in this video you will learn the most common reasons why men lie to the woman
they love so if you've been lied to by a man that you care about and you find it
difficult to understand why he did it or why he continues to lie then this is the
video for you don't go anywhere because we're starting
right now
hi everyone I'm Dr. Antonio Borrello and I'm a psychologist and a relationship
coach this channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can
grow happy with the people you love so if you're interested in making your love
life the best part of your life start now by clicking the subscribe button and
hit the bell notification so you aren't missing anything okay on to why men lie
to the women they love everyone knows that being dishonest and lying to your
partner is a surefire way to ruin your relationship so why do people do it why
do people tell lies and risk breaking your trust and breaking the relationship
well before I tell you the reasons why men lie to you I need to explain that
fundamentally there are only two kinds of lies self-serving lies and
kind-hearted lies and as you might imagine the most common kind of lie is a
self-serving line these are lies that people tell to either promote themselves
as in making themselves look better or to protect themselves as an avoiding
blame or punishment or otherwise to save themselves from getting hurt
for example a man might lie about or exaggerate his accomplishments or what
he has in order to make himself look better or a man might lie to deny that
he did something bad or embarrassing whatever the case the lie is
self-serving far less common are kind hearted lies or lies that are told with
the intent of making another person look better or feel better or to spare them
from embarrassment for example a person might lie and tell you that they really
liked a meal that you made them even though they really didn't the lie was
told to spare you from having your feelings hurt okay now that you
understand that most lies are self-serving here are the top five
reasons why men lied to you number one he lies to manipulate you and get his
way I've chosen to describe this one first because it's the most obvious
reason that comes to mind when you think of someone line what I mean is some
people lie because they are highly manipulative and exploitative and they
are trying to advance their goals in some way now having said that I don't
think that this is the most common reason for lying in other words there
certainly are sociopaths who are capable of doing anything
necessary to get what they want so they lie and cheat and steal and do whatever
it takes to get what they want but they are definitely a minority nevertheless
these types of liars are probably sociopaths and have empathy impairments
or lack emotional empathy and they are often emotionally abusive and will
deliberately lie to you to confuse you and make you doubt your perceptions it's
called gaslighting and it's often practiced by narcissists
they make you doubt your own observations in memory and sanity or
they will argue and wear you down until you don't trust what you know is true
and sometimes they will straight-out deny what you saw all the while you're
thinking this can't be real this person must be joking I know what I saw why
does he insist on this line I've made several videos about these types of
narcissists and I'll include a link to those videos at the end of this one
because these types of liars are the most dangerous and these manipulative
people do not discriminate they lie to everyone in there lying has nothing to
do with you now besides these types of liars I want to dig into something much
more specific and that is why do men lie to you personally and this is where
things get really interesting oftentimes there are things about your personality
things about your personal qualities both good qualities and bad qualities
that tempts men to lie to you now just to be clear I'm not suggesting that it
is your fault if a man lies to you of course not
what I'm saying is that there are things about your personality that tempt men to
lie because they feel that lying is easier or a better option than simply
telling the truth let's move on to number two so I can explain number two
he lies because you are too good sometimes when men lied to you it's
because of your very best qualities that they can't measure up to I'm not saying
that it ever justifies their lying I'm simply explaining some of the things
that might motivate them towards lying if a man holds you in very high regard
and then he does something stupid something that he's embarrassed about he
may lie to you because he worries that you will lose respect for him this is
part of the psychology of disappointment so rather than deal with any
disappointment that you they feel he will lie to you if his
behavior or history is not so good for example let's say that you're a woman
with an excellent credit history and you are a very financially responsible
person if a man has a poor credit history or perhaps he carries a lot of
financial debt he may lie and tell you that he has excellent credit because he
fears that you will lose respect for him if you knew the truth number three he
lies because he admires you the second part of this if a man admires you and
really wants you he may resort to trying to impress you in other words he may lie
or exaggerate things so he seems more impressive than he really is and because
he admires you so much he wants you to admire him back and if he's insecure and
doesn't believe that you will admire him just the way he is then he is tempted to
lie to you so you'll be impressed okay as I mentioned earlier sometimes men
