hi everyone so here we are for the first
QA for 2018 there's five hundred and
fourteen questions lined up I don't
think I'm gonna get to all of them so
it's been a busy time since the last
time I did a QA some of you probably
know about the wind lindsay shepherd
affair at Wilfrid Laurier University
where a teaching assistant was brought
in front of a tribunal because she had
the temerity to play a video where I was
discussing Bill c16 on a public
television show that's been quite the
national and international scandal I
would say and so I made a bit of a video
about that today which I haven't
launched yet it contains a message to
junior high and high school students I'm
recommending to them that they well I
guess you'll have to watch the video I
didn't mean to make it a cliffhanger
like that but then as soon as I said
that I thought better of it and thought
maybe I'll just wait but anyways let's
take a look here Steve a has the first
question how can we know the difference
between unhealthy repression and healthy
self restraint of sexuality well I would
say you know part of what constitutes
ethics let's say first of all let's
start let's think about ethics to begin
with so what's the point of conducting
your life ethically the answer that
isn't so that you follow the proper
rules precisely the the answer to that
is so that you balance your life so that
it says productive and meaningful as it
can possibly be and that would be
productive and meaningful for you with
any luck but also for people around you
that would even be better and and for
you now and next week and into the
future so it's sort of a variation of
the philosopher Immanuel Kant's moral
dictum which was act such that your
action becomes a moral universal
something like that although I think
that it's it's better phrased across
time and across people like that so when
you're thinking about an ethic that has
to do with any fundamental motivation
like sexual
you have to think about it in the
context of the rest of your life
the question is whether or not but what
did I say what what did I read at one
point that I really liked with regards
to sexuality who's in control that's the
issue is it you or is it the sexuality
that's in control is have you integrated
your sexual life into the rest of your
life so that the whole thing makes a
harmonious balance and are you in charge
or is it in charge so to speak because
if you're not in charge with that
harmonious balance then things are going
to waver wildly out of control and
you're going to find yourself in
dreadful trouble that happens whenever
any given drive or me really any given
value predominates to the exclusion of
all else now it seems to me that
sexuality is best handled within the
confines of a relationship that's the
classic ethical solution to the problem
it's because sexuality brings with it a
tremendous amount of responsibility now
people don't like to think that
especially people who I would say are
low in conscientiousness let's say or
high and impulsivity it's easy for
people to believe in what would you call
it casual sex which is not something
that I think exists because I don't
think you can divorce sex from its
sociological or political or economic or
psychological consequences and I would
say the endless scandals that have
plagued the United States in particular
in the last year with regards to sexual
behavior are proof positive that there's
no such thing as casual sex I think the
reason for that is that the consequences
of sex are too dramatic it's not just
pregnancy and disease let's say which
are both as dramatic as consequences can
be in life but also the fact that
there's no disentangling sexual behavior
from emotional behavior or maybe you
could say even worse if you try to
disentangle your sexual behavior from
your emotional behavior then I think
what happens is that you end up
cynical I mean if you're let's say if
you're a serial if you're us if you have
a lot of one-night stands and a lot of
casual partners then first of all
there's not much discrimination between
one partner and the other and so in some
sense you're in a loop and and just
repeating the same act over and over but
you can't there's nothing deep about it
there's nothing that that enables you to
establish a relationship with another
person and I think that that's a I think
that you corrupt your soul in that way
and that you hurt yourself across time
and of course you're going to hurt other
people as well so I'm not a big admirer
of the casual sex idea I think it's a
demented adolescents fantasy
fundamentally it just doesn't work out
in the real world now
healthy self restraint well with regards
to sexuality it's the same with
everything else is that there's there's
the necessity to forego immediate
gratification for the purpose of medium
to long term thriving let's say so if
your sexuality is integrated in an ethic
that encompasses the rest of your life
and if it serves that ethic then I would
say it's properly restrained if it's
unhealthily repressed well then you're
angry and bitter and resentful and
cursing the opposite sex or perhaps the
same sex if you happen to be gay for
failing to recognize your particular
form of sexual what would you call
attractiveness
I think resentment and anger are a good
indication that there's something wrong
with the manner in which your sexuality
is restrained so I hope hopefully that's
a decent answer
Trevor MOOC says why are dragons in
Western culture bringers of death and
destruction that must be slayed well in
the East they're portents of good
fortune to be revered well I
that's a great question by the way the
dragon the dragon I already defined the
dragon at some point partly from a book
I read a while back on dragons as a tree
cat snake bird the idea in the book was
that the dragon was a imagistic
representation of the class of all
predators which means also might be why
dragons also breathe fire because
fire was undoubtedly a common
destructive agent in our evolutionary
past but the dragon is the most
primordial symbol of that which lurks
beyond which is known in fact it's even
more primordial than that because it
even is that which lurks beyond what is
unknown in some sense remember Don
Rumsfeld unknowns unknown unknowns well
that's basically the dragon there's some
unknowns that pop up that you can master
right away and you could kind of think
of those as known unknowns but unknown
unknowns are those things that pop up
that you don't know how you didn't even
you had no idea whatsoever that they
even existed anyways what's the
character of an unknown unknown well
part of its terrifying because it can it
can it can do you in right but part of
its also positive and and because it
anything that's truly unknown brings it
with it a tremendous amount of new
possibility that's why dragon's hoard
gold or why they also hoard princesses
or guard princesses hoard I would say is
the right word so I don't think the
dragon in the West is a fully negative
symbol because the dragon has gold
associated with it or virgins and the
reason for that is that the hero who
confronts the dragon gets the virgin and
that hasn't changed that's that's a
story as old as time and and I don't
think it'll ever change as long as there
are human beings now why the Chinese put
stress on the positive side and the West
put stress on the negative side is
difficult to say I might say because the
Chinese got organized so early I have a
sneaking suspicion that it was easier
for them to see a little bit of chaos as
something positive something necessary
and positive as a counterbalance to the
tremendous organizational weight of
their state that's the best best answer
that I've been able to formulate so so
anyways the dragon is a very complex and
ambivalent symbol it it combines
everything into one symbol positive and
negative and then you can stress the
positive or you can stress the negative
you could also say to some degree that
whether a dragon is positive or negative
depends to some degree on the manner in
which you approach it because the
psychological reality is that Dragons
approached voluntarily well small are
most likely to be positive and that's a
really good thing to know in your life
it's a good reason it's a good rule of
thumb to help you stop avoiding things
that you shouldn't avoid so that they
don't grow and magnify beyond your
capacity to deal with them you often
mention disciplining children so they
behave what is your advice for making
them behave without resorting to
corporal punishment well first of all it
depends on what you mean by corporal
punishment
timeout could be regarded as corporal
punishment it also depends very much on
the age of the child let's say a two
year old well in my new book by the way
I have a chapter in there called don't
let your children do anything that makes
you dislike them and the reason that I
wrote a chapter about that is because
people who let their children do things
that make them dislike them end up
disliking them and because there's a
huge power differential generally
speaking between adults and children if
you end up disliking your children
because they're not behaving well
they're behaving disgracefully say or
their or they're challenging your
position in the Authority hierarchy to
regularly something you won't put up
with by the way even if you think you
will it's necessary to get your
disciplinary routine straight so the
first thing I would say is figure out
what the rules are there shouldn't be
too many for two-year-olds basically
they have to know what no means and they
also have to learn as they approach 3
not to kick hit bite or steal
essentially now it's easy to train a
two-year-old but no means you can
actually start with a child that's only
13 months old a child that can cry let's
say that or that can crawl let's say
that you have a child is starting to
crawl and wants to explore the house so
the first thing you do if you have any
sense is try to get rid of most things
that the child could cause a tremendous
amount of trouble with to to the things
or to the chair
so that it's reasonably safe and then
the child is gonna want to want to crawl
around and get into everything and so
but maybe there are things you don't
want him or her to get into like maybe
there's a Oh what would we say maybe
there's a tablecloth and on top of the
tablecloth there's a plant or maybe
there's some plants on the floor and
when the child is crawling and goes off
to do something that he or she shouldn't
you can just grab his leg and you know
gently but firmly and say no and the
child will keep trying to move forward
because they're stubborn little
blighters and you can continue to say no
and if you persist with saying no then
the child will eventually give up and
sort of go limp now now and often the
child will cry when you do that and of
course that might make you feel guilty
but what that means is that you've
effectively brought the behavior to a
halt and if you do that ten times you
got to watch your child and don't stop
them from exploring things that they
need to explore and you want to use this
sort of thing with judiciously you can
grab them by the leg and say no and no
no and wait until they give up usually
they'll cry and then you can let them go
and then soon after you do that about 10
times soon then if you just say no with
the same tone of voice the child will
generally what happens the child will
immediately cry and then stop and then
after about ten repeats of no without
having the leg grabbed then no will just
produce stopping of the behavior and
that's unbelievably useful because as
soon as you're you train your child to
understand what no means then they
really have free rein of the house in
some sense with relative minimal
supervision from you first of all they
can learn what things they're not
supposed to get into and it's amazing
how fast children can learn that and how
fast they can generalize to the class of
things that they shouldn't get into like
you don't have to teach them every
single thing they can generalize very
rapidly that's not much different than
thinking but also once they are capable
of understanding what no means you have
an extremely potent means of helping
them regulate
their behavior with a minimum of
intervention so that's unbelievably
useful so now let's say you have a
two-year-old who's pretty contentious
and two-year-olds are pretty contentious
some of them in particular because about
5% of two-year-olds most of them are
male are quite aggressive by temperament
and those are the ones that if you put
with other two-year-olds will frequently
kick hit bite or steal not all kids are
like that but some are and most of them
get socialized out of that by the time
they're about four now let's say you
have and at two they also start to
experiment with saying no back and also
with misbehaving although they can do
that even younger than that so if you
have a two-year-old who's particularly
rambunctious and who decides he isn't
going to listen to you we use he in this
example because it's boys that are more
likely to misbehave and not not listen
you can you can pick them up and you
know by the arms now you got to get your
attitude right because you don't want to
be stupid you don't want to let your kid
make you mad especially when they're
really little because you're really big
and you can hurt them and so you got it
you got to have us a clue that's why you
want to get the rules of discipline and
order the minimum rules of discipline
and why you want to have a strategy but
let's say your two-year-old is insisting
upon doing something that you don't want
them to do like inserting a fork into an
electrical outlet and you just can't
have that and so you can say no
hopefully you've already done the no
training that I recommended and and if
that doesn't work what I recommend doing
is picking the child up by the arms and
then putting them on the steps say look
you sit there until you're ready to
listen now or usually the child will sit
there and then the rule has to be
something like you can get up as soon as
you're ready to be a civilized human
being again and you can refer to
yourself your own attitude during a
process like that because if the child
does comply and sits on the steps and
then comes and says I'm ready to be good
and you like him again you've got to be
honest about this then you can tell that
he's honest in his decision to rejoin
the civilized world now sometimes if you
put a two-year-old that's particularly
rambunctious on the staircase that as
soon as you let go of their arms they'll
run off and that can be a game or it can
just be an act of defiance and in that
case then you go
get him and he put him back on the steps
and you do that several times if
necessary and if that that becomes a
game then you sit on the step and you
hold him by the arms remember no anger
cuz he's just - for God's sake you know
you don't have to be angry just put him
on the steps and hold him say look I'm
not letting you go until you sit there
and behave and so if you hold him for a
while he'll squirm and look away and so
forth but you can get his attention if
you're a little bit stubborn you hold
him there and say you're gonna sit there
till I decide that you can leave and so
you hold them and he'll squirm and but
you can outweigh them if you're patient
but you got to make the time and then
eventually he'll stop squirming and you
can let him go and then you can sit
there and watch him and when you think
he's you know decided that he's going to
be a civilized creature then you can say
that's good and you can give him a pat
on the head and you can say let's go
back and do what we're doing and the
rule has to be you see that the
punishment not only has to bring the
behavior to halt in the most merciful
manner possible but that's still
effective but it also has to satisfy
your need for order and justice so that
you don't carry resentment and
irritation about the child's misbehavior
forward with you because you don't want
to kid yourself about what sort of nice
person you are you're not nearly as nice
a person as you think and no one likes
to be brought down the authority
hierarchy by a recalcitrant two-year-old
so in almost all circumstances those
processes will suffice
there's other disciplinary strategies
that you can use too that are more
positive I mean one of the things that
you can do for example if you're let's
say you want to get your child to go to
bed which is a really good idea you
should set a stable bedtime for your
child and I would say if they're under 4
it should be around 8 or 7 or something
like that because you want to have a
life and you want to have a life with
your wife so that you don't end up
hating your child and so one of the
things you can do if you want to train
your child to go to bed at 8:00 so maybe
he's not going to bed until 10:00 right
now and you want to fix that so you say
okay go to the grocery store or a little
convenience store buy ten little gifts
and it can be cheap kids don't care
they're not very bright you know you can
fool them so by 10:00
things that you think your kid would
like and wrap them up and then put them
up on the shelf where he can see them
but can't get out them then you say look
kid I'm gonna put you to bed at 9:30
tonight and if you don't get out of bed
then I'm going to give you one of these
I'm gonna give you one of these gifts in
the morning so or if the or you can do
it another way too if the child is
always giving you a rough time about
getting ready for bed and going to bed
you can say look if you're if you put on
your pajamas without fussing and you
climb into bed then they'll give you one
of these little gifts and so then if
that works then the child can have a
little gift and he's in bed at 9:30 and
then you can make it 9:00 and then you
can make it 8:30 and then you can make
it 8:00 and those are called that's
called successive approximation right
you hit the target you specify the
target that you want the child to
achieve and then use small rewards not
too often in order to attain that goal
and those are unbelievably effective
strategies and they can actually be
pretty fun but I would say the advice to
not let your child do anything that
makes you dislike them is really really
useful you want to talk this over with
your partner too so that you have your
disciplinary strategies and your rules
talked out so that you don't work across
purposes to one another so okay so
that's probably good enough for that can
we take the biblical Andrew Wells asks
can we take the biblical story seriously
enough with us without also keeping
biblical traditions what's the
psychological impact of group gathering
church-going I think we could take the
biblical stories seriously enough but I
don't think that it's particularly easy
the traditions bind the community
together now I'm saying now and I don't
go to church you know and the reason I
don't go to church is because well it
drives me crazy to speak frankly I
haven't been able to sit in a situation
like that ever since I was while ever
really that's really the truth and that
ever I'm not convinced that that's a
good thing because I do believe and I've
had good conversations about this with
Jonathan pazzo I do believe that
communal
return to the source of the communities
ethics is actually a necessary thing and
maybe I'm atoning for my past sins by
doing these biblical lectures at the
moment which is something that's
communal so and then because there's
also something about going where a bunch
of other people are to reaffirm your
commitment to to the good that you're
also all aiming out that's that's got
some power in it and and I don't think
that that's something that we should
forego I think it's dangerous I mean
look even if you're cynical about Church
and I guess I would put myself in that
category it's it's certainly the case
that communal church-going in the 1950s
a provided the average person with at
least an hour a week where they were
contemplating no matter how poorly the
purpose of ethics in life and and the
idea of a higher purpose and a higher
meaning in life and you got to think
that spending an hour a week thinking
about that is better than never doing it
at all so I don't know how to that
tradition can be revivified in a
meaningful way but I think it's I really
do think it's a catastrophe that we've
lost it because we don't have a center
an ethical center that holds our
community together and the consequence
of that is that we're fragmenting quite
badly so Edwin rajkumar or says I was
wondering what your thoughts are on
meditation and if you practice it
yourself well that's a good question I
think I practice it a lot and look when
I listen to someone or even when I
listen to myself but let's say when I
listen to someone in my clinical
practice I think I do it in a meditative
way in that I sit and listen and I wait
