MIA: It's gonna be a blast!
I've got so many things planned for our next session!
I'm talking big deal, here.
EVAN: What's the occasion?
MIA: Third year anniversary for the game!
I figure they deserve something special to shake things up.
EVAN: Yeah? We celebrated our third year anniversary recently.
MIA: Really? What'd ya do?
EVAN: I ate a cake.
MIA: Okay.
Anyway, I was thinking your group could help me out.
I need a bunch of NPCs running about.
Extra hands would really make a difference . . .
EVAN: So you wanna draft my players?
MIA: Exactly.
EVAN: I'll ask 'em.
MIA: You're a peach!
EVAN: Who knows?
Maybe they'll enjoy running around in a steampunk game.
LANCE: Punk game?
You think punks are a game?
Try sitting with your fist jammed in the hole some punks blew into your partner's guts
while wiping the blood off your cell phone so you can call 9-1-1.
A man's life is literally in your hands!
That's the kinda game these shitbags play and they make up all the rules.
Punks are assholes who need to be taught a lesson.
I just wish I had it in me to be the teacher I once was.
MIA: Steampunk, yeah? Like, 19th century sci-fi . . .
LANCE: What?
MIA: Airships and goggles and shit.
LANCE: Oh.
Top you up?
MIA: No, I'm good.
WILL: You all right there, boss?
LANCE: I'll live.
But Jake didn't, did he?
WILL: Oh, boy.
THEME: "Days Into Night" by Sweet Mother Logic
ARTHUR: So, is there a plan or something, Evan?
What are we supposed to do exactly?
EVAN: I'll tell you when we're all here.
SHANE: Kat and Brittany are on their way.
ARTHUR: Speak of the devil!
[laughs] Look at you guys!
BRITTANY (IC): Ah, so nice to see y'all here!
SHANE: So that's what you guys were doing!
KAT: I told you! I go a bit overboard!
ARTHUR: Yeah, wow!
EVAN: Okay! So, we're here to help Mia celebrate the third anniversary of her game.
We're background characters at a banquet being held in the players' honour.
Talk to the PCs, roll with what happens.
SHANE: So, Evan, if this is a banquet, does that mean there's gonna be cake?
ARTHUR: Yeah, probably. Mia goes all out.
She's a really good GM.
KAT: I could go for some cake.
BRITTANY (IC): Mmm. Absolutely.
WILL: Yo, why don't you ever have cake, Evan?
MIA (IC): So happy you could come to my little to-do, here!
I do hope making it here wasn't too much trouble.
BRITTANY (IC): Well, good evening!
I am sorry that I'm late, but the autotransducer went on the fritz again!
Never buy a gyrosubmersible from the Krauts if you ain't willin' to pay.
Am I right? [laughs]
Well, pardon me!
Baroness Augusta Fairbright.
I must say, it is an honour to make your acquaintances.
Sir. Madam.
Oh, Winston!
My man, Winston.
A competent driver but a hopeless mechanic.
Born a complete mute!
Why, Lady Augusta, how kind of you to tolerate such help!
You poor thing! [laughs]
BRITTANY (IC): Winston, would you be so kind as to fetch us some refreshments
while I get to know these fine heroes?
That's a good lad.
Doesn't his smile just break your heart?
DANNY (IC): Well, it's a fine how-d'you-do, then!
Race Ironsights, here, m'lady, and I must say I am quite happy to see such a lovely visage
grace our humble little gang.
WILL: "M'lady?" "M'lady?!" No, no no, okay, no, I'm getting some food. Who's with me?
KAT: Yo.
WILL: Yo.
WILL: Sweet.
HAROLD (IC): Greetings, strangers!
And what monikers do you go by?
WILL: Moniker?
HAROLD (IC): Yes, your name!
Your name!
Your naaaaaame!
WILL: Okay! Settle down, look, uh . . .
Jesus, shit, um . . . Cliff?
HAROLD: Cliff. Cliff?
HAROLD (IC): All right, Cliff! Cliff, what brings you here, "Cliff"?
WILL: Cake?
HAROLD: Ahh! Yes! Cake!
A compound of flour, chicken ovum, sugar, and oil!
WILL: "Chicken ovum"?!
HAROLD (IC): [satisfied lip-smacking]
ARTHUR (IC): Hail. I hear you're a hero, or something.
CLAUDIA (IC): Absolutely right, boy.
My handle is Gertie Featherspark.
Pleased to meetcha.
ARTHUR: Gertie?!
You're still playing Gertie?!
Jesus, how long has it been?
CLAUDIA: Three years. I started the game with her--still standing strong.
Oh--most XP in the game, too. [laughs]
ARTHUR: That's, um . . . [clears throat] That's pretty good, Claudia.
You know, that's, uh . . . that's not bad.
CLAUDIA: Yup! My character's seriously sick. [laughs]
She's optimized, geared up, and never been more OP. [laughs]
Hey, how's, um . . . Noctus? [laughs] He must be a beast by now, huh?
ARTHUR: Oh, yeah, I--yeah, Noctus.
Uh, he, um . . . He was, uh . . .
He was lost so that the rest of the party could survive.
But . . . all right, whatever. No big deal.
CLAUDIA: [laughs] Dead.
ARTHUR: Uh, nng . . . lost.
CLAUDIA: Mmm, no. Dead. [laughs]
Oh, looks like I finally have the longer-running PC.
Finally sitting on top!
I knew this would happen eventually, it just . . .
