Wait a second I'll talk about Toy Story 3 in a second okay.
If you watched my last review, then you're probably wondering
who won my copy of the Heart Locker.
On Blu-ray!
Shea's actually pissed at me because I didn't put Antichrist as the best
movie of the year.
So he went on my computer and tried to make it so that he won my Blu-ray just out of spite.
And I wasn't going to stop him, because I'm a fair person.
So in the end, Shadowfolds had 29
Insipie had 1, hazzabananza had 1,
and Shea had 169.
So I put all their names in the randomizer, one for each comment they left.
I click the button and wouldn't you know it Shea is at the top of the list.
So Shea won or that's what I would be saying if Shea just followed the fucking guidelines.
I'm sorry Shea one of the requirements was to favorite the video and you didn't.
Not my fault, you fucked it. So I randomized it until someone came out that wasn't Shea and...
Good job Shadowfolds you won. You won like the easiest contest to win ever.
How could you screw that up.
Now I'll talk about Toy Story 3!
So here's my position. Toy Story 3 is grossly, grossly overrated.
Should it have won Best Animated Feature?
Well, maybe. It was up against How To Train a Dragon,
and The Illusionist wasn't great... Should it have gotten nominated for Best Picture?
Hell no! By the way if you haven't noticed this video is not appropriate for children.
Dick, cunt, shit, pussylick, horse cock, cunt nugget.
Should it have gotten nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay?
What the fuck? This is not a good screenplay at all! Pixar is overrated in general.
*How could you say that about Pixar!* Okay hear me out.
I don't think that Pixar was the worst thing to happen to cinema okay I'm not Shea.
[Shea] I hate Pixar. I hate them.
They're overrated, they've never made anything with any artistic value ever.
Childish initial incident, childish plot, childish conclusion, everything works out in the end. Happy.
There's nothing worse than Pixar.
They've flopped time and time again, people keep going back and saying their movies are good.
Pixar just sucks.
[YMS] However, I do believe that Pixar has a kinda false immunity.
I mean a lot of people like Pixar just because it says Pixar on it.
You know how I know this? Because some of you have already downrated this on
Youtube just looking at the title without even hearing me out on what I have to say.
Pixar is not flawless people! Okay let me start with Toy Story as a whole.
I mean it kinda makes sense. I'm not gonna call it a flaw that toys can talk.
That's what the whole movie's about. The first Toy Story came out at just the right time.
And they picked the right story, too. Toys have very simple character models and textures
and it made it a lot easier for the animation to be convincing seeing as how
computer animation was limited compared to what we have today.
I mean the humans kinda look like toys too but whatever.
The movie does have a couple of flaws though.
Like how Buzz doesn't believe he's a toy, he believes he's a Space Ranger.
[Buzz] Toy? [Woody] T-O-Y. Toy.
[Buzz] Excuse me I think the word you're looking for is Space Ranger.
[YMS] So why does he pretend to be a toy whenever Andy comes in the room?
Wouldn't he be like "Oh my god a giant!" Buzz believes his laser can kill people
and Andy's just playing with it.
I just don't get why he's being perfectly still and pretending to be a toy when he
doesn't believe he's one.
It's never really addressed. And don't tell me that the toys were just metaphors
They very obviously have a real effect on the world they live in.
[Woody] Hanna! Oh, Hanna! [Hanna] Mom?
[YMS] You give this movie a bit of credit because it's a kids movie, and it works!
And by credit I mean Woody being able to fight off a dog but not lift up a box,
jumping on Woody somehow making RC jump, the continuity of Buzz's wingspan
that should have clipped the race track as he went through the loop-de-loop
and hilarious things like who the fuck would honk just because there's a toy in
the middle of the road.
Overall this movie works regardless.
It is its own movie. Toy Story 2 comes along and people are thinking "Ah isn't
this some sort of money grab?"
and although Toy Story is one of the most profitable franchises ever,
it still felt like it was its own movie. Sure it had the same characters
and they filled it with a lot of references to the first film
but they changed the formula adding a B story and explored themes that
weren't really focused in the first movie.
They explain the origin and backstory of both Woody and Buzz
helping us to understand what type of toys they were meant to be marketed as,
adding to the story and filling in details that the first movie didn't have
time to cover.
