- You can take that fake apology, and shove
it right up your hairy-
(gasp)
- You're kidding me!
Hi everyone, my name is Tam, and it's that time of year
when that big fat white man who's balls probably
smell like cinnamon, creeps into your house
in the middle of the night through
your chimney, and leaves you gifts.
And I'm celebrating by watching Mean Girls
for the first time,
some say it's a holiday movie, some say it's not.
To be honest with you,
I don't give a shit.
Cutie,
fresh, naive,
drug free.
- She asked me how to spell orange.
- Well...
I don't know how to spell potato.
I wish I could have like, died from seventh grade,
until senior year in high school and then come back to life.
They're drinking Perriers,
I used to be on the
poor kids discount meal plan.
They only gave me bean and cheese burritos with milk.
Recipe for diarrhea.
Looks like Bill Hader, is that Bill Hader?
Look how beautiful she is!
I don't know why I said that with an accent.
- Oh, this is Susan from Planned Parenthood,
I have her test results, if you
could have her give me a call-
- Ohhhhh!
Bitch!
Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna go crazy like Lindsey.
Guys, I wore pajamas today,
I'm feeling glamorous
like a snow angel on-
at a strip club.
I think she decides she's friends with the teacher
and those two kids and the movie ends right now.
- What, he's a good kisser?
- He's your cousin.
- Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
- I hooked up with my third cousin.
Okay, this is really gross, but the first time
I gave a guy a handjob, I saved the Kleenex with his cum.
I still have it.
- Love ya.
- I hate her!
Honestly, talent shows can go fuck themselves.
- Everyday, is so wonderful.
- I should have worn something cute like that.
Instead, I wore this Santa cloak.
I feel unattractive.
- Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell..
- How great are the holidays though?
I honestly feel so joyful right now.
I mean, okay...
Didn't she just steal a child or something?
- Do not hang out with her-
- I hate...
this kind of people.
I really have to fart right now, but I'm gonna hold it.
That's the her he likes.
Does it feel like I don't have arms?
I feel like I'm just a triangle,
Oh no, oh no!
On his penis.
I have anxiety, I'm pissed.
I'm sorry, if a guy calls me hun, my pussy dry.
- She made out with a hot dog?
- Keep making out with a hot dog, I love it.
If I had a hot dog on me,
I'd make out with it too right now.
Wait, hold on, she made out with a hot dog?
Did she suck a hot dog?
- They've gone wild, the girls have gone wild.
- Girls gone wild, what I used to masturbate to.
- How many of you have ever felt personally
victimized by Regina George?
- I have and I'm just watching this movie.
I want to go back to high school
and for Tina Fey to be my teacher.
- You can take that fake apology,
and shove it right up your hairy-
(gasp)
- You're kidding me!
- You ever just let one rip when
you know someone can hear it? I love it.
Come on Lins,
Mykonos bitch.
I have a lot to say about this movie.
You could offer me a million dollars
to go back to high school, and I
would not take the million dollars.
I want to go back to high school
and for Tina Fey to me my teacher.
Just kidding, I'd take the million dollars.
Okay, I love this movie, and I hope
Lindsey Lohan gets better.
I also hope that
there is world peace, bye.