Yeah, it just makes tonight even better. You know? [laughs]
Oh, no, Arthur, this doesn't mean that I'm a better roleplayer than you.
It just . . .
Yeah, it just means that I'm better at surviving.
But hey, cheer up!
The best part about gaming is that there's always new characters, right?
Even though you don't get to carry those experience points with you . . .
That initial climb out of the first few levels . . .
. . . is exciting . . . [laughs] Isn't it?
ARTHUR: Motherfucker!
MAX (IC): Well, those pirates were in for a bit of a drubbing, weren't they, Sis?
TINA (IC): Oh, indubitably.
MAX (IC): They didn't anticipate meeting the finest piston-powered swordsman on the continent!
TINA (IC): Mmm, poor chaps!
MAX (IC): Pity.
TINA (IC): Quite.
SHANE (IC): The finest, you say?
Well! I suppose that would be true if you hadn't yet encountered me.
[Max and Tina laugh]
TINA (IC): You? Defeat him? Absolutely not.
What a laughable idea!
SHANE (IC): Perhaps a demonstration is in order.
[Tina laughs]
MAX (IC): Why not? We could do with a bit of sport.
MAX: Ow! Right on my sternum!
TINA: What the hell?!
SHANE (IC): What?! I only nicked him!
MIA: Uh, we don't live-fight in this LARP. Combat's all done with cards.
SHANE: Ohhh.
MAX: Would have won, too.
SHANE: And you don't find that lame?
MIA: Game on.
BRITTANY (IC): High spirits tonight, aren't they?
MIA (IC): A little fighting warms the blood. [laughs]
DANNY (IC): And you can see the sound energy . . .
HAROLD (IC): Zzzip!
SHANE (IC): . . . being focused through the Infinite Prism to the Lightning Dynamo!
HAROLD (IC): Surely any educated man knows what happens next!
Diffraction excites the monads and causes a build-up of negative static electricity!
[electrocution noises]
KAT: Diffraction, negative static . . . nope. I'm sorry!
WILL: Don't leave me with them!
KAT: Better that one of us makes it.
HAROLD (IC): Oh! I, uh . . . I do apologize!
I tend to scare people away! [laughs]
Being the inventor of the world's most . . .
. . . potent poison!
WILL: Hey, can I see that?
HAROLD (IC): Aaah! Of course, of course, young man, but let me ask you this:
why would you want to carry such a pernicious potion?
No sane man would ever choose to stand so close to sweet death!
WILL: Weren't you carrying it?
HAROLD (IC): But I'm mad! [laughs]
WILL: Uh huh. Um, I'm--
-- so, no offence, but, uh, if you ever talk to me again, I'm gonna drink this, and kill myself.
Okay.
BRITTANY (IC): And I swore that I'd see the zeppelin make it to the continent in under
a fortnight, didn't I?
[laughter]
ARTHUR: [muttered] Silent Strike!
What is that?
WILL: I dunno, some kind of poison?
Do you want it?
ARTHUR: Yeah.
Just so you know, whatever happens tonight isn't because of revenge.
It's about justice. The Night's justice.
KAT: Come on, umm, Winston.
Come on!
ARTHUR: [clears throat, coughs]
Nope. Nope, I feel good about this.
KAT: It is so weird in there.
Nothing like your game at all.
EVAN: Well, sure. It's a different game, different rules, different feel . . .
KAT: The outfits aren't bad!
The science, though . . .
EVAN: It's just science fiction.
KAT: Still, it hurt my brain!
I had to abandon Phil back there.
EVAN: Phil?
CLAUDIA: [screeched] WHAT?!
ARTHUR: Kat, Evan. Lovely night for it.
EVAN: Oh, hell.
CLAUDIA: What do you mean, dead?!
MIA: Harold's poison is instantly effective.
It's designed to be the most lethal poison in the world.
HAROLD: And, and, there's no antidote, Claudia, remember?
When I designed, I made sure--
CLAUDIA: Harold! Shut up!
What the hell, Mia? Are you gonna let this stand?
MIA: You remember the rules!
I'm not retconning this just because Will's NPC decided to kill you!
WILL: Wait, whoa whoa whoa! What?! I didn't do anything!
I was gonna drink the poison myself!
Hey, plus, these two were yakking my ear off the whole time.
DANNY: It's true, we were!
I was, uh, showing him the design elements of my lightning pistol.
We were just going over how the Infinite Prism converts sound energy--
WILL: Guys! Please! Show some respect for the dead.
CLAUDIA: If it wasn't you . . .
[shouting] Where's Arthur?!
EVAN: Okay, guys. Train's leaving the station.
BRITTANY (IC): But I'm havin' a simply smashin' time--
CLAUDIA: [extended shrieking]
BRITTANY: Okay, let's go.
BRITTANY: It's too bad. I was having so much fun back there!
SHANE: Fighting with cards? What, like first paper cut wins?
KAT: Monads? I'll show them monads.
WILL: Ugh, nerds.
ARTHUR: Evan?
So, um, Gertie Featherspark is, um . . .
EVAN: Dead, yeah.
ARTHUR: And, does Mia hate me, or . . .?
EVAN: No, I think Mia will give you a medal.
She's been trying to take Claudia down a peg for a few months now.
ARTHUR: Okay.
EVAN: Don't you dare try any of that shit in my game, Arthur.
Hey!
ARTHUR: Felt so good!
EVAN: Hey!
Don't you dare try any of that shit in my game, Arthur!
ARTHUR: Yes, Dad.
EVAN: God, it's like you have to spank him or something. . . .