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I only had about six months to participate
in the queer community as an able-bodied person,
because I broke my neck in the same year that I came out.
So my queer and disabled identities have mostly existed
side by side for most of my life.
Being disabled in the queer community
is tricky because
In terms of erasure like,
think about the last time that you saw a post during
Pride Month that had anything to do
with our disabled LGBTQ siblings.
Nothing.
That's really problematic because
because if you're marginalized in the area
of your sexuality, your gender identity,
that automatically means that you're going to have less
access to healthcare.
Less access to healthcare means greater
incidence of disability.
And then greater incidence of disability means greater
likelihood for poverty and unemployment
because of discrimination in those areas.
And it goes on and on and it snowballs.
So we can't advocate for the queer community
without including disability.
We will always fall short, always.
So it's hard showing up in those spaces,
knowing that no one has ever talks about someone
with my experience.
When I had the paradigm shift around my body,
that it's whole and complete the way it is,
it totally set me free.
So that's when I got into coaching,
transformational education and then more naturally
just activism and speaking and
making these paradigm shifts happen
inside of disability specifically.
It was so life altering for me,
it felt like there was no other work that I should be doing,
except for sharing this, sharing the good news so that other
people could experience freedom in their bodies too.
Disabled people And able-bodied people alike.
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I also just got angry and I was just tired of people
wondering if I was, like, sexually viable.
And so I was like, yeah, I am.
And I'm gonna talk about it.
And I'm gonna make it clear that
We want romance and it's all available.
It's just a conversation that needs to be had.
And then also
Hey, I don't feel below my chest
and I experience orgasm and climax differently
and sex might look differently, and
I remember looking up like gay, paralyzed disability,
like, trying to find anyone who had a similar experience
to me online.
And there just wasn't almost anything.
Or anything that was actually of value to me.
So I had to go out and really deliberately explore and give
myself my own sex education,
both as a gay man and as a disabled man.
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I also think that
So often the idea is sex looks like this, you do this.
I touch that, you whatever and then that's how it goes.
And I think that actually disability
opens up a conversation that's inherently,
can be somewhat vulnerable,
but requires communication and requires people to say,
actually I need this.
Actually, this is how it works for me
because able-bodied people need that too.
Sharing all of that is consistent with the way of being
that I want to create in the world,
which is nothing's wrong here, I'm valid.
And my sexual needs are valid.
So like sharing that so transparently is consistent
with that way of being.
My experience with disability has been very different from
my experience as a queer person,
because I have experienced hate or hostility
because I'm gay or queer.
But people generally aren't hostile to me
because I'm disabled,
they just forget about me.
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As I go throughout New York city,
or as I roll around in a place that's not accessible
the takeaway message I always get is I was not considered
in the planning of this city or in the planning
of society really.
Just, I was forgotten here.
Someone forgot that people like me can't get in
if there are steps.
There's no amount of grit or determination that will turn
a flight of stairs into an elevator, right?
It just doesn't happen. It's just not reality.
Anyone who has the opportunity to age in life will most
likely have a disability at some point,
like all human beings.
If you have the opportunity to live a long, beautiful life,
your body will probably acquire a disability.
What that means is that people like me who were born with an
able body or without a disability can become disabled.
And that's an important piece to know about disability
because as we advocate for disability,
we have to have this really broad view of the fact that
while we're talking about disability,
we're talking about the nature of human bodies
and we're talking about all people.
And it's also informative to know that when we make a world
that's inclusive for people with disabilities,
we also set up a world so that any human body can
participate at any time in its lifespan.
So I am principally trying to advocate for a shift in how we
view disability so that we can see disability
as being on a spectrum.
That anybody-any body-has body function,
certain function, ability.
And that that ability is valid wherever it is on the sliding
scale of ability.
That individual has a worthy body
and that body is worthy of access and inclusion.
We mostly see people with disabilities as being broken
versions of their able-bodied counterparts.
My body is not who I am.
This is a container that is supporting me through life.
And I'm really just proud of it for the work
that it continues to do.
And I think that all of our bodies are generous
and hardworking and miraculous.
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