Shmoopin' the Bible…Hebrews. [Bible on a chair]
Hey, all. Cecil B. DeShmoop here, and today I’m going to tell you all about the letter to the Hebrews.
So the writer of Hebrews wanted to make a point, and was basically like, [Writer using a quill]
"Guys, those Old Testament books? They're great. But there's a new kid on the block and his name is Jesus, [Writer holds up Jesus]
so let's shelf those old books right next to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and crack [Writer putting the old testament back on the shelf]
open a new story, mk?"
The writer begins by telling Jesus's origin story.
He was born on a planet named Krypton to Jor-El and… [Superman]
Oh wait…wrong origin story…hang on….
Ah, here we go. So Jesus is the son of God, but he was also a human. [Jesus waving]
That way he could die for our sins on the cross. This seems like something God wouldn’t want [The cross appears]
happening to his only son, but it was actually all part of his plan. [God's sticky notes with 'SACRIFICE JESUS' written on one]
See, way back when, people could make up for their sins and get off of God's naughty list [God riding a sleigh pulled by reindeers]
by offering animal sacrifices in the tabernacle…or by crocheting him a nice winter hat and scarf. [Person holding up a hat]
…Probably. I'd like to think God would enjoy a toasty head and neck. [Guy eating 'Jesus O's]
Anyway. The high priest would go to the special inner sanctuary of the tent and sprinkle animal
blood on the Ark of the Covenant, while the janitorial staff of the Ark of the Covenant [People holding buckets and mops]
grabbed their bottles of Clorox and rags.
So when Jesus came to Earth, he acted in the role of the high priest. He went into God's
sanctuary…aka, Heaven…put in a good word for humanity, then died on the cross for our sins. [Jesus giving God a shirt]
God was probably like, "Why does nobody ever take the crocheting option…." [God posting a letter to humanity]
but he still forgave everyone's sins.
The writer also takes a quick detour to talk about the Israelites. And he’s not a huge
fan…like, this guy definitely would not crochet anything for these people. [Writer walks up holding a scarf and then runs away]
He writes that the Israelites weren’t faithful to God like they should have been, and this
led to some pretty bad stuff…like wandering in the desert for forty years without nice [Guy sweating in the desert]
crocheted hats. But the author quickly returns to the theme [Someone crawling up a sand dune]
of Jesus as a high priest. [Spotlight goes back to Jesus]
Jesus wasn’t descended from the tribe of Levi––so one could say he was neither
a demigod nor a denim-god––but his power comes directly from God, rather than bloodlines. [A hand comes down from heaven and Jesus starts shining brightly]
And God tends to trump a lot of other stuff.
I'd imagine he's not too fun to have at game night. [God winning a game]
Alright God, just keeping it real.
The writer also explains that Jesus is the new covenant that God promised he would make with the Israelites. [God's door with contract law written on it]
Instead of writing the law on parchment, he would write it on their hearts. [God throws away the parchment and gets out a tattoo gun]
Aw. If he wasn't so busy with the whole "God" thing,
I think he'd have a career in Hallmark or maybe here at Shmoop. [God in his office with all the cards he's made]
The author is also pretty critical of the sacrifices that the Jewish high priests make [Dead animals on a conveyer belt]
year after year. He’s like, "There’s only one sacrifice we need, guys. It’s Jesus."
I'm sure God would've piped up, "Or you could just sacrifice a couple hundred bucks on yarn…hint hint" [Gold holding a basket of yarn]
Anyway, if the sacrifices were working, why
did they have to keep making them over and over and over again? [Clock going to 6am]
'Cause by this point, God has a ton of burnt offerings lying around up in heaven. [Guy hitting his clock]
And there are only so many burnt oxen you can decorate your pad with before it starts to get a little creepy. [God hoovering surrounded by dead animals]
The author goes on to address the persecution many Christians are facing.
He's like, "Hey, I know you guys may be suffering, but if y'all just hold on, you're going to [Jesus speaking in twilight]
get a pretty sweet reward when you die."
And they're all like, "Crocheted hats??" and God's like, "Pft, yeah, keep dreaming." [God holding on to a 'truth bomb']
The writer tells everyone to have faith, then lists a whole bunch of Old Testament superstars [God chucks the truth bomb down to earth]
who had faith in God, and saw it pay off for them.
Basically, they need to concentrate on the long term. Sure, they may be facing some persecution
right now, but that will seem like small potatoes compared to the awesome reward they’ve got coming. [God surronded by burnt oxen]
They're all like, "But will it be a hat?" and the writer is like, "Seriously??" [Writer holding up his arms in disbelief]
He also gives a little warning to spice things up, because what would the Bible be without
a dire warning now and then? [Fire appears]
So he's like, "Hey, if you thought God was rough on the Israelites who didn’t listen
to Moses, what do you think he’ll do to Christians who don’t listen to his son?"
At the end of the book the author goes over some Christian basics—love each other, [People wearing shirts with the basics on them]
don’t be greedy, be nice to strangers, and keep it in your pants unless you’re married, basically.
And because our writer likes to end on a bang,
he lets everyone know that Timothy will be out of prison soon. [Timothy covered in tattoos doing pull ups]
Which….y'know. Seems like a kind of random note on the end, but why not.
And…yeah, that’s pretty much all she wrote for Hebrews. [The book of Hebrews closes]
Stick around for the next episode—The Pastoral Epistles, which, fingers crossed,
will have more crocheted hats. Until then, I'm Cecil B. DeShmoop. [Cecil putting a crocheted hat on]
[The hat is stolen by God's arm]