You've been flirting with a coworker for months.
And it seems like they're totally into you too, which leads you to the question:
Is dating coworkers okay when you're also trying to succeed in your career?
Hello and welcome back to my channel,
where I help you slay your career and cultivate the successful life that you
want. Now if you just come across my channel for the first time, first of all,
welcome. And second, you probably landed on this video because maybe
you've been flirting with someone at work, and he's pretty cute,
and he kind of seems into you.
And you're wondering if it's okay for you to date a coworker.
While there's obvious pros and cons to dating someone that you work with.
In today's video, that's not going to be my focus. In today's video,
what I actually want to give you is the parameters
for you to actually date someone that you work with. Yes,
contrary to what most career strategists will tell you,
I actually don't think that dating is totally off limits at work,
but before you do jump into her relationship with a colleague,
I want to give you six guidelines to help you not only continue to
thrive at work while you're in a relationship,
if things go sideways to hopefully mitigate the risk of things going really bad.
If you're ready for the six guidelines,
click that like button and let's jump right into it. First thing's first,
totally boring, but let's get this squared away.
Is there any rules that your company has about dating a colleague? Now,
this is going to vary from company to company,
and there might be different rules about dating someone within your department,
within your team that sitting in different places in the corporate ladder,
maybe dating a colleague is just completely 100% forbidden.
Before you actually jump into her relationship with the coworker.
You need to know what this is because the last thing that you want to do is
to be having fun dating someone and then have to pick in between them and your
job. Your relationship is going to be new.
You're not going to know if it's going to be worth it. Your job is important.
It is your source of income.
Find out what the actual rule is before you begin dating a coworker.
Whatever the rule is, I do in general recommend that you follow that rule.
The second rule is Tinder is for hookups, the water cooler is not.
I know most modern workspaces don't actually have a water cooler,
but maybe one of those cool fruit infused ones. My point is,
is before you jump into a relationship with someone at work,
having a fling or one night stand,
a hookup with a colleague might seem like not a terrible idea.
Until it really is a terrible idea. Also,
you especially don't want to be that person who maybe imbibes
a little bit too much at a company event and ends up hooking up in front of
everyone. Trust me, that girl is going to be judged. It is not fair.
I'm not saying it's right.
I'm saying it's the reality. That said,
if you think Steve from accounting is really cute, and really sweet,
and he seems like someone that you can really get along
with in the longterm and he feels the same way,
then it might be one that is actually worth exploring.
But don't start off a relationship with a colleague if it's for hookups.
There's other places to find that. Just go to one of those places.
There is a saying #$%& don't where you eat. Live by it.
The third rule for dating a colleague is to actually consider the power of
structures. What does this mean?
It means that if you have someone reporting directly to you,
you cannot date them. If you have a massive crush on your manager,
you should not date them. I even question,
and I know that this happens in big companies, but it doesn't sit well with me,
where a very senior person dates a very not senior person.
It just creates this power imbalance.
It can create a lot of misperceptions about the relationship and what,
who's in it for what now. Which obviously you both want to avoid.
So this is really keeping the best of intentions out for both of you know,
one of the things that I actually think has been one of the biggest
benefits about the discussion surrounding appropriate conduct at work
is that we have started to have an open conversation about how power
can influence relationships. Listen,
no matter what side of the coin that you're on,
you might feel and they might feel like there is a genuine relationship.
However,
we really can't deny that power can influence our feelings and emotions.
And it might not be staging everyone for long-term success.
And if you truly care about that other person,
you don't want them to be in a bad situation like that,
and obviously you don't want to be in that situation either.
The fourth rule is to keep it on the down low.
Listen, people aren't dumb. They're gonna find out.
They're gonna notice that something's up.
Definitely you're going to be the topic of gossip for a little bit,
especially as people start to put together the pieces or maybe you get spotted
out. Now, I don't actually think it's good if you're dating a colleague
to be really secretive about it because as I mentioned, people are good at now.
Trust me.
They're going to know no matter how will you think you're going to hide it.
Don't be dishonest about it, but also don't flaunt it. Now,
there might be two people that you do want to have a conversation
about the fact that you are dating a colleague,
especially if it is a serious relationship. First of all, your manager.
You don't want your manager to find out that you're dating a colleague from
someone else on the team.
You just want to mention it.
