It’s really just being in the presence of support and also i’ll be asking you like,
“Malika, do you need support with anything?”
And if I notice something, I’m gonna ask you.
-Yeah.
-I’m gonna be like, “Hey, I notice you are a little down, what’s going on?”
-I know the two of us and I just thought,
it’d be just better if we can to have somebody to help us.
You know, I want to be in the driver’s seat,
and I want to be in control, and there are things that I want to do
after the C-section to make sure that I bond with the child.
Um, but, you know it’s scary.
We’re delivering at 37 weeks. My main concern is that he is a healthy weight.
Every app that I download, every website that I read,
just makes me more nervous that something could be wrong, so I try and stay off of them.
But, you know, before the appointment,
I think, when's the last time I felt him kick. I think it’s just more anticipation.
I just want to see him and he’ll be okay.
-The famous Malika.
-No, please.
- And your baby’s looking good.
- Dr. Tepper will perform the C-section.
Right now he’s pretty confident it will go pretty smoothly.
-See that fuzz on top there?
-Yeah.
-Oh. That’s hair.
-That’s his fro.
-It’s moving its lips.
-Let's see, yeah.
This time I actually saw my son for the first time.
-Oh, my goodness.
-It’s a person.
-Hopefully we can end there, no problem. Without an issue.
-There was a lot of stress, you know, leading up to the C-section.
In the beginning, I did feel some guilt.
I called my insurance and the woman said
“Well, you never know the baby could come naturally, wouldn’t you want him to come out naturally?”
And that was calling my insurance company.
One of the things people get wrong is that you know, assuming that it’s easier.
It’s not easy being awake for a surgery is a big deal and it’s really scary.
But, as the pregnancy progressed, I realized it was the best option for my family.
I stopped explaining myself, I stopped feeling guilty.
-Alright, good.
-I’m feeling pretty confident. I’m feeling good.
We’re excited for the baby. Like, I can’t believe he’ll be here in a week and a half.
I decided to get my hair done today.
It’s just one of the ways that I’m preparing for the baby to try and make my life a little bit easier.
If nothing else, my hair will look cute.
Since we have a postpartum doula, and not a birth doula,
it’s just going to be Andrew and me until the baby is born.
I won’t see Maria until after I get home from the hospital.
It’s the morning of the C-section. I feel extremely nervous.
I’m ready. What time is it, Andrew? Andrew?
- Yeah. - What time is it?
- 5:15.
- This is crazy!
- It’s gonna only get crazier. But, it’s gonna be fun-crazy.
- On the car ride to the hospital, I don’t want to hear anything my husband’s saying.
I know he’s trying to calm me down, but I just felt like I was drowning.
Just feels like you’re underwater and everything's moving slowly.
I was overwhelmed. Like, I had trouble expressing how exactly I felt,
because it was all, it was all new to me.
[Baby crying]
-Let’s take this off, you, you’re ours now. Yeah.
Coming home from the hospital, I feel like.
I don’t know how to care for a baby, and
I just felt like the weight of the world was on me and, you know,
my husband was gonna ask me questions that I didn’t know the answer to,
and the baby was going to want something that I couldn’t provide.
So, I feel nervous. I don’t know if there is a word for the way you feel.
- So what happens with every single pregnancy is the woman get really prepared for the birth,
but they never prepare to what comes after.
- I’m in more pain than I’ve ever been in my life and breastfeeding
is the most challenging thing I’ve ever tried to do and i’m hoping Maria can help me with that.
I don’t know about this.
- The first day that I was with them, she needed the most support.
I walked into Malika and Andrew’s apartment and Andrew was cooking,
so he was like all over the place too.
I saw that it was a little bit messy, but that’s normal.
It's expected. What I needed to do was clean the place.
It’s not the case every time, but I just felt like that’s what I needed to do.
- It was a huge help to have support here while we became adjusted to being new parents.
Uh, this is so much better than a hospital bed.
Hi.
- It’s um, it’s Andrew’s birthday actually.
So they text me today and they’re like
“Can you actually be with Lenny, while we go out to dinner?”
and I said yes, of course.
So I’m gonna go hang out with the baby while they go get a dinner.
- Since bringing the baby home things have been challenging.
There’s definitely a lot of guilt to rely on your partner so much.
There’s this… I guess I had an idea that I have to have it all together.
That I should know or I should be able to take care of my baby,
and I should be able to take care of myself. And it’s it’s impossible to do it by yourself.
-Either during pregnancy or right after the pregnancy you start hating where you live,
you start hating your husband, you start you start like,
you know, and it’s like all part of it, it’s all like…
there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just, you know, it gets stressful.
-It gets stressful yes.
-It gets stressful and it’s a lot to take in but it gets better with time.
-Yeah.
Having Maria as our Doula was a huge help,
she cared for the baby, was a great mediator between my husband and I,
and I don’t think I could’ve done it without her.
I was really grateful to have found her.