Hello I m Darren Magee and today s question asks if I would discuss Peter Pan Syndrome, and is
it associated with narcissism? Now, if you like this video, if you find it helpful or interesting
please consider subscribing to my channel. But just as a reminder, this video is not a substitute
for support from a mental health professional nor is it a tool to be used to diagnose someone. Now
all of us have something of an inner child within us. Checkout my collection, okay? We can all
have something of an inner child, we can revert sometimes to childlike behaviour on occasion. We
can be playful, we can be a irreverent. We can, we can have a childlike curiosity, a fascination, an
awe in certain things. We can be spontaneous, we can live in the moment. We can, we can encourage
others to be spontaneous and live in the moment as well, and they can be quite attractive qualities,
can even be quite healthy qualities. But Peter Pan Syndrome, it's a term that's given to someone who
behaves consistently immaturely. Someone who seems as if they have never grown up, or indeed
will ever grow up. The character, the name is based on a character by JM Barrie, Peter Pan, the
little boy who never grew up. And as much as those with Peter Pan Syndrome can be a lot of fun, the
immature mindset, the behaviours can also creep into other areas of their lives such as their
relationships, their work, their responsibilities, and so on, and can cause problems. The term Peter
Pan syndrome was first coined by Doctor Dan Kinley back in 1983 in his book,
Peter Pan Syndrome. Men who have never grown up. Now while he focused solely on men, what little
research there has been does show that it can affect pretty much anybody. Sometimes it's also
referred to as being a man child or being a woman child. And, and I think a really good example,
albeit it s a comedic example, I think a really good example of the man child, someone with Peter
Pan Syndrome would be Michael Scott, the character portrayed by Steve Carell in the US version of
The Office . Now I would also like to say at this point is a syndrome is not a diagnosis,
it is a term that is given when many people experience this same kind of feelings, thoughts,
beliefs and exhibit the same kind of behaviours. Peter Pan Syndrome is not currently recognised as
a psychological disorder. However, an increasing number of adults are presenting with emotionally
immature behaviours. They seem unable or perhaps unwilling to grow up and take on
adult responsibilities. They may act, they may even dress like teenagers do, even when they're
in their 30s or 40s and beyond. Like a said, though there isn't an actual clinical diagnosis,
and experts haven't really determined any official symptoms. But there is some consensus about how
this is often played out in personal attitudes towards responsibility and accountability,
in relationships, work and so on, and looks at the impact that it has on quality of life. So
let's look at some of those attitudes and some of those behaviours. First of all, in a relationship,
someone with Peter Pan Syndrome, they may just let their partners make all the big decisions. They
let them take responsibility for, even how to go about it, and even just planning activities. They
may show little interest or ability in making long term plans, making plans for the future,
preferring very much to live in the here and now. If you will, seeking instant gratification. They
may not be very good with money. There may be impulse spending, buying things they don't need,
but well, they may have money in their pocket and whatever it is, it looks good, it's the latest
model, it's bright and shiny, and this could even be regardless of any financial commitments that
they already have. In relationships they may seem to be emotionally unavailable.
The computer game they re playing, the new outfit they got, the new hairdo is much more important.
How many likes they get on Instagram is much more important than even getting real constructive
feedback from others. They may not want to label or define the nature of their relationship.
Even avoid addressing certain issues in their relationship, certainly addressing him in
constructive ways, which can leave partners feeling devalued and very uncertain as to the
nature of their relationship and where they sit in that relationship. Household chores,
childcare responsibilities, they could be ignored or neglected. Like dishes piling up in the sink,
laundry not being done until there's nothing clean left to wear. Young kids being allowed to watch
anything on television regardless of age restrictions, or perhaps even preparing their
own meals, and this can frustrate the Hell out of their partners in the sense that they just never
seem to act in an adult way. In some cases there can even be a possessiveness around partners,
but not in the kind of constant accusatory jealousy, for example, as I discussed in a
previous video about pathological jealousy. But not even in a healthy way, where two people are
showing each other relationship is mutually exclusive, they will not be seeing other people.
