Hey there, this is Clay with RelationshipInnerGame.com.
And in this video we're going to be continuing our discussion about common misconceptions
and mistakes that people make with the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach in our courses
and uh, in our other things that we do online.
So let's go ahead and get right into it.
So another common misconception that people have about the Advanced Relational Skills
is that it's something that you just, you know, kind of turn on when it's time to perform
for somebody else and then, you know, when you just kinda hanging out, nobody's around,
nobody important that you want to impress you.
Just kind of, you know, turn it off and just kinda like a schlub right?
That, that's, that's a common misconception.
And what I want to instill into you is that, uh, the Advanced Relational Skills are really
about upgrading your way of being.
Okay.
Your way of being is basically like the sum average of all the ways that you bring yourself
to life throughout any period of time.
Right?
So your way of being this week is the sum of how you are behaving and how you are bringing
yourself to interactions throughout the entire week, okay?
And the more you can step into a certain way of being and the more you can step into maybe
being charismatic, being curious, and inquisitive about somebody's experience, being present
in the moment or you know, having integrity or something like that.
The more that you can step into that on a consistent basis, that is going to be your
consistent way of being.
So this is really about upgrading your way of being so that you can really behave, act,
and respond in a way that is going to get you the better results that you want with
love and relationships.
Okay?
This is the Be-Do-Have model, okay?
So you're being upgraded so that you can do things that will get you to have different
results.
Okay?
That's the way that this is all working.
Now, this is very contradictory to the way that most people approach things, which is
to Have-do-and-Be, right?
So if I could have the magic pickup line that I could do going up to the girl and uh, you
know, be a confident person, but you know, that that's the opposite way of what I'm trying
to instill into you.
What I want you to do instead is to simply just be a confident person so you automatically
know what to say so that you can get the girl or the guy or whatever.
Right?
Okay.
So that's kind of this dynamic at play.
And um, I want to make it clear that, you know, if you're, if you're doing it the wrong
way, if you do the Have-Do-Be model the way that, you know, I, I just described, the way
that I recommend that you don't do it, you're going to essentially be in Performance Mode.
Okay.
And what do you mean by Performance Mode?
Performance Mode is when you are basically putting on an act in order to impress somebody.
I'm trying to be something that you are not in order to impress somebody or otherwise
trying to, uh, you know, hide a certain part of yourself or conceal a certain part of yourself
or polish up a certain part of yourself so that you appear as something other than what
you are.
And this is not a great place to be in when you are trying to make some sort of progress
with an interpersonal relationship or really probably any other area of your life.
But, you know, we're all here to talk about relationships.
So let's just keep it focused on that.
You know, oftentimes when people end up throwing up their hands in the air and say, you know,
oh, I tried something but it didn't work.
That is a key indicator that they were not being something.
They were instead just performing, right?
You know, Oh yeah, I tried that canned routine, but it didn't work.
They weren't being charismatic.
They weren't being attractive.
They weren't being, uh, that, that kind of person that's naturally going to get the sort
of result that they wanted in that a romantic relationship situation.
Instead, they were simply trying a tactic, trying a little performance thing, showing
a quick tip or Ninja trick or something like that and you know, of course that kind of
stuff doesn't really work.
You know, it might get you one or two steps down the road, but ultimately you know something's
gonna happen.
You're gonna run out of lines and what are you going to say when you run out of lines,
right?
Suddenly you have to stand on your own two feet and if you've just been faking it this
whole time, then you're going to crash and burn.
I don't care if you're a guy, I don't care if you're a girl.
I don't care if you're trying to meet somebody.
I don't care if you're trying to save your relationship.
I don't care if you're trying to get your ex back.
I don't care if you're trying to meet Mr, Right?
You are going to crash and burn if you are just relying on lines and tricks and gimmicks
and all of that BS, right?
You have to incorporate being into your process for approaching these romantic situations,
okay?
And that's really what the Advanced Relational Skills are about.
It's about upgrading the way that you are bringing yourself to every single moment.
Okay.
You always want to be embracing and embodying the Advanced Relational Skills because that
way you will always be on.
Okay.
You won't have to just simply be like, oh, there he is over there.
How do I...
I gotta...
Gotta got to go around the corner and turn on my Advanced Relational Skills so that I
can impress him.
No, if you're doing it that way, you're doing it the incorrect way, okay?
And I would imagine you're probably going to have a lot harder time than if you were
to simply just say, okay, I see what Clay is teaching here.
I'm going to work on being all of these things, um, as often as possible throughout my entire
day.
And just, you know, always be ready to interact with this person over here that I'm attracted
to you whether they're there or not.
So I hope this clears that up and if you'd like to learn more about how to really work
on these Advanced Relational Skills, Learn more what they are, please head on over to
our website RelationshipInnerGame.com.
Tell us a little bit about yourself, your situation through a quick short, like 30 second,
painless questionnaire, and we'll send you some advice, tips and strategies to help you
get to where you want to go.
Okay, so this has been Clay.
I'll see you in the next video.
Take care.