will lie to you because of your very best qualities
obviously these are things that you should be proud of and things that you
would never want to change on the other hand there may be parts of your
personality that you aren't so proud of and these are also qualities that often
provoke people to lie to you let me give you an example that perfectly sets up
the next reason why men lie number four he's tempted to lie because he thinks
you're overly jealous or controlling now this one is super important and the one
that I see more often than any of the other lies so let me give you an example
a 27 year old woman had been dating her 28 year old boyfriend for a few years
but her last boyfriend had cheated on her and eventually left her for another
woman now despite the fact that her current boyfriend gave her no real
reason to be concerned she was very jealous and frequently questioned him
about his whereabouts when they were apart and her questioning happened in an
accusatory manner such as why did it take you 25 minutes to get home today it
should take you only 17 minutes what were you doing who were you with so yeah
she had an unhealthy amount of jealousy but she justified her behaviors because
she was cheated on before additionally she disapproved of many of his friends
and favorite activities because they had a history of drinking
imparting to excess now do you see where I'm going with this one yeah he often
lied to her when he wanted to hang out with his friends in other words he
didn't tell her because he knew she would freak out and the more she tried
to control him and make sure that he did things the way that she thought they
should be done the more he had to lie in an effort to keep things peaceful in
this case she tempted him to lie because she made it difficult for him to tell
the truth number five he lies because he thinks he is sparing
you the pain of knowing the truth have you heard the statement what a person
doesn't know can't hurt them this is an invitation to omit the truth under the
guise of sparing another person pain let me give you an example from my own life
so I was a new therapist in a big clinic the clinic was having a holiday party
and I told my girlfriend at the time that the party was for employees only I
told her that spouses and significant others were not invited because I wanted
to go to the party alone but the truth is they were invited and of course she
later found out that I had lied to her about the party the truth is I wanted to
go alone because I wanted to spend time getting to know my co-workers and I felt
like it would be easier for me without her easier for me that's the key
now I apologized and I tried to explain that I didn't want to upset her or hurt
her feelings so I told her that significant others weren't invited
well as you can imagine she schooled me and she was justified in doing so in
reality I hope to avoid having what I thought would be a difficult
conversation so I chose to lie instead who benefited from the deception well I
thought I was gonna benefit from it but obviously I was wrong in this case my
lie was more than the little white lie that I thought it was I was deceitful
and my behavior was unacceptable but yes sometimes people lie or omit parts of
their experiences or secrets and try to justify the lie by claiming that they
want to spare the other person some pain in reality lies are the Liars attempt to
avoid having an uncomfortable or difficult conversation now we're getting
to the good part keep watching because I'm going to
tell you how to approach the topic of lying in your relationship how should
you deal with it well first it's important to recognize
that the active line especially if the person gets away with it has a built-in
mechanism for repetition often the second lie follows very soon because it
may be necessary as some cover up for the first line plus the ease with which
a lie can be applied as a problem-solving tool is too seductive to
resist once its usefulness has been experienced the temptation of repeated
application as needed is way too powerful and secondly when lying is well
practiced and skillfully applied it takes on the semblance of a sport each
successfully applied lie will reinforce the act of lying in its continuation so
it's a dangerous road to go down and may be a hard habit to break now what do you
do when you find out that your man has lied to you or is lying to you well it
starts with the conversation and seeking to understand the conditions that
existed in his head when he was trying to decide if he should lie or tell the
truth is he hiding aspects of his life because he believes that you will be
judgmental now if it's early in a relationship sharing intimate details of
your fears is understandable this might be due to fear or insecurity or the two
of you haven't yet developed enough trust or feel safe enough to share to be
vulnerable and to be emotionally intimate on the other hand if he's doing
things that are in congruent with your relationship then that's another story
that's much more of an unacceptable lie either way reevaluating your
relationship might be wise I'd love to know what you all think has lines been a
problem in your relationship if so what kind of lies or have you ever felt like
you needed to emit some truth because you were in a relationship with a person
who was super possessive and jealous are these types of Lies ever acceptable
leave a comment in let's talk about it oh and if you want to learn more about
narcissistic and manipulative people click here to watch this video
or click here to watch the video that YouTube thinks that you'll like thanks
for watching I'll see you in the next video