This is more this is more like, I have all the best toys and you're one of those toys, and no
one else is getting to play. In working life there could be a pattern of losing jobs due to
perhaps skipping days, tardiness, constant poor time keeping. They may even leave their jobs if
they feel stressed, bored or challenged somehow, or if that job did not live up to perhaps the
romanticised version they had of the job, they may just leave. They, even when they are in work,
they may not particularly pursue any opportunities in order to advance themselves. They,
they may even have a series of different jobs in many different areas, but never really develop any
skills in those areas. If they are unemployed, perhaps there is no urgency to looking for job,
finding a job, and even if they do, if they are unsuccessful in getting the job they could find
themselves easily discouraged from trying again for a different one. Another common characteristic
of Peter Pan Syndrome would be having unrealistic goals. Now, this could maybe be wanting to become
a Rockstar, pop star, an Internet sensation, being a model, or a champion athlete. Now
although there's not necessarily anything wrong with aspirations and goals like that,
they never really do anything to work towards it. They might not have any real skill in those areas.
It's just something that they're interested in, but they never spend anytime trying to
develop any skills. It's almost like they want it now, but they want it without the effort.
Or they could be talking about those dreams, they could be talking about those goals
as if they are real, as if they are reality. But again, making no effort to achieve them, you know,
not even trying to find out how to go about being a success at that. Other common characteristics
could be unreliability, not following through with any promises or commitments. There could be being
flakey, changing their minds very quickly and very easily, usually changing their minds to whatever
is expedient or whatever happens to be popular at that time. They might not like making commitments,
and they like to keep their options open, even keep their options in their relationships open,
which again can be very problematic for their partners. There can be tantrums,
being tearful, being fearful even ,emotional outbursts whenever facing difficult or
stressful situations. There can be, they can be fearful of being appraised negatively yet
have no real interest in any kind of personal growth or development. There can be an expectation
that others need to care about and care for them. And maybe make excuses, blame others whenever
things go wrong, or when they haven't done anything to even trying to reach any kind of goal,
or reached their ambition, but whatever they're being bragging about, tend to blame others as
being obstacles. I said previously as well, they could be dressing in the kinds of clothes,
styling their hair perhaps, perhaps the way teenagers would. Trying to look younger than
they are. Always, perhaps, maybe looking for a younger partner so that they feel young as well,
be able to hang out with younger people. Either that, or they may look for an older partner,
not just someone that is going to look after them, but an older partner because they get to
feel younger being with that older person. In some cases there could even be excessive pornography
use. Using pornography rather than developing a real physical relationship, emotional relationship
with a real person. Other times, and I ve seen this many times in some people, that
they may act like a buffoon. Pretending not to grasp even simple concepts and trying to
make a joke out of anything, but it's usually to try and avoid any kind of responsibility.
So onto the second question, the association with narcissism. Is it narcissism? Well, this
is a question that comes up quite a lot when discussing Peter Pan Syndrome, but
narcissism can be quite complex. And although there is a clinical diagnosis for narcissistic
personality disorder, it's never really a one size fits all. It's, it's more like a spectrum.
It can also be subclinical, meaning there can be a lot of narcissistic traits and qualities, but not
necessarily have a personality disorder. So that being said, Peter Pan Syndrome can share similar
traits, such as not taking responsibility or accountability, blaming others for their failures,
being sensitive to criticism and prioritising their own needs and feelings over others.
The difference with narcissism, though, is that there can be a devaluation of others,
there may even be a sadistic element to some of those narcissistic behaviours. Those with Peter
Pan Syndrome, even though they may be irritating, at times ridiculous, they may even be embarrassing
to those around them, but they're not necessarily deliberately toxic in the sense that they're not
necessarily setting out to hurt others to just stay in that state of immaturity. Having said
that, like I say, it's never a one size fits all and there are always exceptions. But that's a
brief outline of Peter Pan Syndrome. There are lot of things I haven t covered so by all means please
feel free to use the comment box below if there s anything you would like to add. It is a subject
that I find fascinating and maybe at some point I will look further into it, if anyone's interested,
I'll look further into it, looking at where it comes from, and indeed how it can be treated.
But in the meantime, please feel free to use the comment box below. As I say there are some
interesting conversations starting around these videos and until next time, thanks for watching.