Obviously it's not going to be a big deal. You want to frame it correctly.
If you're interested in that video, let me know,
do you do want them to learn from you because again,
there might be these kinds of other things that go on so
make sure that they're just privy to it so that they're not surprised.
And they also can be a great advocate to help nip any of the gossip
that might arise from your relationship with a coworker in the bud.
The other person that you might need to consider having a conversation,
depending on what the rules are at your company, is human resources. Again,
you want to make sure that there is no conflicts of interest
or anything like that so it might be helpful if you have a human resources
person that you do work with or is available to you to have a conversation
just to understand what you need to know if you are in a relationship at work.
The fifth role of dating a colleague is to keep the PDAs out of the office.
No obnoxious PDAs at work. No making out in front of your office.
Don't address any emails 'honeybun' or whatever your pet name is for each other.
These seem pretty obvious right?
When you're at work you need to conduct yourself like professional people.
That includes not talking you about anything personal.
If you're in a personal fight, you need to be able to leave that at the door.
And still be able to function and collaborate with Steve from accounting,
cause Steve from accounting is still there and he's someone you need to work
with. And this can be really challenging to navigate,
especially if you end up in a serious longterm relationship with one of your
colleagues.
What about when you have a fight and you have to still work with that person?
You need to draw very distinct lines between your professional selves.
and your work selves.
And the more that you're actually able to distinguish between the two,
the easier it is going to be as your relationships settles in and
you go through the different stages of love, hate and everything in between.
And the sixth rule is really need to dig down and figure out is this worth it?
Now you could end up falling madly, deeply in love.
You can end up at a longterm relationship.
You could end up getting married and having kids and
telling them about how you met their dad over the water cooler
and that you fell in love over negotiating a client deal together.
But the reality is is that that's not where most relationships end up.
And if your relationship doesn't end up there and it ends up over,
what implication is that going to have at work?
Are you going to be able to work with this person every day,
that you might have very strong feelings of some sort or another towards that?
It's not going to impact in any negative way your professional performance.
Think about their character and are they someone that if you break up with them,
they're going to lose their minds and start telling graphic information
about you to your colleagues, that they have absolutely no business knowing.
You need to really weigh if this is worth it. Now,
if you think that this person might be the one,
then you're probably going to see it's worth it.
And while the best case scenario is super fun to think about and daydream about,
it's really the worst case scenario where it all goes to hell in a handbag.
that you need to be super cognizant about before you start dating a colleague.
What's going to happen if you date for a little bit and it doesn't work out?
How are you going to feel having to show up and sit in meetings with
Steve from accounting if he just broke your heart? On the flip side,
how is Steve going to react if you break his?
And ultimately is the risk of this relationship worth it
for the fact that it might actually have implications in your professional life?
You're never going to know what the answer to this question firmly unless you
give it a try.
But it is something that you do need to weigh very seriously before
you jump into a relationship with a coworker. Because if you don't,
and it ends up in the worst case scenario, you can fairly,
very quickly end up in a toxic workplace.
And that is something that you absolutely want to avoid in your career.
Now, even if you haven't dated a colleague,
you've ended up in a toxic workplace, in my next video I'm going to talk
to you about signs of a toxic workplace and what to do if you're actually in
one. So if that is a topic that resonates with you to do,
click that subscribe button and click the notification bell.
So you know as soon as it comes out, and I know that navigating
questions like if you should date a colleague
and so many other things are things that are really.
challenging to navigate on your own.
Especially if you're a super ambitious woman in a male dominated industry.
And that's exactly why I created my free Facebook community, The Strive Squad.
If you'd like to join this drive squad, the link to do so is down below.
And with that, I'd love to know, have you ever dated at a colleague?
How did it turn out?
Do you have a love story that you can share down to the comments or a really,
now that you're over it, hilarious,
but cringy story about how it went sideways. I would love to know.
As always, if you haven't already done so,
I would really appreciate if this video has been helpful for you to click that
like button.
It does let me know that you like videos like this and it really helps my
channel. I hope to see you in the strive squad.
And I'm really hoping for some awesome stories about dating coworkers
down in the comments. So do share those. T.
hank you so much for being unapologetically ambitious,
for investing in this time for your professional growth,
and for watching this video. Remember I posted a new one every Tuesday.
I'll see you next time. Bye for now.