Toy Story 2 complimented the first movie but it wasn't dependent on it so aside from
the extra credit that society says we have to give to kids movies
the only real problem I had was this scene, Woody's trying to get his arm
back so he can go home and then the TV turns on and he's like "Jessie you bitch
how could you!" and then later we find out it was the prospector but wasn't the remote
right in front of Jessie?
I mean even if she didn't do it she still saw the prospector do it so
doesn't that make her just as guilty?
Are we supposed to believe that she was sleeping with her eyes open? Anyway, I
think Toy Story 2 stands up to the first movie pretty well,
and then there's Toy Story 3 a movie that you can only watch once you get
past the fact that by now Andy's toys are watching him masturbate.
I guess Pixar was like "We could tell a story that made sense.
But eh, why bother they're gonna pay to see it anyway."
All of the plot devices are just plot conveniences.
It's just lazy writing altogether. As soon as you ask yourself
"Wait a minute why is this happening?" It's immediately answered by
Oh...so the only reason that happened was to progress the story or add conflict.
Why the hell would the attic close by itself?
Oh, so the toys never make it up to the attic and Andy's mom thinks it's trash.
Why are they moving around to the other side- Oh, so Andy's mom can close the
door and then they can get driven
to the daycare. Do you guys understand that the only reason you like this is because of the
first two movies?
This is just a big nostalgia fest where they try to trigger emotions by raping
your childhood.
A lot of the problems come with the fact that it is the third movie.
I mean in the first movie when the toys don't believe Woody it's kinda
convenient but it makes enough sense that they wouldn't trust him.
But now it's convenient to the point that the entire plot of the movie would
not have happened if they were just like
"Hey maybe we should trust Woody already he's been right the past hmm I don't know
fifteen years?"
[Woody] Yeah I know it looks bad but guys, you gotta believe me!
[YMS] What reason could Woody possibly have for lying to you about this?
It's just painful to see characters act so irrationally
just because it's convenient for the script. And then later Mrs. Potato Head's
like "Oh my god I can see Andy perfectly miming out gestures that would indicate
that he didn't wanna throw us out."
Couldn't she have been lying just as easily? Why do they trust her and not Woody?
I am aware that the term plot convenience means nothing to some people so I'm just
gonna bring out my main point
right now. Toy Story 3 is a rehash
of Toy Story 2! They were like well that made money so we might as well just do
the same thing twice.
They follow the formula to an excessive degree. Open up the movie with a large
scale action sequence that is later revealed to be an exaggeration
of a game being played by other characters. Introduce ideas and images
reflecting change and
ultimately the idea that toys don't last forever. Unwanted toys are gathered and
the mistake is made
wherein one or more the main characters end up where the unwanted
toys are supposed to be. Toys get placed in new environment meeting new characters,
one of them being a plump and seemingly kind toy with a deep voice and a
cane. This toy is later revealed to be an antagonist
fueled by the traumatization of feeling unloved and unwanted,
taking their anger out on others.
[Prospector] I'll tell you what's not fair. Spending a lifetime on a dime
store shelf watching every other toy being sold!
[YMS] The seemingly inviting toy tempts the main characters to stay
with promises of being loved for generations and getting repairs when needed.
A delusional factory setting Buzz Lightyear locks up
one or more of the protagonists.
Insert overexposure effect flashback sequence of characters new to the series
being abandoned out in the country by their previous owners. The protagonists
enter a large-scale industrial contraption,
wherein the antagonist is disposed of in the process, and ultimately left to the
care of an owner with no care for their well-being.
*But wasn't the theme of closure exclusive to Toy Story 3?*
I guess but they also could have made a good movie with the theme of closure in it
you know. So when you've got nothing to support a movie that rides on:
I'm gonna dangle your childhood toys in front of your face until you cry!
then all you're left with is the credit to your supposed to give it for
stupid things. Like when they talk about the monkey who is looking at the
security cameras,
and they put extra emphasis on his ability to see toys trying to escape
from the daycare,
but Buzz already escaped by this point!
Why wasn't he watching the security cameras then?
Why didn't we hear any monkey screaming over the intercom?
