Trauma is a tricky thing to discuss.
Why, you may ask? Well, because trauma is different for every single person.
Every relationship is different, every situation is unique, so you may think that you’re alone and that no one understands how you feel.
But while we did say that every relationship is unique, there have been victims that have had the same feelings as you.
With that said, what we have come up with is a list of methods to heal narcissistic abuse and trauma that can help you become a better you, maybe even better than the pre-narcissistic relationship or marriage.
Narcissistic people create these voids in us that can be hard to fill, but it is certainly not impossible.
It is truly possible to find ourselves again and become who we were and improve.
We understand that recovering from abuse is a long process, but we are here for you.
We want to tell you that we are proud of you for taking the major step of leaving an abusive relationship and listening to these tips on healing from narcissistic abuse.
Number 1: Acknowledge and let go of your self-criticism.
One of the first things people have a tendency to do after a relationship or marriage has ended is blame themselves.
If you find yourself saying, "Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on them," or, "Maybe I was the actual abuser? Was I hurting them?" we want you to understand that you are not the reason for their abusive behavior.
It is important to understand that you did the right thing by leaving and acknowledging that.
You will only begin the healing process by accepting who is truly at blame and freeing yourself of those negative thoughts and self-doubts.
Many victims also blame themselves and self-criticize for allowing the relationship to carry on as long as it did. That is also not a reason to carry those negative thoughts around.
It is understandable to stay with someone you are used to and comfortable with.
You are on your way to healing from narcissistic abuse by acknowledging yourself in a position of power instead of being controlled.
Number 2: Praise yourself for your mistakes.
In a narcissistic relationship, you are constantly punished for mistakes you make, big or small.
You are consistently gaslighted and made to feel your mistakes are worse than they are.
With a mindset like that embedded into your brain, you become terrified to make mistakes and over time you may find yourself punishing yourself.
An important way to break free of the trauma of emotional abuse is to praise yourself for making those mistakes and allowing yourself to accept them.
It is important to give yourself daily admiration for being you completely and allowing the mistakes to shape you into the person you want to become. Accepting big and small mistakes is an important step to take for healing from narcissistic abuse.
These mistakes should not be thought of as end of the world situations, but rather situations that can help you heal from the trauma that you went through.
Number 3: Allow yourself to process all of your emotions.
Emotions are a complicated and difficult part of breakups to discuss.
What we mean is that it can be hard to exactly describe how you feel, especially if you don't know exactly yourself. It is crucial for the process of healing to not put your feelings on the backburner.
Many victims seem to do this often because they don't want to bombard their friends or family with the emotions of their breakup. It is extremely important to get those feelings out.
Whether it is writing, talking to a loved one who is willing to listen, or seeking professional help, it is always important to let these feelings out.
A great way to look at it is that you are finally in a situation where you can finally have the freedom to have as many feelings as you want, so it's important to get all of those bottled up ones released.
Once you start to embrace all of the grief, anger, resentment, or happiness that is flowing through you, you can finally begin to fully get through your narcissistic abuse recovery.
Processing these feelings sometimes can be hard to do; you may find yourself stuck in a loop, feeling resentment after going through grief and feeling broken, but waking up the next day and starting to grieve that relationship again.
That is okay. It is extremely important to get those feelings out.
It means you are trying to reach your goal of full recovery.
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Number 4: Self-care.
This is usually an answer anyone will get when they ask, "What is the best way to heal from a break up?" Well, that’s because it’s true.
Practicing self-care and earning your self-love is an impactful, important method to heal narcissistic abuse and trauma.
Many times, victims will try to distract themselves and find new things to do and put their wellbeing last.
After going through a traumatic situation such as narcissistic and emotional abuse, you forget what it was like to love yourself because you’ve had someone else telling you that true love only came from them.
Some of the ways to practice self-care and self-love are doing things that make you feel at ease and releasing some of the serotonin that you kept in for so long.
Doing these activities, even if that means a long, relaxing bubble bath, will be reminders for why you made the best decision of leaving.
If your significant other always out down the things that you enjoyed, make sure to do those things and do them with happiness.
Number 5: Seek professional help.
As mentioned in the beginning, every relationship is different and that can be difficult.
You may feel alone and that no one truly understands what you are going through.
Sometimes none of your friends or loved ones happened to have gone through the pain of emotional abuse and you understand you can't fault them for that.
If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse and you feel like you need help processing these emotions and you are alone, it may be time to seek professional help for this.
Victims, at times, will refuse professional help because they see it as a sign of weakness or think they are fine doing it on their own.
Taking the step to getting professional help is very difficult and it takes a strong person to do that.
Professionals can help relay information that they have learned through helping other victims or what they learned experiencing it themselves.
Some of the ideas they try to impart to their patients are setting boundaries, having no contact with the abuser if they have the ability, recognizing their lowest and highest points, and helping them move from low to high.
These tips and tricks, coming from professionals, may be the key to your successful healing of the narcissistic abuse you endured.
One aspect of a narcissistic relationship or marriage that seems to be the most difficult to heal from trauma bonding.
Trauma bonding is the relationship between a narcissist and their victim.
The relationship is difficult for outside parties to understand because the victim starts to grow sympathy and deep feelings for their abuser.
Many people who have not had to experience trauma bonding can't fathom why a victim would feel bad for their abuser and can sometimes grow to feel resentment towards the victim.
Something we commonly hear from friends or family is, "Well, I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves." Seeking professional help after finding yourself deep in a trauma bonding relationship may be the emotional support you need.
Professionals understand how hard trauma bonding can be to break.
They also know it takes quite a bit of time to break down those feelings of need and attachment the victim has with their abuser.
That’s why it’s sometimes better to seek professional help when these feelings run very deep like the ones you may be experiencing now.
Number 6: Using your experience to help others.
We wanted to save this one for last because we see this as the most important.
If you learned a super cool trick to make someone's life easier, wouldn't you want to share with people that you feel like would benefit from the knowledge? The same goes for how to recover from narcissistic abuse.
As we have said repeatedly throughout the video, you or your loved one has taken the first step to recovery: leaving the toxic situation.
That is the hardest step and the next steps are going to be harder, but also much easier.
By now, you have done hours of research on tips to "be okay" after making such hard decisions.
All of this research and resources you have gained, someone else may not have.
It may help you to help someone else who is in the same shoes as you currently.
They may need that push to be where you are now.
Some victims will seek help from someone who has been in the same situation before seeking professional help.
They find it easier to talk to someone who they know has been in their shoes.
One way you can help people through this trying experience is starting a local support group.
It can help you to hear advice and stories from someone else while you help them at the same time.
To give the feeling of togetherness and that new attachment they need that is much healthier.
That can make the victim's road to recovery much easier and it can help you to know you are not alone anymore.
This may increase your chances of making a full recovery and moving on to a new chapter in your life.
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