- HOW MANY OF YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TECHIES?
[cheers and applause]
[laughter]
ME NEITHER.
AND HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW ABOUT WEARABLE TECHNOLOGY?
[scattered applause]
YEAH.
SO...
ME NEITHER.
[laughter]
SO WEARABLE TECHNOLOGY IS BECOMING A HUGE TREND.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S GOOGLE GLASSES.
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT THEM.
THEY'RE THE GLASSES THAT THEY PUT THE INTERNET
RIGHT IN YOUR FACE
SO YOU CAN LITERALLY GOOGLE THE WEATHER
WHILE YOU'RE WALKING INTO A TREE.
AND THEY HAVE THESE NIKE FUELBANDS
THAT THEY'RE BRACELETS
AND THEY TELL YOU HOW MANY STEPS THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN.
AND THERE ARE THESE SMARTWATCHES.
THEY'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE STUPID WATCHES.
AND THE POINT--I MEAN, THE POINT I'M MAKING IS,
THIS STUFF IS TAKING OFF LIKE CRAZY,
AND I WANT TO GET ON BOARD WITH THE TREND,
AND SO I TOOK A TON OF MY OWN MONEY,
LIKE $43,
AND I INVENTED SOME WEARABLE TECHNOLOGY OF MY OWN.
AND I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT, SO FIRST WE HAVE AMY RIGHT HERE.
[cheers and applause]
AMY LOOKS LIKE SHE'S JUST WEARING A REGULAR OLD FANNY PACK
THAT YOUR OLDER AUNT MIGHT WEAR AT DISNEYLAND.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST A REGULAR FANNY PACK.
LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S TOAST.
[cheers and applause]
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
OH, SURE, YOU CAN KEEP ALMONDS IN YOUR PURSE AS A SNACK,
OR YOU CAN MAKE PIPING HOT TOAST ON YOUR HIP.
YOU TELL ME WHAT'S BETTER.
AND AMY'S HEADBAND-- YOU SEE THIS HEADBAND?
IT'S NOT A HEADBAND.
IT'S BUTTER.
[laughter]
MMM, YUMMY.
THAT'S GREAT.
[cheers and applause]
GOOD? - MM-HMM.
- WANT SOME MORE? YOU SURE? - [chuckling]
- WANT SOME MORE?
MOVING ON. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
AND WE HAVE ANDY HERE.
ANDY.
[cheers and applause]
IT LOOKS LIKE ANDY'S JUST WEARING REGULAR BLUE JEANS.
RIGHT? WRONG.
ANDY, TURN AROUND.
ANDY...
[laughter]
IT LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR BUTT, BUT IT'S NOT.
LOOK AT THIS.
IT IS BLU-RAY BLUE JEANS.
[laughter and applause]
YOU PUT IT IN. TURN AROUND, ANDY.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
LOOK AT THAT.
[cheers and applause continues]
IT'S A REAL-LIFE BOOB TUBE.
[laughter]
HA-HA.
HA.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S SAY YOU WANT TO JUST KICK BACK
AND WATCH A MOVIE BUT YOU'RE THIRSTY.
NO PROBLEMO.
THIS IS MY PATENTED BLENDER HAT.
IT'S A BLENDER ON A HAT.
- UH-OH.
UH-OH.
- [laughs]
[laughter]
- OH, WELL. IT WORKS PERFECT, PEOPLE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
[laughter]
YOU JUST KEEP WORKING ON THAT, OKAY?
UH, WELL, IT WOULD BE LIKE THAT.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, ANDY.
AND NOW WE HAVE LAUREN.
NOW, LAUREN,
WE KNOW THAT SHE'S NOT NORMALLY THIS PERKY.
[laughter]
GUESS WHAT.
THIS ISN'T YOUR TYPICAL CONE BRA.
YOU KNOW WHAT THESE ARE?
[audience exclaims]
crunch!
[cheers and applause]
MMM. CRUNCHY.
THAT STARTED TO COME OFF.
THAT'S A GOOD JOB, LAUREN.
MMM.
JUST GIVE UP, ANDY. DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.
[laughter]
NOW, THE SKIRT THAT LAUREN IS WEARING
LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR MINISKIRT, BUT IT'S NOT.
IT'S CALLED THE MINIFREEZE.
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HIT THIS BUTTON.
[cheers and applause]
[laughing]
IT'S ALSO AN ICE DISPENSER.
[laughter]
YOU'RE NOT GETTING THIS ANYWHERE ELSE IN DAYTIME.
[laughter]
HOW'S IT WORKING? - THAT'S GREAT.
[cheers and applause]
[laughter and applause]
LET'S FACE IT.
IT'S GROSS WHEN PEOPLE REACH INTO YOUR FREEZER
AND GRAB ICE.
THIS IS SO MUCH MORE SANITARY.
THANK YOU, LAUREN, SO MUCH,
AND YOU'RE WELCOME, WORLD.
AND NOW LET'S CELEBRATE MY BRILLIANT IDEAS
WITH A DANCE, SHALL WE?