[Buzz] This doesn't make any sense. [YMS] And what's up with Buzz's Spanish setting?
So he's normal, and then they switch in the factory setting,
and then they press reset and he's Spanish... And then they have no idea
how to switch him back,
and then a TV falls on him and he's fine again.
[Buzz] That wasn't me was it? [YMS] And then Jessie's like
"Oh I'm gonna turn him into a racist stereotype all the time now"
What are you gonna do you are you just gonna push a TV on his head every
time you wanna change him back?
Are the jokes worth it? I mean is there anything else for this movie if you're
not emotionally involved?
The jokes weren't even that funny! I mean the highlight of the movie is like Mr.
Tortilla Head and that doesn't even make any sense. I'm not going to complain that
pieces of plastic can walk around and talk,
but they can animate other objects now? How the hell is he
standing up? If you cut holes in Andy and stuck them into Andy would he be able
to control Andy?
Why don't you just stick him into the ground and then he'll
control the whole world!
Don't worry I'm completely aware that some of these are just problems that I have
with the movie,
like how they change Bullseye into a dog, I mean in Toy Story 2 he was doing
things that were like a dog.
There were points where his tail would be kind of wagging
and he was kind of panting...
But then Pixar just said "Fuck it, he's a dog now."
If your horse is making noises like that there's something wrong with him and
you should get him to a doctor.
So aside from all the plot conveniences and the intentional choices that I just
happen to disagree with,
I still felt like there were parts that should have made more sense. Like when
they're on the conveyor belt and Slinky gets lifted up to the giant magnet
because he's made of metal,
and then they're like "We need to get Slinky down!" and Slinky's like "No
you guys should up come here because you're gonna die if
you don't." So then everybody grabs something metal, ha ha ha the horse is in a horseshoe,
And then Lotso's like "Help I don't understand karma!" and Woody's like "It
would be out of character if I didn't try to save him"
So him and Buzz try to save him, the golf bag is too heavy,
Woody takes out a golf club, it lifts him off the ground because it's metal,
Buzz uses his weight to bring it back down and then all three of them use the
same golf club
to be lifted up to the magnet. WHAT? Can someone explain to me how the weight of
Woody and Buzz is greater than that of Woody, Buzz and Lotso?
Is it lazy not to just change it to: each character quickly grabs a
separate golf club and is hoisted to safety...
So they get to the other side of the death machine and they noticed the metal's
still stuck to the roof and are like "Where is everybody?"
And they're like "We're down here!" But how did Slinky get down?
Isn't he made of metal? Did you not notice this didn't make sense as you were writing or
did you just think "Ah it's kids they're too stupid."
And that's the problem I have with Toy Story 3.
Because of the Pixar label people are treating it like it's better than Rango.
I know this isn't Mars Needs Moms or anything but Best Adapted Screenplay
nomination?
I didn't know screenplay and marketing strategy were synonymous.
If I was blindly emotionally involved in the story would my brain just trick itself
into believing there's no problems with it?
Is it really that emotional to see creepy Andy go "This is how you must play with
your toys because your own imagination is secondary to that of mine as a kid!"
Don't let him near your daughter he has mental problems! You're not even playing
with the kid anymore you're just playing with Woody.
I'll give the movie some credit they did make some new and interesting characters
that they never did anything with...
But seriously... this does not belong on the top 250 movies of all time!
So hopefully from this you understand where I'm coming from when I say it is
grossly grossly overrated.
It is the best reviewed movie of 2010 and I'm not saying don't enjoy the movie.
Enjoy it all you want! Just stop fucking pretending that it's better than other
kids movies because it's from Pixar.
They made it dumb because kids don't have to think about those things and
that's fine but kids don't decide the Academy Awards do they?
Best Picture nomination? What the fuck! And please don't fucking tell me that
I'm over analyzing it just because it's a kids movie.
How about next time you talk to someone about movies, just say "I don't care about
the plot, structure, or overall quality of a movie so long as it's marketed
towards children!
I have already given examples of unfair criticism that would be considered over analyzing.
But still some people like to use the word as a replacement for:
"This movie's dumb and you're going to ruin it for me if you make me use my brain!"
For all your subtitling needs, /u/Selcian c: