Hi, lovely people Meet Claudia. She is beautiful. You know. You're a little bit biased
yeah, well, it's still true
Let's not talk about me too much. Should talk about me instead.
Yeah, you like talk about itself. That's good
When did you first become interested in me?
Oh, right!
I think that's a good question. Yeah, okay fair enough.
I saw some photos of you
Which I thought wow she's really really pretty. Outgoing kind of person. Vintage-y style. Nice hair
It's all about the hair
*singing* It's all about the hair, about the hair
um
Yeah, and I like your photos. She hit like. Like oh my God she likes my photos!
But I thought that you were way too cool for me because you had the whole like outdoorsy
vibe and the plat. And your hair was much longer; you had hair that was like down to
I'm not just showing you my boobs, your had hair that was really long is my point.
You look gorgeous and you looked a bit like Pocahontas
Yeah. You spent like three days drafting...
*talking over each other* Yeah, drafting out that perfect note. Perfect message. But obviously I beat her to it
I just sat down one evening after work. Quite chatty, it wasn't like quick short ones like I think you're hot
which you sometimes get it. How do you reply? Yeah, I don't know how to respond. Did you have any other
Communication? And I was so excited because I really fancied you. And you're like ah, thank God I don't have to draft this bloody thing anymore
I'd never sent a first message, but you were the one person that I was going to do it for
You still didn't actually get around to it, so good thing I did. I was like oh
So do you know any nice pubs that we could meet in but somewhere we can go after work and watch the sunset?
She said yeah, I know some pubs. She had to contact to all her friends Cause she doesn't frequent the pubs.
Cause I don't drink alcohol.
So I didn't know, but I googled
Sunset Pub Brighton and guess where we went! To the Setting Sun Pub which actually you know?
It's not just one of those weird names and it's actually some pub down in the middle of the Valley where never sees the light
Of day here. We actually did watch the sunset. It was quite romantic. Yeah
But before I got there, I was running late from work. I was like. I'm really sorry, I'm running late
I'm running a bit more late, running bit bit more right?
Which was quite typical for me, then she sent me a text saying well
I've got to go at nine o'clock because my housemate needs a key to get in.
So I was like, alright she's already given me an excuse
I've obviously blown it already from being late. And then I got there
Hot and sweaty because I had walked up this hill for the Setting Sun Pub.
Where I had been for an hour and a half sitting.
Sorry. And then I went in I let my hair down and I saw her sitting on the table
With her like little iPad she had a little earpiece in at the time
I didn't know Jessica's deaf, so I just thought to her place like you know businesswoman Bluetooth things which is kind of dated
But I maybe she's like really busy like media woman. Fashion. Yeah, and then I walked over like oh, hi, it's um. It's Jessica
Isn't it anyway I?
Remember I looked up
And I saw you and I felt the inside I knew you would change my life forever
And then we sat and we chatted yeah that we made like lots of chat
And then suddenly like the whole bar had shut and the woman was so I stuck it up the chairs on the tables around us
She was ready to leave. Oh shit? Yeah, it's like 10 to 11. What about your friends? Oh, yeah?
I hadn't actually checked my phone. Cause you're having such a fantastic first date with me
And then Jessica was like
Oh, you want to go for a little walk, and I was like yeah, sure let's for a little walk
I said you want to go for a walk up this road, I live at the top
No you didn't! You just said do you want to go for a walk, and I was like. Yeah, okay
So I thought it's gonna be like a little walk and maybe we'd have a kiss and then we're walking
Walking at this point further and further away from my house
Which is on the other side of the Valley and then it's like, "Oh, this is my house"
And I was like right, so I basically just walked you home like not realizing it
And then Jessica's like "Do you wanna come in and meet my dog." I was like okay
This is like maybe some strange lesbian euphemism I've not come across before 'cause I don't want to pet your dog right now
I mean, I do, but I don't think we should
You so wanted to pet my dog. I did but I mean like it, like your actual dog
What is your not actual dog!?
And I was just making up some weird like *laughs*
I do actually have a dog, I meant my dog, but she thought because I have been a lesbian my whole life
I thought she was really attractive and she lived in Brighton for seven years
no, so we sat outside her house for another hour and continued chatting and then I said let's go to dinner next week
'Cause that's what you should do if you like someone you should ask for a second date before you finish the first date.
Yeah, which took me quite like double the time to get home because I was like twice as far away
But I didn't mind cuz I was filled like wow I had so much fun
It was a really nice day
And I really liked her, really feel excited about this one. And the minute I got inside my house. I texted everyone that I know
Everyone that I just had the most amazing date with this girl, think that she's the one and then the rest is history
Now we're getting married, so if you see a girl that you fancy she likes your photos
Then you should like them back and ask her to go on a date and also the moral of this story
Is that girls that you think are way too cool for you, are actually big dorks? [haha]. I am.
We are both *whispers* a little bit silly.
That's all folks
*Jessica's theme tune plays*