for thoughts to appear rather than
voluntarily thinking so I clear my mind
I try to keep my agendas off the table
my agendas whatever they are except that
I want the best for my client in in this
hour and the best say by their
definition and mine jointly decided
because that's all part of discussion
and then I listened very carefully and I
wait for
the reactions that occur within me and
then I share them and I think that's a
meditative exercise I think it's
different than voluntary thinking it's
like you know there's a statement in the
New Testament that says knock and the
door will open ask and you will receive
now that's a meditative that's a that's
a call to a meditative mode of existence
it's like well often what I do for
example if I want to solve a problem is
I if I have a problem with my own
behavior maybe I'm having problems in my
family as I'll go sit on a bed or a
chair and I'll think okay I would like
an answer to this I would like to know
what the answer to this and I'm willing
to accept whatever answer is appropriate
and because usually you get an answer
that you don't like right if it's a real
answer it's not something that you're
gonna be all that happy about and then
magically so to speak an answer appears
and I think that's a meditative practice
and the meditative practice is part to
clear your mind of your proximal
concerns and to concentrate more deeply
on what might be regarded as eternally
true and to open yourself up for a
revelation in relationship to what is
eternally true and I found that
incredibly effective and I think that
you can live like that you just have to
abandon your proximal pursuits now in my
new book again I wrote a chapter about
that called do what is meaningful and
what not what is expedient and it's a
bit of a meditation on the Sermon on the
Mount I would say because the essential
message in the Sermon on the Mount which
is the foundational document of Western
civilization as far as I'm concerned
essentially is that you should orient
yourself ultimately towards the highest
good that you can conceive and I've
tried to formulate that and I mentioned
it earlier in this Q&A that the highest
good that you can conceive should be
something like what would be good for
you now and good for you tomorrow and
next week and next month and next year
so good for you and all the future used
that might exist
and also at the same time good for your
family and good for the community
you know conceptualized narrowly and
broadly and good now for your family in
the community and then also into the
future so it's something like that it's
it's a balance of goods that stretches
across time you you have to decide if
that's what you really want and my sense
would be you haven't got anything better
to aim at and that you should aim at the
best thing that you can aim at for a
whole bunch of reasons is one is if you
don't aim at something you're certainly
not going to attain it and if you're
going to aim at something why not aim
for the best thing that you can think of
and if you do aim for the best thing
that you can think of and you make any
progress whatsoever it's extremely
exciting and if you do aim for the best
thing you can think of and you make some
progress then it's very life-affirming
and validating and that sort of quells
your anxiety and your existential pain
and so you get yourself properly
oriented and and the Sermon on the Mount
basically suggests that you do that by
orienting yourself towards God and for
the psychological purposes we can
conceptualize God as the highest good
that you can conceive of and then you
concentrate on the day and so you can
get up in the morning and you can think
well I want the best possible thing to
happen and so what is it that I should
do to serve that and if you ask that
genuinely and that's in a meditative way
I will say you get an answer to that
right away now the problem is is that
it's usually an answer that involves
some kind of sacrifice it means that
instead of doing what you would like to
do impulsively right now you're more
likely to have to go do something you
know that you've been avoiding and
that's difficult but if you do that then
you'll have some you know you can also
leave in your day with some pleasure to
reward yourself for doing something
difficult but if you if you live that
way then I think that your your house
stays clean and your family stays
organized and the state doesn't Rock and
all that and all that's extremely
extremely good so anonymous says how do
I deal with the fact that I'm a
pedophile and should I tell my family
and friends it I can't answer the second
part of that should I tell my family and
friends because I don't know your family
and friends and I don't know how you
would go about telling them so I can't
make a piece of I can't make any advice
about that or I can't offer you any
advice about that I would say that if
you have the opportunity you should
probably go speak to a counselor or
priest or someone that you trust
because you're going to have to figure
out how to deal with that and but you
should also maybe and that's about the
best I can do with that I'm not an
expert in the treatment of pedophilia
and so I can't offer you any great
clinical wisdom but I would say that you
need a plan
you need to plan and you have to and I
would include in that plan the
absolutely catastrophic consequences of
not regulating that behavior properly
and you should really think it through
because that pedophilic impulse let's
say could lead you into seven different
sorts of Hell you and whoever you happen
to tangle up in it and you might want to
avoid sever and if you might want to
avoid seven different seven different
forms of Hell and in order to do that
given the proclivity that you describe
then you're gonna have to have a plan
now look lots of people have impulses
that they have a hard time controlling
you know alcoholics can't drink alcohol
and cocaine addicts can't take cocaine
and most people can't
what manifest untrammeled sexual
behavior and so and certainly within the
capacity of human beings to regulate
impulses that aren't in there or others
best interests so I wouldn't regard it
as a hopeless pursuit but it does seem
to me that it's something that you might
want to talk to someone you trust about
because it's it's a complicated issue
and it's a proclivity that's likely to
lead you in a direction that would be
let's call it suboptimal I was wondering
what you thought of Santa Claus if it's
a healthy thing for parents to practice
what's the psychological impact of lying
to your child look I think that I think
lying is the wrong way of thinking about
this Santa Claus is a game it's a game
of pretend and children play games have
pretend all the time you know so
I don't see any harm in it at all now
you know you don't want to prolong that
belief beyond its natural end point but
it's a it's a massive game and it's a
lovely game and I don't believe that
there's anything harmful in it in the
least so now what's the psychological
impact of lying to your child let's we
can think about that more generally
don't lie to your children don't lie
period lying is a really bad idea it's a
really bad idea it never works you might
think it works but that's only because
you're blind to the consequences isn't
probably willfully blind plus it's a
terrible weight you know if you if you
don't lie there's a lot fewer things to
keep track of your life is a lot more
pristine and crystalline and and then
things that you that come your way maybe
you deserve in some small measure and
it's a bad idea to lie now but I don't
think it's a bad idea to play pretend
games with your children I think that's
okay you once mentioned you were
planning on making an IQ test available
alongside the big five aspects scale one
is that in the works yes we have an IQ
test that we use for business testing
although we haven't made it available
publicly yet it is in the works but not
for a while what we're doing instead and
that's because it has to be while
there's a bunch of work we still have to
do on it to generate the reports so that
they're going to be truly useable to
people now I would say is about three or
four months work is necessary to do that
what we are doing right now with the Big
Five aspect scale though so that's that
understand myself calm is producing a
dyad version and so we're working on the
boyfriend-girlfriend version right now
so what that'll mean is that when you go
there and you do your personality test
and your girlfriend say does her
personality test that you'll both be
able to generate a dual report that
describes the similarities and
differences between you and your partner
and where you're likely to see
eye-to-eye on things where you're likely
to differ and what that's going to mean
and what you might want to do about it
if you know what you might be able to do
about it and this we're hoping this will
be really useful because temper
mental differences are a lot of the
reason that people have a hard time
getting along that and complete
inability whatsoever
to state what they actually want and to
negotiate which is a completely
different issue I want to build a
program to help people negotiate to at
some point in the future that's part of
our future plan but the next development
plan is to well there's two of them is
to get the high school version of the
self authoring program up and running
and that my programmer keeps promising
it in two weeks and I these things
always take longer than expected but I'm
sure we'll get it out in the first
quarter of 2018 and then also the diad
version of the big five aspect scale
that should be out in the first quarter
of 2018 as well and then I'm not sure if
the IQ test will be next on the
development track see one of the things
we'd like to do with understand myself
is to expand it out into a career
planning process because look at it this
way you know if you have an IQ of a
hundred which is the average IQ so that
would place you sort of in the middle of
the average high school class being a
lawyer is probably not a great career
choice for you unless you're
unbelievably conscientious because
you're going to be competing with people
who have a verbal facility say and a
problem-solving capacity that far
exceeds yours and you're gonna have to
work like mad too to just be reasonably
competent and so what seems to be more
logical is to take a good look at your
intellectual prowess as given because
it's it's very powerfully biologically
influenced and to pick a domain of of
career that you could excel in because
why not pick a domain that you can excel
and there's lots of different things
that you can be and so you want to
consult your temperament so if you're
agreeable then you probably want to work
with people and if you're disagreeable
you probably want to work with things
and if you're extroverted you want to
have a job that involves sales and
social activities if you're introverted
you want to work alone and if you're
open you need to do something creative
and entrepreneurial and so on so you
have to consult your temperament to see
where you would be properly slotted and
then you have to consider your
intelligence so
you can find a niche where you're most
likely to excel and those niches exist
so we'd like to combine the IQ test with
the big five aspect scale so that we can
give people reasonable career advice
it's being a long-term goal and so those
are all on the table and I have good
program team working on them but they're
very complicated things and they take a
lot of time and we don't want to make a
mistake and all of that so but maybe the
couple's version and the high school
version of the the couple's version of
the personality test and the high school
version of the self authoring in this
quarter and maybe maybe the career
counseling version of the big five
aspect scale in the next year that would
be lovely
that's probably overly optimistic for
the second part but you often give
advice to young adults to help them
avoid some of the pitfalls of life any
advice for those of us who are 40-plus
who have already faltered look first
Graham this is Graham everybody who is
40 pluses has already faltered but but
I'm presuming that you mean faulted in a
manner that appears to you to be above
that above the average right well what I
would really recommend is I think that
you should if you haven't already you
should go do the future authoring
program and maybe the past authoring
program too because you should figure
out exactly how you faltered like what
exactly did you do wrong by your own by
your own analysis right I'm not saying
well what social rules did you break
although that's not a bad initial
guideline it's like so in the self
authoring suite there's a past authoring
module and it asks you to break your
life into seven epochs and then to
consider the emotionally significant or
practically significant events within
each epoch and detail out their
emotional nature and their consequences
and so on and one of the things you
might want to figure out is well when
you say that you faltered like what do
you mean exactly and I mean exactly go
over your life with a fine-tooth comb
this is what Alexander Solzhenitsyn did
by the way in the gulag before he wrote
the Gulag Archipelago he went over his
life and said okay well like where did I
go wrong what did I squander what
mistakes did I make and what did i do
right so that you can orient yourself
now and then you want to think and this
is
why we built a future authoring program
well look you got 40 years left man so
what do you want them to be like so what
do you want to Emad at least how are you
gonna minimize the misery if nothing
else and so you need a plan and then
what you need to do is to figure out how
to work day to day so that you
incremental II approach that plan so I
have another chapter in this new book
called compare yourself to who you were
yesterday rather than to who someone
else is today that's really a useful
psychological stance for someone who's
thirty and over in particular talk
twenty year olds can still kind of
compare themselves to other twenty year
olds because all twenty year olds in
some way are the same but forty year
olds are really different from each
other and so our thirty year olds for
that matter so you might think okay well
here's a here's a meditative strategy
for for ceasing to falter you could wake
up in the morning or you could do this
at night before you go to bed and you
could think okay look I want to
structure my day tomorrow so that when I
when I'm done with the day my life is in
slightly better order than it was when I
woke up this morning it's just slightly
better because incremental progress is
massively massively effective because it
bears exponential fruit just like a bank
account compounds incremental progress
compounds with time so you can get up in
the morning and you can think okay
there's some things in my life that I
could put in order today there are
usually things you don't want to do as I
mentioned earlier what could I do today
that would help put my life in order
that I would do you have to ask yourself
you can't tell yourself you have to ask
yourself what would you do and then
maybe you have to say well or maybe you
have to say under what conditions would
I be willing to do something to put my
life in further order today what little
reward would I need to give myself and
these have to be questions you can't
like take out the whip and boss yourself
around because you'll find that you're a
terrible master and a worse slave and so
you can get a long ways if you look low
enough one of the things Carl Jung said
I really liked was that modern people
don't see God because they don't look
low enough they don't have the humility
now you said that you have already
faulted so it sounds like you've got the
humility already intact so I would say
think about what you want think about
what you know around you isn't set right
because you'll know it make a list of
things that around you that aren't right
and then start thinking about small
things you can do like trivial things
that even a fool like yourself could
manage that would orient you in the
right direction and help straighten out
your life and try that for a year before
you decide that you're a failure
you know because you'll find that if you
put that into practice for a year that
things will be a lot better and like I
said you got 40 years left so you're not
you're not done yet
and so the other thing I would say too
is it isn't exactly that I would say
forgive yourself because you know that's
just a cliche but I would say that once
you've decided once you what you've done
wrong and you've put into practice some
some strategies to rectify that that
don't you don't have to beat yourself
any more than is necessary for you to
learn which is a good rule of thumb with
regards to treating yourself and also to
treating other people so I don't think
my wife loves our internationally
adopted daughter and she won't go to
counseling with me my house is filled
with tyranny and anger any advice
anonymous Wow
that's a loaded that's a set of loaded
questions man I don't think my wife
loves our internationally adopted
daughter well the first question would
be why not but she in on the adoption
for example was it partly her decision
here's a possibility maybe you could ask
her under what conditions ask her more
specifically why she doesn't like your
internationally adopted daughter it's
too vague I don't think my wife loves
our internationally adopted daughter
break it down maybe it's something like
there are 15 things about our life with
our internationally adopted daughter
that my wife does not appreciate now
maybe some of those things are the way
that the daughter behaves so I don't
know how old she is or anything else
about her and differentiate your problem
it's too vague you'll never solve it
this way because loves isn't the right
word see if you can write down thirty
reasons why your wife is annoyed about
your current situation and maybe you'll
have to differentiate each of those 30
into ten more right maybe there's 300
reasons and then see if you can start
asking her about fixing some of the
reasons that you differentiate it
because obviously you can't go up to her
and say you have to start loving our
internationally adopted daughter that's
just not going to work and you already
know that um but if you break that down
into the twenty reasons why she doesn't
like your daughter then maybe you can
figure out a way that some progress
might be made on one of those problems
and maybe if you take that approach for
a whole year then she'll go from like
she'll at least hip neutral or something
like that
that's the best I can do given that I
only have three sentences to go on so
differentiate the problem and then solve
the smaller problems you have talked
about the difference between
intelligence and wisdom Jason Clarke you
have talked about the difference between
intelligence and
I'm saying intelligence isn't a shortcut
to wisdom well let's let's point
something else out man
stupidity isn't a shortcut to wisdom
either what is your definition of wisdom
while there's the Old Testament view
that's the fear of God is the beginning
of wisdom
that's a good one I think wisdom is in
part the willingness to come to terms
the knowledge of your own capacity for
malevolence that's wisdom the the desire
to rectify that the wish to set the
world on a pathway that leads it closer
to heaven and farther away from hell
that's wisdom
the humility to know that there's more
things that you don't know than that you
know and that you should be open to what
you don't know when people inform you of
it because it's better to learn that it
is to walk nose-first into a wall or
blindfolded off a cliff the knowledge
that you don't have the right to be a
judge of being without having given it
your utmost that's wisdom
wisdom what else the knowledge wisdom is
also the knowledge that hell is real
enough so that you should do everything
you can to avoid either inhabiting it or
producing it that's what I learned from
from psychological analysis of the
history of the 20th century hell's real
enough and and you you're you're
duty-bound let's say your honor bound
you're ethically bound to do the
opposite of whatever produces those
hellish circumstances ami Pellegrini
says why is self-sabotage such a future
feature in human life you know what I
have a chapter about that in my new book
- which chapter is it now I think it's
it I can't always match the content with
the chapter title oddly enough
I think it's the chapter about picking
friends that are good for you see oh yes
I have it right here
and I didn't set that up by the way I
genuinely did remember make friends with
the people who want the best for you was
that it no treat yourself like someone
you are responsible for helping there we
go
why are self-sabotage such a feature
okay here's a couple of reasons the
first is is that there's a lot of
responsibility with success right so if
you if you say yes to things and you do
a good job and and you bear a large
burden then you have to carry it and a
lot of that might be success but you
know failure is a lot easier than
success plus you can complain about it
and whine about it and be a victim and
you know garner all sorts of kudos from
yourself and others that way so there's
that it's just failure to adopt
responsibility but then I would say too
there's also revenge on on the self and
god that's partly why I like the Cain
and Abel story so much once I sort of
figured out what it meant people have a
hard time not having the kind of
contempt that borders on self-hatred for
themselves partly because you know we
are fragile and mortal creatures and
prone to error and malevolence and we
know that of ourselves better than
anyone else and because we know that
we're prone to punish ourselves and and
to think ill of ourselves and you know
one of the things I learned from young
was that the injunction to do unto your
neighbor as you would have him do unto
you was an equation rather than a
statement about how to be nice to people
and that you have an ethical obligation
to treat yourself as if you're some
person of value even if you don't really
feel that that you owe yourself that
that you owe yourself the same treatment
that you would give someone that you
cared for and loved that's a really hard
thing to learn you know because you kind
of have to detach yourself from your
knowledge of all your insufficiencies
and your flaws and treat yourself with
dignity and respect at least the dignity
and
effect do someone who's faulty that
could conceivably learn and that's a
very difficult ethical lesson to learn
it's it's easier to beat yourself
continually on the hit back of the head
with a club and to feel it's justified
given how much you know about how
wretched and useless you are so so let's
say there's two reasons one is that you
don't want the responsibility so it's
not really self-sabotage it's just
avoidance of responsibility and
consequent failure and the second is
punishment self punishment that seems
only just given what you know about all
your pathology and and an error and and
insufficiencies so I would say that's
that's the big two there hmm any advice
for a grieving parent who lost a child
unexpectedly well one I would say make
sure that you turn to the people that
you have left that you love the second I
would say is don't be guilty about
grieving you know and if you have
friends you could tell them you could
let them do something nice for you
because they would like that you could
figure out something they could do that
would be nice that you would appreciate
and let them do it because you know
other people are going to grieve at some
point in the future too and maybe
they'll be able to ask you for help if
you do that and then well I would the
next thing I would say is give yourself
time you know it takes a year maybe
longer to adapt to adjust even
reasonably to such a catastrophic loss
and then I would say try not to allow
that terrible wound to make you bitter
because then not only will you have lost
your child and grieve but you'll be
bitter and then you'll be resentful and
then you'll be hateful and that'll be
like a terrible not allowed insult to
injury so that's too bad
are there ever situations where you
should hold your tongue and not speak
what you believe yeah most of the time
look it's really a tricky thing to
figure out when to say what you have to
say but I can give you a couple of rules
of thumb it's a general question aim and
I can't list all the situations but I
can give you some strategic advice so
for example if someone is has said rude
things to you for example says a rude
thing to you
maybe you shouldn't respond immediately
even though you're very irritated
because maybe that's just an impulsive
response and one that you'll regret one
you make an anger that you'll regret so
I would say when you're dealing with
someone and you want to chastise them
then you should wait for them to sin 3
times right so the first time they're
rude to you you think oh well they're
probably having a bad day or I
misunderstood or I'm rude sometimes too
and you know I'll just let it go but you
don't forget and you don't pretend it
didn't happen and then it happens again
and you think well that could still be
fluke that could still be that could
still be situational so maybe I'll just
hold my damn tongue and but I'll
remember that I'll remember and then the
third time they do it then you think no
no three times that's a pattern and so
then you can go to them and you can say
look this happened and then maybe they
die and you say well yeah you can deny
it but then this happened and maybe they
did I need to say why you can deny that
but then this happened and you know
three times the charm and that's the
time when you should stand up for
yourself and and say what you have to
say look
you have to put yourself in a position
where you can say what you have to say
you have to think it through you have to
have a plan
and you can't just launch yourself off
the edge of a cliff and hope that God's
gonna catch you on the way down and I'm
saying you know it's definitely the case
that if you have something to say like
if you're being oppressed at work if
you've got some you know horrible tyrant
as a boss or or maybe that's happening
to you in your marriage or maybe you're
the horrible tyrant god only knows
there's things that have to be said but
that doesn't mean you can just blurt
them out you have to have a plan you
have to figure out what you want to say
you have to make it as minimally
troublesome as possible you have to have
the goal that you want in mind and you
have to have a back-up plan like this
the sort of thing that you're talking
about you know where you need to say
something that's like a little war you
don't want to walk into that unarmed and
unprepared and now that doesn't mean
that you should that means that you
should set up your life so that you're
firmly enough anchored in a variety of
different ways so that you can say what
you need to say without dying as a
consequence so
yo Josh gates oh good Josh asked me an
easy question young suggested that the
Christian myth failed to articulate
Christ's descent into hell and that this
resulted in the mass shadow projection
of the West's thoughts yeah well I'm
gonna refer to my book again I talked
about this in rule 7 pursue what is
meaningful not what is expedient in that
chapter I discussed there's this idea in
Christianity that Christ took the sins
of the world onto himself and I think
that's very much related to the idea of
descent into hell they're not exactly
the same thing but I but I'm gonna
address the first one and it'll shed
light on the second so what does it mean
that the Messiah is archetype Li the
figure who takes the sins of the world
onto himself
what it means practically speaking or
psychologically speaking and I've tried
this with some of my clients who were
very naive it means to read the history
of the world as if you were the
perpetrator of the evils that you read
about instead of the victim or the noble
intervener
you know I talked to somebody the other
day about the movie Schindler's List and
Schindler was this German industrialist
who saved a very large number of Jews
that were in danger of well in danger of
the final solution and one of the things
he said was well you know when people
watch Schindler's List they always think
they'd be Schindler and and if they
don't think they'd be Schindler maybe
they think maybe the Jewish victim of
the Nazis but they almost never think
that they'd be the Nazi persecutor and
that's a big mistake because when you
read about history then you're reading
about you even if the U is the
perpetrator and unless you understand
that then someone else has to be the
perpetrator and if someone else is the
perpetrator well then you have a devil
that you can chase and you know maybe
you've identified the devil properly
because you know now and then it's like
John Wayne Gacy or Ted Bundy or someone
like that and you've actually you know
you've identified a perpetrator but so
often far too often the best way to
constrain the malevolence outside is to
constrain the malevolence within and so
if you don't have a locale for the evil
of the world then you have to
externalize it because the evil of the
world certainly exists now it's a better
solution to assume that you're fully
capable of the terrible things that
people have been capable of throughout
the history of humanity and to contend
with that genuinely and there's massive
advantages to that I mean first of all
it can actually produce an remarkable
increment and self-esteem because you
know if you're just a rabbit and you
freeze whenever a wolf looks at you then
you're just a frozen rabbit and that's
not so good you're just a scared rabbit
but maybe you learn one day that you're
not a rabbit that you like you're
actually quite the damn monster and
you've got teeth and you could really
use them in an underhanded and horrible
way this is why people like antihero
movies so much hay because they go and
see the villains the Mafia guys and
these tough guys and they anti-heroes
that populate our imagination and think
oh yeah well I'd really really like to
be someone like that and the thing is is
that being useless and weak it's better
to be a monster than to be useless and
weak and that's because being useless
and weak makes you a worst monster than
a monster that's why it's not like being
a monster is good but weak useless
monster is the worst kind of monster
because that's the sort of monster
that'll jump you in the dark and sink
its teeth into the back of your neck
instead of confronting you forthrightly
in the alley and so if you start to see
yourself as the perpetrator of
historical malevolence you know if you
can imagine yourself as an ostrich camp
guard if you see yourself as as the the
vicious villain of the human story then
all of a sudden you've got a lot more
respect for yourself and you can unlock
that internal monster and that internal
monster and then maybe you contain the
damn thing or at least bring it bring it
into some sort of partnership with
yourself and then when someone pushes
you around you can let a little bit of
that out in your eyes just a little bit
and you can say it would be better for
you and for me if you didn't continue to
do that and you can actually mean it and
then actually it will stop because if
you let a little bit of that out when
you tell someone just
the probability that they'll stop is
extremely high and then just a tiny like
vision of the monster you could become
is enough to keep order in your house a
and maybe in your state and so the
masked shadow projection of the West
well you know here's another thing so
one of the things the Christians figured
out was that the snake in the Garden of
Eden was also Satan I can't get into
that it's too complicated you'll have to
read chapter 7 if you want a full
explication of that idea that's as good
an answers to the question as I can
manage tonight I spent all day let's see
all day I got up at 7 and I worked all
day till 5:00 on this video I told you
about so I made about 400 edits or
something like that so I'm a little bit
on the burnt-out side tonight so let's
see let's take a couple of questions
from the live chat and it's zooming
along here so how should one deal with
recurring self-pity and why is it so
gripping well it can be gripping for a
variety of reasons it can be gripping
because you are let's see because you
are high in neuroticism that's a
possibility and and why is it so
gripping well that's another potential
reason it's hard for me to say let's see
I have a another chapter like that
what's it called there yeah it again
it's rule to treat yourself like someone
you were responsible for helping well
why the hell wouldn't you pity yourself
I mean people are life is tragic
everything ends in death everything that
you have will be taken away from you
you're weak and breakable and prone to
fits of impulsivity and malevolence how
could you not have self-pity well that's
really the answer but but the next
answer is yeah well despite that it's
not good enough you have to rise above
all that even though you have every
reason for it that's the thing that's so
paradoxical is you have to rise above it
even though you have every reason for it
and part of the reason you have to rise
above it is because if you don't it
makes everything worse you and
everything
and being itself and so it's gripping
because well it does grip you you know
malevolence and tragedy and
vulnerability and mortality there
gripping and I would say well you have
to find something that's even more
gripping than that and I would say the
most the thing that's most gripping the
only thing that's more gripping than
that in true in truth is to live a good
life to live the best life you possibly
can to live a life that's so noble that
all of those things are justifiable
uriel 333 he says JP thinks he is a
monster lu l I don't know what lu l
means but i don't actually think I'm a
monster there's a difference between
thinking you're a monster and knowing
you're a monster
all right foglight says i love this guy
well thank you for glite i would
probably love you too if i knew you
let's see who's that Santa Christ says
I'm a monster war good well that's a
good start man that's a good start
practice that roar and get good at it
because there'll be times when you need
it so DJ chronic says I let myself be
that weak monster for so long yeah well
maybe you know what it's like man down
in your basement fantasizing about
revenge that's no bloody fun but you
know this is something Alfred Adler knew
- he's worth reading those fantasies of
revenge you know they have the seeds
within them you knew this as well the
seeds within them of the new you you can
let those you can let those fantasies
what would you say manifest themselves
and see what seeds of potential future
development are harbored within them
that's also extremely useful
Ethan Fergal says how do you boost your
confidence talking to people and get rid
of the paranoid that people hate you and
don't like you and think you're trash
that's how I feel okay well the first
thing is um let me tell you a little bit
about courage know a little bit about
trust sorry when you're a naive person
you trust people because you think that
people are good and then maybe someone
comes along and hurts you they go oh no
people aren't good I can't trust anyone
and then maybe you're paranoid and you
think that people hate you and don't
like you and think you're trash and so
forth you know trust people but then you
figure out Jesus this whole not trusting
people isn't working out very well
because now I can't get anywhere and and
if I ever do meet someone who's
trustworthy and I don't trust them then
they're not gonna get an opportunity to
show me that they're trustworthy and so
then what happens is that you replace
naive trust with courageous trust and
you put yourself out there despite the
fact that people might hate you and
don't like you and think you're trash
you know so the other thing I would say
that's more practical Ethan I think
you'd find that you only think that when
you run away my suspicions are if you
went out and talked to people it's like
you'd have to have something to talk
about you know but if you went out and
talked to people you'd find that those
thoughts only bothered you for about 10
to 15 minutes and then you would get
over them you know a lot of that's hide
eroticism and and that's that in the big
five aspect scale that's withdrawal
you're experiencing a lot of withdrawal
related negative emotions anticipate or
E anxiety and the best way to overcome
that is to not avoid so if you find
yourself avoiding social situations then
you have to formulate a plan to stop
doing that and then over time your
confidence will be boosted let's see
that guy asked when I watched those
movies I always liked the bad guys I
knew they were evil but they just seemed
cool yeah well the thing is there's
nothing cool and there's also nothing
good about naive harmlessness you know
this is one of the things I really liked
about about learning what I learned from
you it's like naive harmlessness is it's
worse than monstrosity because the
problem is if you're naive and harmless
then someone else has to be the monster
and that's not good because you are the
monster so so the bad guys are cool
because they're cooler than the people
who think they're good but who are just
cowardly and naive that's why that's why
people like bad guys in movies so
David Jackson what are your thoughts on
Sofia's citizenship status that's the
robot I believe that the Saudi or the
Saudi Arabians made it into a citizen
here I've got a thought wouldn't it be
nice if the Saudis actually let their
women be citizens that's what I that's
my thoughts so I don't think that the
rest of the world is in any position to
take any lessons on whatsoever on what
constitutes citizenship from the Saudis
that's my feeling about that I'm not him
I'm not a fan of Saudi Arabian culture
I'm not a fan of the way that they treat
their women I'm not a fan of the way
that they disseminate Wahhabi propaganda
into the West I'm not a fan of the way
that they they despise work and and I'm
not a fan of the Saudi Arabians and the
fact that they granted Sofia citizenship
status is a publicity stunt of the worst
form as far as I'm concerned so hello
dr. Peterson do you ever fear that your
psychological reading of the Bible is
wrong while I'm sure it's wrong in some
ways even Satan can use Scripture for
his own purpose what if you're just
using the word for your own gain
well then god help me I guess that's
that's what I would say what if I'm just
using the word for my own gain I guess
it would depend on what you think of as
gain I am using it for my own gain but I
would say that I've aligned my own gain
with the gain of others and that's made
my own gain it's a weird thing right
because if I'm see that way I can have
my cake and eat it too I can do what I
think is best for me but at the same
time I can do what is best for others
and I've also defined what is best for
me as what is simultaneously best for
others and I believe that I truly
believe that I think I'm fully convinced
of that because I've thought it through
so that's my answer to that
Ellen Wilson how do I tell my
half-brother 14 and 17 their father
didn't leave three years ago but that we
kicked him out because of he's a
pedophile who targeted my sister the
older one is autistic I'm tired of lying
Jesus Ellen that's a rough one
I can't tell you I can't help you it's
too I need to know way more details I
can imagine you're tired of lying the 14
year old might be a little young
I don't know Ellen it's too complicated
I can't I can't come up with a good
answer for you I'm sorry alright I'd
have to know more details in order not
to botch the job okay let's see here I'm
a British Conservative millennial
training to be a schoolteacher how can I
protect children aged five to 11 from
post-modernism which is everywhere in
school god that's a good question that's
Freya Hanna that was the me video I was
making today was about that teach them
what you believe to be true right
formulate for yourself a philosophy of
Education a serious one write it down
right you can think about it as a
mission statement but write it down
spend some time on it man because you're
devoting your whole life to that
figuring out what kind of teacher you
want to be and come up with articulated
reasons why you're going to be that sort
of teacher and then do it come hell or
high water you know like often there's
kids out there that only have to run
into one good adult and that will set
them on the proper course through their
life and you could be that one good
adult so I would say learn everything
you can about possible post-modernism so
you're a master of it decide what sort
of teacher you want to be implement that
and and you'll you'll be a bulwark
against that kind of catastrophic
foolishness and and help many many
people if the right to identify with
certain arguments has to be earned how
does one earn it how do we truthfully
discuss ideas for which we have not
earned it that's been would
if the right to identify with certain
arguments has to be earned how does one
earn it well I think you start by
feeling out physiologically what
arguments you do have the right to make
and win and that's that meditative
consult a ssin practice that we talked
about earlier you have to pay attention
to your words and see if when you utter
them they put you in a solid place
that's the line between chaos and order
as far as I'm concerned and you can test
continually that the extensibility of
your arguments by doing so you can you
can implement more and more
sophisticated arguments as you get
better and better at finding that place
to stand and take on larger and larger
problems I guess that's the other part
of it is you know how do you earn the
right to to to an argument to a position
pick a small problem one that you think
you could solve but that's a little more
than you can chew you know that bite off
a little more than you can chew but not
too much then see if you can be
successful at solving it and then
that'll strengthen you and put things in
order a little bit and then that'll
entitle you to the use of certain
arguments and those arguments we related
to what you've just done and then as
soon as you've done that you'll be a
little stronger and more put together
then you can take on a little bit of
bigger problem and fix that and then the
same thing will happen and you just keep
doing that it's like progressive
weightlifting and that and you you can't
truthfully discuss ideas that you
haven't yet earned you can't you have to
be quiet
you have to listen or you have to think
about something else you have to use
something else there's lots to do you
know you don't have to engage in
arguments that you don't have any right
to engage in when there's all sorts of
things you can engage in right in front
of you that would fully engage you that
would be very useful and that you could
contribute to you know I really like
this idea of incremental improvement
it's so it's such a good idea you look
around like I have this room that I'm in
right now and it's kind of messy I know
I tell people to keep my their room
clean and I've been trying to clean up
this room since like last January but I
guess because so much chaos has been
rated around me in some sense that some
of it's flooded into this room the rest
of the house is in really good order but
the residual chaos is still in this room
but when I come in here you know I I try
to spend five minutes to clean up a bit
of Correspondence or something and I'm
definitely making progress the room is
in much better shape than it was don't
underestimate the utility of incremental
improvement and you strengthen yourself
by doing that and then you can talk
about the things that you've actually
done you know in detail in the kind of
detail that would convince someone who
is skeptical and knowledgeable that you
or someone who knew what they were
talking about and then if you do that
over ten years like you'll you'll be
solid you'll the the breadth of
argumentation that you'll have it your
fingertips will vastly improve I'm a
female student in stem and I feel
bombarded by all the feminist groups
trying to infantilize me how do I
prevent them from turning me into an
adult child you know one of the things
that's really useful to do in university
is to pick your peer group when I went
to university like I made new friends in
university and that was really useful so
I had my personal friends and they were
people who were trying to aim at
something better than what they had
something better than what they had left
and that was a real relief to me I wrote
about that in my new book too called
make friends with people who want the
best for you that's Rule three but I
also realized that when you went to
university you picked your peers and in
the STEM fields what you should do is
pick some great scientists and those
could be people that you just read books
about pick some great scientists men or
some great engineers or some great
mathematicians because I don't know
where you are in the STEM fields pick
some pick a hero or two or three and
then make those your peers right and
know pay attention to all the noise and
ruckus that you hear around you it's all
nonsense anyways partly what should
happen when you go to university is that
you should be introduced to great people
and those can be great people of the
past they their spirits still live on in
their work and
books and you can pick them as peers and
just ignore all that idiot political
nonsense while you straighten your cell
phone and learn to be great at what you
do develop a philosophy of greatness and
that will keep the social justice
warriors at bay
what books aren't we read to our young
children well it depends on how young
really young there's this book called
how to teach your child to read in a
hundred easy lessons I'll type that now
I've done something technical
it's called how to teach I mean
something technically poor your child to
read in 100 easy lessons that is an
excellent book because you can actually
teach your child to read in 100 easy
lessons very smart very very smart book
very well-developed psychologically
older kids I really like the Harry
Potter books I think that rolling nailed
the mythological structure what else I'm
I'm in collaboration with my daughter
I'm putting together a reading list for
young people for for kids and young
adults so I guess I'll have to answer it
that way I can't bring it to mind on I
can't bring it to mind
Daniel how to be a good partner to
someone suffering from depression that's
a tough one man it's very hard to live
with someone who's suffering from
depression
we're helping without enabling and
pushing without being too judgmental
well again the Devils in the details is
the person seeing a counselor because if
they're depressed then they need to talk
to someone have they tried
antidepressants because if they're
depressed they should try
antidepressants and they should be
strongly encouraged to do so and maybe
that encouragement should even border on
a demand because depression is just it's
terrible it's terrible for the person
who's experiencing it like unutterably
terrible and it's terrible for the
person who is living with the person who
has depression and so it's incumbent on
the person who has depression to do
everything they possibly can in order to
set it straight and it's hard but you
know there's lots of potential
treatments for depression that have some
efficacy and antidepressants really do
work wonders on people
you can try 5-hydroxytryptamine too you
could look that up 5-htp it's usually 3
times 100 milligrams and you can if you
try that sometimes you can find out if
antidepressants will work for you
without having to resort to the
antidepressants themselves you can also
help the depressed person make a plan in
the morning that can be really useful or
maybe a plan the night before if they're
just not in any shape to do it in the
morning to sit down and say okay well
you have to get through tomorrow and
that's another good that's another good
piece of advice and so in rule 12 I talk
about that sometimes in relationship to
depression rule 12 is pet a cat when you
encounter one on the street and it's a
bit of a meditation about what to do
when your life is in absolute crisis but
one of the things you can do with
someone who's depressed is narrow and
this is what I discuss in this chapter
is narrow their time frame you know
maybe a depressed person can't think a
week ahead but maybe they can think
about tomorrow and you can sit down and
say okay well you have to get through
tomorrow and so how are we going to
structure tomorrow so that it will be
okay and so that you'll be able to sleep
reasonably soundly when
go to bed tomorrow night and then
tomorrow night we'll do the same thing
and helping someone come up with a daily
plan can be now they might object and
squawk and complain about it but you
should be I would say relatively
persistent about that and you can say
look let's just try it for a week and if
they say no then you say well let's try
it for one day
you know guys the person's got to be
pretty unreasonable if they let's plan
for 10 minutes just for tomorrow and see
if that's helpful you know you if the
person objects you can keep cutting the
magnitude of what you're asking down
until you finally get a bit of a bit of
an agreement from them but helping
someone depress plan can help a lot
you Philip you said you don't go to
church because the pastor's are lying
most of the time what do you mean by
lying in this instance I don't my
experience has been that they don't
believe what they're saying that's what
it sounds like to me that's what I mean
by lying they say these things and they
tell people to believe them but they
don't believe them themselves and so and
they're actually not listening to them
they're not listening to what they're
saying that's the thing that I've always
had this experience in church and
there's lots of other reasons I don't go
to church and a lot of them have to do
with me not with the insufficiency of
church but you know a lot of the
scriptural writings really have really
hit me and I do understand some of them
I think to some degree and it's it's
kind of painful to hear them utilized by
people who are doing it formulaic ly or
without conviction or even worse knowing
full well that they don't believe what
they're saying and so that's what I mean
by lying my first ever girlfriend of
three months is pregnant and keeping the
baby she said I can walk away or marry
her no in between I don't love her what
do I do
well I guess you have to figure out what
you want like maybe you could sit down
and write out what you would like in
terms of your relationship with this
child you know you've got a child coming
that's really something that's someone
that could actually like you you know
maybe you could write down and you could
sit down and write out and offer here's
what I could offer to this child here's
what I would like to offer to this child
think about it because you know maybe
you want to have a relationship with
this person you know that person might
be around when you're like 70 so does
somebody you could have a relationship
with the rest for the rest of your life
what do you want that person to think
about you now you don't love her mother
that that's a real complication and you
know I would say well that's a real
complication so you're in quite the fix
but you could decide what you're willing
to offer and then you could and do it in
detail right not just well I'd like to
help it's like Jesus that's not helpful
you're way past I'd like to help you
know here is an amount of money I'd like
to contribute here's an amount of time I
would like to spend with the child
here's an amount of time I would spend
babysitting like make differentiated
make a real plan like like you're
someone with a clue and offer that to
your girlfriend and see what she says
and give her some time to think about it
you know because maybe this could be a
blessing instead of a curse so and she
said I can walk away or marry her no in
between well that's what she says but
you know maybe if you made her a
concrete offer she'd be willing to
reconsider often like a new mother
completely use help with the baby could
really use help with the baby so even
just being a babysitter if you were like
committed to it and and made the real
offer like you'd thought about how about
think about it for a whole week it's
like okay here comes this baby if I was
being a civilized useful person but I
don't love the mother then what should I
do
well you're gonna have to ask yourself a
lot of questions and maybe talk to some
people that you trust but it's a problem
worth solving because it might be you
know it's a relationship you could have
the rest of your life and and if you
don't have it there's gonna be a hole in
your life you're always gonna wonder
what the hell's going on with that
person so
we are expecting our first eight Evans
as we are expecting our first child in
May a daughter any specific any advice
specific to raising daughters while
congratulations first so that's great
let's see I'm just thinking about my
daughter and specific advice
I would say don't be afraid to support
her masculine and feminine sides you
know and so the feminine side is you'll
find little girls now not all little
girls cuz some are more masculine than
others but let's say you have a more
feminine little girl she's gonna like to
dress up she's gonna like to put on
jewelry it's amazing how much of that
stuff seems to be implicit or 1/8 you
know and that can be really supported
but then by the same token it's nice to
wrestle with your little girls and
little kids really like rough and tumble
play and to and to you know encourage
her to be courageous and forthright and
so if you're lucky you can you can
support her in both elements of her
personality and that would be a really
good thing to do
so don't let her wrap her you around
your little finger either that's another
thing too were there any lectures or
lecture series that you found helpful to
you this Nathan like yours have been to
so many well Nathan you know I would say
not really although you know when I went
I went to this little college called
Grand Prairie Regional College it was a
way to hell up in northern Alberta and
there's only 600 people that went it was
an adjunct of the University of Alberta
it still exists it's a really lovely
building and that we had professors
there an English professor and the
political science professor and biology
professor philosophy professor people
that I still remember little seminars
and they we got deeply into the material
and I really I it really helped me a lot
this English professor really taught me
to write too because he just slashed my
essays to ribbons I was really upset the
first time I got a bad grade because
I've always got good grades and my
papers in high school even though they
were dreadful you know I was verbally
intelligent enough to be able to compose
an essay that was better than most with
very little effort with very little
quality and so that was very influential
to me and I did a lot of reading under
the tutelage of those professors in
these tiny little courses in my first
year but mostly what's been helpful to
me
have been books and you know I read
Nietzsche
I didn't read all of Nietzsche but I
read all that was easily an easily
accessible published works of Nietzsche
in sequential order in the order in
which they were written when I was in my
20s and I read everything that Jung had
published it when I was in my 20s and
and and well and the same with a wide
variety of other authors and so those
were like lecture series and there I was
unbelievably useful to me I put some of
those books on my reading this so could
you please tell us your second ghost
story as mentioned on h3h3 podcast god
Nicholas if you ask me that at the next
Q&A and people voted up then I'll tell
the story but I can't right now because
it's a long story and I'm just about out
of voice and brain and time and that's
so I'm gonna answer two more questions I
think and then I'm gonna stop because I
really am running out of words let's see
ke says have you read much Thomas solo
in many ways he filled your societal
role for the last generation from a
different academic perspective I'm just
reading his book right now it's what is
it
white black rednecks and white liberals
is that right black rednecks and white
liberals yeah yeah I know I'm still
making my mind up about it it's quite a
radical idea I mean in that book solo
claims that black urban culture is
actually a derivative of southern
cracker culture and that that in turn is
a derivative of rather dysfunctional
Highland dysfunctional British culture
what would you call rural call it
British rural culture from a couple of
hundred years ago I'm still thinking it
through I find the book really
interesting and it wouldn't surprise me
if it was true but it's quite original
the thesis is quite original so I'm I'm
working my way through that right now
and
and I don't have anything much more
intelligent to say than that
can you share with us your reading
habits Mac says I'm sorry I'm skipping
over some questions but I have to answer
some easier ones because I'm out of the
capacity to answer difficult ones I'll
answer this one instead if you could
talk to Donald Trump for a day what
would you try to say or convince him
about I don't think I would try to
convince him about things I don't
actually try to convince people about
things I don't think I try to ask them
I'd ask him a whole bunch of questions I
try to figure out how he thought cuz I'm
really curious about God I'd ask him all
sorts of questions ask see if I could
find out what he was up to
I'd like to know what he's aiming at I'd
like to know why he think he became
president what he did right what he did
wrong what what he dreads like what he
would consider a catastrophic failure
where he thinks his biggest weaknesses
are what he'd like to leave as a as a
legacy that would be fascinating but see
I find generally speaking it's much more
interesting to ask people questions
especially people like that than ever to
try to convince them of things because
the thing is I already know what I know
but I have no idea what he knows or what
he's like and so it'd be amazing to be
able to talk to him and so I have a bit
of that opportunity now in Canada
because I've been speaking to a lot of
political figures in Canada I'm gonna
have that opportunity in Europe but a
lot of a lot of what you want to do when
you meet people is ask them questions
because you know they'll tell you all
sorts of things you don't know and
that's also an entry point to a really
good conversation is to ask questions so
that's what I would do I'd ask questions
like mad until he chased me away so one
more Daniel Schell I like this question
how would you give a speech to soldiers
entering the army about responsibility I
will command a basic training unit and
address young soldiers advice Daniel
what I would do is you can think about
this you could ask them to complete the
future authoring program I think that
would be a really good idea but if you
don't want to do that and but you should
ask them to like get them to sit down
for 90 minutes or an hour even I would
use the Future authoring program because
it's just easier but ask them what sort
of soldiers they want to be in
three to five years like if they could
put themselves together and be the best
military and serve the purpose that they
enrolled in the military for in the best
possible manner what would they look
like as their own future ideal they'd
have to think it through so and then the
other thing you can ask them and this is
also part of the future authoring
program is like what would your life
look like three to five years down the
road if you fail in your in your desire
to to become a proper soldier
what sort of hell are you courting by
failing to take on the responsibility
and if you can get them to think that
through you know the probability that
they'll do a good job will vastly
increase really vastly increase lots of
young people have never thought about
who it is that they could be if they
started to be the person they could be
and so getting them to think about that
and write about it would be extremely
important so what I would do first of
all is get them to do the writing and
the thinking and then give the speech
and maybe once they've done it you know
you can ask them if they'd be willing to
share with you some of what they've
written I wouldn't make that mandatory
because then they might not be able to
write about it honestly so that's how it
would go about it
so okay well I'm done so thank you very
much for tuning in and thank you all for
your support and keep what else I hope
that I have lots of plans for 2018 and I
would like to keep you all in the loop
and so I'll post a lot of those oh yes I
should tell you this I'm going to be
giving some public talks a bunch of them
so I'm going to be in the following
places in January February and March
I'll try to say them in order I'm going
to be in London and then I'm gonna be in
Amsterdam and then I'm going to be in
New York Los Angeles San Francisco maybe
Oakland then I'm going to be in a bunch
of cities across Canada in major cities
Winnipeg Edmonton Ottawa Calgary maybe
this little town
Grand Prairie that I went to college in
Vancouver and then I'm gonna go down to
Australia and I'm gonna go to Melbourne
and Sydney and Brisbane and so I'll post
the dates on my website very soon I'm
still making the arrangements and so if
you want to come and listen to me talk
then you'll have the opportunity to do
so and so okay so I have to say
goodnight and so good night to all of
you and what would I like to close with
well I'm glad you're tuning in and I
hope that you're using the information
that you're finding as a consequence of
tuning in to put your lives together
because it would really be good in 2018
if a whole bunch of people did
everything they could to put their lives
together because then maybe we could
avoid this idiot catastrophe that we
seem to be dreadfully sliding towards
and so that would be lovely if we could
just not do that so until next time bye
bye